While having a trim at HV...

Hair Stylist (HS): You look like a friend of mine...
Jo: *thinks: shucks, i have a common face...*
HS: But my friend is a guy...
Jo: Uh. Ok... (!!!) I wonder what the similarities are...
HS: He is... how do you say. He's not handsome.
Jo: *thinks: huh? haha...*
HS: He's... Beautiful.
Jo: ?!?!?!?!?!

Hawhawhaw, beautiful man! Ok, not sure if i should take that as a compliment. :P

First attempt at making a Chocolate Fudge Cake

This weighing scale might be as old as, if not, older than me. My momma has been using this for as long as i can remember!
Same goes for this dude as well.

Melting the chocolate (Hersheys semi sweet chips) and butter together, in a plate placed on top of a pan with boiling/simmering water. The hot steam is what melts the stuff into a goo. As a health freak making a cake like this and knowing EXACTLY what goes into it... This isn't one of my proudest moments. No way, hosay.
It takes faith to believe that it'll eventually become a smooth mixture. It was so lumpy for quite a while because the chocolate chips just wouldn't melt out evenly. So i used 2 spoons to mash the lumps till it became relatively smooth.

Mixing the 4 eggs and sugar.

Folded in the flour.

Into the oven!

Out of the oven! It looks a bit burnt hor. The new oven we have tends to be on the "powderful" side, for some reason. Have to be extra careful when baking stuff.

Cutting up pieces.

Slather on the fudge! (more melted chocolate mixed with pure cream). I had run out of Hershey's chocolate, so i dug around the kitchen and used up some Lindt and Royce dark chocolate that had been lying around for a while. Had to be careful during the melting process though, because the chocolate is meant for eating directly and not meant to be melted for baking. Since I didn't know the boiling and melting point of ready-to-eat choclate, had to be careful not to over melt it which will result in carbonized burnt chocolate.

Ok, ready to give to next door neighbour! :D

It's a weird cake. When i first baked it, it was moist inside. At night on the same day, it became dry. Then subsequently, it became moist again. Hur.

I typed out an email telling my pastor that I am unable to go to Maliana for the mission trip this december. I had tears in my eyes as i finished typing out the email. It is due to school, finances, due to family issues, that made me sigh and decide that I could not afford to go.

Maliana (in East Timor) was my very first mission trip destination, and that place and the children there have a very deep and special place in my heart.

I was about to click on "send". But something in my heart pulled back and i just clicked on "save now". I don't know when that email will be sent.

God, is this you telling me to go, is this me being reluctant to allow you to make a way for me? Or is this just a fact of life that I have to give this one a miss again?

Attempting to make a chocolate fudge cake... ;) But i'm calculating if i can afford the time to do so...
Well, if it happens, stay tuned for photos!

Thoughts at 9am in the morning:

1) Had put the car wind screen wipers on max speed this morning due to the rain... They were moving at such a madly frenzied pace that i giggled to thought to myself that they looked like they were on drugs.

2) So i got out of the car and got some rain on myself. When i entered the lift, my first thoughts and instincts were: "Cold. Wet. Now shake your fur from side to side." (A sure sign that a human being has been living for a long time with a dog)

I just got one of the periodical passion card promotion emails and wow, they're actually promoting tickets for upcoming Christmas events (artsy performances) in december.

I'm smelling and FEELing Christmas around the corner! It's my favourite time of the year... For some odd reason, i'm appreciating the efforts put into sprucing up Singapore for this particular festive occasion. I used to hate how it always looks so commercialized and how everything just crashes once the 25th of december is over. Well, i still don't like how it crashes.

But somehow, the glitter, the music, the cheer, the company of family, er, sales (hurhur), the rush or absence of activities seems to leave my heart with a warm, contented feeling.

I can't quite put my finger on it. I think it's just that... it's, well, Christmas. And i've always had happy, loving, fun-filled and fond memories of Christmas when i was young. Maybe those buried feelings from those years gone by are resurfacing and though it's going on replay, it's giving me a refreshing perspective and sense of wonder and appreciation all over again.

A group of 11 of us went down to Bottle Tree Park at Khatib and boy, "fun" is an understatement in describing our experience!

We paintballed for about 1 1/2 to 2 hours, and it was awesome. The adrenaline rush, the speed, yes, the pain, teamwork, strategising, etc. The instructors were really nice, and they were really accomodating to our requirements and managed to customize the games for us.

While we were there, we got to talk a bit to this guy whose nickname is Kiko. Little did i (later on) realize, we were actually talking to a REGIONALLY KNOWN paintballer okay (out of curiousity, i just googled him)! He's apparently well known in Asia for his killer paintball skills.

Singapore's hosting a paintball competition at West Coast (ah, near my place!) on the 18th of October, sunday. It should be fun to watch!

Been driving on my own recently for short distances, like to gleneagles and back, to church and back. i find that i'm way less tense when i'm driving alone than when someone else is in the car.

anyway, PEOPLE WHO DO NOT SIGNAL ARE BIG FAT CAUSES FOR ACCIDENTS!!!

I almost got mauled by this goon (sorry, but i'm really pissed with people like this) who was whooshing down the lane next to the extreme right lane. So as i was turning out from my u-turn onto the extreme right lane, this fella zoomed into my lane WITHOUT INDICATING. SOMEMORE CAN HORN AT ME.

This caused me to swerve to avoid and I ended up driving onto the curb of the road divider. Sheesh.

Then today, as gem and i were about to cross the road, another goon came whooshing down and turned into the minor road WITHOUT SIGNALING. AGAIN. If i didn't somehow pause to see if the fella would stop, gem and i might've been tomato juice by then.

RAGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Methinks.... God still wants me alive for a higher purpose. Hur.

Now that i think of it. It's quite amusing to see a mother's reaction when some ungracious driver bullies her kin who is driving.

I wouldn't go so far as to say: Beware, do not step on mommy's toes when daughter is driving (because after all, what can she do right?), but i would say, boy, my mommy ain't afraid to give 'im a good stare through the window!

You can sense the motherly instincts rising, her sense of justice and her protective support for her offspring (of course, if i ain't in the wrong lah).

***

Happened to watch a pretty old show called Centrestage (2000) last night. I am SO awestruck by the dancers (ballet dancers, in particular). I mean, the acting was so-so, no big names, but it was the grace and beauty of their movements whether fast or slow, and i could somehow understand a tiny bit what they were communicating through their bodies! I was ENTHRALLED.

Although i've got NO training whatsoever in dance, there's a part of me that just knows a good performance from a not so good one. Of course not as zhai as professionals, but somehow the sense of structure, flow, beat, angle, just resonate inside me so much so that it's just a sense i get.

I was so inspired that i wanted to get onto my feet and dance but i knew... my neighbours downstairs wouldn't be pleased with a bumbling elephant thumping above them at 11pm.

I got this song off Facebook from a friend who posted it up. Despite the current life situation, it speaks out my heart's cry...

These two songs, "No greater love" and "God follower" by Steven Curtis Chapman was written in dedication to missionary Jim Elliot and his team who gave up their lives for the gospel.

In 1956, the 5 American missionaries who left for Ecuador were speared to death by a stone age tribe of Indians known as the Aucas. This left 5 families in total devastation but this wasn't the end of God's plan. Two years later, the wife and sister of two of the murdered missionaries walked into the jungle to live with the same people who had murdered the men they loved. Today, the Aucas (now known as the Waodani) are a changed people. (excerpt from http://www.cbn.com/special/endofthespear/)

I watched it and it made me tear up... God is amazing, and he sure works in sometimes painful and mysterious ways but the outcome is ultimately powerful and beautiful.

I honestly don't care about what people say, but i believe that it IS possible to bring God's love to people through my field of work. Whether it may be to my colleagues or to the people I will see.

I have seen the ways, it is my purpose, and i WILL do so. Time is not something I am in control of, but as long as God hasn't closed the chapter of my life on Earth, my life is for this purpose. Even if i may not see immediate results, i would have at least set something going in some way or other.

Frankly speaking and i am not afraid to say this: If we keep letting "rules"/rationalizations/etc come in the way of making a difference in other people's lives, we actually just perpetuate those obstacles.

I believe, "To see things you've never seen before, you have to do things you've never done before".

AMEN.

HAHAH. In the spirit of Information-Retro-Singapore, i am typing this out in the font Courier.

Am doing my research on work trends in Singapore in the national library, and i'm not sure if i am looking in the wrong place but why are the collection of resources on Singapore so old here? The book covers are of designs coming from the 1970s and 1980s, sometimes, there are no designs, just fabric hard covers.

Some of the books are even formed from binding typewritten papers, with the courier font and uneven lines! The alphabets kinda float up and down on an imaginary horizontal line. The imperfaction is endearingly cute.

But most dui of all, is that i cannot find current information... GAH.

I just made the most AWESOMEST codfish dish! I'm SO AWED!!! (k, totally not shy about it. :-D)

Ok, it started with remembering that i had some codfish in the freezer and it was perfect for dinner. Took it out to defrost while i looked for a recipe. I found a fairly simple one, but along the way, i spruced it up.

It's REALLY easy once u already have the ingredients. I would say it's almost idiot proof...

Ingredients (from the website):

cod fish (3cm thick is good)
a few slices of Australian mild cheddar cheese
Sliced fresh tomato
Dill weed (a herb)

Own fridge ingredients (to add some flavour/taste cos the original recipe sounded a bit bland. but i guess if you don't have the ingredients below, salting the fish earlier before cooking might do the trick. But don't overdo because the cheddar cheese will add some saltiness already):

Japanese onion dressing, Mizkan brand
Cayenne powder
Cajun seasoning powder

I used garlic butter to cook instead of the normal kind. To make garlic butter:

Salted butter, Golden Churn brand
Grated garlic
Parmesan cheese
Coarse Black pepper
Oregano leaves

Directions:

Melt 1 tablespoon butter in fry pan. Fry cod fish fast on both sides 1 minute each side. Then put cheese slices and then tomato slices on top (or the other way around is fine). Sprinkle on top with dill weed. Sprinkle own fridge ingredients on top and onto pan (the jap dressing) itself. Cover pan and cook for 15 minutes on low flame. Do not turn fish.

It might look like a lot of work, so, like i said, if you already have the ingredients, you can whip it up in a flash with minimal washing too.

I suggest making the garlic butter beforehand.

Sorry ah. No photos, cos camera is with sister and i ate it up real quick.

:-9 *slurp!*

I notice that the stuff that i "anyhow" cook always turn out the best. While the ones where i plan meticulously and prepare for people usually turn out... Bleargh.

I've not posted much about thanking God for anything recently, but today i will. :)

I don't usually play the first keys for service, but this saturday i got the chance to, so in addition to my usual synthesizer duties, i could play the first keys aka, piano as well. I'd say that skill wise, i'm not as zhai as my other counterparts. My chord theory is quite basic, and my fingers just aren't as nimble as quick as theirs. Which makes me a better synthesizer player because my fingers don't have to move much and i just need to meddle around with sounds and simple or broken up chords. (though as i've mentioned before i think, i've hated the synthesizer since i was a kid)

Contrary to what the worship team in the congregation/choir said which were a lot of positives, those who were serving today (people with the in-ears) could hear all the boos boos, and somehow today, we just didn't seem as tight as usual. Part of me was fearing that part of the reason was because it was my fault for not being confident enough in my playing, for tending to launch into my own rhythm and tempo, or just not being a good enough musician. Especially since it's not common that i get to play both keys.

But underneath the skill part, i knew that i have not been able to worship at home on the piano as often as i used to due to my crazy schedule these days. So that means that i've not had many opportunities to practice and figure out new ways to play. The piano has sort of become a table of sorts. Quite sad, really. Also, I knew that i was playing with a broken heart... Not broken as in surrendered to God per se, but broken because of whatever's been happening in my life. I was like, "God... Just work through me with whatever i have. I really am just going to rely on whatever basics i have. All i have are the simple stuff."

I knew the countless mistakes i made, and so when we wrapped up the service and headed for our team debrief, i was all ready for the firing squad... Though at the back of my mind i was asking God, "God, please, please, i'm ready for the firing squad, but can you just give me some encouragement?"

God being so sweet, really did send people to encourage me... My team's bassist came and said to me that the chosen notes that i played spoke (in a musical sense) to him, it brought him to a place of peace with God. He said, "I saw a picture, of me in a cave, on a lake in a cave. You know, a place of peace, like how everyone has a place of peace with God."

I also got encouragement from my worship leader who said i played well, and another worship leader also gave feedback that the synthesizer patches that i chose were good. He said, "There were some really good patches here and there. Eh! This kind of thing cannot keep to yourself, must share!" Later when i asked him which part exactly he was referring to, he said to go listen to the recording, but he added, "You have this... ability to hear sounds and use them to make them work."

Boy, was i SO encouraged by the end of the night. I was thinking: God. Thank you. I REALLY needed that. Inspite of my so called inadequacies and numerous mistakes, you know the state of brokenness i'm in and what i just needed to hear at this point in time. And you sent people to encourage me, to tell me that You spoke to them through the music played. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

How can i forgive someone and move on with my life if the person in question may not have even repented, may not even be remorseful, may be living a life of continuous lying and deception? RIGHT IN MY FACE?

What's the point of so called being committed to moving on, forgiving, etc, when in the first place, the person on the other side hasn't even settled their side of the bargain.

Don't even think about building ANY relationship with me if you are still involved in your $%^&. As long as you are not clean from your wrongdoing, you're not getting ANY real respect from me.

Recently, we've been going through the topic of honour in church and i'm like. What the.

How do i honour someone who CLAIMS TO BE FOLLOWING GOD BUT IS STILL LYING STRAIGHT TO MY FACE?!?!?!

The very least i am doing is being civil because the person is a human being. That's ALL i can manage.

Just back from my youth worship team camp over the weekend and i had a 12 hour sleep when i got home... I knocked out once i took a shower and had my face mask on. :)

And so i woke up this morning having satisfied the sleep debt, but somehow, my systems still aren't working too well. I keep misreading words and seeing wrong things, for example:

From today's paper on why young people don't use helplines (rephrased): "when i'm feeling troubled (...), i would want to speak to my closet (correct word: closest) friends."

From work schedule: "Jesus (correct word: Jessie) On Leave"

Goodness. Hurhurhurhur...

ARGH!!!! ALL THREADLESS TEES GOING FOR $9!!!

I WANT!!!!!!!

Was talking to one of the church leaders about dress code in church for leaders and on-stage worship team members.

While i totally understand their good intentions for not wanting us girls to wear sleeveless tops (leaders and on-stage musicians and singers), i can't help but feel that it's such an archaic rule in these recent times. It just reminds me of my ex-boyfriend who refused to allow me to wear sleeveless tops when we were together in junior college.

Sleeveless tops are SO normal these days. For me, they are staple because well, it helps me not get ARMPIT PATCHES from all that perspiration! I sweat a lot lor. And it's not as if i am dying to wear revealing clothes. The sleeveless tops i have are SO normal!

I commented to him: I wear sleeveless tops for practical reasons lor.
He shot back: I also wear slippers for practical reasons.

On hindsight, I should have told him that the issue is different. Slippers is a matter of just casting a presentable image. Sleeveless tops is a matter of seduction of the mind and/or having a presentable image. (Anyways, who says that you can't look presentable in a sleeveless top?)

So my question here is: So what is the difference if it is ok to choose to wear sleeveless tops OUTside of church? If the basis for not wearing them is to not stumble people, then we should not wear them AT ALL, for the good of ALL mankind, right?

But just think about it. No wearing of sleeveless tops AT ALL? Till you're like, 70 years old? Ridiculous!

It just reminds me again of how some people blame women for being raped because they wore seductive clothes. Do men not have parts of their brain meant for self control? Anyways, it's not just the clothes, but behaviour as well.. There is truth in saying that if a woman behaves like she wants trouble, then part of the blame is on her, but then again, can you honestly tell me if ANYONE really DESERVES to be raped?

My point here is: Choice. Whose choice? Freedom. Whose freedom? Logic. Whose logic?

***

I've currently taken to eating blocks of chocolate all by myself. hurhur. First, it was a cadbury milk choc and almond block, then it was a hershey's symphony milk choc and almond block, now it is a cadbury desserts creme brulee bar (courtesy of gem's mommy!).

I'm glad i'm meeting V to go jog later.

***

The bible says: "In your anger, do not sin."

Grr... While reversing out of my parking lot at HV yesterday, this driver in a mercedes wanted my lot and REFUSED to let me out because by moving, she would risk the chance that other drivers will get the lot. So she did not budge despite multiple horns from me (upon my sister's advice... otherwise i wouldn't dare and i didn't how know to because i don't know how the feeling of a horn blast is suppose to feel like.). Woah, i tell you. ALL she needed was to move forward a bit, but she NGIAH NGIAH didn't want to move, which meant that I could not move away, which meant that i was blocking the other cars in my awkward position and this caused a mini jam, with 3 cars lined up in front of me and don't know how many behind me.

Thankfully, there was space behind the mercedes to maneuver to allow the other cars to pass by first. Once the road was empty, i managed to drive out.

When we passed the driver, my sister and i were so curious to have a look at who that silly merc driver was. So inconsiderate!!!! My sister and i were quite disgusted.

I realized that quite a huge number of judgemental, angry, insulting thoughts can be generated just by driving and meeting such people on the roads.

Must guard my thoughts while driving man... Cos while it is natural to become angry, i cannot let the anger consume me and allow myself to speak negatvity into other people's lives.

We talked about driving through the hills in the UK, going all the way up to Scotland. AFTER i graduate next year, making it a proper graduation trip for me. Since i didn't get one after my bachelor's. Erm, but with my folks, not exactly all independent and alone.

OH GOOD LORD JESUS, WOULD YOU PLEASE MAKE THIS COME TRUE STILL?

"The rolling moors of Yorkshire, the tranquil atmosphere of the Lake District, the mysterious highlands of Scotland, the ancient forests of Nottinghamshire, the stunning beaches of Wales, the chocolate-box cottages or vibrant cities at the forefront of modernity, the UK has something to offer everyone" - from the ukguide.org

The nature-explorer-photographer-romantic-freak in me is roaring for time to fly by to say hi to the United Kingdom!

To LT: i think we did talk about grad trip together didn't we? Hm... d'you think this is your cup of tea/within budget?

my recipe for yummy garlic spread:

butter (salted)
grate (NOT CHOP!) a bunch of garlic
oregano leaves
coarse black pepper
grated parmesan cheese
MIX EVENLY.

for nice yummy toast = spread onto bread + add pre-cooked/raw chopped onions if you want + fresh tomato slices + cheddar cheese + ham/any other meat (or you can just go vegetarian)

***

PAINTBALL!!!!!!!!!
(all this talk about therapy is happening, but in the form of adventure therapy. haha. organized by the singapore psychological society... Going with La. AM SO EXCITED!)

People's behinds should be fitted with brake lights, like cars.

They would come in handy especially in crowded places such as malls that have shops boasting huge posters with big number discounts.