just to share a thought and opinion. mostly for the girls.

I used to be very affected by what i saw in magazines. Toned and slim women, with long limbs and glowing skin. No thanks to the 6 months subscription to Shape magazine. But after a while, i began to see that i can NEVER be like what i see in magazines because i am basically just not biologically born to have what they have! Simple as that. The best that i can do for myself, is to simply take care of my body, and just work it out to the best that it can be. And i've to accept that it will not be "perfect", still.

But you know what? Although i said that i've come to understand that i can only reach the best of what my natural body can offer, it does not mean that i must/will(all the time) attempt to do so.

Why? I am aware of the dangers of following trends and pleasing people. Because of my stand of what is truly important to me, I screen my motivations for wanting to have "the best that my body can be". Am i working my body so that i can meet the standards of what beauty is in society? Or am i working out to feel better about myself? Or am i doing it for my health? etc.

My point simply is this: Chase after what is truly beneficial. Don't chase after things that are temporal and superficial. And even if you do, somewhere, somehow, you will still need to find that peace within yourself, ABOUT yourself and your identity.
Do not hanker after impossibilities that will only leave you disappointed with yourself. Know reality and know where you stand.

Nobody said that i must follow and live up to what the world deems as attractive. I refuse to allow such standards to seep into my head to make me feel insecure.

Think about this:
In the past, fat women were considered erotic. Today, slim and less voluptuous women have taken over the stage. As you can see, the image and what constitutes beauty changes with time and social context.
So, what if one day, the fashion trend of being fat comes back again. Are you going to follow that trend? (think about your health)
Likewise, if the benchmark for skinny-is-beautiful skyrockets, shall we all become anorexic? (mind your health!)

My point is: Is it sensible to follow everything the world tells you to do?

If my values are not rooted in the world's, then the world cannot really hurt me too much with all its demands.

Which is why i do not purposefully or take it to heart that i MUST reach the best that i can. Because i know that in time, if i let superficiality sink into my mind and reason for my goals, i know that when the day comes when i can no longer upkeep what i desire or if i feel challenged by others around me, i will sink into pointless depression. Now, we don't want that, do we?

This can also apply to other areas in life. As long as a building is constructed on foundations of sand, it will crumble like a stack of cards the minute a storm comes.

So what/who/where is your firm foundation where you can ground all your beliefs, opinions, values and principles?

Grarrrff. No pictures from our sheares bridge run yesterday. Hey, i was out there with two strapping young men who'll think i'm a nut/crazy bimbo if i whipped out my camera to snap pictures. I didn't want to super pai seh myself in front of them, ok?

My conclusion from yesterday's 6km: I NEED MORE TRAINING. Not so much as to get a better timing, or to fulfil any expectations/requirements... But mostly to GET INTO SHAPE FIRST! The timing and all that can come later. I've been doing my weekly walks and little runs but no full fledged training, due to my schedule and other committments. But as a result of that, my knee started to hurt halfway and my right calf began to experience the beginnings of an ache that felt like it might've gone into a cramp if i exerted myself more. I don't really know what it was since it didn't get worse, but i slowed my pace and made sure i moved to the left of the road to anticipate the chance that i may have to stop. Despite being able to jog all the way, I've NEVER had such ailments during my runs before! This goes to show that i was ill prepared.

Running long distances is not my passion. I prefer sprinting, like for 100m, which is my pet distance. ;-> Running long distances is something i do out of necessity for my health, and for the challenge and because in general, i like sports. While there's an element of "for fun" in running, it's not really my idea of fun (fun would be something like archery, shooting...). I run, well, also because logistically it is simple and it doesn't require me to bug anyone.

In preparation for a potentially punishing ordeal, a.k.a new balance real run (read: real torture), i'm going to plan out a schedule where i'll train at East Coast: on road and on sand. I've got to. As for trail training, i guess Bukit Timah Hill will be it. There go my sundays and maybe some saturdays. Strangely, i think the part i'm already hating most as i write this isn't the training but the travelling hassle to my destinations. Teehee. Where're the teleportation stations?!

I don't know how i'm going to do this, but i can foresee that my self discipline is going to be stretched beyond the norm. Now, to plan my training.

Ok, i really don't know what i landed myself in.... but. I signed up for the new balance real run already. I think i'm runner number 5454 (wot a pretty number), so i think places are running (pun not intended) out really fast since the registration opened on wednesday.

Sian... I think i will be one of the few beginners going for it. Going to be really pai seh i think.

Anyone for the New Balance Real Run?

7km OR 12km on Road
1km on Trail
1km on Sand
1km on Runway

I'm keen. Ambrose is keen. Are you? We're thinking of doing the 10km one.

***

Island Shop:
- bracelet, U.P.: $19. Joline got it for $1.90 instead.
- slipper thing, U.P.: $69. She scored, picking it up for $13.
- tops (3 of them), U.P.: $79, $79, $23. Again she picked them all at $9, $23 and $6.90 respectively.

G2000 blu jacket, U.P.: $69. Snagged it at $29.

POST Great Singapore Sale, i lub'chiew. And ok, i'm a cheapo ***t. As my good friend Xiao calls me.

***

It's great to be confident enough about my looks to be able to walk around town without a single molecule of make-up on my face, with minimal accessories and in a tee, shorts and slippers.

Thank God for whatever i've been given even though i know that i'm nowhere near perfect. It's not that i don't have my insecurities. Oh please, i do. I've got thunder thighs and calves, stretch marks, tree trunk upper arms, small eyes, stubby fingers and such. I know that there is only a certain level (if you want to compare with the "ideal" image of beauty) that i can reach with what i've been born with. Those, i have to accept.

Yet, while i can still go to great lengths to doll myself up and "look good", i choose not to and i'm still perfectly at ease with how i look without all the effort. Oh, you can also add that i'm at ease, AND lazy. :-)

I'd rather not complicate matters too much (i do go for the occasional facial just to indulge) because i don't exactly fancy destroyed skin when i've aged. Too much make up and other chemicals will ruin your skin. Yes, i concede i'm vain in what way. But hey, i'm thinking long term!

But of course, who wouldn't want to be the envy of other girls, or snag a handsome hunk? I guess while being in a world like this, we all have fantasies at the back of our minds (ok, for some, they are at the front) but to me, "looking gorgeous" according to the world's standards is not important to me. I know where my value is found and values lie, and i know who i am important to. That is what matters to me most.

***

I just ate a really swell apple. A pretty light rosy pink, with a firm crunch when you bite into it with a sweet, fragrant flavour. Cold too. And from China. I thought to myself, "I'm sure they'll NEVER be able to artificially replicate an apple..." But then, they made fake eggs and sold them. Now i'm not too sure.

about dads: in heaven and earth

I'm baacckk. After a week of hiatus. I didn't quite have anything interesting to say, and for obvious reasons, i didn't think i could move on with a clear state of mind what with some issues bugging me. While i'm ok now, i know that my heart and mind need to heal slowly. But nothing too tragic that i cannot handle... With God of course. God has been revealing a lot of things to me about myself recently, good thing i wrote them all down. I strongly believe that as i clear the obstacles, i'll be able to better live out the "abundant life" that Christ really means for us to enjoy in Him. :-)

Ok, i've not been running as intensely and as often as i like these days despite having a run coming up this sunday. I'll be running with my brot.... er, i mean, sister, Ambrose! Time for a cliche: we'll be "running this race together" just as we will run the race of life as siblings in Christ.

Singapore Bay Run, here we come!

***

The other day, i had a bad bout of bloating because of this IBS thingy (that's "irritable bowel syndrome" for you) and i was so visibly upset that when my mom asked me what was wrong, i cried as i told her how frustrated i was since i thought i was getting much better already. And i was (still am) taking such expensive medicines.

And so it is within a family that news passes around as quickly as Jed eats food. Mom asked if i wanted someone to pray for me, and i said yes... So she told my dad about it and as i was lying on my bed, feeling bloated and all, dishevelled-after-shower-wet-hair, tear stained face plastered to and half hiding behind my thick bolster, my dad walked into my room to talk to me.

He said that sometimes, we get afflicted with problems in life. Not everyone can be in perfect health... And being a christian, we are not exempted from it either. It just teaches us to rely and trust in God. We can pray and ask for healing, and if God heals us, great!, but if he doesn't, praise and thank him anyway. Believing in God is not about the good times only, but also in the bad.

We don't stop praising or thanking him when we go through tough times (God is God, and he alone is worthy of praise, so it's not how we feel, what he does for us, or what we go through that is an indicator of how intensely we should be worshipping him).These are the very words that i tell myself and other people all the time. It's as if the test for me to believe in these very words is here. Dad spoke to me in a logical, kind of disciplining, yet very gentle way. I wonder what he thought about his daughter at that point in time as he looked at me in that rather pathetic looking predicament.

I could only nod my head slightly every time i agreed with him, sniff, blink my swollen eyes and utter "Mm." at intervals.

So after he spoke to me, we closed our eyes and he prayed for me. It was simple, sincere, love-and-wisdom filled. I felt like crying some more, not because of what was being said in his prayer, but because my daddy had placed his hand gently on my belly and that he was praying for me! My daddy was praying for me!

It's not that my dad would not do something like this for me if i had asked at other times. But it was just how he doesn't always show his love in such a tender and loving way, and how he is always the critical man he is during conversations and has always something to say for everything that i do. I was just touched that here i am, having some personal time with my dad (or dads? you know, the one in heaven) when i was feeling vulnerable and in need.

So yeah, i don't quite know how to end this post except to tell you that i am in tears now again just thinking about that experience and that there's nothing like knowing that there ARE people who care for and love you.

PS: The other night, over dinner, dad said: "Don't eat too much chilli ah, it'll give you gas." In my usual stubborness, i just nodded and smiled slightly (i like chilli ok!) and didn't really say "yes ok". But i took heed of his advice, and though i usually hear warnings as irritating nagging, in my heart i heard very loudly the "I love you" that my dad had just said to me.

It's weird and sad, that there was once a fierce intent to make things right as quickly as possible at all costs during a disagreement. But now, there is no such thing as eager pursuance anymore.

Is this what time does? Does it make people take things for granted, with much less passion and careful concern for the other.

It makes me sad, disappointed and disillusioned.

***

All of us are psychotic in some way. I'd be the first to admit that i am.

"Guys. Martians. Equate."

I was going through an old diary from 2002 when i saw this and laughed out loud. It's not exactly profound or anything, but it just reminded me about my past thoughts and how i would say the things that confirmed my then-hatred for men and how i would in saying such things help myself get over the poison inside. It was just one of the more light hearted things i indulged in, in my writings while trying to survive through junior college and a bad break-up.

***

I am SO pissed with my client and the whole working strategy. !@#$$@#%%$^^&%^$*

the boy

On my way to meet the birthday boy... I snapped this while walking across the road and didn't look at how i was going to compose it. Still, i think it turned out pretty arty farty. Teehee.









Just a snapshot of the grass by the bus stop. I liked how the the sunlight was caught and reflecting off the blades of green grass. Full of life and clarity.










A snapshot of a old block of buildings just next to the new La Selle SIA school building.











This was taken after our chosen movie, "The Simpsons"! at the cathay. 30 min of nonsense extended into a 1 hour plus movie lah. HAHA. But i don't regret watching it one bit. Now i've got the Spiderpig ring tone in my phone.





Ok, our classic-obligatory-must-publish-screwed-up-faces.










Best boyflen ever. :-)

Lately...

Other then expanding my adipose tissue this hols...

Gem and i went on a trip to Sentosa! (via cable chair and we also tried the skylift thingy that took us from the beach back up to the cablecar station, WOOT!)

To Sentosa... It's been years since my first cable car ride.









Lazing on the beach. :-D











Some fictitious dragon bones. Heh. Encountered on our way down to the beach.







Attempted to take a photo. I look odd cos the glare of the sunlight was hurting me eyes. *squint*







This male peacock was quite a headturner. :-) So pretty. The combination of feathers spells vibrant colours, textures and patterns all rolled into one!





***


Puppy visiting at Jun's place. Many a heads were bursting at the cuteness of 4 chihuahua pups, and one pretty mommy chihuahua. Featured here is the only female pup and her brother, Patch.





***
NTU cell goes to Pulau Ubin! This was taken while on a really bumpy boat ride. The sky was threatening, the sea was choppy and the wind was gusty... and NTU cell chose to sit OUTSIDE (muah haha). It felt like at any moment, one of us could've gone overboard. We were thrown from side to side, with cold and salty sea water spraying and splattering furiously all over our faces and bodies. It was hilarious! Every time we got hit, a series of shrieks and screams would entail. Thank God none of us got sick after that.





A rather rabid looking person. Wonder who it is.










Chek Jawa!












Jun's muddy shoes and my muddy feet










"NTU Cell was here", at Noordin Beach.












Gem and Mr Sea-Disgusting-Slug











Ta-ta Noordin Beach! And we left for mainland soon after. :-)










***
Were a lot more people photos, but as usual, i'm bounded by privacy rules. Had great fun! Back to my readings. *skips off*

Time to get into shape man, and i don't mean the round kind of shape. Because i've got 3 runs coming up:
Sheares Bridge 6km Run (26th August)
Shape 5km Run (9 September)
Standard Chartered Half Marathon (2 December)

Hooooooooo boooyyyy... *gulp*
Need to get better, PRONTO!

***

I read the latest Habitudes images that were sent to me, and i found myself nodding in agreement with every one of them. Timely and in season for me right now.

Speaking of things "in season", other than school that has just begun for me, i need to get down to sending out my applications to the Unis over yonder. A few years ago, my dad was adamant about me going overseas, because i wasn't street smart or mature enough. But today, it's an entirely different story. He asked me this two nights ago: "So, have you decided what to do (course) and where you want to go? You better start sending out your applications." The look on his face. I can't quite put my finger on it.

It's a clear green light that he's all for me leaving the country now to pursue my masters.

(rather interesting that one of my last two modules i'm taking this sem is called Acculturation Psychology. It's all about 'culture shock', the what and hows of it. Perfect for me, and i didn't realize how apt it is for me now, because i'm one scardy cat when it comes to travelling to a foreign land.)

The question about whether i'm REALLY going to go is another hurdle though. There are a few factors in my life that are being revealed to me right now that kind of make me wonder about what God intends for me after i graduate from UniSIM. I'll find out in time. As long as it get these applications going!

Wait. I haven't even decided what course i want to do yet.