And a Smashing Noo Yah too Yoo!

So here i am, at home with all of my family (quite surprisingly really) on new year’s eve. Usually, my sister would be out partying and me, well, judging by the number of times i’ve been out lately, i should’ve been out again today.
but everyone’s home and the feeling is goody goody good.

i just love the notion that special days are reserved just for family. Well, actually, i don’t really think new year’s eve/day is spectacularly special, but i guess it’s just significant enough.

nice, i love being home with everyone around me. While a good portion of Singapore is out, i am nuaing at home, comfy, smelling nice and feeling nice. *grins inwardly*

Well, as usual, i have nothing intelligent to say. ok, i do have a few posts saved here and there but right now, i don’t particularly feel like typing anything meaningful or with direction.

then again... i did want to get in my last post of 2004 in before the first second into 2005 passes by.

Yeah. The wireless internet connection is up but because my room’s the furthest from the access point, the connection is as fragile as a, as a... er, goldfish’s tail. yeah, goldfish tail.
no, butterfly wings.
yeah, that’s the one.

Well, before the year ends with that last second that is hopping up and down waiting his turn to come by, there are just a few things i want to say to everyone who’s been with me, through this year 2004.

What would my life have been without all of you? My precious friends, school mates, bloggers, martians, plutonians (i know you guys came by that night, don’t think i didn’t see you)

My life has been shaped, aided, lived, enjoyed, worth it, by the very fact that you’ve been here for me, in whichever way that you were. I just want all of you to know that, for all you’ve done, i THANK YOU.

In my eyes, you are:
Treasured, even if you don’t think you’re worth a dime,
Loved, even though you might’ve seriously considered murdering me,
Thought of, even though you might’ve forgotten me,
Special, even if you thought you never were.

You have made life bearable, made this person one happy soul. Words cannot describe how much my heart wishes to thank you for your time, your effort, your care, your attention, your FRIENDSHIP.

With much love and respect, joline wants to tell you that you have been the bestest in the whole wide world and she wishes with all her heart that in the coming year and the others to come, her friendship with you will grow stronger and deeper!

For once, (this is news) evil twin sister stopped her antagonistic attitude and nodded her head in agreement with very little coaxing.

Last but never never least,

THANK YOU GOD FOR BRINGING ME THROUGH THIS YEAR RELATIVELY UNSCATHED, WHO SUSTAINED ME DURING MY WEAKEST HOUR and WHO BROUGHT ME CLOSER TO HIMSELF.

*bow*

Till then.
*a post on current issues to come*

bah

keyboard lessons coming up.
church trainee band practices MAY be coming up.

my internet connection still not up.

:-(

setting up a new wireless in the house.

A BLESSED CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!!!

Why is it that the guys who enter my life do this one thing that screws up whatever faith i want to have in them from the very beginning?

That thing is: trying to counsel a girl and then end up getting emotionally attached to her and having feelings for her. Wake up your idea lah, all of you. It just shows how .......

I needn't explain further.

*** ***

Anyway people, it's been so long since i've updated. i miss blogging a whole load! I haven't gotten my stuff done yet and am still loaning the laptop from my mommy who thankfully isn't quite computer savvy.
Hohoho.

I hope things have been ok with everyone. Are you doing ok?!?!?!??!??!

Gee. it's been crazy-busy these days. Because of Christmas, because of friends, because of presents and everything else, the works.

I cannot go into detail because this nut of a laptop is known to do stupid things if i just happen to press the 'delete' button in a certain way.

I need to get a bluetooth adaptor for my dinosaur age laptop.
I need to get my arrows. NEW arrows.
TJ?! COME OUT FROM THAT PLACE WILL YOU?! (haha)

All right, i have to go now. Massive present wrapping session is in order.

Till Then.
*Keep healthy and whole!*

*looks around*

A WORD OF THANKS TO ALL OF YOU WHO LEFT ME BIRTHDAY MESSAGES, COMMENTS, SMSES, AND EVERYTHING ELSE! THE DAY AND DAYS BEFORE AND AFTER WOULDN'T HAVE BEEN SPECIAL IF NOT FOR ALL OF YOU WHO CARED ENOUGH TO GIVE UP OF YOUR TIME AND RESOURCES.
YOU MADE IT ALL HAPPEN. THANK YOU EVERYONE. GOD BLESS. :-))))

*** ***

Did someone chop off my fingers?

Well let's say that the internet connection in my room has been cut because this thingy, for lack of the real word, died on me. That leaves me with the option of snitching someone else's computer.
But someone else's computer isn't called someone else's computer for nothing. So hence the lack of blog posts.

Kinda saved one post in my newly purchased thumbdrive. WOW, thumbdrive in Jo's possession? That's new. Yes, i am a self professed technophobe but i AM trying ok.

I daren't type too long on this laptop because this one is known to pull stunts too. Haiya.

It's been busy since last thursday. Will talk about that soon once i've got things settled. It's nothing much for the reader to gawk over. It's just that i am feeling very blessed by everyone around me. :-) And i intend not to forget these things too quickly.

Gee, my sandles give my feet such a pong! *poooh*

Something interesting and totally unexpected has happened and i was taken aback for just that moment.
Strangely? Or by the grace of God? i am not really affected.
Thing is, the acid/litmus test will come only when that day (if it exists) arrives, which i am surprisingly not getting jittery about.

Is it really that i am ok now, or am i just in desensitized mode. I get that way sometimes. It's only when crunch time comes when i feel everything crash upon me.

Well, let it be, let it be. Que Sara Sara?

Christmas hits us again. I'm so not going to launch into another negative speech on Christmas and what society has made it. For now. (?)

I love YOU ALL.

Till Then.
*pictures are in order, once i get my system back up and running*

S....... (updated)

Your element is Fire: Strong, hot tempered,
powerful, and passionate. Well now lets see,
being fire you are quite strong and powerful,
people look up to you greatly and often seek
your protection. You have the ability to gain
many friends and you are always one people can
count on to do what you say you will do. You
are extremely loyal be it friends or family
you'll stick up for them and you are never
willing to put them in a position that could
hurt them. You know what roll you play in life,
leader, and you intend to let people know it.
Not everyone is capable of leadership but you
certainly have the willpower and flare to do
it. You have quite a temper if it shows itself,
one that can often lead you into trouble. Once
your mind is made up there is no changing it
but no one said that was a bad thing.


.:-What is your true element?-:. -With Anime Pictures and detailed answers-
brought to you by Quizilla

Note: Quite true to an extent, methinks. But the words "powerful" is so funny! Unless you're talking about... arm strength. Heh heh heh.
What say you?

*** ***

(from pulling arrows out without my rubber grip)

1. Sores all over my palms.
check.
2. Blister or two on either hand.
check.

(from getting hit by the bow string)

1. Opened a fresh wound.
check.

And while meandering through the tight throng of archers, i poked a guy in his wonderful pectorals with my stabilizer. With much embarrassment from me.
*red face*

YOU TELL ME HOW TO SHOOT PROPERLY FOR THE COMPETITION TOMORROW?

PLUS!

MOST OF MY COMPOUND FEMALE COMPETITORS ARE FROM THE NATIONAL TEAM.
HOW ABOUT THAT?!

PLUS PLUS!

I'VE ONLY PRACTICED TWICE FOR THIS COMPETITION!

Can someone psycho me tonight?
My mental shape is bad.

I might just get a placing if my confounded arm would STOP SHAKING!

Saturday, 4:35pm

I'm not exactly elated with my scores of, round 1 -> 227 and round 2 -> 232 (perfect score is 300) for the qualifying rounds today.

But, when i rethink about it, considering i practiced a "grand total" of 6 to 7 hours for this competition (thanks or no thanks to the many times i've been out and NOT training), i guess it isn't all that bad.

It's bad, but not, TERRIBLE until cannot make it. I was afraid i couldn't even hit 200!

The national archers shooting with me were hitting 250+, 260+ and 271.

Hm, my first competition ever. I injured an arm muscle while helping to remove arrows.
*whine*

Another thing.

I think i might give up on the ever joining the national team.
Because the archery politics, and community in general, is really quite rotten.

But i also ask myself. Should i allow that to deter me?

Thing is, there's a very fine line between giving up something you love and avoiding trouble. And trouble does NOT only encompass trouble within the archery arena itself.

*bleah*

Feeling: a little depressed, for the inevitable end is near. (updated)

The air feels different, the atmosphere (not weather-wise) feels different, the mood that surrounds me is different.
It is the end of the year. It has arrived. It hardly feels it's time for december.

And although the end of it doesn't exactly hold much significance because this year wasn't particularly special, i still feel depressed over it.

No, no. Don't get me wrong. This year has definitely brought to light some rather interesting/special episodes.
The one thing that would add THEE strong value to it, is if i had to leave some wonderful people behind, because of the passing of a year/academic final year.
Which in this case, does not exist.

Emo Jo? Yuh. Perhaps.

Something just seems to be pulling at tugging at my heart. WHY?!??!
What is it, Heart? You got yourself a problem?
Or is there some sort of unfinished business that i've not dealt with?
Is there something i've been shoving away and not solving?

Perhaps it's just Emo Jo.

Oh Lord... In times like these, when i find no rest in myself or with myself, i can come to You in utmost helplessness, vulnerable all over.
You would take me in, in no matter what shape and state i am in.
When no one can give or offer, or are not in a position to soothe this intangible ache, i have my Lord God who understands me.

The end gives way to a new beginning. It's an endless cycle till the day we die.
Unless everyday is the same and the passing of years mean nothing to you.

*** ***

I was looking through my bank of digital photos and while glancing through, i was struck by a sad thought when i came across two photos.

I don’t know about you, but i guess to many, 21st birthdays are more significant than the others that came before.
Celebration of the arrival of official “adulthood”.

Gone, *poof!*, are the days of legitimate abhorrence of your parents and EVERYTHING, EVERYONE else.
Except that you may now fume at the Government more strongly than ever as, i guess, you can concentrate your resources where it counts. (eh?)

No, no, IGNORE ME. I am not speaking from a personal point of view.

Anyway, 21st birthdays sometimes warrant big parties, to medium-sized parties, to small gatherings to a family affair, to... a specialized area in the brain for anticipation and expectation, for memories, on that special day.

Isn’t it bittersweet when you celebrate your exclusive 21st birthday with a boyfriend/girlfriend, that you only break up with later on?

Sad, i say. *shakes head forlornly*

Looking through photos of your birthday would hotly arouse other memories you might otherwise not want to remember.
You see his/her arm around you, as the both of you stand behind your birthday cake, both smiling for a perfect picture.

Sad, i say.

Moral of the story?

- Don’t take pictures with your current partner on your 21st? Er. Quite impossible and stewpid right.

- Always take plenty of photos with OTHER people so that pictures of you and your partner are dispensable (in an event of a real break-up)? Eh... *rolls eyes*

- Uhm, how about just getting over the fella and rejoicing in the glory of being 21st. If there is any glory to be considered. Whatever suits your fancy. *shrugs*

No, i am NOT moping!
Just a thought that came in.

*** ***

A little testimony.

One night, i tossed in bed and my leg did this little insignificant twist and suddenly, this sharp pain shot up from my left foot and even up my calve.
It felt like something had been displaced within the foot itself and had elongated effects that led up my calve in a thin straight piercing line... the pain felt embedded under the muscles.
And the pain wasn’t something that could go away with massaging.

I was so freaked and kept my foot as still as possible but realized it was getting tiring holding it tense.
Thoughts that ran through my mind were:
How am i going to walk tomorrow morning? (well, today technically)

So, half asleep as i was, i decided to sit up in bed, lay my hand on my leg and pray.

After praying and trusting God for His healing, i decided to stretch out my leg and foot straight out. Not sure what made me do that despite the pain.
Lo and Behold. The pain disappeared into nothingness.

PRAISE GOD!


Till Then.
*i think photos are needed here soon. I shall upload some!*

Loved.

I feel so loved. :-)

This and this, that and that... Oh, how i feel SO THANKFUL TO everyone AND THANKFUL FOR everyone!
And THANKFUL TO GOD who put these awesome people into my little life.

Never in my 20 years have i felt this blessed by friends around this time of the year. No, it's not just about celebrating Christmas with me.

Well, that's if you don't count the time i had a party when i was in primary school. People were invited by the host. They didn't voluntarily do something for you.

That's what makes this altogether different.

Library Gang, i lub you gals.
I'm so thankful for what you guys did for me today.
But it's not just about today.
You gals have always been so precious to me... Even though i come across as an unappreciating squirt, you gals have been the pillars in my life and i appreciate each and every one of you. Very Much.

Like i've said before and i'll say it again.
I didn't exactly love the time i had in ACJC, but with you, life was bearable, life in ACJC had some meaning!
If i were ever given a shot at turning back the clock and changing things,
I. WOULDN'T. EVER.

Of course, not forgetting my other wonderful pillars! Not the library gang specifically but you know who you are.
You've also made life in ACJC worth it and the same pledge goes to you.
You make it impossible for me to think or wish to think, how life would be without you.

As for everyone else i've yet to mention but i can't because i'd just go on and on about seemingly ghostly beings because i'm not mentioning names,
I LOVE YOU TOO. And oh... how i thank God for your presence.

*** ***

How do i feel? I'm not sure. You can never be an equal match. So how does it work?
Yet, there's a tingle, something interesting.
Or is it only because there's too much glucose on your tongue.


Till Then.
*Trying to find it in me to blog about the past few days' happenings but it's been a little droughty around here*

snippet

Did a minor adjustment to my gym routine and so it seems that i am not aching so much and acutely today.
Now i am left with: Should i have done that? I feel like i've not done enough, know?

Heh, do you hear the "No Pain, No Gain" saying speaking out?

Looked in the mirror and discovered what gymming did for me and i am pleasantly surprised.
Not that it is really obvious to the man (errm, so to speak), on the street. But obvious enough for me to actually realize that i've gotten new muscle lines (when you flex) that show the muscle groups!

Interesting. I think i should up my gym training. Once a week isn't as beneficial as twice, which is what the team is doing.
Well, mostly.

The festive season and holidays...
When cash registers are noisier than usual and when all my pants look like there's a hole in place of where a pocket is suppose to be.

I have to run off again to the other side of the country. Again.

Till Then.
*I have a new toy.*

Talk is good.

I am having a chicken wing craving now. Dang, at 11:40pm.

SHOOT!

Anyway, this is all i have to say for now.

Intellectually in-sync and engaging conversations about things that matter are real turn ons.
While pointless and non stimulating conversations are seriously depressing and trying.

Maybe i'm the pointless one.

Till Then.
*Fill me*

*insert rolling eyed emoticon*

Been staving off blogging because, i have nothing interesting to say, no quirky ideas or memorable instances that are worth my attention.

Except that (on friday) i saw an elephant waddle into its pond, drop a few big yellow bombs into the already bacteria filled water and then proceeded to slump into the watery mass and wallowed around.
Yeah, complete with poop bobbing against the elephanty too.

Kinda like how in life, we create our own crap and then sit around in it.
Take it literally or figuratively. Whatever.

Oh, i was at the zoo on friday with a friend's mom's childcare centre children. I could go on forever about the time i had, but i think i'll just put down the most salient points to note.

Looking at the children, my heart just sang. It was like, obviously though, looking at little adults. Little humans. Bite sized little creatures with bright eyes and eager faces.
Innocence.
Little canvases open and clean to have things painted upon them.

God's gifts... Those little itty bitty children.

As a psychology student, i now begin to appreciate the dialogue i hear between children themselves. How they interact and communicate with words and gestures, what means what to them, how they construct meanings and ideas about the world around them.

They are such a joy to OBSERVE (not exactly look after, *groan*, unless you've got yourself an ANGEL).

Couldn't stop gushing over them as i watched them. I've NEVER felt this way about children.
Then again, maybe the lot i had around me were, yeah, mostly the sweeter, nicer ones.
About 4+years old.

Ha, and YES... i have my TWO favourites! This little japanese girl whom i've dubbed "My J-Pop Star" and another little Caucasian girl. Quiet little sweetie with lily fair skin, an oh-so-incredible-mega-watt-smile and crystal clear eyes!
Darlings!

Disclaimer: I am NOT A PAEDOPHILE.

*** ***

The Esplanade Roof Terrace. Yesterday. For the first time.
LOVEEED IT!
It helped that there was a beautiful clear night sky, with the full moon shining brightly upon us homosapiens and stars that speckled the black velvet cosmos.
And... ORION!
ORION!

What better way to spend time at the Esplanade than with someone who enjoys silence too.
Thanks dude!

*** ***

Oh hey, and i am going to be a trainee of sorts for my church's new band. (Band as in, Guitars [electric, acoustic], drums, synthesizer and keyboard)
Me, keyboardist.
Most pleased to serve my God with whatever... erm, i have. I'm not sure if they qualify as talents, but BLEAH.
If He wishes, He will provide!

*looks at the clock on the right corner*

GARN. Looks like a photoshooting stint is in order. Indoor range, here i come.

I need solitary time!

Ya know what?
Think i shall keep one week for myself.
I really NEED to stop running around the country for a bit and enjoy some joline time. Yes, being in the company of myself.

And i haven't accomplished any shopping yet. Garnn...
I need clothes.
My phone is dying. Slowly but surely.
I need a new scope.
Competition is coming up and what have i done?! Need more practice.

I'm glad it's been a busy holiday though i'll BET that the people behind the LTA are laughing as they count my money! MY MONEY!

For those of you whose emails i've not replied to, I'M VERY VERY VERY SORRY.

Till Then.
*You're all precious to me. Each and every one of you.*

zonked

The bbq on monday went pretty good. I actually enjoyed myself. (Wow, Jo enjoyed herself while being around people.) Could actually let loose a little, being my ditzy and active persona, which is by far the closest to my real self.

We played a prank on our birthday boy. It was hilarious! And it was so funny seeing him "attack" his girlfriend when he found out that she was in the prank as well.
*HAW HAW HAW HAW HAH WAH AW*

While everyone was feasting on the first round of bbq stuff, i realized that no one was cooking so i decided to do so. As a result, i got to eat just one of the chicken wings i *sort of* marinated (had a little help) last minute before i left for the bbq.

Well, i am most happy to serve others. So, it is not a problem anyway.
Besides, seeing food cook is actually quite a pleasure.
Hm, reminds me of food chemistry. Chemistry option paper.
The stupid thing that i studied only JUST before the paper began on the day itself.

The bbq fire was so freakin' hot that the metal button (above the zip) on my bermudas got heated up and was searing my skin!
*chuckle*

*** ***

Had a good work-out day yesterday (wed). Had about 30min of badminton in the afternoon, about 1hour+ of gym followed by more badminton in the evening. Heh.
A new part of me is aching now... hohoho. *GRIN*

My left triceps have healed well but my hamstrings are still experiencing a slight problem from the last gym session. I discovered that the muscles shortened! Trying my best to do some stretching exercises whenever i can.

Had a little dinner by the sea. AS IN, ON THE BEACH, WITH THE SEA A FEW METRES AWAY FROM ME. It was THAT THAT THAT BEAUTIFUL! I was SO IMPRESSED with the idea!
Pasta Fresca by East Coast.

Hey gals! What say you about a trip like that for dinner? It'll be awesome.

Went for a walk at Labrador Park. I know, I know. Kinda like a lover's place, it is.

Memories flooded my head when we (schoolmate and i) went over.
Memories of that sunset at that little balcony of sorts.
Memories of you.
And of course, memories of ACJC BAND!

We just walked the length of the Park, ventured onto the jetty. A still night it was.

If only i could be there for hours on end and with someone special. To sink into his embrace as we stare out to sea and watch the lights sparkle in the distance on the dark sea.
Uhm... *smile*

The expanse of sky was just... OH GLORY!

I conked out the second my head touched the pillow. Horizontal meditation went well and woke up aching! AH, the pain. Nice, nice.

Well, today calls for more up and running business. Golly Wolly, i am tired!
But, i can do it!

Till Then.
*Very seh* (add the nasal quality when you say that)

Spot me!

Sunday... at the ACS (Archery Club of Singapore) Indoor Range.
Using the Club's wooden riser recurve bow, with ancient Samick limbs. Hoohoo.
Maybe a photo of me and my compound bow would be coming up.

I am the fourth person from the left.
Only GIRL there ok, GIRL POWER.

Grabs her arrow...


And she draws the bow! Beware! I can de-man you! The nicest bow among us (at the shooting line) belongs to the second last guy. His own equipment.


And the release... Ah, and a perfect follow through! (Erm......) Anyway, guy with the nicer bow is not here.


Maybe later.
Going to the indoor range now for some business and training.
See you later, i hope.

Some things don't seem to end, does it. (skip, to spare yourself something sappy)

Alwyn:
Thanks for that bit of info there mate.
Let's up it a little.
What if the individuals had been apart for much more than just months?
Enough time for each of them to attempt to find love with other people.
Hm, say, 4 or 5 years, maybe more?

*** ***

Thoughts flow and emotions follow in hot pursuit.
Curses!
For being too investive.
For being too nostalgic.
For feeling so much.
For having such a... theatrical, full coloured, surround sound, movie-like enabled memory.

Why did it have to happen?
I look up into the serene blue sky of understanding. But all i can do is look?
I'm dangling on the rope, close to the opening, but hanging, in mid air over a long, deep, dank, dark hole.
I've come a long way.

I got pushed back in. But.
Conversely, i can struggle out again. Pull and grapple for freedom once again.
I should be able to do it.

But even then, what closure do i get for pulling myself out? For doing it myself?
Blue sky not so clear after all.

As you are human (you do possess feelings) as am i human as well (human flesh prone to weakness) i hope that there is some reason.
Be it a simple/rash/harmless/minutely tiny/polite reason...
A reason, would be nice.

I cannot ask you why. Who am i to you, to ask you why?
I cannot expect anything. Who am i to you, to expect anything?

I can only say how i feel here, knowing full well there's only a 0.0000000000001 chance that you'll see this.

Well, never mind.

In fact, i shouldn't be feeling teased.
I am fine, in control. Have always been for a while now.
There's no reason why i should not be the same, even now.
But... it's you i'm talking about.

I bet you don't feel the pain anymore. I doubt you do. It's been pretty clear.
Course, not that it's a bad thing. :-)

Being the fella i am, i feel too much for my own good over certain things.

Some things change and some things don't seem to end.

*** ***

Been a month after the exams and it hasn't stopped, though maybe, just maybe, signs of slowing is in order. WOOT!

Let's see. BBQ, archery clubhouse business and competition self-training, Gym, Badminton, meeting friend, church and archery.
That's my whole week, one day at a time, in summary.

I would've said "I don't know if i should laugh or cry".
But i guess, laughing is a better option.
May i add, hysterically.

I am chugging on, chugging on. Every day has an agenda.
In more ways than one. (?)

Till Then.
*off to the bbq. I HOPE, the chicken tastes like something decent*

Feeling... Emo.

Had a perfect ending to friday. After a long, smelly, bo liao-ish day at the indoor range, i STILL got to meet up with my treasured JC friends.
For reasons of privacy, who they are and information shall not be disclosed.

We had a great time despite the short meet up. (Quality, Quality!) Well, I wish it had lasted longer. But never mind, it was oh so good seeing them. It hardly feels as if 2 years have passed since we got out from ACJC.
I LOVE YOU GUYS.

I'm the sort that enjoys long and drawn out time spent with girl friends. I prefer spending a whole day with them without the need for any of us rushing off at a certain time to attend to something else.
The feeling of not wanting the precious day to end.

Suddenly feeling so happy yet sad. Happy for that wonderful indulgence in friendship but sadness that it ended so soon. As if, my life support system just got cut off.

*** ***

I've been hearing about this thing from a few friends lately, and i must say...
Hm, must be the season or something.

So, the question i shall ask is, "Can love between exes rekindle itself?"
(ok people! Stop moaning!)

Duh, ok, i suppose one of the most obvious answers that i think would be shot back at me would be, "Depends on the circumstances."
Circumstances encompasses about a gazillion things, and i shall so not bother about listing them down.

There's this pastor from my church who told us that when he was in secondary school, he saw THE girl and KNEW she was going to be HIS WOMAN. They dated but thing is, things didn't go right then.

They went their separate ways and had their other relationships.

But surprise surprise. God brought them back together and today, they are happily MARRIED.

So, he wasn't wrong after all eh?

Anyway, i've been slapping myself both mentally and physically recently. (yes, slapping physically is done in private at least. You don't believe? Then, you don't know me.)

Sometimes, i need to get a grip when my head runs off with my emotions. Cut those stupid thoughts on their tracks and tell self to WAKE UP.
I don't advocate doing it but it helps me refocus, nod mechanically and go back to who i am and where i am.

I feel so... :-(
Can anyone ever live up to it? Everyone is different and i cannot impose such standards on anyone, now can i?

It's 3am, i neeeeeeed to ramble but i am living at this point in constant fear of mommy/daddy thrusting my room door open and hissing at me to go to bed.
Following which, i would get a scolding the next morning.

I think my adrenalin is going to an all time high. Fear, fear!
Ok, shall go. Invisible hands are tearing me away from my perch in front of the laptop.

TIll Then.
*Dettol makes me smell like... Gleneagles*

keeps me happy.

Note: Haloscan has been acting strange lately.

*** ***

While pumping iron...

Archer guy: Is this your first gym day?
Jo: Yes...
Archer guy: When i had mine, i ached for 2 weeks!
Jo: ok...

I didn't believe him.
I'm aching pretty much all over now. It's only been one day but anyway... i don't forsee myself aching that long.
2 weeks?! No way.

Well, if you've spoken to me about work-out derived pain, you would know that i LIKE the pain.
The pain makes me feel good.

Crud. I'm returning to my old bad habit of sleeping late. Gotta scram. Perhaps more when i return.

Mundania.

I woke up to a beautiful (in the commonest of sense, i don't mean the beauty of a rainy day) day.

Seeing the clear true-ish blue (without that milky film. but will i ever know what TRUE BLUE really is?) and the white unthreatening clouds, always makes me feel happy and thankful.
The unsuspicious winds that blow also make me feel like... grinning into the sky.

Oops, that reminds of me QT which i haven't done yet for today.

The only cruddy thing is, i'm not feeling all too physically wonderful today though i know i'll get through it with my sometimes-can-activate bullstrength.

The Movie

I watched The Incredibles yesterday and i must say it had me enthralled throughout, to the point that i failed to finish my measly 100g worth of Famous Amos cookies. Mind you, that alone says quite something.

I felt that the show was a little adultish, you need to listen up a little. The dialogue and character mannerisms aren't as hilarious as in Shrek and Shrek 2. However, it's altogether a show worth spending money on.
If you're torn between Sharktale and The Incredibles, CHOOSE THE LATTER!
Sharktale is... weak.
I might even say that my dad, the action show lover might enjoy The Incredibles.

The Phone. (no, not the cellular. ok, that was lame***.)

Because i cannot have (*sob*) the recently released new Nokia models, i've begun lusting after the Sony Ericsson T630, k500i and k700i.
But since it's only the k700i that has the fm radio, it is the clear winner of the three.
Problem is, it's the most pocket blowing (comparable to the untouchable Nokias) of the lot. So there.

Yeah, although there're a couple of Nokias that aren't THAT shabby and are less bank account devastating, i know that their value will depreciate a lot faster and that's just... No Thanks mate.

There are things in this world you desire in this lifetime, but cannot have.

First gym training with team members.

Yes, so it's meeting coach at 4:30pm later. I feel... uneasy about the whole thing. I think i'll be training with the younger archers. Oh no, i can feel myself going into clam shell mode!
The mode when Jo merely becomes a quiet, shy-smile, talk little, klutzy girl who is the loner.

Dang it JO! LEARN THR ROPES OF SOCIALIZING!
IT WASN'T A PROBLEM BEFORE! YOU'VE BEEN THROUGH COUNTLESS LEADERSHIP CAMPS SO HOW DIFFICULT CAN THIS GET?!

ME OF ALL PEOPLE! BEING QUIET! THE TURN OF THE CENTURY! GO AND FLUSH YOUR HEAD, MISSY!

Ahem, excuse me.
*flattens out the creases on clothes and clears throat*

Looks like Jo has to revert back to PR pushing mode. The person i was, back before uni began.

Crazy, ditzy, loud, happy, cheery, laughy, excitable, sharp, smiley, dishes out grins like everyone loves it...
Not that it's a fake me. In fact, i feel better being loud than quiet.

I have to do this, before it's too late.

Question:
If the world were rid of all its imperfections, would the world really be perfect?

Till then.
*drags hurting self to get ready for the step towards something potentially life changing*
oof.

*a little wave and a hullo*

*looks around*
Have things changed? Not quite.

Anyway, been having a little dry spell lately so i've gone off the blogging a bit. I'll probably be back soon with more nonsense to spout.
As usual right.

Well, this week is packed. Wonderful! Yet, gah... But it's all good anyway.

I'm going to be training at the gym with the team tomorrow. Of course, unofficially. How things develop in future depends a lot on external factors and what i can do to prove my worth.

I need to get lots of things done.

Confession: I wuv you all...! :-)

Homebound. (updated)

My phone has begun showing signs of impending death... or prolonged suffering.
It's doing its own shutting down, restarting, hanging and dying... And the power button no longer works.
Basically just screwing up on me. Pulling stunts that really aren't very amusing. :-(((

Well, well. I guess the first reaction to this would be, "Hey, great excuse to get thee a new phone!"
Been looking around for a bit and spotted a couple of phones i like, but the prices put me off in a blink.
Oh well.

I do like my N6510. I like the way it looks, its soft blue backlight, the font size. Although there was a period of time when i felt the itch for a new phone, i've never really actually felt like ditching my N6510.
Poor baby.

HAH. But i refuse to repair it. Because, ahem, you know, need to move with the times ya know? *cough, cough*

*** ***

Man, i've been going out often in the past weeks. As pretty much of a recluse, i've never gone through this kind of "intensive socializing", believe it or not. Usually, my holidays in the past would be long and quiet affairs, with occasional outings, no big brouhaha.

I'm getting calls to go out to meet, catch up, do stuff.
It's amazing.
Yes, i'm that new to the social world, big time.

I never knew that people actually want to be in my presence. You know as a kid till now, i've always thought that people didn't really like me around. I guess me being a sensitive kid coupled with having gone through bad experiences in the past... and perhaps not having the resilience then, kind of made me into this self-conscious and recluse-like person with a i'm-not-worthy mentality.

People. Never ever let your kids turn out to be like me, all right? You do not want them to be hindered in their social lives.

Library Gang of ACJC 2SC10... I LOVE YOU GALS.

*** ***

1.
I'm going to protect myself from you.
You seem to play this game, flitting around.
You seem mighty unstable to me though you speak otherwise.
There's nothing to oblige to, but things aren't pretty anyway.
I can never tell what your true intentions are and your words are never clear.
And i don't think you have quite the grip on things either.
Jo, you cannot afford this.

2.
I don't know what's going on over yonder. I don't know why it happened, and why things are the way it is now.
I do hope to hear from you soon.
Hope i didn't say anything to make you feel uncomfortable. I do apologize if i did.

*** ***

I realize i may have, in me, embedded hatred and insecurity. Hatred and insecurity that flares up when a certain situation comes about. When it rears its ugly head, my insides get heated up and my mind goes into hyperactivity.

In truth, I was a jealous kid in the past, always in need of love and attention. I hated the idea of having another younger sibling and i used to scream bloody murder and cry like a banshee when there was any talk about another sibling.
I would kick up a huge fuss when my parents paid attention to someone else's baby.
It was almost... i hate to say it, and i think i won't. Not appropriate.

I grew to hate children though times have changed me, mellowed me out somewhat. ALTHOUGH... i sometimes get evil ideas. *revolver! revolver!*

Being deprived as the kid, perhapos now as an adult, i guess this "deprivation" (though i am inclined to hope i am not!) has translated into an expectation that i project onto another person i may love/have feelings for.
(child to parent, now, adult to adult)

So, when i don't have that need fulfilled, i can become a serious big time BITCH.
Like the way i was a serious big time jealousy prone kid.

Some honest reflection. Some psychology.

*** ***

Does anyone have any nice and good Nokia phones to recommend?

I know i promised never to have anything to do with Ericsson ever again, but the Sony Ericsson cellulars aren't too shabby at the moment.
What is paramount to me, is that sms typing should be easy and quick.
AND... the obvious being, idiot proof. Or, technoidiot friendly.

Till Then.
*Where're you?*

To be idle.

*rolls eyes*

Gee, i'd be setting off for the Esplanade by now if not for the hefty transportation... costs. LTA has made tons of money from me in the past few weeks. I hate it. Money just gets sucked out from my ez-link card like nobody's except for LTA's business!
Seeing the value going down at a steady rate makes me sad.

Yeah, i know it's worse if you live in Japan and the other countries where cab fares can come up to someone's wage for a day.
Just let me whine, will ya.

I had lovingly stroked thoughts of stepping into a teleportation portal/tube and "ZWAANGG!", i'd arrive at my destination in a split second. How nice that would be.
Kind of like, the portal de-atomizes you, or, zaps you into electrons or whatever tiny matter and then transports you via some fibre or cable.

Thing is, who gets to be the first to try the thing. The poor rats.

There was this book that fictitiously suggested that perhaps one day, babies will be the next subjects of experiments.
I might've remembered the exact bottomline wrongly, but i know it was by Neil Gaiman.

But hey, i could leech a ride to the Esplanade later! But, i'll be on my own. Wouldn't that be bittersweet, or contradictory, for me.
Hm.

The bliss of being all alone, but with my thoughts.
All alone to enjoy the sounds and smells of the sea, the sounds of the night, to feel the wind against my cheeks, to gaze at the sky that stretches before and above me.
No one to tell me they're bored, no one to keep entertained.
No one to suggest anything i don't want to do.
It's not called loneliness.

Yet, at moments like those, you'd like someone who enjoys the same space, the same quietness, the same love of nature.
We needn't speak and the silence is perfect, for both of us recognize the beauty and enjoyment derived and hence the value of the experience.
And because we know how each other feels, we have no wish to intrude into each other's space. Or personal experience.
Even then, disturbances would be perfectly timed and the joy of being able to complement each other is... indescribably sweet.
The common understanding between us would be priceless.

*** ***

Ok, snap out of it. I'm going for a jog. Excuse me.

Till Then.
*Archery Competition, 10-11 Dec 2004*

Open the eyes, i must.

A swift kick to my behind and a huge slap with a luohan fish across my face, will do really nicely at the moment.
I need to wake up and quit living in a fantasy.
Stop being dependent!

I don't need you in order to function properly!
I can do well enough on my own, thank you very much.

No, no, don't get me wrong, life would be cool with you but a girl's got to know when to pull the brakes... sometimes.

*** ***

We (names withheld for privacy purposes) talked about manners... of guys, that is.

For example:

- He eats like he usually would... Only that he eats so... openly, that you can see every molecule of food in his mouth.
- He is NOT gentlemanly.
- He eats more noisily than a bulldozer.
- He picks his zits in front of you... and checks the results of his gold mining.
- He has a very disgusting way of cleaning his... face. Or a part of it.
- He snorts in a very crude way to clear his nose. He might as well be running around with the pigs.
- He doesn't stand to greet someone especially if the person comes by to shake his hand.
- (list not exhaustive)

Well, perhaps some of you, having a boyfriend who has some of these disgusting traits, or maybe ALL or MOST of these traits (oh, bless your saintly heart, darling) does not bother you very much.

Perhaps, you might even see these as shallow and undeserving of attention because he fulfills your every other need perfectly. (Well and good for you, darling)

But for the rest of us who are bothered by his non-existent manners, please stand up!
Why, thank you! Yes, i too, joline, cannot tolerate living with a caveman!

Imagine him having a meal with the rest of your family at the dinner table at home, or eating out with your family.
And the whole bunch of us will be treated to a display of his animalistic manners!
Wow! Call in David Attenborough, Call in Jane Goodall!

I wouldn't know what i'd do apart from the "digging a hole and hiding in the ground", "kicking him under the table", "pretend to drag him to the toilet to... educate him" measures.

Update maybe later.