I know that some of you have expressed your interest in the Threadless.com tees... So, here comes the good noos! They're once again having a SALE! USD$10 a tee. The not so good noos is that the range of choices aren't too varied this time, but still, have a look see and you might find something that catches your attention.

***

G and i have decided to sign up for the Shape Run '06: she'll do the 10km run and me, the 5km. Wheeee!!! She's the seasoned runner so she'll be doing that run while me the newbie dewbie... Shall go see what it's like to pound the roads along with a whole throng of other women (only). I'm sure there'll be loads of intimidating garang and fit runner types clad with an assortment of flashy branded sports attire bounding right by me. Ah well. Training for it begins now. Thanks Polar Running Coach. :-)

This is going to be my first competitive run, er, well, outside of school. I've NEVER been any good at long distance runs and truth be told, i actually hate it. So what's the deal? Guess i just love the exertion, the good sweat and the nice worked-out feeling after a good run (and throw in a gym session too, please will you.) Yours truly, the resident (selective) masochist.

5km is not a ton, i have to agree. So it's not so much of just merely finishing the race that i'm after because i can do that. It's the challenge of running it at a faster pace than i usually would.

Eess going to be sho fun!

Anyone else interested to go run too? Let me know k? :DDDDD
Yes, it's open to women only. And for the really nice guys, you can come and support your female friends by getting post-run ice cold drinks served on a silver (gold also can) platter and volunteer to give massages and a towel wipe down. Face, arms and legs only hor. Oh, bringing a standing air-conditioner and feeding us full, ripe and juicy grapes is optional but we won't mind that either, i'm sure. Thankew! :DDD

Nah lah. I'm content enough to simply mill around in my sweaty attire. I'm gross like that.

And so my life will take on another sphere: Work.

I've got this tendency to take up more activities and responsibilities than i can handle, but i think that this move to accept this opportunity recently is necessary in so many ways, to achieve both personal and future career ends.

It's not full time work, but i quote "very part time", which has the precise work scheme that i need at this point in time.

And thanks so much, you've been such a great help! You know who you are. :-D

And Lord, though i'm going to be doing everything else except seeing clients, still, please help me to be your salt and light, your prayer warrior, your instrument and servant in providing my best acts of service inspired by your Love, to the people around me who need you.

***

My wisdom teeth are pushing their way through! I've heard the wisdom teeth horror stories and have seen my sister look miserable after her dental surgery. I'm only a selective pain junkie so in this case, i sure DON'T want to go through the experience of having them extracted out even if it means a diet of ice cream (!) and campbell soup for days.

Sticking my finger in, i think that my new pearly whites are growing out just fine. Yaaayyeee... =D

"There, take this one", he said as he pointed to the little representative of Life that sprouted from soil-less ground. It was such a pity that the camera couldn't focus on all the textures of each of the subjects.

A quiet and almost solitary practice, i had. Would like a new thumb trigger release which would set me back something like close to, or over 200 buckeroos. *nervous giggle*

***

(sms conversation with sister)

J: I've finally seen fashion's most celebrated and beautiful creation... The Jellyfish Berms!
S: Welcome to the club! Now you have to go wash your eyes with dettol.

please note: sarcastic.

approaching the problem

Big, fearsome, teeth gnashing, flesh tearing, people terrifying, junkyard dog, aka Doberman?

Nah... That's how tiny he really is.

Doesn't he look like something from Star Wars with those twinkly bright eyes? You know, those Ewok thingys.
.
.
.
.

I was once again reminded during cell on Saturday that we need never worry, the simple reason is that the Lord dwells in us, walks beside us. We never need to cry "Where're you Lord?" because he's right here. We only need to humble ourselves, turn to Him and ask, "How Lord, what do you think?"

When we scrutinize our problem(s), they become all consuming, the only subject in our field of vision. But when we choose to trust in God, we then see things using a wider lense, taking the step back and looking at the matter from a macro point of view. You will be struck by the sudden profound difference in your focus. And there is peace in the knowing.

1.
People who jump into relationships one after another as though the previous ones never meant that much, are like quick sand. They swallow up new prey, so viciously, too fast. They don't stop to think very much. But underneath the placid surface, lies a whole collection of death.

Note: the scientific definition of quick sand is nothing like the movie version (which i have adopted) of it. As the scientists say, to drown in quick sand is like "drowning in vegetable soup and the screaming is well, optional".

2.
Friend says she saw an AIA advert and thought i was in it. Hur? Heehoho.

3.
Goodwood Park Hotel is calling me. Ok, not. The durian delicacies are calling out to me. And desperately too. I shall heed them most diligently.

4.
I think my brain wobbles and melts down into blabbery goo when confronted with authority and fear. Not good, this is.

5.
On this day, exactly one year ago, i received a hand written letter (the best way to receive messages, i say!) with the sweetest poem that i've ever set my eyes on. Life changing.

to be continued... maybe.

there were two group photos of my NTU mates originally posted here. but since i'm like a really anal person, i was afraid of the possibility that some of you might object to your face being splashed on the internet.
If ya'll see this, let me know your preferences on that, k? Thanks!

*

Not to scare you off, but I often wonder too. Unseen and regular readers and people who have scoured my embarrassing and hair-raising archives... Hello there!

I was going through my drawer today to get rid of the papery mess that sometimes makes looking for documents a pain, and i came across some really disturbing things i wrote back in primary school.

For a kid with a relatively good childhood (i think), with a loving family and er, was the school bully *gulp* rather than the victim (i'm so sorry for what i did back then), i was a kid full of angst. We're talking about primary school here, hello? What on EARTH was eating at me back then? I think i was probably too influenced by the books i was reading then, one of which was "The Outsiders".

There are and will always be times when i will wonder and wish i had the opportunity to see myself from another person's physical eyes and intellectual point of view. How do others see me, versus the person that i think i am? Given, each person probably has a modified version of who joline is, but still, i'd like to know. What is it that comes to their minds when they see me approaching? Do they experience dread? Yuck-ness? Happiness? Oh-it's-her-er..,-ok-just-be-nice-and-civil-to-her?
Do people really like me for who i am?

I look at myself and see so few attractive points that i always wonder why and how i have friends.

I remember that back in secondary school, a friend told me: "XXX says that you're the bitchiest RGPS girl (in Ghim Moh Secondary School)". I didn't understand why XXX would say that of me, because i never did anything to her and if anything, i usually stayed away from her and her gang most of the time because i knew i didn't fit in with that clique.
Perhaps i will never know the full story, whether it was borne of adolescent childishness or was it really the case that i was actually such an (fill in unsavoury noun).

For all i know, she could be right.

My digging unearthed this msn conversation i had with a friend sometime, i think... last year. Here's a little bit of history in some history:

J: I used to see you as the joker...
S: Hah and you were the ice queen?
J: ME? Ice Queen? *chuckle* Really ah. How was i like back then? I remember myself being referred to as the "bitchiest RGPS girl" *chuckle* I do admit i could've been quite a bitch.
S: hmm.. no u werent. if being smarter and more articulate was wat being a bitch meant back then.. then u were..
S: woah i'd have loved to be a bitch back then too.. cos tt's how i saw you.. i mean.. not the bitch part..
J: HAHAHHAHA
S: Although i did remember someone once say that it takes persistence to warm your frozen heart.. i dont remember who..
J: *suddenly sits up*
S: cos you were a softie nevertheless... well that's what he/she said..
S: hah...
J: How was i an ice queen?
S: u came off as well fierce and cold.. but i didnt see that eventually..
S: i mean... once i got to know you, it was totally different..
S: there stood a smart, articulate, sporty person.. and u always knew when to do what.. hah... u were more than able at being a lady.
S: a strong willed lady might i add..
J: Goodness, you put me in such good lighting. Though i don't feel worthy of it.
S: Hah.. i never quite saw anything wrong.. Sometimes i worried that i wasn't smart enough to be in your presence.. hahaha..
J: Goodness.. i never meant to make anyone or you feel that way.

How subjective, all this human experience is.

***

To my Gem who's been working hard through day and through night, through the harsh sun's heat and the rain's cool showers, through flu and sleepiness and all... I just want to reiterate the fact and truth that you do not labour alone. Going through this time with you, is your bestest friend and Creator Father, Saviour and Counselor. Don't give up! Every hour, minute and second that you've got is precious now.
If anything, let the pressure churn out from you a work that speaks the truth in all its illustrative glory... For His Glory.

newest additions to the wardrobe

above: "MP(3)" by Matthew Flemingabove: "Heavy Medals" by Nick Mahoney

above: "Death by Music" by Jacob Yoon

*Pleased as punch*
The material of the tee is a bit thinner than i anticipated but that doesn't ruffle my feathers at all.
I is happy customer.

narcissism, adrenaline and stress rolled into one happy bimbotic lump

My Threadless.com Tees ARE HERRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE all the way from the US of A! And i fit them all! And i look soooo nice. *banana-ear-to-ear beam* YEAY!!!

My sister watched me prance, hop and bounce around my room in each of them with an idiotic grin plastered on my nerdy face. Muah hahahahah!!! I *heart* Threadless.com

*ahem* Back to research report writing.

Something fishy, this way comes. Ok not really, but i sense a common theme that happens to have strung two incidents together, that is.

1. The thought that held my attention at gunpoint till i blogged it down.
"It's sad that when you do a right and moral thing against the flow of the prevailing influences of dishonesty, people look at you as if you were stupid."
It had no reason to pop into my mind but it did. The next day, i looked back upon the devotional reading for that particular previous day which i had not read yet, and it spoke of the same topic that came to me.

2. The meeting of thought and occurence (today)
While doing something totally unrelated to psychology, the thought of a friend who was working in a psychological clinic (plus other related issues) came to my mind. At around the same time, my phone chimed in an sms which happened to be from said friend. As (insert word of providence) would have it, he told me that there was a vacancy at the clinic to work part-time.

Funny hor?

God? What is going on? I'm gunning for a career related to psychology, not to be a psychic. But then again......... Having a psychic ability would be really good in psychology now wouldn't it.
The term "Psychic" makes me think of gypsies and crystal balls. Or in our Asian culture, i'd think of old folks sitting against a wall in the heartlands with a small table adorned with idols, joss sticks, candles, yellow paper with chinese characters inscribed on them. The works.

At this point in time, I'm sitting here, stalling. What do i write as a next follow up paragraph? I've got ideas flying and circling my head but as i'm reviewing them, i also shoot them down after that with, "No, imagine what opposition i'm going to get if i say that!"
I realise this is an author afraid to say something controversial out of the sheer subjectivity of the matter.
How silly.

Was about to continue when i realize i have better things to do than manage and conduct a furious debating session in my mind. So, toodles!

PS: I saw this guy at Bras Basah wearing a Threadless.com tee called "Death by Music". I bought that one too!!! And i'm still waiting for it. Hmmph. I wonder if he saw a flash of appreciation and recognition in my eyes for the design as i fixed my gaze upon the tee for the 2-3 seconds that i had as we passed each other on the escalator.

I'm going at breakneck speed through my ton of readings which i imposed upon myself (courtesy of my Gold Mine aka The National Library). Not a bad thing really, but it probably means that i won't enjoy the bliss of unconsciousness on fabric and springs under me tonight. Pffft. I always say that, but i end up unconscious anyway and it doesn't seem to matter where i concuss when the moment arrives.

Yes, if i don't continue stepping on it, i'll end up pretty dead.

perfect time for a lesson

O.O

Woah. See that statement below that i made yesterday, about doing the right thing and being thought of as stupid?

I opened today's devotional and was greeted by a related topic: That the world does not mind the Moral Man of this world, but hates the moral Christian. The reason is that because the former relies on his own strength while the Christian relies on God's strength.

The basis for this difference is: The holding onto and the releasing of the Human Pride. When one gives up one's reliance on the self effort, one gives up that pride. To illustrate that: Remember how you had to acknowledge that you didn't understand a concept, decided to humble yourself and asked someone how to solve that math, physics, chemistry, etc, question?

And that's not all the "coincidence" there is. I was doing some research yesterday when that statement from yesterday just bore its way into my mind and grabbed my attention till i had it blogged down.

I didn't read yesterday's devotional but today i flipped back to it and saw the topic for the day: "Hated by the world", the message being, 'the world did not hate Jesus because he pursued opposition or antagonism just so that he could be persecuted, but rather the world hated him because of his absolute purity and holiness'.

What a perfect match in timing!

Which brings to mind that most recent entry that Eugene (see my comrade links) made about being in Mindef also...

O.O

It's sad that when you do a right and moral thing against the flow of the prevailing influences of dishonesty, people look at you as if you were stupid.

Golly! I stayed in this miniscule container for weeks (ok but still within the confines of a sphere too) and the first thing i was expected to do when mommy removed the cover was to pose for the lenses. She trusted that i wouldn't scat so i obliged her. But I'm so HUNGREEEEE! Mommy came home only after i emerged and i've only had oxygen to digest. Sad. :-( But now i'm going to see the big fat world!

I'm sooooooooo gorgeous. I love my big eyes, so perfectly formed. I love myself.

Mommy brought me downstairs to the base of the stairwell to set me free. She took off the container cover and stared hard at me through those strange lenses again and again. I was getting nervous from the weird lighting and a feeling of some impending life changing moment. I scuttled as fast as i could into a nook in the soft tissue bedding, curled into a tight ball and hid there.
Apart from the experience of being squashed in an egg, i've never felt so small... I was so afraid, that i thought maybe if i mimicked that in-egg-squished position, i might regain that feeling of security. My pretty tail was getting in the way though. *mmmfffff*
Mommy sure wasn't placing the cover back and she even began to tug the whole tissue lump out! MOOMMEEEE!!! I kept my newly discovered strong lizardy grip onto the tissue despite her incessent gentle shakes. When i didn't budge, she decided to place tissue, me and all back into the container to let me be.
I guess i knew it in my skinny baby bones that the whole atmosphere had changed... I felt freedom beckoning, i smelt freedom, and i responded in kind. In one fluid movement, i zipped to the corner of the container to poke my head above the rim, paused for a split second to say "bye Mommy!" and i scurried off.
Hello strange world.

*** ***

This is the human talking now.

The next morning, i made a grisly find that was stuck on one of the cloths that draps over our freezer in our home: a dead baby lizard, or rather, a wizard (*was* a lizard, so, w-izard).

All, but a head and spine, was stripped off by some unknown cause. I hope it wasn't you, Barney. I don't know what caused it but i do know that Jed can maul you lizards easy as pie when he can get his predator paws on the likes of things he considers vermins. I set you free for other reasons apart from so that you'll not eat our food in the kitchen and shit everywhere as you please. You know that right?

Assuming it wasn't you, please don't come back.

Yesterday, the sister and i went to pick up dinner at this Fish & Chip shop located around the Greenleaf area. The little shop was tucked in a corner of some rectangular shaped plot of land that someone decided to call a "park": all of one or two grass patches, a coupla italian restuarants and a few defunct looking shops with the metal shutters drawn down. Schweeet.

While waiting for the food after making our take-away order, we decided to gravitate towards and amuse ourselves at one little er, "aquarium", the one that could jolly well be containing the dinner plate subjects: Lobsters, clams, mussels, and oysters.
The signal for the corny jokes to begin was when i asked her, "Why are the oysters all tied up in a bunch like that?" (groups of oysters were tied up into clusters with a green netting with wide holes, but not big enough for an oyster to slip out)

"Well... For company, i guess." she says.

"Oh... Er. Ok." *then jo begins to do a jiggy from imagining how lovely it must for an oyster to be to be able to commune with other oysters even while in captivity* "So! Everybody say "Oei!" (as in, "Oy"-ster, as opposed to "Yo! Yo!") (yes, superbly lame, i know) >.<"

"I could just kill you right now..." sister grimaces in between helpless surrender to my brilliance. *ahemmmmm*

Attention drifts over to the mussels, and we giggle over how one of them was kind of free bobbing, looking rather upside-down, near the surface of the water. (the rest were clumped at the bottom of the tank with the lobsters and clams)
But then the sister noticed how one of them seemed to be caught in the area where bubbles were jetting out from an outlet. It was being pummeled by the jet from the bottom up and it didn't look like it could escape from the "bubble vortex" unless it had legs or paddles to help propel it anywhere else.

"Oh! I know... It's in a jacuzzi!"
"OHH! And it's having its muscles ("mussels") massaged!"

(sister is now drowning in the foam coming out from her mouth)

*turns to sister*
"Eh, don't you want to ask me to clam up?"

*with one last cerebral convulsion, sister fainted*

*** ***

In other news, i'm pleased to say once again that i got a nice number for my social psych essay. I think that my content can be so much better to get that higher grade, but i thank God anyway. :-)

And... Barney has HATCHED! I will post pictures, once this "Error on page" thingy resolves.

Glorious Gloriosa! This CD contains, with a few other japanese songs played by yes, the highly acclaimed Tokyo Kosei WO, the 3 movements of one of my moooost favourite band music. Back in the good ole days in the AC band, our conductor had the connections to get us the music scores before it was officially released. Lurrrvely.

It was my Gem who took all the trouble to buy this for me for my 21st birthday. *appreciative grin* See, the "shop" isn't exactly a shop like what we're used to. You need to call the people up and they will open this apartment in AMK that is stocked with CDs. Uhm, something like that. They've mostly got CDs that mainstream music shops don't bring in and/or sell. Thankeewww... :-)

You know you're very fortunate when you don't have a significant other who turns to you and says "Huh?", when you exclaim in his face: "Men don't LISTEN!!!"

Looking through the IKEA catalogue one day in 2005, i spotted this uber pretty rainbow bed thingy. (Some of you will know that i have a deadly fetish for rainbow coloured things.) And as with all things joline, she blabbers about how pretty the bed thing is to significant other. (note: she was noooottttt dropping hints ok?)

So one fine day, they take a stroll through IKEA itself, but joline, alas! did not buy the rainbow thing. But unknown to her, he bought it later on and to her utmost delight, found the bed thingy spread across her mattress on the eve of her 21st birthday (it's a long sweet story, that involves her library gang and family too. I am shoooo loved. *dances*).
He's so sweet right? Ah lalalalalallala............................
(I keep saying "bed thingy" because it's not actually a bed sheet, but it's a comforter cover. But still, i lub.)
Dad said: "Eh, you bought target sheet to put on her bed ah?"

(the colours are a bit, er very, the mismatched i realize. Oh well, they didn't have a second pillow case and bolster cover. But i donch particularly care. Tralala.)

Presents from FSH. Hardly see this dear friend of mine whom i was real close to back in JC. Gosh, all the nonsense jokes we cracked, and rolling eyes at each other. She was the one who's always so hardworking (still is!) that she was always the "well of knowledge". Heh heh. And mind you, it was precisely because of her that we've been forever dubbed "The Library Gang".

But i'm glad that she's already on her way to TIE THE KNOT. TIE THE KNOT OK?! Already only a couple of teeny tiny steps closer to the altar leh! I will only be close to the altar because i already guaranteed a place as bridesmaid. You know, she used to tell me that she would be a nun and she would be like, Head Nun. But LOOK! Muahahahahaha! Back to the matrimony talk. Oh, shooo fun! *mad grin* Must think of how to.... torture her Beau when he comes knocking on her door. *cackle, cackle* It'll be my first wedding of which a peer of mine will be getting married. Amaazzinggg.

And presents from Y. I'm using both of them now! The time has come when i prefer practical gifts a whole bunch more to ornamental presents. Thanks Y! I love them. :-D I'm pleased for Y because before she's even graduated, she's already secured a job in one of the Big 4 accountancy firms. It's going to be tough being a fresh grad in there, but you know where to run gal, if you need to spill your woes or if you'd like a nice pot of tea to talk things over!

Proposal out and emailed. To my horror (but i just really cannot care less at the moment), I discovered while re-reading the course materials that my research topic had already been mentioned to be a current trend in society. In other words, it's not really new in the realms of research. Bah. And i thought i was so smart. >.o" Hur hur. But if the tutor does make a pip over that, i've already got a backup plan. So... Thank God, but i hope i don't need to rethink and retune my whole research scope.
Ahh.... And so Jo's taking a break from all that hair mangling and nervous eye darting (from clock to lappie screen). So i guess it's onto jittery nail biting over the tutor's feedback. Yum.

I'm trying my best not to repeat that "sleep in day, work at night" repetitive system of working again. Nothing but detrimental, it is. So while i'm letting the seconds tick on leisurely by, enjoying the bliss of the sudden slow down of time (or so i think) here're some random pictures.

I wasn't exactly there though it would've been awesome, don't you think? This photo was a salvage attempt to give this inspirational poster a new lease of life. Perhaps even 7-8 years of age or so, the poster was gone dusty and gritty and well, was naturally ripe for the bin. Below on the right bottom corner (not visible here) it reads: "Early I will seek Thee".

Ooooo! This one was an unexpectedly nice macro shot (i didn't think that the Baby Casio was anything to yodel about when it comes to the macro function) of Y's tiramisu cake from Bakerzin. She says that she's now found her favourite or next favourite tiramisu. Hee.

TwentyOne, yes, 21 presents frm Liting on my birthday last year. I don't know how she managed to do it but i do know one thing for sure, is that friends who care will really bother to inject meaning into their gifts. And she, despite all her school committments, did her RESEARCH, both online and from the past years that we've spent together just to purchase (without a budget even! Goodness gracious) these items for me.
Furthermore, she numbered each and every one and wrote down the significance of each. It really did bring me back down to walk through and smell the roses of memory lane again, all the way back to our ACJC days, some... 4-5 years ago. It hardly even feels that long ago, come to think of it. I felt so touched by her effort and time spent, i was just pretty much speechless.
(oh, er... Adele, my laptop was NOT one of the presents.)
THANK YOU GIRL...

"What do you mean it's due tomorrow? Like, t-o-m-o-r-r-o-w?! Blistering Jumping Bananas!"

Back to proposal researching. Maarrnnngggkeeee...

I've certainly not yet learnt the skills of observing and making deductions on really er, practiced psychotic individuals and/or serial killers, but for friends... I can tell if there's something wrong under their seemingly joyful visage. Sometimes, i see it blatantly. When you've known someone for a while, you're more finely tuned to their body language, their gestures, the rise and fall of their voice tones, the look in their eyes. These're plenny of tell tale signs. Other times, i sense it in my heart, that something is amiss.

Every now and then with a friend, when the superficiality of the conversation wears off and when the deeper issues start emerging, inside i'd be thinking: Yeah, i knew there was something wrong.

For my Gem, we've had thoroughly uncanny moments when "coincidence" becomes something like of a central theme running in our relationship. At times, i'd get these vibes about certain specific issues. I only bring up what i think is necessary to bring up, while in other cases, he'll talk me about them and i'm thinking and i tell him: Yeah, i had a feeling about that too.

This so called ability just might be borne from the quality of "natural hyper sensitivity" that females have. Teehee.

question? + my eeeyyees!

If you could change ONE aspect of yourself, which already existing good aspect of yourself would you be willing to give up for that "better-ment"?

For example:

Mr Mango Tree wants to bear sweeter fruit, but he must give up his nice dark green leaves for neon pink ones. And Mr Mango Tree HATES neon pink.

Ok fine that was weird. How about this. For example, Miss Lamperberdoo would trade in her quality of "honesty" to be become "dishonest" since she can and will have "large, almond shaped eyes" in return.

Note that this isn't an argument about the age old debate "outward physical beauty vs inner beauty".

***

MAN... I am... Just... Giggling as i write this. I'm not giggling in a cute girly, shy and coy way. I giggling... Nervously. Why, you ask?

I'm embarking on this project for my social psychology module, "The Gender Project", as it is called. My job is to pick 30 photographs of men and women in total, as well as read up on what my chosen magazine (a few issues of it) has to say about the issues pertaining to both the sexes.

As i'm perusing the internet to get a list of magazines to give me a good range to make my choice of which magazine to buy, once again i'm faced with the point: "Women are EVERYWHERE. Female and male targeted magazines, you've got them, EVERYWHERE."

Mind you, i'm not an ardent and rabid reader of female targeted magazines but i've seen enough to know that we don't, DON'T have 1000 000 men prancing around in our magazines looking dirtily sexy in... in, whatever coloured or patterned boxer shorts they love, or triangular-pieces-of-fabric-with-strings, or whatever else have you, in very compromising poses.
NO, we do NOT have men flashing parts of their genitals to you. NO. Only the WOMEN have been bestowed all the honour of doing that.

*ahem* I think i've gone off point, excuse me. I needed to rant.

So anyway, since i can only pick one magazine title, and i need photos of both males and females. I reckon picking a male targeted magazine works best for me for obvious reasons.

About the analyses of textual content though... GOSH! I don't know what to do! Let me tell you why.

One glance at the front cover of FHM and i am already staggering mentally. ARGGGHHH!! MY EYES MY EYES! I FEEL MY INNOCENCE BEING GRABBED AT, STRANGULATED AND RIPPED AWAY FROM ME. AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I feel visually and mentally violated even if i'm looking at my own gender in scanty pieces of fabric.

I really don't care if the world is laughing at me now for being so "closed-minded". Simply put, i don't agree with some of the things that the world embraces.

Since i've not opened an issue of FHM before, I don't know if the contents in there is varied enough for analysis? *shrug* I don't know, maybe a trip to HV will educate me on that.

Sheesh.... It's like soft porn to me already ok? Ehm, how about Men's Health? Or another men's magazine?

OR

I could settle for "She" magazine. I heard that it's British, and boring.

Hur.

Time for... A ridiculously, amazingly pointless entry!

A few weeks ago, i made a new friend, meet: Rectangle Frying Pan.

Needless to say, my fried egg also came out rectangular in shape. I had such a silly cheap thrill. Hieh hieh hieh.

Yes, they are twin limes. Think what you will, but they are nice, happy twin limes.

May i lay claim on...

40 hours of uninterrupted sleep?

40 minutes of unbridled insanity?

40 seconds of irresponsible actions?

***

It's the time when my brain is messed up, and i don't mean because of examinations. This too shall pass, and while i'm not being my usual self, i'll jot down some complete nonsense that bear no meaning nor consequence.

Just when my foot healed overnight, quite literally, i bashed my fourth little toe on my left footie against the piano chair's leg. I yelped so loud and sat down almost immediately on my rump to massage my poor digit that was crying out in miserable agony from the shock.
And so the joint is badly bruised internally and i'm wondering if it sustained some form of hairline fracture or just some bad joint bruise or something. It hurts and is a little stiff. Does nothing to ensure that my exercising regime won't be disrupted. I guess i still can cycle, which would make the other treadmill users happy for the want of one less runner.

After 3 attempts at curbing my lust for new apparel, i finally gave in to my desires! At www.threadless.com But you gotta admit that it was a pretty good deal: 3 tees with artistic and original designs that you cannot get in Singapore. With shipping costs, they each come up to around SGD$21. Which is very comparable to other tees that you can get locally and that are mainstream and boring.

They recently had a sale, USD10 per tee, but i'm afraid it's over now. But if you're an aspiring fashion designer with a penchant for speaking your mind on (sticky) issues close to your heart through fashion design on tops, you might want to take a look at what kind of exposure you can get out of offering a t-shirt design. Haven't taken a look at it myself but yeah! Don't hesitate, cos you never know, yo. ;-D

I bought: "Death by music", "MP(3)" and ""Heavy Medal" (not sure if i got all the names right though).

Waiting happily for my steal!

Currently.

1. You want to help so-and-so, but you... Cannot do anything except ask for divine help.

2. I get my doses of cuteness from CuteOverload on a daily basis to execute squeals of excitement, ear-to-ear grins, to live through high blood pressure, to get cerebral convulsions and head explosions. Picking up the pieces of quivering brain is still not yet a chore. Guess i'm morbid like that.

3. Cannot begin on my Gender Project because... Instructions given in the booklet aren't clear to me, so am waiting for tutor-enlightenment through email.
[update: my tutor is a godsend... she's tactful, she's understanding, she's smart, she's a natural and respected teacher, and she's helpful. I lub.]

4. It's not easy to dissect stuff from a 1950s women's magazine. Er, born in 1984, i was.

5. Mildly sprained the foot while carrying out an errand. Hope it does not hamper my running routine. *grumble*
[update: i think the night's rest did the insides some good. Twisting me foot now and it ain't hurting no more!]

6. Enjoyed the yumfummiest Tom Yum pasta dish in a loooong while, at the Black Canyon Coffee place at Serene Centre today. It has commanded my respect and i'll be fantasizing about a next trip there soon. *thought bubble with bowl of tom yum pasta floating within it*
It's my first time there so i can't say that ALL the dishes and beverages rock. But what i do know is, the prices for food is affordable enough: Around 10bucks, plus or minus a bit. However, the iced latte looked a little scant for something that cost 4+bucks though.
(believe it or not, i am salivating as i type this with the delectable image in my head. Think: Ivan Pavlov's drooly dog. Haha, i amuse myself.)

Watching movies can have a profound effect on me. Some movies have this ability to mess with both my mind and heart, though i wouldn't go so far as to say that those are confirm-guarantee-chop good movies. It's subjective to personal taste after all.

But a few of these movies that have moved me to tears, wowed me, or have disturbed me for hours on end even after it has long ended include: "Hotel Rwanda", "Artificial Intelligence", "The Lord of the Rings Trilogy", "Star Wars", "The Matrix Trilogy" and this other one based on a book by Rudyard Kipling. A pity i don't remember the title.

When was the last time you enjoyed every second watching a movie in the darkened theatre, only to walk out feeling as though you wish you could relive the experience again? I'm not talking about reliving the experience of being IN THE THEATRE watching a movie, but i'm talking more with reference to reliving the STORY OF THE MOVIE.

Yesterday, i watched the Chronicles of Narnia again. I watched it the first time around with my Gem before and i wasn't too wowed mainly because i'm too used to superb visual effects (CGI whore), blood and gore, which the movie didn't match up with compared with well... LOTR. The big screen kind of emphasized the bits where it was lacking so was therefore led and distracted away by my technical judging. Tsk, it's a children's movie jo me dah-ling, don't wanna scare the li-ehl kiddles, do we?

This time, i watched it with my two folks at home on DVD, and i think while my dad was enthralled by it, my mom went off to Lala Land instead. Perhaps the land of Narnia wasn't good enough, i think. 8-P

But this time, the movie left me nothing short of breathless. When the credits rolled, when the Professor told Lucy that Narnia will only return when she isn't looking, when the curtains of our living room were drawn back to allow sunlight to flood the room once more, i felt this ugly and traumatic sense of detachment. How i longed to return once more to Narnia!

I'm sure that we all know by now that it's a story of how Jesus Christ gave his life for us when he was a man on Earth.
The symbolism used in the movie was telling enough: The Majesty of Aslan (Jesus) who did what he did out of pure love, the use of children (We, his children on Earth) to aid in the winning of a battle against the White Witch (Satan, disguised in pure, innocent beauty).

It was almost depressing to step back from the fantasy world, back into reality, to normalcy of... Earth. I felt so, transported away from the place where you cheer the heroes on, where animals talked freely and er... animatedly, away from feeling the triumph, pain and hope of the characters. Coming away from Narnia was as if my world just crashed.

(ahahaha.)

Ah, but then i realized this. This so called fantasy land does exist. It's not called "Narnia" and fauns don't appear, birds don't go "PSST!" and beavers aren't humourous. But guess what, Earth IS Narnia. Yes, i repeat, EARTH=NARNIA.

We are living in a world where Satan has some control and we're also living in the same world that saw the life and death of Christ. Jesus wasn't a lion but in a similar light, he was every bit the man of God's wisdom, filled with the love for others, and beautiful because of his character. In a parallel with Aslan, he is also the same in majesty and power. He is God who lives yesterday, today and forever.

It's no fairytale, it is no "story". If you like, his death and resurrection is that so called "Deep Magic" like in the movie, akin to the world's "Supernatural, and Spiritual".

Remember how 4 simple children became royalty?

As it is said, though we're living in a time when the evil one has dominion, we're not to be destroyed. "Winter" will come to an end, and as obedient Christians follow wholly after the Father, we will one day be with Him as His heirs, His children. Royalty. Weird and crazy as it sounds, yes.
Believe it- The world WILL end, judgement WILL come, and i believe, it is coming much sooner than we think.

phototrip with the new addition to the techie family

Ello there. I'm done with that essay and it's onto the next 2 projects after my declared one-day-of-total-relaxation. It's back to the grind again, cos hey, I'm not going to procrastinate again and in doing so, slaughter my health. Nuh uh.

Took our new techie baby out today, but i didn't do much snapping because i'm lacking in the see-something-beautiful-in-a-frame kind of inspiration, as well as being a tad self conscious. Gah. Dad got our newest addition for free from his company, and i'm currently the one who's making good use of it, tra lala, yeay!

(new techie baby= Casio Exilim S600)

In the lift, taken with fumbly hands before reaching my floor.

Uhm... Greenery would be nice. *jo stands under tree, tilts camera and head right up* Snap!
(i've always wondered how to enhance the colours of photos)
(in school) Yes, it's inverted 180 degrees.

Oh, and meet Antonio, my heart rate monitor and personal trainer. I lub you. 8-)

For someone who shoots off her mouth a bit like a certain Class 95 DJ on the Morning Express, i marvel at how i'm still able to get along peacefully with people most of the time. Which is why at times when those few friction moments come, i totally FREAK because i'm not used to handling it.
Or are people around me just too nice to say anything to my face? Or, are they afraid that if they did, i'd morph into a flame spewing dragon and turn them into barbeque?

I ask myself this from time to time: Is all that i'm going through a hallucination? In that i choose to believe what i think is true because of me being bounded by my perceptions, when actually, things are purely quite the contrary to my beliefs.

Sometimes i reflect upon certain moments when i have made statements and realize that if the person didn't know any better, taken at face value, my statements can come across as being pretty tactless. But more often than not, i've no malicious intents, but it's just me being flatly honest and objective, all borne out of just wanting to help.

***

I want very much to go for the talk in church tonight, but this essay... *heaves a sigh* Had to make a few cancellations and adjustments to my schedule and i feel downright bad about them, but i promise that it's not going to take me away from the people who matter to me.

Back to essay.

Polishing the Gem

Today, my Gem was baptised. As in, water baptism... I cannot really fully describe how i feel inside about all that has happened ever since he stepped into church last year, around June or July. But it's all so good. To cell mate who asked how i felt about his baptism... Honestly, i cannot say much because words fail me now, but... It's pure bubbly joy!

But i think that his joy probably races much, much further ahead of mine!

His outlook in life has turned about because he found and is continuing to find out more of the incredible truths that only our Lord can give. It's pretty amazing... Do read his account of all that he has experienced once he publishes something... I would be most happy to provide the link when he does.

I don't know if i should change his blog link's name, (haha) but IF i do, it's NOT that i've switched to a new significant other. More like, my significant other has gotten a new life in Christ.
point of information: they get to choose an english name if they wish to have one.

The gift of problems

I don't know about you, but i'm glad that problems and challenges exist in life. Yes, ok, maybe that sounds kind of a tad too idealistic-oh-lucky-fella-with-a-bed-of-pure-cotton-balls-for-a-life. But seriously. Do you notice how one tends to think, mull, ponder, tear apart to analyse and seek more when there is an issue at hand to deal with? How often have you heard the "i blog more/i think, more when i am depressed" line?

If things were smooth sailing all the time, note that i'm not saying that we do not reflect at all, but if there were no uprisings and upheavaling in our lives, would we take time to seriously pause in our tracks and think about the state of the situation, others and ourselves? The process of "worrying" can be taken both ways: As a time for reflection/meditation OR a time to stew in your sad mental juices.

Have you noticed that it is during sticky, painful and unpleasant situations that we take away a precious gem of a lesson or a major crash course on xyz topic. We can choose to be moody for a while but bounce back with new understanding OR we can shrivel up and whine. And whine some more.

There are countless quotes and analogies to illustrate how problems give rise to new growth. So many positive stories through emails and other inspirational posters, postcards, etc that we have nodded our heads in agreement to. Where do these come from? More often than not, they're from people who know what they're talking about, and why? Because they've been through it or have seen it happen. So yes, cliche as these may sound, there is truth, wisdom. It's whether or not we would care to listen.

So yes, problems serve a purpose in this existence.

The sad thing is that some people suffer so much more than the "average person". For some strange reason, some people just have it so hard in life, with problems coming in swift and continual blows, that their Being fast approaches the brink of death (could be physical, emotional, spiritual, mental).

I haven't the answers for that and i can't come close to truly understanding their pain and I can only use my imagination to a certain extent. Though take heart that there are others in this world from the past and present who have come out of their personal struggles, Victorious. Some perhaps even thrive (not just survive) WITH their circumstances, victoriously too. Perhaps in their soul searching and their efforts to come out of that bog, there was a full fledged software change in their heart of hearts, giving them the strength to do whatever that's necessary.

And so this brings to mind the saying by William James, philosopher and psychologist: "Human beings, by changing their inner attitudes of their minds, can change the outer aspects of their lives".
And i think there are various ways in which to execute that.

(How very applicable to my current essay question.)

NB: Praise GOD! Received a nice score for my first essay of the year for the 3rd level module. Am going to need to continue keeping up this form, and i cannot afford to drop much if i do because i need to make up for glitches of the poor grading system of the OUUK in the past two years.

"... the Lord directed me to include in the book the name of a high school student shot during the Columbine High School shootings in Colorado. Her name is Rachel. "Rachel was chosen for End-Time use, " He said, "and she was chosen before she was born. Through her, I plan to touch millions of souls, both young and old."

"... Too often people blame every bad thing that happens on Satan. If Rachel's death were Satan's will, My name would never have been brought up before she died. Satan has no power over My People if I don't allow him to.

Each life has a special purpose in this world. That is why I have used some people in special ways. So, don't think that because someone is a faithful Christian that they will live long and perfect lives on Earth. If I have to take one life in order to save another, I will do so."

As I said before, I will have to take many lives before I return. Among them will be many Christians. Salvation is that important to Me (God). But always remember that I never want to see anyone perish."" (i believe 'perish' here = not going to Heaven.)

("me" refers to the author, and "I" refers to God.)

(by Choo Thomas, "Heaven is so Real!", page 191-192)

As you can tell, I ran a check on it and my understanding of events has indeed been enlightened. I read on about how Rachel's death ignited a flurry of awareness of the lack of morality, the all too real issues of social cliques, the desire to be included and the damaging influence of certain forms of media. Rachel's death is also the subject of books that have been written to help others. I googled her name and dropped in on a website, that i assume is set up by her family members. It's amazing how so much love and kindness is being extended out to people through the tragedy.

In addition, was the reviewing of safety measures in schools and the tactics with which to respond to such shootings. It was emotionally distressing to read the blow by blow account of how the two boys went on a shooting rampage but one can see, that everything happens for a reason. Tsunami, earthquakes, etc. All these, happen for a reason.

"Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me."

This quote is probably one of the biggest lies ever told.

***

It's one of those days again, when i feel like doing nothing else but lie down on my bed to drift off into a land where nothing is for real, for the entire, ENTIRE day. I'm pressed for time with my work and so it does not help that i've got a deadline next week, i take two weeks to finish an essay and i've not.even.begun.

"I honestly felt subhuman, lower than the lowest vermin... I could not understand why anyone would want to associate with me, let alone love me... (...) I must've conned a lot of people."

(- by Norman Endler, a respected psychologist who talks about his experience of depression. Taken from Peter Gray, "Psychology")

Scary. I wrote out some stuff to get a weight off my chest and i found that i can identify my current state with what he's saying. Depression. NO, i'm not suffering from it, but i'm just feeling depressed. Not the type that warrants a doctor's visit, thank God.

Like what my friend's msn nick says... Need a holiday from the world. I'm so jealous of Jed who's lying blissfully asleep embedded in my squishy bean bag.

American psychology textbooks are so much easier to read, but may not be as introspective as the British textbooks that i've got.
Ok, got to get out from this rut.

(as jo puts mee siam into the microwave for dinner)
Jo: We have SO MUCH food! We've got porridge... fishcake (sambal chilli)... brinjal... and this mee siam, HOW to finish?

Usually we try to scrunge out stuff from the fridge from past meals so that we can clear the backlog and container clutter, and yesterday was one of those nights.

So while the fishcake sat on the stove waiting to be served, the porridge bubbled in a small chrome-shiny pot with its gooey yummy texture, the brinjal awaiting its turn to be nuked, my family talked and laughed in the kitchen. Then suddenly...

BOOM! PRAK!
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

Major Explosion!



The mee really s-i-a-m everywhere! Noodles on the door, noodles on the cupboard, noodles spattered on the left, right, top and bottom white walls of the microwave. Oh, noodles AND egg yolk, to be exact. The plate that was used as a cover had also experienced a momentary feeling of blessed flight and landing, hence the "prak!" sound we all heard. What i found particularly ticklish was the fact that noodles was found hanging like threads on the microwave door. Couldn't get over the aftermath of giggles during dinner.

Moral of the story: Check for the presence of eggs before placing things into the microwave.

Dad: Haha, you spoke too soon lah... (imitates me: We've got so much foood! How to finish!?) and then, BOOM!
(whole family laughs)

OO"
----

Boliao-ness is Me

Upon reading a post that i've stashed aside for a while but still think it's incomplete, i've decided to let on an email that my daddy sent me instead. *giggle, giggle* goes joline. She was amused, but doesn't know who to credit for the little mirth that the email's content brought her.

Sometimes, i beg to differ. Men can be complicated, but they can also be well, er, pretty understandable. (argh! P.C.! P.C.!) So, well that pretty much sums them up. Men are complicated and understandable only because... Women are complicated. Is that right? Don't know. What do ya'll Men think of one another? Discuss.

Gem likes to shop too leh. But then again, i've not totally tried and tested his threshold of tolerance yet with respect to "shopping with mua". *smirk* I remember supermarket stints before though. Passed with flying colours.

We're having it so peaceful that arguments aren't exactly part of our vocabulary. Er, yet. Thank GOD.

I likes zis vun. Peviod. (i think it's a little too tiny to read so, click to enlarge! It's a good one.)

Feeling a bit like this...


And like this

Introducing...

... Barney. Barney was found amidst our bunch of bananas that hangs on a cupboard handle and he shall be mine until he hatches. I'm calling him Barney because he is a to-be-reptile just like the purple dinosaur, Barney is a cute name for a tiny lizard (or rather, an egg) and also because i refuse to call it Mei-I, who happens to be the purple dinosaur's yellow female friend.Would anyone recall the temperature range that would result in a male lizard? The sex can be manipulated depending on temperature, right? Or does that only apply to certain kinds of lizard?

Barney shall live here temporarily until i find something bigger and better. I wonder how long it takes for a lizard to hatch.

P.S: My apologies Liting, for the comment confusion issue, i will explain it when i next see you.

When all the things that you thought were in your control spins OUT of your control, when you desperately flail your arms to try to grasp for someone who can help you out of your dank hole only to find that people just aren't satifying your needs (even if they honestly DO try), when you feel so impossibly alone in your predicament...

Some people choose to rely on themselves to be their own life buoys. But in doing that, i wonder if they can truly be at peace with the world and with themselves.

Some look for answers and solace outside of themselves. Hence the argument that religion is man-made.

Or how about when everything seems fine and dandy and you feel that there's no need to believe in anything. Life is rosy, your difficulties are never too hard to solve. You have family, you have love. You have enough money, you have your friends. You are happy and comfortable. You are satisfied, and life is going your way.

But you do know, that "Life isn't a bed of roses", don't you? And even if it was, roses have thorns. Roses are pretty, but they can inflict pain too.

So what if one day, one aspect of your life does a mega 180 degree sharp turn, or, one day everything, completely everything fails... In your previously led happy life, who or what were you living for?

Or, perhaps life's generally all right, you're mostly at peace with your existence, but there's always this one or a few aspects of your life that you're always feeling inadequate about and often ask, "why?".

A common plea we always hear is, "GOD, PLEASE HELP ME!". Let's assume that this "God" is not the "God that Christians believe in".

Is it from the influence of our external environment that we blurt out the helpline? Or consider: if you would agree that humans are also spiritual as they are physical beings, do you think that perhaps our calling out reflects something that runs a lot deeper.

Learning to read again

For those who've lent me books only to find that you've not gotten them back from me in a like... a year? I must first thank you for the books that you've loaned to me but i'm so sorry for the delay and the continuing delay. (hah, no, this isn't a confession that i've burnt them) Though i want to read the books, my attention span is horrendeputus, i'm a moving-pictures kind of person, so book reading is a slow process akin to a snail making its way across a busy street. It badly wants to make it across, but because of the contraints that's out of its personal control, it can't really speed up. I suspect it's been the academic reading that has put me off anything that involves paragraphs.

If you've noticed, i used to blog with just a few lines at a time, avoiding thick wordy squiggles to be read. But in recent times, i'm trying to undo that. Reformatting my mind this way, yo.

Ok, the difference between said snail and me is that i have "agency", my ability to reflect on my inner experiences and having the freedom to make my own choices to better my being. Heh, social psychology students will know i'm yabbering about here.

Reading... Is as important as breathing.

With that in mind though, i've picked up the Purpose Driven Life book, after a long, long incubation period. Why do i mention "incubation"? When it first came out, sure we were preached sermons based on the lessons. Meaningful, yes, but i wasn't awed, i wasn't compelled to devour the input. I wasn't all that interested in furthering the lessons to make it part of my life's beliefs EVEN IF they were the truths.

But now as i look back and remember the person i was then and as i compare it to the person i am today, i think that the build up of events in the recent couple of years have shaped my perspectives and heart such that i'm ready to receive. Think of it as: "The dry soil (hardened heart) has been broken, has been watered and is softened, and is therefore now prepared to receive the seeds of truth. That will in time grow roots that go deep to grip firmly, that there will be germination, and fruits that sprout life." So whatever time that has gone by was the incubation period, a time placed aside for the development of a right frame of mind and heart, the time of preparation.

I'm taking the book slow. A chapter a day, like it suggests that we should. It helps to take it nice and slow, for practical reasons too.

At times i find it hard to relate to the lessons because either:

- i'm falling asleep. (i was stuck at Chapter 3 for 2 days for this very reason)
- i've never experienced "xyz issue" for myself
- i didn't take enough time to reflect on, chew on, and digest it to find the "B-I-N-G-O!" nugget of realization.
- Impatience. (the effect of paragraphs on me. OH! I shall now call it, "The Paragraph Effect".)

But as i remedy the problems along the way, and check that i'm making good use of my reading time, i realize: "GOSH, there is so much wisdom in this." So yes, take time to ingest the truths. Even if it isn't directly linked to the self, think outside of the self and see how one can be of help to others through understanding some of the issues that they may be facing.

*** ***

On a completely irrelevant note. Don't you think that the slogan "All Braun and No Brain" ("All Brawn and No Brain") makes such a splendid tagline for the brand?

Why? Because firstly, it reiterates that the product-in-question is all about the brand and what it stands for (which i don't know, but let's pretend it's something to do with being "leaders in smart innovation", "chic", "exclusive", etc.). And secondly, it emphasizes that the product of this brand is so easy to use, so idiot-proof that even an... er... yes, idiot could use it.

I so clever. I know. *smug grin*

Butttt thennnnn... My sister says that it sounds really negative. Ok, well, true. *wistful sigh* Now you know why i'm not into marketing or advertising, and so much for positive buyer psychology. Teehee.

Sleep

Point of information: This is a post with no logical flow.

There is something really sweet about closing my eyes to the world and falling into a deep, deep slumber. Into the unconscious realm. Sleeping is such sweet pleasure.

It's kind of like running away, into a dream filled place. A place of relaxation, a place of peace. A place to forget... Which is subjective though. It's also a place where you get to do all sorts of strange, scary, mad things... But you can run away knowing it's all non existent. That it's a dream.

Some people sleep and find that they can edit their essays better later on. Others sleep over their anger, after which they realize that they can think more clearly and better. Yet some sleep over their pain, but awake only to find their pain waiting patiently to continue the gnawing, and sometimes, with renewed and fiercer vengeance.

On the contrary to the above, sleeping sometimes leaves me feeling guilty, because i think of all the things i should've been able to do if i didn't. I would probably also attribute the guilt to fear of the expectations of me.

Sleep. Filling me with guilt but offers me temporary bliss too. Oh, the day when i can sleep forever.

I don't know if i have ever divulged on a couple of unexplainable things in my life. A post on that soon, methinks.

My phone's joystick has reached it's threshold of workable existence so i had to send it in for servicing on sunday. It won't be back till FRIDAY. In place of my sonyericsson, i'm using my sister's spare nokia 8250. Which... is equally mad (yeah... it doesn't work properly either. It has a fetish for resetting, hanging and giving me the "blue face of death", i quote my sister).

My contacts have been temporarily lost, so if i seem like i've been ignoring you, blur about who you are when you message or if it seems like i'm taking way too long to reply, my apologies.
But I'll still try my best to reply.

And for some of you, i've been wanting to see how you're doing, but... Argh. The little mobile thing is so marvellous that I'm virtually phoneless for the remaining 3 and a half days. If there's anything good at all, it's gotta be that my sms counter will stay low then. Toodlee doo.

I regret not penning down contacts on paper, for even if i were to pick up the telephone, i wouldn't have the updated numbers to call, for some people.

It's certainly not the end of the world of course, I can live with it. Er... For now. Once again, we see the scary notion of being slaves to the very technology that we created.

I don't want to seem like i'm complaining but... Behold, even my hotmail account seems screwed up, and it has been that way since yesterday. I can't access my inbox, hence my mails. I also cannot access msn messenger EITHER. What. The.
It's currently the Rage against the Human.

*** ***

I wonder where St. Valentine and the Cherub went off to... Timbucktoo? They can come back now.

Fun-O-Rama '06 and '02

Saturday started out HOT. No, i wasn't at some sleazy club. Now, if anyone of you were out on the streets, you would know what i'm talking about. Searing hot, king of hot. And, melikes it, in fact.

Once we stepped into the school compound, we were enveloped by so much noise. Come to think of it now, i don't even know what was causing the racket, because there was so much stimuli to the senses that you just can't register everything. Posters, signs, chattering, (music?) shouting, banners, colours... T'was like old times except without the school uniform.

We strolled by the games stalls that usually line the teacher's carpark, and automatically i began searching for familiar faces. Our first stop was the pottery and handmade crafts to greet our Chinese teacher. She REMEMBERS ME, no doubt about that. HAH. The Chinese Language B girl. She got at least one part of my mandarin name correct, so that's quite good. Whee! The canteen was up next to meet up with a couple of classmates. *waves to I and B!* They both look the same compared to how they looked during our JC days. (We is all J6 people) Which is quite nice to know.

Everyone seems to say that they feel old, but i don't leh. B says i'm young at heart. (i also think i young in mind)

Grabbed a cool drink at the hub before beginning our tour of the premises. It was pity that classrooms were out of bounds. I should've anticipated that considering past experience, but yeah. Always worth an absent minded try.
We wanted to soak in the good old times... In classroom 7.12. (and prolly in the other unofficial classroom too, 7.14, because that one had air-conditioning. :-D)

Briefly bumped into P.C. the chemistry tutor who promptly started complaining about how (insert favoured boy's name) was still at home. HAH! Things haven't changed, now have they?

And then R came by. *hello R!* (aka "ditz"). People say R and i look alike. But I say it's the glasses. Ah, duh... It's because we have good taste girl! *wink wink wink*

We popped by the hall to check out the money slurping mechandise that ACS brand hungry people would happily fork out their money for. (i am one, but i'd never pay 30 bucks for a t-shirt, fat hope!) In the case of Early Bird Gets the Worm, this one's more like Early Bird Gets Shot Down and Slaughtered.

After a few rounds of exploration: checking out the SCone Cafe tradition, discovering the plot of land that held the Dunking Machine, meeting with P in the MR room, discovering more food at the void deck, spending the coupons, bumping into S, M and G and took a photo. We were poofed for the day.

(ARGH! Just realized that i missed out on going to the Sports Complex!!! Shoot.)

And so the day ended with 4 satisfied library gang members. Sticky and tired, but happily spent, in every sense of the word. It was actually stressful to be there, trying to keep one another together as well as trying to hear one another over the mobiles with the racket. But who cares when you're being in the very place of a past that's so much a part of our lives and also the birth place of our friendship.

It was pouring mammoths and brontosauruses by late afternoon as the 6 persons party split up to go our separate ways. I bid farewell to Y at the mrt station when she left first and i then made my way to church on the next opposite direction bound train.

Tsk. Why did i blink in that photo. :-(

*** ***

Fun-O-Rama has a special place in my heart... Because in my year, i was the food IC for my class. What did our class sell? Chocolate Bananas on a stick. It was a gorgeous idea actually, just imagining the blend of tastes. But when i think about our bananas, so many thoughts come to mind and it's like laughing and crying in my heart at the same time when i think about it...

Even till today, i think of our stall when i see Del Monte bananas.

Before Fun-O-Rama, we had ordered like, TONS of Del Monte bananas. Every Orangutan in the world would congregate in the canteen if they could. Ok, i am blowing it up, but it's true. There was just SO. MUCH. FRIGGIN'. BANANA.

The action plan was this: We skin the bananas, poke them through with satay sticks, and FREEZE THEM. (we borrowed two freezers) So that when we cover it with chocolate on that day itself, the chocolate coating will solidify, making a spectacularly chilly and healthy dessert. We even added toppings to the coating, like peanuts and rainbow rice.

What can i say.

On the day itself,
1: we found our bananas squishy and brown.
2: We found not all had hardened.

I leave the picture to you of how i kinda freaked out.

Business was slow initially, but soon we had a constant flow of customers. Bless their hearts. But i think they never bothered to come back again. HAHA! Quality control was non existent what with bananas going at a certain price but putting two bananas together, you'll find that the two bananas weren't quite the same length. Major rip off that was totally not meant to be. And secondly, it didn't taste all that wonderful. I had one myself, which might not have been a good idea considering that if you want to sell something, you need to believe in your product.
The chocolate was smooth, but it wasn't tasty enough to complement the banana.

The idea was a good one, but i guess we should've done a test first to ascertain if the blend of ingredients was of the right type. Oh well.

Our drinks sold well though. (heh, how hard can that one get)

The sad part was that at the end of the day, we had so much frozen banana left... So... Hello Dustbin. My heart breaks just thinking about that.

(my mom was also devastated to learn of the sad end to the bananas because she would've loved to make her banana muffins)

BUT.

Surprise, surprise. After the school had collated all the information on the monetary collections, our class... WON AN AWARD, for chalking up a tidy sum, which is not bad for not-tried-and-tested chocolate bananas. Oddly, i don't remember what the prize was.
Hur.

And so it's back to my old Alma Mater this saturday for that renowned funfair that happens every 2 years. Some say it's a huge money sucking (and successful, at that) pitch, some say it's a tradition, some say it's tradition and enjoy every moment of it, some happily let their money get sucked, some... couldn't possibly care less.

I say "aaai-yai, yes siree!" to all, all 'cept for the last point.

The last Fun-O-Rama happened in 2004, and though i wish i could say that all went well, one of my beloved girls was going through a tough period and it's hard to simply just let loose, ya know? This year, flames of the same nature decided to engulf another. Not in a position to ask why it has to be this way, because i think i know why.

I've said this a billion and one times already:
I don't like the ACJC culture very much. In fact, I didn't even enjoy my time there as much as some other people did. I hated the work, i didn't understand much of it, i didn't work as dilligently as i should have. And even when i did, my brain wasn't functioning. I got hurt, like MADLY INSANELY hurt along the way, I had little meaningful ties with teachers there.
Though i had joined one of the bands considered to be elite in the JC scene, i was a shadow player. You hear her (prolly more mistakes than right notes), but you don't see her. Or you could also say, you can see her, but never hear her with respect to people relationships. A shadow. I was there, but never substantial. In other words, i contributed only the bare minimum. Relationships within the band? Zilch. Unless you count my saxophone. Yes, my beautiful saxophone. That somehow produced flatter and flatter notes the more i practiced my solo. (the horror of the memory) *shudders with mental pain*
(Ah, but if i wasn't in the AC band, i wouldn't have bumped into you so readily, i reckon. 8-D)
And then, you would always have the people who were learning the ropes of being ultra political, there are even elitists, mind you.

But there was a core group of trustworthy people i met and that made all the difference to my stay there. Despite that sad painting of a life joline had at ACJC, if you sit me down and ask me, "Would you pick another JC if you could reverse time?"

I'll look at you in the eye and tell you straight off, "No.". Oh, and add that i would SO get a short hairdo man, if i could. (i've seen how i look with short hair and in the uniform. Shiok lah! Dangit, too late now. >:oI )
For those who know, i looked like the Grand High Queen Ah-Ma, and i have photos to prove it!
I'm debating whether i should respect the sanctity of (your) life by not putting a photo or risk my life getting stoned by people who think that i shouldn't be allowed to procreate due to my substandard genes.

The question of "If i'm here, then i wouldn't be there, so who/what did i miss over there?", is always a common visitor question. (This is only if i don't look at it from God's point of view, that things were just meant to BE this way.)

Imagine if i had tried for NJC Science or RJC Arts. *insert bulging eyeballs* Unthinkable.

When i walk once again on the ground i had trod on for 2 years of my life, i don't doubt the feelings of nostalgia that will come... Come rushing back. You'll see plenty of new faces, the more recent alumnus, you'll see the ones who've passed through the same portals the same time you did. You'll see people you'll want to hide from, you'll see the same faces that may remain the same, some different over the course of 3 years. You'll see and not recognize the ones who passed earlier before. Ah... Everyone, bound together by the common experience of being educated there.
And you'll see and recollect the ghosts of what once was.

I'll remember the stuffy nose and hot tears i cried over the public phone near the canteen when i spoke to xxx and the smile that ensued after but that never really lasted near long enough. I'll remember the tears i cried in my heart from frustration over chemistry and math. Chinese Language was a given - My pet failure subject. I no longer cared much about it. Not to say that i never bothered to try. In fact, i would try, fail and find it easy to pick myself up again.
But there was no passion.

I'll remember how PE lessons on the track were potential collapse-and-die sites, i'll remember how the track was sacred holy ground, not to be stepped on, unless you were in your yellow and blue holy garments. I'll remember how my class cheered on the guys who had to reattempt their 2.4km runs. I'll remember the times when i didn't care how much perfume i sprayed on because it's either that or i kill multitudes of students as i walk by.
Later on as time passed, we chose cleanliness over being early for class. ;-) (ie, we bathed after PE lessons)

I will also remember that silly joke i made to this scone girl in the girl's toilet while waiting in line to change into our holy garments and do our private business before the Mass PE lesson...: "Ah, we're all here to Mass Pee." She was gloriously tickled and so were the other girls (whom i didn't know) who covered their faces and groaned over the corn inspired joke.

The school buildings're spiffier now. Unlike the time when wooden planks lay around aplenty and when dusty cement grounds threatened to give asthma attacks. When we had to restructure our mindmaps of the school layout every now and then because of the various phases of construction work being done.

I'll remember the lectures attended, the lectures skipped, that one lecture that made me blurt out a really ridiculous answer in front of a hundred over students. The times of blank staring into the sky while i stood along the corridor, only to be asked if i was thinking about xxx. (which i wasn't)

Every step i take, every portion of ground i invade, will evoke memories. Memories that seem like it was made only last year, and this i don't exaggerate. The friendships i still share with my current buddies that came from ACJC have never failed to make me marvel over the amount of time that has lasped, time has hasn't really resulted in too much uncomfortable change. I'm not sure i'm ready or even want much to change at all. This's one reason why i fear when girl friends get attached. Sorry lah, but i am like a mamasan that way.

So much to say, so much to recollect.

Looking forward to seeing you, my lovely Library Gang! And i'll be sure to be trigger happy. Remind me to charge my camera batteries.

For my pains at an archery event, my reward is some moolah! O.o Now this, i was not really expecting. So... YAY!

***

(Update)
Under "Unusual Animals", there's one called "Snailio Flipbook": I never would've thought that snails, yes, SNAILS (one of the grossiest things to exist, in my books) could be such an inspiration. Yes. Snail. An I-N-S-P-I-R-A-T-I-O-N.
And yet more still, there's another called "By Popular Demand": Allow your computer screen to only hold the first photo of the lone baby panda. Focus on it. Then, scroll down to see the next photo. This photo of baby pandas loaded, reloaded, overloaded, got me shrieking and squealing in excitement, flapping my wrists... and then laughing over my infantile reaction.
(i feel my cerebral blood pressure rising dangerously high)

Need i say more... See it to believe it!

*

I do pop by that infamoose blogger's site to see what controversial stuff she has to say. This time, she put a link to this webpage FULL OF DROP DEAD CUTE ANIMAL PHOTOS, called CuteOverload.

For a site that looks almost family friendly, i'm surprised to find it peppered with some expletives. I suppose that them animals are just tooooooooooooooo cute, that they elicit some really strong emotions.

Checked out the puppy category and boy was i greeted with loads of ... I can't even begin to describe it myself. For animal lovers, this site is a must-visit. Not sure about people who're adverse to animals, but... Some photos really did get me laughing soundlessly, so you might like to pop by and give yourself a chance to see nature in its quirkiness! (With the exception of some that've been set up by humans with too much time on their hands/people who derive pleasure in seeing... I dunno man.)
Oh, and reading the captions put things into context.

Aren't animals just the kewtest.

And then there're these photos of a beautiful little fawn and a dog cuddled together. It's under the "Cute or Sad?" category.

I couldn't find a URL for each photo, so you'll need to scroll through the photos, but that just serves to make it one nice long visual treat! Like they say, you might die from a head explosion.

*dies*

Season of Pain, Season of Love.

Firstly, if i'm right about who he is, i didn't know that this friend of mine had a blog, but i just stumbled upon it for some reason. And I read something that shot me straight to my heart. I think he is quoting this passage from a book by Rick Warren (author of "The Purpose Driven Life"):

To share with what Rick said:

"You may have been passionate about God in the past but you've lost that desire.That was the problem of the Christians in Ephesus-they had left their first love.They did all the right things, but out of duty, not love.

If you've just been going through the motions spiritually, don't be surprised when God allows pain in your life. Pain is the fuel of passion-it energizes us with an intensity to change that we don't normally possess. It's God's way of arousing us from spiritual lethargy.

Your problems are not punishment; they are wake-up calls from a loving God. God is not mad at you; he's mad about you, and he will do whatever it takes to bring you back into fellowship with him."

I know that i'm copying and pasting wholesale but i feel that i need to place these here so that it can be a reminder to me, and not to be lost as a result of my often faulty memory.

This is GOD's Word on the subject: "As soon as Babylon's seventy years are up and not a day before, I'll show up and take care of you as I promised and bring you back home.

I know what I'm doing. I have it all planned out--plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for.

"When you call on me, when you come and pray to me, I'll listen.

"When you come looking for me, you'll find me.

"Yes, when you get serious about finding me and want it more than anything else,I'll make sure you won't be disappointed." GOD's Decree.

"I'll turn things around for you. I'll bring you back from all the countries into which I drove you"--GOD's Decree--"bring you home to the place from which I sent you off into exile. You can count on it. -- Jeremiah 29:10-14

Thank you my friend, for putting that up on your blog. I think i have the book lying somewhere around the house and it's about time i took the advice of many to pick it up and learn the precious lessons.

Did i also mention that QT today was awesome?

In this Season of Pain, i've found the True Love Of All Time.

A Blessed Valentine's Day to you all.

Today, i want to be swept up and swept away. I want to soar over the Earth effortlessly like a passing spirit, holding fast onto You, and be sheltered by Your wings. I want to hear songs that belong far beyond, my cares far behind me.

I want to be everywhere else but here. Just for today.

And then, I have a lecture later this evening. -.-

After following a link from a friend's blog, i was brought to a site documenting a number of amusing animals stories... Like how: (Mari, there're other hamster stories to read!)

Being a fat hamster is not so bad after all... *thinks of our own fatso of a hamster*

Hamster survives poison

10kg cat?

Is there a recipe for this kind of crab? Can grow as big as a dinner plate you know! can control their population wad.

Another sucky february. Saint Valentine and the Cherub can go and take a hike unless a miracle happens.

This is an established fact. School's out=Less blogging. School's in=Too much nonsense to blog. Today shall be blog-off-the-top-of-my-head day.

1.
While removing bottles of wine and goodies from a table to lay the newly washed placemat beneath them all, it occured to me: how easy it can be to "take things out" (do something in your life only to mess it up), and how it can be relatively more difficult to put things back together again. And when you attempt to put things back, the situation may not mend and restore itself into its original state. New state can be good AND/OR bad.

2.
Die. Have written 900+ words out of a maximum cap of 1500 and i'm not even half done. Die.

3.
Doing the first essay of the year for the social psychology module, and i find my brain entangled as i grapple with all the concepts: Of both psychological and sociological nature. Wheee! Don't get me wrong. It's exciting even, to be lost in my thoughts, considering how each concept may map or contrast with one another to help us understand the issues with methods of testing as well as us, human beans. Melikes.
Hm, I'm hungry. All them calories prolly went up to the grey matter.

Hm! Didn't know that.

Did you know that C.S. Lewis and J.R.R Tolkien were friends from way back?

From ChristianityToday.com, i quote:

"Our world would be poorer without two other worlds: Narnia and Middle-earth. Yet if two young professors had not met at an otherwise ordinary Oxford faculty meeting in 1926, those wondrous lands would still be unknown to us." (- by Chris Armstrong) (click here for more)

You know, in a scenario where the guy is openly looking at an attractive lady while in the presence of his girlfriend and gets "caught"...

I would rather the guy tell me outright that he was looking at her, as opposed to him lying to me by giving me some lame excuse/story to cover it up.
For all you know, i may even agree that she's beautiful because i don't believe in holding back compliments, where it is due.

Of course, i would love to and wouldn't hesitate to *beep!* the ogling head with my bare hands and bulging biceps. (me is not angel)
But i also know that men are visual creatures. Depriving them of beauty is like choking them to death, you know?

My point is, we girls are not stupid. We are very sensitive (in every sense of the word) and savvy about this kind of thing. You can't fool us.

So, to save yourself from getting hammered into pulp by your girlfriends either through verbal or physical attack, my suggestion is: Don't lie. Moderate looking is fine in general. Most importantly, is that you need to guard your thoughts.

Better still (my idealistic favourite... Duuh!) : Don't look. (choking to death already?)

And yes for your information, according to the rules of etiquette (and common sense), i quote: "A man who has wandering eyes and openly admires other women even when you are together is not only uncommitted, he also does not respect you."

Ah, but how about when the girlfriend's not around?

This one, i no give advice. This one... Go figure.

*** ***

Was blog surfing and landed upon this site which had a link to "Water Bed Candid Camera".

First, it got me staring at the screen to wait and see what it was all about. Then the bewildered chuckles started and initially felt a bit bad for the people, but then that slowly gave way to a constant grin coupled with sniggers here and there. Then it got me laughing outloud, guffawing openly. Then the er... funniness (?) came fast and furious and soon the laughter became soundless with gasping shrieks and then tears of uncontrollable mirth started sprouting out from my eyes...

I've not laughed that hard since our Ministah morphed into a friendly visiting alien right before our eyes on national TV last August 9th. (was that why there wasn't an encore telecast? or did i miss it. Hm...)

Gotta love the two ladies at the last bit of the clip. The body language and communication between the two was hopelessly hilariously tickle lishily!

All at the expense of complete strangers, some maybe even their dignity. Wicked, lah.