Twinkle in Eye

Today's friday.

Uh huh, uh huh.

After the last few days of endless mugging at home in order to finish the bits i need for my 1st Psychology assignment, i declared that today would be rest day.
I still need to tie up some loose ends.
I've been telling myself that since this morning... Erm, i'm sure i'll get down to it.

After my soap opera i've been following religiously, (anyone wants to guess?) i took an adventure trip to find my ARCHERY RANGE!!!

Yes, EVERYONE! I've finally enrolled, after all the talk about it.
Next saturday seems lightyears away.

Walking all alone is quite nice, methinks.

1. No one to complain and whine to me about how hot the weather is.
It's SINGAPORE.
Get USE to it, already.

2. No one to hurry me here and there.

3. No one to care for to make sure they're entertained.

4. And i can talk to myself. REALLY. I do that. Helps me to reason and by hearing myself, i think it helps the brain realize things.
As they say, "Read Aloud".
Do you realize how: When you think you can't solve a math problem. Then you run over to the next helpful person. Then as you read the problem aloud, you go: "OH YA HOR!!! "
Than scramble back to which ever hole you came from.

5. I can talk privately to God as well or sing songs.

6. Listen to radio while strolling. I love the sun.

I had been walking in the wrong direction till i reached some highway and felt that something was horribly odd.
So, walked back lor.

The Archery field is some small plot of land, but big enough so you don't kill anyone.
Overgrown around the sides and the grass was coarse and dry looking.
There was a row of shelter-like things that looked particularly shabby.
One of the metal structures/frames had actually been blow over or SOMETHING, and it had actually flipped upside down into the next field that lies at a lower level next to it.

You gotta see it to believe it man.

I don't think the AAS has a permanent field. (The Serangoon Range will be available till 2006) But i think they at least have an office somewhere at Lantana.
I think it spans its shooting "land" over the affiliated clubs' premises.

SOme of the best archers come from Korea and Singapore is slowly trying (keyword:TRYING) to gain ground in archery following its medal at the most recent SEA Games.

But methinks that the first step is to GET PROPER PREMISES!!!

AAS, DO YOU HEAR ME?
That's like, the first few things to do to get the MORALE UP.
Have a place to call their own.
A PROPER building with TOILETS and a field to serve as the training ground...

You know, THAT sort of thing?

I saw some of the big targets.
Woo, cannot miss on a fine, windless day.

Marvellous.
SAturday... Please come quickly...
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Yesterday, i had my first Arts Lecture at SIM. The lecture theatre was big and cushy! I think it is 3 times the size of ACJC's LT2.
Maybe bigger.

My lecturer is a funny chap, he is.
i'm glad.

One thing i found intruiging, and something i should've known by then is that Sonnets go by the rhythm: da dah/da dah/da dah...

This gives certain words an obvious emphasis. (i've always wondered HOW those fellas say: Oh, so powerful, so strong, see the EMPHASIS???)

But i think as far as the relationship between me and Sonnets go...

It's, da duh? da duh? da duh?

FOr those of you who don't know... I just can't figure them Sonnets out.
I guess i can read it ten million times and fabricate SOMEthing. (relating from experience)
The problem is whether that SOMEthing is regarded as "correct".

Once again, it comes to the point where i'll say,
"So... who's right then? Quirky interpretation from Joline or the RIGHT way, courtesy of the critics and/or the arty farty fellas".

I wish i could make more friends!

I've been wanting to say this:
Thought about it and discovered that i can't decide if i'm:
1. an introvert in an extrovert's clothes OR,
2. an extrovert in an introvert's clothes.

No. 2 is POSSIBLE!

Aaaagh. Dinner's calling.

Till then.
*Grins broadly and waves!*

Day Dreaming

11:43am

I really shouldn't be. But i am. And i REALLY can't help it.
I've decided to leave me pc on, on blogger. Each time some thought comes in, i'll log it in.
As of now, i'm doing statistics, AGAIN.

This's my third encounter with stats and i've grown to like it somewhat!
I thank the day Stats was ever introduced into the JC maths syllabus.
If it wasn't so, i would be struggling in the pits.

Because of the mode i'm studying by, struggling with stats could well be one of the worst things to happen at this point in uni life.

I've just come across a new form of data representation. It's nothing that i've ever seen before! It's called the Stem and Leaf plot, developed by Tukey (1977).

I can only say: huh?

Another thing that keeps banging on the door of my mind is ARCHERY...
I've called up the Archery Association of Singapore(AAS) and i've decided to enrol for the basic lessons.
Nothing's going to stop me now!!!
*evil cackle*

I think you'll be able to predict what the rest of my blog entry is going to look like.
Archery, archery and more fantasies about Archery.

12:18pm

I am NOT hung up about Him.
For some odd reason he incessantly enters my head. From random thoughts to even dreams!
I don't try to remember but it is simply because lots of things around trigger memories.
It's not just physical cues.

For once i am upset with (whatever) efficient work my brain can perform.
STOP LINKING!

I had an odd dream last night that i was dead.
And people in my dream say that they hear whispering coming from my grave.
In another part of the dream, my family got word that He had gotten into Architecture in NUS but actually He had gotten into Riot Control. (imagine such a degree in NUS! AHAHA.)

WHAT THE?!??!?!?!?
Well, at least it wasn't Pig Farming.

I've not had such intense replays and all else related, till recently.
Why can't i be free of this mental torment.
I've released it to God and i have and still am continuously trying to put the pain behind me.

12:49pm:

On a lighter note, someone thoroughly made my day last friday.
It was unexpected. So very.

2:13pm:

Archery...
Woo...
I hope i don't make a fool out of myself. I really want it to work!

2:57pm:

I've gotten my receipt that tells me my tutor has received my TMA (tutor marked assignment).
It's my very first and it's the poetry analysis one.(yes... THAT one)

I'm wondering if I'm getting the points, thus the marks, for the identification of the things i OUGHT to be seeing in that poem.

The funny thing is:
What if what I see in the poem, differs SO much from the so called "right" way.
Then, who is right?

A comment from my ACJC form teacher sets me pondering about the way i think and come up with ideas.
I'm QUIRKY!
And i don't dispute that one bit!
Which kind of makes me a teeny weeny bit worried about how this's going to affect my interpretation of "ART".
Gah hahahaa.....................

It's so weird just talking about this.

1:18am:

I made myself go for a workout(jog and weights). It feels good to get them muscles, or what's left of them, back to work again.
Most of the time, they'd be sitting around wasting away, gaining a nice warm cloak.
My condo gym is...
It ain't hopeless as long as i'm the only one around. But as soon as other people arrive, the gym BECOMES hopeless.
Hello.
Out of THREE treadmills, only ONE works. And tell me, pray, HOW many people come to the gym to do the treadmill?

Mumf, mumf.

I'm going to psycho myself for a healthy, weightloss thing.
I have to accept the fact that i can't jog much because of an old injury in the knee.
But doing treadmill decreases quite some knee impact. I like.
Guess it's going to be more swimming.
AND ARCHERY!!!
WOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

If everything goes as planned, i'll be off for basic lessons next weekend. WOOOT!
I'll update on that.

Till then.
*thanks for sticking by the mundanish, dreamy-weemy entry*

FUN-OHHH!!!-RAMAAAAHHH!!!

My day would be utterly INCOMPLETE without devoting an entry to it.

It surpasses even urge to write about Mr Hung.
Yes.

Today started off a little knottily and ended off good-badish.

Gosh, i've SO much to say i don't know WHERE to begin.

*DEEEeeep Breath*

The Outline:

My gang of ACJC mates were suppose to meet up to just have the day to ourselves but, quite a few things cropped up which kind of cracked the plan into sad sad fragments.

But we all met eventually, a little late though, but better late than never.

However, after a little table gathering and chit chat in the canteen, groups decided to take off either to look around or go home.

How i wish people would just put aside some things for a day of good, clean fun with friends not seen for a long time!
I must sound really selfish, but gosh... that's how much i MISS EVERYONE!

Walked around and went to the Sports Complex with Yali and Liting before we left ACJC.
After which Yali left for a school thing and Liting and i went for "dinner"/"supper" and a nice chat.

Went our separate ways at the bus stop.

The School:

I tell you.

The MOMENT i stepped in... Nostalgia kicked in ferociously. I wouldn't say i was happy. Yet i was thrilled.
It was a somewhat sad, longing, exhilarating feeling being back in ACJC.
The memories just came back sharp in the face like a slap.
Almost... painful.

It's been two years and i was back where, my feet had once trodden(dragged also), sweat poured, curses muttered (and screamed), brain fried, met my first partner in crime, made great friends for life ( i vehemently hope).
This place is special to me.
ACJC is special to me.
All ACSians reading will understand.

The list of emotions would take too long to type and would bore everyone by the time they've read "sad" for the 37th time.

I took a few photos. Quite lousy ones really.
But i still haven't figured out the photo thingy at Yahoo.
Rats.
But technophobe has now begun sending photos via email using the Canon software!

There was just SO much to see and do and EAT.
But all i did was walk, take in the atmosphere, soak in the noise and familiarity, eat, talk.

The People:

The first two familiar faces Liting and I bumped into were Christine and Shan Ying. Small talk and parted soon after.
I really can't remember the sequence but i met some old classmates.
I think our class is pathetic.
There's NO spirit at all.
If ANYTHING, it' only between a selected bunch. Not that they're not nice, it's because the frequency clashes.
Makes my ears hurt oftentimes.

But i got to see... heh. A little red birdie's girlfriend. I've never seen him hold a girl's hand in my entire JC life till this day.

Apart from my own classmates, i saw loads of people from my batch. Though i can't put names to some of their faces.
Some of them have REALLY changed!

Oh, also met band people, Marc Ho and Youwei,who always has something "nice" to say.
Haha, i'm not going to take his comment to heart.
I really think he's funny.
Sometimes, he's so funny i lose my wits.

Saw Yolande, Eliza and Marcus too. More band people.
Hm... Who've i missed out on?
Loads i presume.

If i could shoot myself and wake up again, i would.

Because it was such an AC environment, i couldn't help but look out for Mr Ex.
NOT that i wanted to see Mr Ex but, it was just so automatic!
He's been through 10 years of the ACS life and would probably know almost every chap around.
Fun-o-rama would've seemed like the best reason for a reunion.

If Mr Ex saw me, I'm sure he would've grabbed the nearest table, run after and kill me if he had the chance.

I'm glad i didn't see him for reasons apart from the possibility of a premature death.
I've gotten over it so reasons associated to that are ruled out.

Oh... And Mr Paul Cheong too, i saw. At a cake shop.

I was looking around for my once-home-chem-tutor-turned-ACJC-chem-teacher.
I think the coincidence was a pleasant one.
Sadly, i didn't get to see him.
Dang.
*scrunches face*

I met Miss Phang, my Math tutor who probably cringes at the sight of me. Was never in her good books. My statistics was beyond the help of teachers, including her.

I met a secondary school mate's younger sister who's at SAJC.
I positively yelled when she told me she was taking her 'A's this year.
Totally lost track of time!

I thought she was still in secondary school or first year JC or something. Wow.

Things Bought:

1. I definitely bought the Fun-O-Rama t-shirt for collection sake and because of the kick in arse from Nostalgia.
2. I got the red 1 litre bottle because my Speedo one requires me to refill all too often.
3. I got the little spongy zip bag i wanted since last fun-o-rama. But this one's smaller.

I tell you. The merchandise table was FLOODED throughout...
Our school doesn't just have a (got a few actually leh) reputation, but it's become a brand.

I think we ought to suggest to someone, maybe Mr Lenn, to OPEN OUR OWN ACS CLOTHES/ACCESSORIES/KNICK-KNACKS/SPORTS GEAR/WHAT-HAVE-YOU line.

We'll make big bucks!
How about that? WOOT!

4. I bought mee siam, fried ice cream, hot dog, orange juice and a free smoothie(well, half of it) for lunch and dinner.

The End:

So there goes the saturday, well spent.
Much better than going to that poetry seminar in school.

My day would not be complete without devoting an entry to ACJC's decades old tradition.
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Y.J:
Yes, i remember you from Friendster... Hi there.

Alwyn:
HEY! I think i saw you... If i am not mistaken, you were standing with a group of guys in the canteen.
Erm... I think you grew taller...? Hee. :~P
AH YES!!! That "Chipmunk"! Sorry, i had thought that it was some pet name you gave Robin in Primary school or something.
Oh, she retook her 'A's.
I have to salute people like her who choose to do that, seriously.
It takes courage to repeat, a lot of determination, motivation and the will to study all that ... again.
Yes, she has an interesting face.
Uh huh! THat's precisely the Ben Xiao i'm referring to! He ROCKS with his Er-Hu RIGHT??!?!?! When i heard him play, i was astounded, and totally enchanted. Just wanted him to keep playing.
Like an equivalent of some guy serenading me with a guitar...
Wahaha, but yes... Grand Master he is.
He transformed from this boyish looking chap into a pro musician in a breath right before my eyes. Merging into one with his instrument. Amazing what sounds can come out of two strings.

January:
REALLY...? Now that's something!
Nice...
Not many people have the name Lacretia.

Yali:
Ahahaha, THANKS!!!
About poety, i had to pick from either math and computers OR arts. So... you know which Joline would pick right.
You want my completed works??? HA! I'm not sure they'll ask US to write. They ask us to analyse. If i ever do write a poem, it's going to break every conventional rule. WOO!!!

Huimin:
Heh... Is black hair REALLY in? I just thought that brown hair is so ordinary these days that having black hair is more original.
In fact, chinese women these days look as though they were born with brown hair.
As for Poetry? One of my modules is called "Introduction to the Humanities"
You see, i had a choice between the arts module and another one that concerns Math, the computer and the internet. Being the technophobe and mediocal math person, i picked the Arts module.


When i got home from ACJC, washed and settled down to blog, a secondary school mate called me to say she(and a few others) were about the vicinity and asked if i wanted to come down.

I did and it was so nice to see them again!
Wa, all the 3 guy friends drove and one has a Celica. *blimey*
Had a great time yakking with the two girls.
Time to catch up.
One was Jen who was with me since primary sch, through sec sch and even jc. Xiao was my good friend from sec sch who went to SAJC.

CHURCH tomorrow MORNING!
It's late now.
Gotta go.
Outta here.

Till Then.
*The Best is Yet to Be" The undisputed statement.*

Really Wordy One (>1)

I think academic pressure is one of THE things that really crack me. (NOT crack me UP)
The more i feel it, the more my mind begins to recall the past, imagine negative scenarios and i feel myself sink into mild depression.

Thanks January and Alwyn for your comments on the other way of looking at things. I'm glad because they serve as advice for someone who gets near the brink of insanity sometimes.
I'm trying to now equate Jesus and God and try to believe that there's no real distinction.
These confusions come i suppose as a result of redundant overthinking...? Or the brain wanting to establish compartmentalization. (woo, "that's quite a mouthful")

By the way Alwyn, which CCA were you in?
Oh and, i'm really wondering if we've got the right Betty here because "quiet church girl" type is entirely not her! Heehee.
She's not promiscuous or anything. Just pure bubbly!
ROBIN was your primary school mate and you NEVER knew he was just there??!?!
HAHA. OOhh-kkayy... Well, the "chipmunk" is at HQ Signals, so i've gathered from Robin's friend (Ben Xiao).
Hm, you mean you couldn't see Robin's photo until i put up a picture?

These days, it seems like if you want to be original, you should have black hair..

Have finally put a picture on the well, should i say infamous network thingy.
I'm no man's dream but i think i prefer my haircut now as compared to the one in the photo.
I cut myself a fringe some time ago because i thought the long bit was too thick and curly.

In addition, my forehead had seemed to be falsely claiming that i have big brains...
Hence my fringe.

Anyhow.

As of this moment, i am TRYING to get my poetry analysis technique correct.
Ah, as the black and white says, "There's no ONE way going about it..."
But as always, they will then say something like: But if you read into its form and yada yada, you'll come to understand what it's trying to say.

And so Jo went for her seminar and discovered that doing-a-Mr Bean (i.o.w, looking at and yabbering about what you can see in a painting) is MUCH easier then poetry.

Though i have utmost respect for poetry... Good grief.
I REGRET the unchangable fact that i can't crack the thing, because it's such an artful and comprehensive (ok, that would depend on the KIND of poem) way of expression.
I have to say that i have grown to hate making sense out of it.

So everytime i glance at a poem, i feel upon me a cocktail of emotions, namely: Fear, Detest and Awe-but-face-it-you-CAN'T-handle-it-honey.

Although a poem, or a Sonnet (the sort i'm dealing with) may sound pretty straightforward in intention and meaning, there's much more that escapes the layman if he/she doesn't know what it takes to explain or RIP UP (in this case i mean analyse but by gum... i'd love to rip it up in the other sense) one.

There're SO MANY factors, both mechanical and linguistical, that one must consider for a poem's meaning.
I'm beginning to wonder if the spelling of the word "When" has a particular influence in the poem's meaning also.

It get's so teensy weensy-ly picky about every aspect.
Which've why i have a bone to pick with it...
I just can't do it.
I'm sure hoping that practice would sharpen my poetic instincts.

One of the reasons why we have to get picky is because, a poet can only say so much, to convey a whole barrage of emotions and perhaps to create an atmosphere.
So, every little punctuation and form of word, rhythm, pattern and wotnot plays a vital role in expression.
Hence we have to tear it apart like that.

Guess i'll be off now.

Have to rush that poetry assignment.

Till Then.
* "Scorn not the Sonnet" - by William Wordsworth*

Slow down!

Heh heh, actually i do enjoy writing posts like the previous one.
Generally, i am sarcastic and morbid all round, but to write it out... I've to feel a certain way first.
*tsk, tsk*

Always look where you are going when walking through door frames. Not just the central part of you but also your other protruding body parts, such as arms, toes and fingers.

Trying to type with,
1. a laptop that's constantly trying to give me unpleasant zaps.
2. a painful elbow. (stupid door frame. or rather, stupid me)

Today, my pal Betty is having her biathlon in Sentosa. Yesh, sunday morning too.
This girl is tremendous.

I've always pictured her as someone who only runs in straight lines (or around a track LAH.) BUT, apparently she's now doing tennis and has joined the biathlon fellas in NTU.

She must be so fit now, accomplishing a shape most girls would love to have.

As someone has coined and is extensively used as an excuse, "I AM in shape... Round is a shape......"

The only biathlon i am involved in, is studying between my psychology and humanities module.
So much for biathlons.

Well, at least my brain will get the work out. Buffed brain (NOT BUFFLE BRAINED) but no buff body.
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For a time(until today), i was confused about the theory of the trinity.
God the Father, Jesus and the Holy Spirit.

Actually, Jesus and God was the only thing i was confused about.

The knowledge i had, was this:
Jesus is simply God in human form.
They are actually the same person.
God is referred to as the Heavenly Father while Jesus is his Son.

NOW. This serves as rather confusing.

Jesus is God.
God is Jesus.

But. Jesus is the SON, God is the FATHER.

But personally, i think i can't directly accept that.
Misleads me more.

If i were to think in terms of Father and Son, it only makes me think that:
1. GOD is the ONE TRUE FORCE/SPIRIT.
2. JESUS is only just a man who came to die.
3. One looks at the other with Love when they speak because they sound SHO Separate!

Tell me, who is the one we should worship.
The one true force, or the man who died?
(but of course, we do know they are the same but i am saying that if we see them as separate, it is so puzzling)

In previous days, i have been feeling off as to who i should be praying to.
It is odd that this hits me only now after 19 years.

But as of recently, i have discovered that my insides feel more comforted when i direct prayer to "God" rather than to "Jesus". I think i actually have been praying to "Jesus" unknowingly.
Is that a sign that i'm heading in the right direction?

In church today, the confusion elevated and there and then, i felt SO confused.
I had to get help.

Who am i to worship?
Is it God, or Jesus?

The stark thing that has spoken up in defence as to why i should worship Jesus is because, i realize that many songs(and i think i was a victim of ignorance) we sing today are directed AT and TO JESUS, rather than to GOD the ONE.
It is as if people were worshipping a HUMAN, CALLED Jesus.

I found this actually REALLY disturbing.

Of course i'm not saying we shouldn't worship Jesus.
He was the entity that was in human form so he could die for us all. (the ungrateful lot we are sometimes)
But it is after all, GOD the Father.
He is God the Father who came down.

So essentially, ALL praise should be DIRECTED to God the Father while we also show appreciation for what he has done on Earth by being Jesus.
So we thank Him for dying through Jesus, who was God personified.

Therefore.

Jesus the Human is NOT to be worshipped.
But.
The Jesus=God should be worshipped. Therefore, ULTIMATELY, it is GOD we should be directing all praise to.

Prebelievers sometimes say to me, "I know, in Christianity, you guys worship Jesus(as the God) right?"

At those moments, i feel somewhat indignant inside but yet i didn't know exactly how to reply to correct that idea when i didn't know the answer myself.

So, it is not a relationship with JESUS we must have, but a relationship with GOD, our Heavenly Father.

AH, THERE. ALL SAID.
I feel MUCH BETTER having that out of my system AND consolidating it in my head.

Just a bit of whatever:
A Hindu Philosopher said: You are, but you are not.

Oooohhh.... Kay.....
I nEEDddd to go back to studying.

Own academic biathlon. *phutooi*
Have i been spelling "biathlon" correctly?

Normality. Really.

Ok.

So, my cousin has left.

Everything has to go back to normal.

Where school work is mandatory (DANG!), i've no excuse to make for not being able to catch up, i've to wake up early to get a move on...

WHAT AM I TALKING about??!?!?

Almost all students out there are going through the same thing, so what the twiddle-dee-dum-dum am i saying.

Mind is:
1. going around, around in circles.
2. finding logic in the strangest places and ideas.
3. coming to strange conclusions.
4. lost? Lost. *nods gravely*

The simple truth is...
I've been having a holiday, one too long.

My school syllabus does not entitle me to a June break.
The course runs throughout the year and ends about in Oct/Nov.

So while kiddies and koodles run a-play, a-playing in June, i will have to be mugger mugging my way through.
It runs for 34 weeks straight. That leaves me 4 months of straight holidaying.

From one year to the next.

What i love about it, is that I get to enjoy my Jan and Feb months which, in my humble opinion are the most memorable and beautiful months.
This is talking in terms of all things meteorological.

Speaking of the weather.

The past few days have been horrifyingly cold and wet.

NOT that i dislike rain in itself or am horrified by cold and dampness in my tooshie(now, how is that spelt?), but rather it doesn't do wonders for my schedule!

Been wanting to go swimming and the like.

I don't fancy flirting with the chances of getting zapped to death in a cold pool.

I don't wish to make a huge waste of the condo's pool by causing people to gossip about a "girl-who-died-in-the-rain-in-this-pool,yes-THIS-POOL".

And then no one dares to enter it, therefore letting Fungi and Friends create multitudes of colonies.

Once i kill the use of the pool, my death will in turn inspire some juvenile movie maker who might be hoping to make a quick buck from a cheap horror flick.

So apart from, "The Ring", "The Eye", "The Wishing Stairs" (is that the name?), we'll now have "The Cold Dead AFloating".

Oh, i can hear the music...

Strange to be talking of such morbid things when actually, the weather today is absolutely marvellous!

Once again, the cold winds that freeze my toes and fingers, the awesome cheery blue sky that boasts of the contrasts between the white clouds and its own expanse.

Glorious.

Like i said, back to work.
Bleah.
I'm late!.

If there's someone who makes me shoot into the clouds (NOT Mr Wood, i'm talking REALITY here), it's got to be someone i've known since secondary school.

Everything that HE IS, everything he has done, commands constant admiration.

With every one glance at him, i know i'll come to a new level of admiration for this individual.

No spoken words now due to reasons that probably lie with him.

It is a sad thing to not know why.

Though he's only but a little effort away, a distant figure he remains and will remain.

Not talking reality.
After all.

Then AGAIN...
Mayhap i was misled by hope.

Eclectic

Recently, have been disturbed by some thoughts and dreams(the when-you're-sleeping-kind)d that've occurred in the last few days.

Can't be good.
The subject? The Ex.

I've moved on but why is it happening?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Watched "Shrek" on HBO last night. Refreshing.

My digits are freezing as of this moment.

Think i'll be going for archery with cousin tomorrow. Not even sure of how to get there by bus.
Does anyone know?
The archery place is at SAFRA Bukit Merah.

Huimin:
Heya you!!!
Really... that;s so nice of you. :-)
Nice hearing your wail every now and then. Heh. Still no letter regarding collection of books? That be odd. Have you tried checking the blackboard thingy?
YESH! Did all my wrapping already and i've started on the first chapter of my first psychology book. Very student friendly reading material, really.
I just found out that to get an A, you need 85 and above! HOW INSANE IS THAT?!??!?!?!?!!?!?
A B grade is from 70 to 84.
Crummy, i say. But since i'm speaking from the Monash experience, it does seem hard.
Putting it into the present context, maybe an A is not that unattainable. We shall see, in time to come.


ALwyn:
Hey, THANKS a bunch!
Truth be told, i've never considered the possibility of going to a JC to teach, let alone ACJC.
It was because i want to teach in a secondary school where students are at their formative years. And i think i can forge better ties there.
Perhaps i have this predetermined notion that JC students are hard-headed people and that it will be extra daunting to help them in any arena.
But to change seemingly daunting people is the whole bigger challenge which will probably lead to greater teacherly satisfaction and encouragement.
Mayhap i'm just too bloomin' lazy...
Bad, bad.

WeiZhen:
HULLO Gurl! YEs... Thank you for the inspiring tit bit there. Should learn never to doubt self, yeah? Thus, go for it!
I've a friend "garangly" going for the straight Honours course! Haha, and she was also from my distance education class.
Guess I won't be all alone and we'll be able to share horror stories...Should there be any!
Whoopee.


You know what's so nice aabout doing a humanities module? You get to watch VCDs and listen to CDs on issues ranging from Art, Philosophy (i think), Music, History,Religion, Literature among others.
Feels so good to let your brain juices flow to come up with own interpretation of situations and forms.
Get to read fiction books. (genre:Drama)
How often do regular students, in below-tertiary level education+ in science stream, get to read such artsy fartsy stuff for school purposes?
It's fantastically refreshing to do so now.

However...

Been looking at the stack of books waiting to be read.
With guilt, i'll admit my steam has run low...
I need inspiration and focus once again, on direction.

I caught a glimpse of the Mazda 3 in a showroom.
Holy Moley!
It's a dude!
Nuff said.

I think i might be going cross eyed.

Walked along Robertson Quay one night not long ago....
I Love IT.
The dim but glowing-romantically lamps that lined the path way, created such an apt atmosphere for lovers, the depressed, the afficionados of romanctic settings alike.
It's not a place of aesthetic perfection to everyone, but to me, it's one of the most perfect places i've been to.

There was a pub/club/bar (i never know about these things so i can't tell the difference) situated along the quay that just made my heart go aflutter.

It simply radiated this compelling warm and welcoming and exotic pulse.
It was basically just in a corner, in the shadows cast by overhanging plants.
The many candles illumunated the faces of the patrons there.
Everyone seemed so at peace, so contented, soaking in the beautiful setting and enjoying the company of mates.

It was lovely, lovely, lovely...

It's in the area where the DBS SRT place is, methinks.

Till Then.
*hopeless romantic hopes...*

Yabbering. Too much of it.

My cousin from Australia is here at my place!
He'll be staying for a week.
Haven't seen him in yonks but he still looks the same as ever.

How the years have passed but age takes no toll on him. Except to cloud him with responsibilities. Maybe "cloud" is a word too negative.
To be clearer. He doesn't have problems, just that i view adult responsibilities as THE thing i'm most horrified about.

And they are approaching...

Have been planning a little for the future in terms of education and to which job it can lead me to.
I must say i'm happy with what i see.

But i do know that in the coming years, i have much to accomplish.

Firstly, i am planning for my Honours. Not every Tom, Dick and Harry is able to get a good Honours degree.
When i look inside myself, i realize that i do feel like any run-of-the-mill kind of achiever. Or rather, just an average kind of student with no special talent or brains.

If i were to say anything about talent, i'd say i'm a Jack of All Trades, Master of None.
Ever since i was a kid, i was about average at most things.

Could do some sports well enough, could make some music and did average [where, average=(good performance+bad performance)/2] academically in school.
None outshined the other.
Been entrusted with responsibilities as a leader in school as well.

Not quite sure if you'd call that a well rounder. A well rounder, to me, would be someone who EXCELS in whatever arena he or she gets involved in.
Not mediocal.
Like me.

Therefore looking at my future, i'm going to have to -work really, really HARD- to reach my goals.
That is like one of the most dumb/cliche things to say, yet it is the simple truth, that is to be applied in reaching goals.
Unless your goal...
Enough implied.

I have 3 things in mind for the future. To be a:
1. Police
2. Teacher
3. Psychologist
(not in exact order)
in my years to come.

May add or subtract along the way.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I went to SIM on wednesday to collect my study materials

Stepped into unfamiliar grounds.
Plonked with TWO FULL BAGS of VCDS, CDS and BOOKS.

(I gushed to the lady: It's a bit overwhelming...
And she smiled at me)

Ok, so i stuffed what i could into my haversack and carried the rest in hand.

When i got out, it was POURING Mammoths and Dinosaurs.

So there i was, all ALONE. With no gallant knight or a kind aunty to help.
No one to even point at and laugh at me.

Strapped to my back was a sack of books, and my hands were full with more.
I felt like a CAMEL!!!
A Bloomin' CAMEL!

I almost couldn't carry my stuff and hold my brolly all at once.

The next time i collect my stuff, i'm either going to be driving OR, i'll RENT a lorry and the lorry uncle.

WAlking to the bus stop was gruelling and sweat was streaming down my face. Am suprised nobody got hastily off to leave me the entire stretch of chair.

It didn't help that i slipped and almost fell!
HahahaHAHAHAHAAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

But thank God that after my bus ride, that heavy downpour gave way! And i could do without the brolly.

After the whole episode,looking back in retrospect, i realize that though after complaining, a little challenge and difficulty makes life less dreary.

But in bigger and less trivial matters like the above, i think we should just cease complaining sometimes and simply soak in the challenge and enjoy it.
Such experiences makes things less timetable-like and easy flowing.
Serves to give us pampered beings a kick in the arses.

Got back and proceeded to do heavy duty wrapping of books.

You know how it is like during primary school days when momma sits down and starts to wrap all your books nicely before school begins.

Memories...
I remember once my mom found, i think, a sticker book inside my bag and was bloomin' angry with me.
Similarly, bringing toys to school was like a sin unless it was after the year end examination.

So, i laid out my stuff on the floor and realized that i'm going to have to read all this, and that my future so relies on the coming years.
Where i really have to DO EXTREMELY WELL in school and every grade i get must reflect on an Honours potential.
And i could feel fear beginning to rise in me.
But then.

I thought of God.

Suddenly, I felt and KNEW that i wasn't alone at all.
I have God with me and he's my helper in all that i do.
And i felt at peace.
Then, the whole pile of books didn't look so daunting anymore.
Because i know that I'm never going to be alone and God is my ally for ever and ever!

And those books were for only TWO modules. Ok, but i'll let it give and say that these 2 modules will be taking me through the whole year.

Innocent Cravings II

A brilliant work of art.
He is.

Crafted into a physical manifestion of perfection, grace and beauty.

Looking at it, I promise...

He looks like the personification of a REAL mystical creature from Middle Earth.
A visiting being from another world, moulded into a human unknowingly but still retains some of his unworldly aura.
Incomplete transformation perhaps.

Too much Lord of the Rings?
Maybe it gave me the idea from the start.
From there, it blossoms.

His birthday's this wednesday.

SO?!

I don't intend to airmail him chemical laden roses which will knock him out long enough for me to fly over and carry him off fireman style.

Or i can always go to a fan site, but i never believe in those things.
I refuse to scream along and type out carnal utterances.

It sucks to know that there are thousands of other girls longing to grab him too!
On the other hand, it feels nice to know that you are one of them who can't get much closer without insider help.

But of course, this's not as bad as having girls flirting with a supposed boyfriend.

He is but a distant figure.

Who lives in New York...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Woody:
He's not straight? *O_O*

WeiZHEN:
SMALLVILLE???!?!?
Who did he act as? If you mean as Superman, It's not him...!
Yes, both actors have the same disarming eyes and angular faces but they're not the same nor related.
Legolas and Orlando Bloom... Gosh, they're the same yet i can't superimpose them.
As for Archery, i've always wanted to do it and Legolas had no part to play in influencing my decision.
Yes, Frodo he is and yes...He's young.
23 this year.

Innocent Cravings

Comparing self to the large masses of "other" females, one and i say! I have differing tastes when it comes to males.

Eg. Lord of the Rings.
Others: "Orlando Bloom! Or Viggo! *i want to bear your children!*
Me: That's it. Elijah Wood rocks my world!

Others: Sean Connery!
Me: Tommy Lee Jones!

Others: Tom Cruise!
Me: Nicholas Cage!

Considering keeping a photo of Mr Wood to bring around with me wherever i go.

But then.
With Jo, there's always a "But then".

Chasing after dreams and fantasies about your favourite star is useless and will forever be so.

He or she lives miles and miles away and doesn't know you exist.
Liking Mr Wood isn't going to help me in anything except waste my emotional strength.

Fabricating the scene when suddenly one day, you find his email address and get into a relationship is utter nonsense.

It's so strange.
I really like Mr Wood.
There's something about him that's so alluring. Why?
He seems to radiate this vibe that says: I'll respect you. I'll treat you right. I go by the rules, and don't drink or do drugs. I'm straight, i'm down to Earth. I'm honest and really really nice. You'll see. I don't play around.
And all things nice.
*sigh*

He possesses this amazing face.
Lily fair, with angular and sharp cuts.
That pair of remarkably large, childlike, blue innocent peepers.
No doubt his mouth is kinda small and his jaw is so square that you could talk math equations with it, it only serves to further bless him with boyish looks.

Very Hobbitlike. I Like.

Actually, come to think of it. HE'S the one who looks very Elfish.
As in, the short kind of elf that Enid Blyton write about. Do i remember that correctly?

Because it is nothing but pure stupidity, wishful-wistful thinking and futility to chase after dreams of Mr Wood, i'm hoping i'll get over it asap.

I'm getting over Keanu!

I'll let all of it just be that. Innocent Cravings.

HEY HUIMIN!!!
Yo Woman! Haha, glad you hit the refresh button dudette. Well, you haven't been updating too haven't you? Hope u didn't get sabohed with all that make-up...
Oh man... I would've LOVED to be an Elf extra. Wahahaa.. And act or run alongside Mr Wood? (Or Orlando Bloom as the Elf for other people.) Absholutely Priceless.
I'm planning my next archery day with my JC mates. Woot!

Till Then.
*hops into bed*

He must've been tapping in.

I didn't tell God i needed it though i was facing a dilemma (desktop or laptop). Apparently, he's been tuning in to the vibes i'm unconsciously sending.

I'm almost going to be provided with a half year old Compaq laptop!
I'm not quite surefooted when it comes to computers but i think this one comes from an accountacy firm (long story) so it must have some good stuff left in it. It's only half a year old so it should have a bit of the latest kinda specs.

Thank God!

Ah yes.

I've FINALLY gone and done my basic theory evaluation test and passed it. (was chanting a short prayer throughout the whole episode. Thank God.) So, that leaves my TP Basic Theory.
Although everyone says it's chicken poop, i'm quite liable to fail it because i can be careless. Plus, not allowed more than... 4 mistakes? Methinks.

I don't understand how i could leave this out.

Went to have an archery session last thursday with dad.

First, i must say that i said a prayer to God to ask him to help me make my dad's money worth the trip and asked that i won't be a real pathetic archer and just pai seh myself.

**You know, talking and asking God even about such small, silly sounding things in life can actually add up to be quite a big faith booster.
For one, it sure keeps the communication link between the both of us going and thus the faith and relationship.**

To put it simply.

I beat my dad twice, and drew even once, when we had a small challenge.

WOOT!

And i suprised myself with the shots i made that were quite a distance away!
Even the guy who owns the place said: GOOD SHOT!

So i'm wondering.
(But Thank GOD i did my dad's money some good after all.)
Am i actually good, OR
are all people generally actually not bad and have some natural instinct for it.

Because you see, that was my FIRST time in my life that i've ever touched a bow and arrow and shot good stuff on my first try ever.

Let me just say... I'm already dreaming BIG dreams.
Singapore... Watch out for Joline Lim.
*note to self: write about dreams


You are blessed with FAERY wings. Beauty,
laughter, life, magic...that's what you are all
about. You are refreshingly innocent and happy
with your life of purity and play. Life's a
game and it's a good one. In your eyes there's
no way to lose! You can be very mischeivous and
have been known to cause trouble, but it's all
in the name of fun and not meant to really harm
anyone. You like to play tricks on people who
aren't quite as bright or clever as you - which
is almost everyone. Nature is the setting you
prefer to be in - Always. Barefoot and wild you
can't be tamed. You're probably a restless
spirit who loves to travel, and quite a
dreamer. Your creativity is astounding and your
art (of whatever media - from writing to
painting to drama) is like something from
another world - ethereal and often very
fantasy-oriented. You can either be a social
butterfly or a loner with their head in the
clouds - but rarely inbetween. You stubbornly
refuse to accept responsibility or to give in
to the wishes of others - unless you feel like
it. You have a strong passion for music and
can't imagine life without it. You'll grow up
someday, but you'll always be a child at heart.
You are adventurous and love to take risks, and
feel a deep connection with the weather,
plants, and animals. You prefer sunshine to
thunder or snow, the warmth of summer to
autumn's chill, and quiet forests to suburban
backyards. Magic through and through, you are
far more powerful than you seem, and are
capable of being extremely passionate. Though
you can be childish, naive, stubborn, and self-
absorbed, one thing is certain - life with you
will never be boring!


*~*~*Claim Your Wings - Pics and Long Answers*~*~*
brought to you by Quizilla

Oh, i agree with this one.

I love Archery.
It was SUCH a coincidence that on the sunday of the same week i went, the newspaper published an article on it.
I'm going to take it as a hint to my big break!
hahhahahaa...

Till Then.
*sniffs the glorious aroma of mom's roasted meat fresh from the oven*

Slump

Been in the kitchen making cookies with momma and aunty gina since i got up this morning.

It ain't no joke.

My mom, more than twice my age has incredible energy.
It puts me to shame.

She makes great pineapple tarts. The pastry is crumbly and has a tinge of the taste of milk. It is simply divine, as it melts in your mouth once you pop one in.

If there was a way technology could allow us to put our hands through the screen to reach in and grab something, i'd gladly stick up a link to a photo of her tarts.

Lately, have been having issues with paternal.

Uhm, it's late. Gotta go lest me headache makes a comeback i hardly desire.

Long Story about God and Mee Soto, and God.

Digestive tract has gone gabonkers recently which disallowed me to eat some certain yummies.
Esp. Mee Soto from Serangoon Gardens Food Centre.
There's this stall located there that sells my family's FAVOURITE mee soto.
To us, it's absolutely UNbeatable. Packs a huge punch when you put them chilli.
A little goes a long way, now don't you forget that.

The stall was originally located at Teman Serasi but well, relocation came because... well. You don't SEE Teman Serasi anymore now, do you?

Our saturday ritual was to head on down to our "drug stall" for our weekly dose. But crummafud... It was CLOSED!

Now, i tell you, i was horrified.
REALLY, horrified.

*And the world stood still. The air around every living and non-living fibre quivered as Joline shrieked her way to one of her periodical bursts of insanity*

*withdrawal symptoms follows*

And so, and so. We just settled for the other stall's Mee Soto.

Now the odd thing was that this stall's mee soto tasted curiously similar to our drug! But it was way milder. Putting it bluntly, there was no spice, no kick, no heat, no sweat. But, the taste we liked was still there!

My dad and i aren't exactly suppose to eat our spicy drug because we are both unwell with sicknesses that should, by right bar us from spicy food.

The interesting thing was, after we had finished all our food, our favourite stall's uncle came to open his shop!

*ARGHHH!!!*

Ok, so Joline couldn't take it and went to candidly ask the uncle why he opened late and if it was going to be a weekly thing from then on.

ANd he replied: No, only today i open late.

You know, it was as if God was telling us (my dad and i):

"Yo guys. *shakes head* You know you're sick and you're still going against your bodies' cry. I'd love to give you your weekly drug but I KNOW THAT IF I DID, YOU'D PAY DEARLY. So i decided to give you... well... something like it but without the spicy kick. They taste similar, trust me."

Kinda odd.
How the stall uncle just told me, "no, only today"
As if, something just happened nicely to cause his delay.
------------------------------------------------------------------

Ho Alwyn!
congratulations on your admission! Woot! Fantabulous news i say.
Only the Hittite Civilization? Hm... thought there was another one because my pastor did mention some...
Sigh, ok. I suppose i was just too chicken to even smile at Aunty Ros. There was once i almost left her a note concerning school but backed off in the end.

In the evening, my dad and i was to go to church. The problem was, i was afraid that through service, i'd feel sick and would have to visit the little room multiple times.
Earlier in the day, i DID have to visit the little room every like, 45 minutes.
So that kinda worried me.

But this song just came into my head about how we will worship God with "all our mind, soul and strength".

So, made up mind to go for service.
Prayed a little prayer to God to keep body in check throughout the 2 hour service.

Lo and behold.
Was fine throughout with no hint of discomfort!
Plus, was fine for MORE than 2 hours.
Thank God!

Praise Him even in the little things...
AMEN!

Till Then.
*zonks off*

Something.

Ok, even i agree i get a little annoyed when i spot the same words on my blog when i log on online.

It's getting stale as i've missed a whole week and a bit, of blogging.

I attribute the no-blog thing to me being occupied with something throughout the week, PLUS my PC in my room has finally kaputed for all eternity.

As my dad puts it,"You can now officially play the 'Last Post' for your computer..."

I know this comes really really late and is not needed, but, blah blee blah...

HAPPEE NOO YA to all you wonderful peeps. I Love You.
*swigs a bottle of root beer, holds it aloft and smiles insanely as i look around*

I love Tay Yek Keak's newspaper articles. He sounds very a matter-of-fact as he puts down his cynical thoughts dryly, poking at issues both serious and not so serious.
I can easily picture him talking to me in a deadpan tone but i'd be laughing away non-stop.

In fact, i am attracted to people who can crack me up into hysteria even when they say something in a manner which hardly suggests that they're jesting.
The content may either be serious or funny.
Whichever way, when executed correctly, these people totally rockkkk...

Which's why i always say.
Sometimes it's not what is said, but rather HOW it is said, that makes something really laughable.

This's why some people just don't clique with me as they don't understand or may i say, don't "appreciate" other ways of seeing humour in other forms other than the spoken words.
So, i suppose they simply write me off as a loony, worthy to be dragged off screaming by the white coats to the loony bin.
Perhaps i have not earned the right to be in their sanctified presence.
Phish.
I've seen it in their eyes...

I wanted to write so much but as i sit here, i can't remember much.

On Macdonalds's paper thingy on the tray, (not exact words):

" There're 60 hrs from friday to monday morning. And i'm enjoying every hour. I'm lovin' it."

"I love going for a dip in the pool with my best friend on a hot day. I'm lovin' it."

"I have sand between my toes and the wind in my hair. I'm lovin' it"

And as i squeeze out my chilli sauce onto the paper, i realize,
"I'm squeezing chilli sauce all over yo faces...(i.o.w, stupid adverts) I'm lovin' it."


Oh look. Time for bed.

Good night ya'll.
I can't wait for Fun-o-rama.

Till then.
*staggers off with root beer*

I need a swim

AH! *itch itch*

Dang those ticks.

Doggy decided that he had just about enough of pestering me and decided to sleep under the table.

*good doggy*

Hi January!
Haha, you overrate me. I am definitely no pastor material. Looks like we just share the same sentiments. By the way, have you ever tried or maybe imagined yourself giving a full fledged sermon? It's quite a "political" thing. (Is political the right word? Argh, words fail me even for the want of a better word.)
But i guess by political, i mean, that whatever is said up there has to be done ever so tactfully, correctly, truthfully and in a "no pride and preaching" tone.
Plus, sometimes the whole body will be exposed to the whole mass of people and often the person on stage has to be really careful with his body language.
About my blog... i'm wondering what kind of blog it is. *hmmm...* :-)
Haha, thank you for your ever ready kind words.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Many of us are divided into 4 groups.

1. Know grandparent(s) very well.
2. Know grandparent(s) somewhat ok.
3. Know grandparent(s) very little, maybe none at all.
4. Never knew grandparent(s).

WAs in group 3 till only recently, i was thrown into a pretty tough situation. It wasn't the ROTTEN-BAD-BAD-BAD or AH-I'M-SO-GOING-TO-DIE kind of tough, but more, building up of one's independence and responsibilty.

It's more the, "Get me arse moving" than "hot soup".

So, with 2 parents and 1 granny, no helper. My sister and i were thrown into a situation. Sure, we've survived without our dear helper before, but now there's granny.

Not that she's not wanted, don't get me wrong.
As we know, grand parents need the extra care and have different and more specific needs than our own.

I've never actually spoken for long periods of time about anything with my granny before. EVER. (iow, i didn't know her much. She was initially a person in my life i called "poh poh". )
Not till recently, things changed as
1. i had to keep her "entertained", and
2. take care of the meals but of course with her help.
3. In addition, i had to constantly keep an eye on her to ensure that she's all right around the house.

I know this may sound like puh-fooey to some as they've been there, done that.
But truth be told...
I'm almost reaching adult age but have never had this kind of exposure or responsibility.

At first, i was kind of paranoid so i did everything i could to help around. (both parents wld be working)
But then, it turns out that elderly people like to feel independent too and not treated as if they were invalids.

However, they also NEED extra care because there're things which they can't do anymore. (eg. carrying a heavy stack of pots and pans)

To cut it all short.

I'm so glad for this experience.

I'm happy to say that i've moved from group 3 to group 2.

I know my granny a bit more.

What i find interesting during meals when we're alone is that there's this COMFORTABLE SILENCE.
Even from the very start when we've not spoken before over meals.

At that exact point in time while eating, made a note to myself.
How do i put this.

I felt:
She is a fragment of my history in which she played a part to create me.
So although i've never emotionally bonded with her, i know and feel that there's a deeper unseen bond between us.
Apart from genetics.
Then again, maybe it DOES stem from genetics.

Maybe kinda like twins who've never met till some fateful day.

Guess i suprised her with something before she left... *wink*

BLUE You give your love and friendship unconditionaly. You enjoy long, thoughtful conversations rich in philosophy and spirituality. You are very loyal and intuitive. Find out your color at Quiz Me!

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
*itch! itch!*
But it ain't the ticks.

Am all by my lonesome at home due to circumstances, with just my cheeky Jed and his bloodsucking(in both ways) ticks.

This brick dwelling is ALL MINE... MIINE!!!
*throws fist into air*

All my existence, I've known myself to possess one disorganized mind, messy habits, high tolerance for mess and all things(you name it, you've got it) strewn all over the country, sort of person.

*dang... just what is SO itchy around here???*

But only till one day ago, i have realized that i actually like things to be orderly, well kept and clean.
*gasps*

Discovery of self when thrown into a situation.
Just like when you put yourself in a pressure cooker or otherwise, you see yourself behave in a certain way to overcome it or deal with it.

Till Then.
*scratch, scratch.*
*mrreowwww...*

Blue.

Christmas Greetings to all ye bloggers and readers.

*bows*

Huimin:
No problem girl. Don't remember if i've mentioned this to you, but i think you can expect more to come your way in the next years... Provided you keep me updated on your whereabouts. *hint, hint*
Oh, and thank you lots for the Birthday wishes!

I feel bad about not blogging recently because Aunty Gina's on holiday and Granny's around so sibling and i have become replacement helpers.

Been Shoooo BUSY.

We are in no way seasoned helpers (but we're the season's helpers or seasonal helpers... whatever.) so we take so long just to finish up some housework.

I made lunch today.
A mix of one dish i made, (sweet and sour pork) and other stuff from the fridge.

As expected, the "haam" (means "salty" in Cantonese) girl's dish was SO SUPER haam, even Haam Girl made a face when she tried it herself. (Haam Girl=Joline)

I haven't exercised in a while.
Crudified.

Another Christmas dinner later too. Argh.

I've told this to friends and others and i'll say it again.

Christmas is a time of anticipation(there's something to look forward to, good OR bad) , glee(to some point, there will be some happiness for some people) and depression (some people just can't afford or just aren't at the receiving end of the celebrations or when people don't have relations at all) and commercialism!

With regards to personal feelings towards Christmas...
I think it has some degree of DREAD tied to it.

Stupid commercialism. They doll the malls, telly, adverts, etc... with the Big Ole' Fat St. Nicholas. A fake one too, to boot.
Hello...? Suddenly, all over the friggin' world, Santas are popping up. Surely he can't be at all places at one time, even if his reindeers were a bunch of red-eyed super sonic light speed travellers.
Kids... Please!

HAVE THEY FORGOTTEN WHY AND HOW CHRISTMAS CAME ABOUT?

JESUS IS THEE REASON.

Can't help but get annoyed with the perverted way Christmas is carried out today.
Granted though, that could be some lee way given.

I digress.

The dread factor i get comes from the fact that after Christmas day itself, everything clunks back to normality.
As if it didn't mean anything.

Just because the day itself has passed, Christmas was just another day.
It simply was just the day when the decos had played it's peak role. (in the context of commercialism)
Yet of course, they're the others.

But yet we cannot blame everyone, just because.
We can't blame the atmosphere for not continuing the Christmas spirit.
Not everyone shares the same faith or beliefs.
(does the fault lie with us christians for not reaching out hard enough? Very Subjective, won't go there.)

Commercialization has to go on.
To stop it, it would take a radical transformation that most of us can only dream of.
Perhaps it'll happen.

I have SO MANY things in my head that i wanted to say but am at a lost as my brain is going haywire.
Thoughts are running all over without stopping to be compartmentalized and be thought of more deeply.

Rambling...

No, i just need more of God.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Odd.
In my lovely neighbourhood school,GMSS, my verbal and written expression was exceptional. I could easily put down my feelings clearly, precisely both on paper and in words. And people thoroughly get the picture.

Since i entered ACJC, my engrish went down the long kang.

My thought processes AND thoughts got more messy, disorganized. Now, i had and have reverted to simple expression that's just insufficient to express myself.
I get SO frustrated.
My language structure and vocabulary is too inadequate to draw out the picture i have in my head. The feelings and thoughts feel so trapped within me, and i have nothing but words to express myself with.

In most cases, i should have no problem with expression because words alone CAN bring forth my meaning but it's due to MY OWN LACK! MY OWN INADEQUACY!
I lack the mastery of the gab, or, the gift of the gab.
In another sense.

But looking at it another way.
I think the other root problem is my DISCONNECTION from my deep seated emotions.
Back then, i felt very much in tune with my "inner me" and expression came without struggling.
Mind and emotion worked in parallel and so i was... more fluent?

Now, my inner self is not in sync with my mind which thus brings about this difficulty.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Had the phrase, "Lord of the Rings" playing around in my head when i realized there was another Lord of the Somethings...

*click!*
AHA!
Lord of the Flies!

You know. Someone should cleverly superimpose the two NAMES and PLOTS together and create a spoof.

Then call it "Lord of the Flings".

*throws a fist in the air and shakes it with gritted teeth*
Stone me, all ye LOTR Fans!


Having chest pains.
Nope, no stones.

Till Then.
*Adious*

I caught a shitload of ticks from my dog's bedding.

And I crossed them out.

Grins a little madly into the Camera

Hi folks!
Thanks so much for the birthday wishes! They sure made THEE day and the days after complete. *hugs to all*
I really do appreciate them. They make me smile and feel all warm and fuzzy.

To January:
Thank you for the kind words of encouragement. I'm grateful. :-)
About Melb Uni, no problem... Anytime you feel like, ya can leave me a note.

*And Joline feels like the happiest, shiniest (think "Dove" advert. keke.) and most accepted person in the whole wide world*

A little story that hit home, regarding a topic that i feel very strongly about. I could say it is dedicated to a few people out there.
Here goes:

"A class was in session, and the topic laid down by the teacher for the next few lessons was about how the Universe, or the whole of creation, came about.
And so the teacher taught the class that the phenomena responsible for creation was the Big Bang. (yes, the Big Bang Theory)
The teacher then told the class to get into groups to do a project on it.

So 1 group got together and by sheer mastery, managed to fashion a remarkable model of the 9 planets revolving around the sun.

On the day of the presentation, the class and the teacher was awestruck and thoroughly impressed by the work of art.
The teacher then called out,
"Who did this?"

No one said a word.

Then out from the silence, the voice of a Christian boy spoke out,
"Nobody. That's what you taught us, didn't you?"
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Then, the Dog God, regal and strong, cleared his throat and spoke to all the little squirming puppies who sat as still as they could before him.
They were attending the last training session before they were due the next morning.

"If your owner scolds you: learn, love and obey.
If your owner spanks you: learn, love and obey.
If your owner yells at you: learn, love and obey.
If your owner abuses you: learn, love and obey.
If your owner abandons you: learn, love and obey."

Then Dog God thinks for a moment, silence hanging in the air, then tilted his handsome head slowly to look at the Miniature Pinscher group and said,

"But you guys are exempted."

Uh, ok. That wasn't biblical. Just a generated imaginary picture.
Heh.

Hormonal?

Am waiting for my mom to call as i know she'll prolly need my help to carry groceries.

For some strange reason, i'm feeling so low.
Low, low, low, low, low, low, low.

Righty-oh. Forna goh, Bhishy boh, grovel foh.
-donk-

Yesterday was: the FIRST ANNIVERSARY OF THE ACJC BATCH OF 2002'S PROM NIGHT.

So, my pals from class SC10 came over to spend the night to celebrate.
The 9th of December.
It's our officially set date for our Annual Sleep Over.

We had such a nice time yakking and bonding. But suprisingly, we didn't yak too far into the night.
The strange thing was that there wasn't really much to say.

Sure, two friends, (dot, dot, dot...) ever since the advent of university life, have been having more colourful and eventful existences.
WE all know why.

I guess the majority didn't have very much going on, hence the lack of juicy tit bits.

So we snoozed till about 10am and went to C. for brunch. Following which, we went to shop at jp.
I didn't know OP had such nice clothes.
Guess i've been avoiding OP because SO many people wear it and i hate looking like a mass manufactured copy.

However, thanks (OR no thanks, too) to my bigger-than-most-girls'-build, i look different even with the same clothes.
But still.

"This Fashion" has FINALLY realised that not every girl is anorexic.

The weather was SUCH a dampener. -tsk-tsk-
Gloomy, Bloomy, Floomy. Gah.

It be strange.

I had a great time with my pals, but SOMEHOW. I feel oddly sad. Melancholic. It's so hard to describe.

I HATE IT WHEN I CAN'T PUT HOW I FEEL INTO WORDS!
THEN HOW ELSE CAN I COMMUNICATE???

I NEED THAT INVENTION.

Let me try to list the cocktail:
- a sense of loss.
- something tells me some piece is missing.
- odd. Just ODD.
- Lonely.
- Messy mind with a whole barrage of emotions.
- Something seems unresolved.
- The knowledge that serious things are happening.
- Unbalanced.
- Dread.

Maybe i'm just getting hormonal which amplifies all the SAD SAD things.
Maybe it's the impending year end.
Maybe it's the approaching Christmas Day, that has been so commercialized, it's VULGAR.
Maybe it's the weather.
Maybe it's the returning of normality which i fear.
Maybe i'm lonely and wish i had someone to share my life with.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

To WEizhen:
THANKS A MILL! Yesh. Happy Hols. Woo hoo...

To Germz:
Yep, i am GLAD that hard work paid off.
But God is gracious...
HAPPY HOLS WOR.....................................
I haven't seen u in such a long time. I've met Betty and the library gang already.
WHERE'RE YOU???
Gone huh?

To Liting:
yoyo woman!!!!!!!!!!! HA! the sleepover was GREAT sister! Moments spent together really made me appreciate every second of it. And seeing each one of us leave was kind of sad. But of course it had to happen anyway.
Oh, thanks for bringing me to the $1 shop. Worh.................. A place i'll never forget.

To Alwyn:
Thanks a lot! *big grin* I hope i will do better when i move over to SIM.
Yay.
I *HOPE* that the SPF will STILL be wanting Senior Police Officers by the time i graduate. Keeping in mind that i am aiming and psyching myself for a Masters degree, i have a loooong journey ahead.
Wanna go as far as possible. Whee hoo.
As for Coast Guard. Ooo hoo hoo.
A lot of mixed feelings about that.
I'm ok to some extent about the sea sickness thingy. But i know that it's no use feeling sick 35-40% of the time when i'm suppose to be operationally ready for action. I know you managed to get over it, and gosh, wish i could do that. :-)
But yeah, i would prefer something more community (literally) based so doing things on mainland would be better.
But as you've said, just join for 2 or 3 years to get dough for my own Psych clinic.
Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps...
Then again, i gave a little thought about being a psychologist and it striked me as something awful scary. (i can be a coward really)
Analysis of a human being's state of mind is such a fragile process. And the human mind, though in its human inadequacy, is still amazing in its own right.
Argh... i wouldn't want to make a mistake and get horribly screwed and sued.
Giving a diagnosis, probing the mind's recesses, and the assortment of other things, carries a lot of responsibility.
It is scary. Aaagh.

To Huimin:
THANKS SO MUCH GAL!!! And CONGRATS to you TOO. You dunnit!
WEll, i think that i would have had to score pretty high on my first assignment if i were to get a Dist. I Looking at it, i think i got a credit for my exam so it kinda evened things out. So to get a overall Dist, i would've had to score but anyway... it's all over and i'm glad it payed off. Not forgetting, thanks to God.
Who sustained me.

Wanted to continue with Scribbles' Wait is Over - Part 3, but i need to go... So, ta ta!

Till then.
*hug and a smile!*

And All Seems Well...

I'VE GOTTEN MY RESULTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
THANKS AND PRAISE BE UNTO GOD THE MOST HIGH. ALL GLORY GOES TO HIM, AND HIM ALONE.

I couldn't have done it without God. Never in my own strength but in His.

Ok, my grades aren't as spectacular as most might expect.

What makes me happy, is that i hit my target and that's all i ask for.
When i put an amount of effort into something, i would expect the results to show it.

I got a...
C (Credit) for Sociology:
Something that is somewhat an achievement for me as i was never really much good at GP essays nor am i that eloquent and expressive with words. I put things very simply, in simple english without trying to sound arty farty, and i don't write "like a (blah)-logist".
In my opinion, reading some references i had to, it seems like blah-logists are merely talking/rambling to themselves as they write. Could hardly grasp their point. I wonder why people are so impressed with that and say "wah, cheem cheem", when they really can write it simply. For the benefit of everyone.
HA, maybe i'm just a sour grape because i don't possess their level of dexterity.

D (Distinction) for Psychology:
WHOOPEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Gads... I was pretty upset as most will know, after the paper. It screwed my mood some.
But lookie!!!
Oh, Thank the Lord.
Not sure about you guys, but sometimes, have you ever came to a point when you want to thank God so much that suddenly, you find that words are so meaningless and insufficient to convey how much you want to say?
It doesn't happen only when a good thing happens.
But it happens also when you think and REALIZE how great our God is.
WHO he is. And not just what he has done.
I'm so glad God can see right through me and understand my heart's, souls's and spirit's language.

I do admit that along the way, there had been distractions of all sorts and i was fooling around a little more than i should be.
But when i mugged, i mugged.
But i could have mugged more.
Anyhow.

Hi January!!!
Thanks for the bit there about them majors. Got me worrying to no end. Was worrying because i thought that for employers to first even bother to consider me, i'd need a reasonably good looking certificate as i've not much of working experience save the 5 months at The Bodyshop. (ha.)
OH YEAH. i keep forgetting about answering your question on what would a credit, distinction, etc be in Monash.
As far as i know, i think it is like this: (not sure if it applies to both Socio and Psych, but i have a good feeling it does)

High Distinction: 80-100
Distinction: 70-79
Credit: 60-69
Pass:50-59
N: 0-49

Does Melbourne Uni have something similar?

AH YES.
I finally got to watch The Matrix Revolutions.

KEANU REEVES!!!

Ah ok. I couldn't continue without saying the above's name first. i have loved him since i was born.
-blush-
I've got a 2 page... erm... picture "gallery"... -cough-

Well, as someone highly used to satisfying movies, Revolutions didn't quite quench my thirst for the "right" kind of end.
But kudos to the Wachowski Brothers who created The Matrix saga, chucking in tons of information, underlying meanings and philosophy without explicitly drawing a picture at the end to create that "right" end, i admit, would've liked.

Ahwell.

I recommend this site, www.thematrix101.com for people interested to read more about and hopefully find answers to your questions regarding the movie. It's got suggestions as to what it could have meant here and there. Read slowly.
Enjoy.

But man... Keanu was in the movie only 35-40% of the time. That be so odd.

For now, i shall be looking forward to Lord of the Rings.
Considering going for the trilogy marathon, if there's one.

Hey Alwyn!
Ha, thanks for the views on the brighter side of things.
Ah hah, have not bought an Epson or Xerox printer yet... That probably describes the reason why i've not discovered those gems.
Oh, i forgot. Your imitation of dear Mr Khor sure got me laughing though it's a well known fact that he speaks like that.
WEll... i guess for my first job and hopefully, i won't be job hopping or anything.. but yeah, i'm gonna have to somewhat rely on their(employers, aka SPF) acceptance first. Need dough mate!
Oh, i'm not going to Rome... Though that'd be a real special experience! But i think it's so -wow- that studying the amphitheatre of Rome, the Colosseum, could be part of my study in my first module in SIM. We get to do philosophy, music, poetry, art and other stuff i can't remember... WHee hoo!

Later.