Homebound. (updated)

My phone has begun showing signs of impending death... or prolonged suffering.
It's doing its own shutting down, restarting, hanging and dying... And the power button no longer works.
Basically just screwing up on me. Pulling stunts that really aren't very amusing. :-(((

Well, well. I guess the first reaction to this would be, "Hey, great excuse to get thee a new phone!"
Been looking around for a bit and spotted a couple of phones i like, but the prices put me off in a blink.
Oh well.

I do like my N6510. I like the way it looks, its soft blue backlight, the font size. Although there was a period of time when i felt the itch for a new phone, i've never really actually felt like ditching my N6510.
Poor baby.

HAH. But i refuse to repair it. Because, ahem, you know, need to move with the times ya know? *cough, cough*

*** ***

Man, i've been going out often in the past weeks. As pretty much of a recluse, i've never gone through this kind of "intensive socializing", believe it or not. Usually, my holidays in the past would be long and quiet affairs, with occasional outings, no big brouhaha.

I'm getting calls to go out to meet, catch up, do stuff.
It's amazing.
Yes, i'm that new to the social world, big time.

I never knew that people actually want to be in my presence. You know as a kid till now, i've always thought that people didn't really like me around. I guess me being a sensitive kid coupled with having gone through bad experiences in the past... and perhaps not having the resilience then, kind of made me into this self-conscious and recluse-like person with a i'm-not-worthy mentality.

People. Never ever let your kids turn out to be like me, all right? You do not want them to be hindered in their social lives.

Library Gang of ACJC 2SC10... I LOVE YOU GALS.

*** ***

1.
I'm going to protect myself from you.
You seem to play this game, flitting around.
You seem mighty unstable to me though you speak otherwise.
There's nothing to oblige to, but things aren't pretty anyway.
I can never tell what your true intentions are and your words are never clear.
And i don't think you have quite the grip on things either.
Jo, you cannot afford this.

2.
I don't know what's going on over yonder. I don't know why it happened, and why things are the way it is now.
I do hope to hear from you soon.
Hope i didn't say anything to make you feel uncomfortable. I do apologize if i did.

*** ***

I realize i may have, in me, embedded hatred and insecurity. Hatred and insecurity that flares up when a certain situation comes about. When it rears its ugly head, my insides get heated up and my mind goes into hyperactivity.

In truth, I was a jealous kid in the past, always in need of love and attention. I hated the idea of having another younger sibling and i used to scream bloody murder and cry like a banshee when there was any talk about another sibling.
I would kick up a huge fuss when my parents paid attention to someone else's baby.
It was almost... i hate to say it, and i think i won't. Not appropriate.

I grew to hate children though times have changed me, mellowed me out somewhat. ALTHOUGH... i sometimes get evil ideas. *revolver! revolver!*

Being deprived as the kid, perhapos now as an adult, i guess this "deprivation" (though i am inclined to hope i am not!) has translated into an expectation that i project onto another person i may love/have feelings for.
(child to parent, now, adult to adult)

So, when i don't have that need fulfilled, i can become a serious big time BITCH.
Like the way i was a serious big time jealousy prone kid.

Some honest reflection. Some psychology.

*** ***

Does anyone have any nice and good Nokia phones to recommend?

I know i promised never to have anything to do with Ericsson ever again, but the Sony Ericsson cellulars aren't too shabby at the moment.
What is paramount to me, is that sms typing should be easy and quick.
AND... the obvious being, idiot proof. Or, technoidiot friendly.

Till Then.
*Where're you?*