When a person has never gone through a certain lesson in life or have really felt how others felt in true empathy, they can only have an ideal idea of how things and people should be like.
As much as my heart does not wish to judge others, events of late has taught me never to assume and draw a boundary around the capabilities of a person based on who we know them to be personality-wise or what we think they are capable of doing.
You can never know a person in their entirety and humans are complex creatures.
So, i would appreciate it if you would pause for a moment to consider the weight of your words before telling me or others not to judge because you do not know what i or others have gone through. I have emphasized it to you and hopefully you have listened and heard the pain in my voice.
It hurt me to think that you think i judge others, but my aim has never been to judge people (my career choice forbids me to fyi). I may tell you in time to come what happened, and so you will understand.
Just know that while ideals are great if you can upkeep them, also remember that life is never ideal. I have tasted that in my own life. As i have already stated clearly to you, I simply have learnt not to be naive anymore regarding certain things and people. That is not tantamount to judging, i am simply just more aware.
Saturday, May 30, 2009
Monday, May 25, 2009
A testimony for the sceptic, who is me.
We were outside one of the practice rooms waiting for a group of people to come out, when cheryl, my band's bass guitarist, shared with me and others around her that she woke up this morning with her hands red, swollen and painful and she had no idea why. And boy, were they really red, and swollen. In my mind, i was thinking: "should we pray...? sigh, don't want..." (my lazy, faithless human mind)
But my worship leader said, "come, lets pray for cheryl..." so we gathered around her and a few of us led outloud in prayer of healing for her hands. When 2-3 people were done praying, we looked at her hands again and saw that the redness had lessened but it was still swollen and painful. Usually, i remain quiet unless i feel that i have something to say but during a silent moment, Tomlin said, "I just feel that, joline, you should pray for cheryl. I asked God who else should and i saw your face... Just hold on to cheryl's whole finger."
I was of course stunned (more on that later, because i have some background info) but so i started out. I firstly declared that we have the holy spirit in us, and that allows us to do what Jesus could do in the past and therefore we have every ability of the holy spirit. I said to God, since you said you wanted to use me to bring healing to others, then this is what i'm asking for. With that, i just asked for healing for her hand and commanded the swelling and pain to leave. When we checked, the redness had gone down a little more but it was still swollen and painful.
By that time, it was time to enter the room for our pre-service prayer and so we decided to just trust God for the healing to come in time.
As usual, we started our time just singing and worshipping God... And for some reason, the prayer time we had was so intense. People were receiving words of affirmation of love and also God was telling us how He wants us to trust Him and His ways and to move along with His plans.
While worshipping, i suddenly had this strong urge to go over to cheryl on the other side of the room to pray again for her hands. At first i was like, "Nah... are you sure this is me just wanting to be altruistic or is this really God inspired?"
But then, my pastor had a vision of a mighty rushing river, but there were people standing by the side afraid to jump in. She felt God saying that the river was his holy spirit, and was saying to us to not be afraid to jump in because although it looks scary, he will never allow us to be hurt or killed but instead would lead us with His power.
At first i thought that did not make much sense to me but as i reflected on it, it DAWNED on me that: HEY. THIS IS EXACTLY what i am going through... (more on that later, as i said! :oD)
We started to sing the bridge of the song "Healer" and i was again stunned because we weren't spending the time praying for healing but rather we were just listening to God.
With the urge so strong to go over to Cheryl and with the final push/cue as they sang "Healer", i went over with both faith and fear in my heart. It occured to me that perhaps God was going to allow THIS time instead to show us His healing power. This was the moment.
To my surprise, two of my other friends also started to approach cheryl to pray for her. I was like, "oh. my. word". It was like, we were all prompted at the same time!
(i checked with Tomlin and he said that at that moment, he "sensed that something was coming". Cool huh?)
I decided to choose confidence over disbelief, and knelt in front of cheryl, held both her hands and started to pray with two of my friends as the rest sang and worshipped in their own way.
As the time came to a close when the music died down, i opened my eyes and cheryl and i smiled at one another... And she opened her hands and... There was NO MORE REDNESS, NO MORE SWELLING, AND BEST, NO MORE PAIN.
Those around us who saw us in a huddle asked if her hand still hurt and she said "There's no more pain!"
I myself could not believe it even when she showed me her hands and exclaimed, "See! Back to skinny fingers! You can see the bone!"
Ok, my faithless doubting mind always doesn't run far from me, i had to keep looking at her hand to see the difference... It was indeed back to normal. Earlier on, it was seriously red and swollen but now, the difference was STARK. Haha, i told her we should've taken a before and after photo...
I still have to say that God has to throw a brick at me at times. I am a very careful charismatic (the denomination) christian and i question and doubt a lot. Even with a miracle occurring before my very eyes, i could still ask myself whether it was really true and maybe there is a scientific reason for it, or maybe it was my friend's prayer (which is such a ridiculous thought because it is God's power and not who prayed that makes the difference) or whatever.
It's not that we can demand things out from God the Genie as and when we want to. Whatever happens or does not happen is God's choosing. Even if nothing visible happens, that is not the point. What matters is that i'm relying on a living God with whom i have a relationship with, prayer changes things in the invisible spiritual realm and I am simply choosing to step out in faith (and some inevitable fear of course) and exercising the bible's truth.
I know that what i saw and experienced was true and real. Nothing can take away the fact that it happened and that God partnered with me and my friends to pray and see the healing happen to bless my friend.
This incident has bolstered my faith and my resolve to continue in my walk with God despite the things happening around me. I am tired of being a quiet status quo christian. I am tired of being sceptical and jaded. I want to bring God's kingdom onto the streets. Yes, i am an imperfect, weak and flawed human being prone to going back to my old ways, but my Father God is neither of that. And that gives me all the reason to trust and move forward and bring destruction to barriers and obstacles, seen and unseen.
***
Background info will share in the next post or so.
But my worship leader said, "come, lets pray for cheryl..." so we gathered around her and a few of us led outloud in prayer of healing for her hands. When 2-3 people were done praying, we looked at her hands again and saw that the redness had lessened but it was still swollen and painful. Usually, i remain quiet unless i feel that i have something to say but during a silent moment, Tomlin said, "I just feel that, joline, you should pray for cheryl. I asked God who else should and i saw your face... Just hold on to cheryl's whole finger."
I was of course stunned (more on that later, because i have some background info) but so i started out. I firstly declared that we have the holy spirit in us, and that allows us to do what Jesus could do in the past and therefore we have every ability of the holy spirit. I said to God, since you said you wanted to use me to bring healing to others, then this is what i'm asking for. With that, i just asked for healing for her hand and commanded the swelling and pain to leave. When we checked, the redness had gone down a little more but it was still swollen and painful.
By that time, it was time to enter the room for our pre-service prayer and so we decided to just trust God for the healing to come in time.
As usual, we started our time just singing and worshipping God... And for some reason, the prayer time we had was so intense. People were receiving words of affirmation of love and also God was telling us how He wants us to trust Him and His ways and to move along with His plans.
While worshipping, i suddenly had this strong urge to go over to cheryl on the other side of the room to pray again for her hands. At first i was like, "Nah... are you sure this is me just wanting to be altruistic or is this really God inspired?"
But then, my pastor had a vision of a mighty rushing river, but there were people standing by the side afraid to jump in. She felt God saying that the river was his holy spirit, and was saying to us to not be afraid to jump in because although it looks scary, he will never allow us to be hurt or killed but instead would lead us with His power.
At first i thought that did not make much sense to me but as i reflected on it, it DAWNED on me that: HEY. THIS IS EXACTLY what i am going through... (more on that later, as i said! :oD)
We started to sing the bridge of the song "Healer" and i was again stunned because we weren't spending the time praying for healing but rather we were just listening to God.
With the urge so strong to go over to Cheryl and with the final push/cue as they sang "Healer", i went over with both faith and fear in my heart. It occured to me that perhaps God was going to allow THIS time instead to show us His healing power. This was the moment.
To my surprise, two of my other friends also started to approach cheryl to pray for her. I was like, "oh. my. word". It was like, we were all prompted at the same time!
(i checked with Tomlin and he said that at that moment, he "sensed that something was coming". Cool huh?)
I decided to choose confidence over disbelief, and knelt in front of cheryl, held both her hands and started to pray with two of my friends as the rest sang and worshipped in their own way.
As the time came to a close when the music died down, i opened my eyes and cheryl and i smiled at one another... And she opened her hands and... There was NO MORE REDNESS, NO MORE SWELLING, AND BEST, NO MORE PAIN.
Those around us who saw us in a huddle asked if her hand still hurt and she said "There's no more pain!"
I myself could not believe it even when she showed me her hands and exclaimed, "See! Back to skinny fingers! You can see the bone!"
Ok, my faithless doubting mind always doesn't run far from me, i had to keep looking at her hand to see the difference... It was indeed back to normal. Earlier on, it was seriously red and swollen but now, the difference was STARK. Haha, i told her we should've taken a before and after photo...
I still have to say that God has to throw a brick at me at times. I am a very careful charismatic (the denomination) christian and i question and doubt a lot. Even with a miracle occurring before my very eyes, i could still ask myself whether it was really true and maybe there is a scientific reason for it, or maybe it was my friend's prayer (which is such a ridiculous thought because it is God's power and not who prayed that makes the difference) or whatever.
It's not that we can demand things out from God the Genie as and when we want to. Whatever happens or does not happen is God's choosing. Even if nothing visible happens, that is not the point. What matters is that i'm relying on a living God with whom i have a relationship with, prayer changes things in the invisible spiritual realm and I am simply choosing to step out in faith (and some inevitable fear of course) and exercising the bible's truth.
I know that what i saw and experienced was true and real. Nothing can take away the fact that it happened and that God partnered with me and my friends to pray and see the healing happen to bless my friend.
This incident has bolstered my faith and my resolve to continue in my walk with God despite the things happening around me. I am tired of being a quiet status quo christian. I am tired of being sceptical and jaded. I want to bring God's kingdom onto the streets. Yes, i am an imperfect, weak and flawed human being prone to going back to my old ways, but my Father God is neither of that. And that gives me all the reason to trust and move forward and bring destruction to barriers and obstacles, seen and unseen.
***
Background info will share in the next post or so.
Sunday, May 24, 2009
Friday, May 22, 2009
at the dog run on a sunday evening
That's Jed at the dog run looking wistfully at a piece of dog food that my sister is holding in her hand. I taught him to do this trick where he rests his little snout and paw on the lap of the food giver. Kinda of a useless trick but i thought he looked so cute so i figured it's be nice to have him do it on command. :-D
This beagle came by and started to dig at my sister's pocket because there was a plastic bag of dog food in there... Beagles are hunting dogs and have a very powerful sense of smell. As you can see, my sister is trying to protect the food. :-D Earlier on, Jed had lost a piece of dog treat in the ground between my feet and since he couldn't dig it up to eat it, he left it there. It didn't take the Beagle much time to run over from dunno where to my sister to dig for food from her pocket and to also pick up the scent of the tiny hidden piece of food in the ground left by Jed. It tried to dig for the piece but i think it failed since it was caught somewhere deep in the grass. I'm amazed by its little nose!Tuesday, May 19, 2009
absolute pain, absolute love, faith, grace and beauty
I tried to shower as fast as i could so that i could catch them awake before they slept. When i reached their room, it was pitch dark and i figured they had already dozed off. I poked around for my mum still so that i could just squeeze in next to her on the bed. I just felt like i needed the comfort so badly like a child all over again. I was thinking of giving up when i felt a hand firmly hold mine and pulling towards the other end of the bed.
So i slipped onto the bed next to my mum thinking that we'd just sleep in silence, but no. As she held my hand in hers, I heard her whispering something and i responded with a "huh?", but it dawned on me that she was praying. A few moments later, she pulled my right hand onto her chest and nestled it in my dad's left hand that she also pulled onto her chest, using her own to hold us together and I heard her praying more distinctly again for our family.
I started to cry and big, full tears rolled down my cheeks and landed on her pillow next to my ears and i could hear them going "thud" each time.
At intervals, she would carress my face and hair and pull my head close to her shoulder, and deliver a kiss on my head. Her shirt became soaked with my tears soon enough. In those moments, i really realized what a strong person my mum can be and more so, how she is a darn solid trooper, soldier, and a beautiful woman of God.
So i slipped onto the bed next to my mum thinking that we'd just sleep in silence, but no. As she held my hand in hers, I heard her whispering something and i responded with a "huh?", but it dawned on me that she was praying. A few moments later, she pulled my right hand onto her chest and nestled it in my dad's left hand that she also pulled onto her chest, using her own to hold us together and I heard her praying more distinctly again for our family.
I started to cry and big, full tears rolled down my cheeks and landed on her pillow next to my ears and i could hear them going "thud" each time.
At intervals, she would carress my face and hair and pull my head close to her shoulder, and deliver a kiss on my head. Her shirt became soaked with my tears soon enough. In those moments, i really realized what a strong person my mum can be and more so, how she is a darn solid trooper, soldier, and a beautiful woman of God.
Monday, May 18, 2009
the little piglets are sleeping by the way...
I laughed and laughed at this video... a bit mean lah, but i'm like, animals are so cute.
Friday, May 08, 2009
as u can tell, i am on a hiatus which was unintentional... i was just busy with driving and getting my practicum paper work settled.
but something very drastic has happened and i am not at liberty to talk about it.
all i know is that i need time to heal from the pain, hurt, anger, hatred, disappointment, and i don't know how i am going to do my practicum without being sullen if i am not talking to anyone.
God is real and the only one i can depend on. The human race is indeed an evil race when it wants to be.
but something very drastic has happened and i am not at liberty to talk about it.
all i know is that i need time to heal from the pain, hurt, anger, hatred, disappointment, and i don't know how i am going to do my practicum without being sullen if i am not talking to anyone.
God is real and the only one i can depend on. The human race is indeed an evil race when it wants to be.
Thursday, April 23, 2009
SEMESTER STATUS: DONE! FINALE! SUDAH! NO MOREEEEE!!!! WHEEEEE!!!!
Now, for:
1. Driving (about time)
2. Read my textbooks (seriously)
3. Buy lots of kinder bueno (pleasures that i can afford)
4. Go window shopping... (sigh, no money to spend liberally, but seeing pretty things is nice after being cooped up at home for too long)
5. Exercise at NTU alumni club (free!)
6. Clear my room (need the space and fresh air)
7. Get my practicum site pinned (In Progress)
8. Make that cheesecake thingy with that recipe i got from a family friend (she wants to know the outcome and i want to eat the outcome!)
9. Dissertation Prep and Supervisor Hunt
Although ths sem is over, i have next sem to think about. Apparently, my holidays still require me to hunt and pin down my practicum site for next sem, think of a dissertation topic, read my textbooks for practicum. Yeah, school is not far away from my mind.
This hols will be busy!
I am also contemplating whether i should go back to shooting on sundays at the range... Just thinking about it makes my heart beat faster and my head go a bit dizzy with excitement.
Now, for:
1. Driving (about time)
2. Read my textbooks (seriously)
3. Buy lots of kinder bueno (pleasures that i can afford)
4. Go window shopping... (sigh, no money to spend liberally, but seeing pretty things is nice after being cooped up at home for too long)
5. Exercise at NTU alumni club (free!)
6. Clear my room (need the space and fresh air)
7. Get my practicum site pinned (In Progress)
8. Make that cheesecake thingy with that recipe i got from a family friend (she wants to know the outcome and i want to eat the outcome!)
9. Dissertation Prep and Supervisor Hunt
Although ths sem is over, i have next sem to think about. Apparently, my holidays still require me to hunt and pin down my practicum site for next sem, think of a dissertation topic, read my textbooks for practicum. Yeah, school is not far away from my mind.
This hols will be busy!
I am also contemplating whether i should go back to shooting on sundays at the range... Just thinking about it makes my heart beat faster and my head go a bit dizzy with excitement.
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
To put a cup filled with soybean milk to my lips and taking a deep, satisfying gulp, is a pure blessing of providence.
I count it nothing less than a privilege.
When we are surrounded by abundance, it seems like it's normal to be having the things that we have. Even assuming that it is our human right to have the things we want. Sometimes, we even demand more.
But how many people in other parts of the world, in slums, in poor districts, can afford to demand that? Their basic human right of dignity is sometimes even forfeited and denied. Let alone having basic necessities like food, clothes, clean water... Or soybean milk for that matter.
I'm blessed, and my heart aches with gratitude.
I count it nothing less than a privilege.
When we are surrounded by abundance, it seems like it's normal to be having the things that we have. Even assuming that it is our human right to have the things we want. Sometimes, we even demand more.
But how many people in other parts of the world, in slums, in poor districts, can afford to demand that? Their basic human right of dignity is sometimes even forfeited and denied. Let alone having basic necessities like food, clothes, clean water... Or soybean milk for that matter.
I'm blessed, and my heart aches with gratitude.
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
random thoughts while i work 2
I love (almost) all things to do with psychology. The theories, the techniques, the way it deals with thought and behaviour. But, i don't want to be a cold therapist in the cold office.
I want to be able to move around and reach people through counselling and talks, with a heart of love, warmth, free of descrimination and of self seeking and self loving thoughts, but also with the determination to set some things right in this crazy world.
Yeah, it sounds like a romantic idea doesn't it? But i think that when God is to be brought to His people through His people, He WILL. make. THE. way.
So i should be a counselling psychologist?
But a year ago, i missed the application for the masters in applied psych program (that has the counselling psych track) but i couldn't afford to wait for the next intake, so i applied for my counselling course instead. I half regret this, but i also am thankful for where i am today.
Since i am a psych graduate, and a counselling postgrad-to-be, can i then be a counselling psychologist?
Hm.
I want to be able to move around and reach people through counselling and talks, with a heart of love, warmth, free of descrimination and of self seeking and self loving thoughts, but also with the determination to set some things right in this crazy world.
Yeah, it sounds like a romantic idea doesn't it? But i think that when God is to be brought to His people through His people, He WILL. make. THE. way.
So i should be a counselling psychologist?
But a year ago, i missed the application for the masters in applied psych program (that has the counselling psych track) but i couldn't afford to wait for the next intake, so i applied for my counselling course instead. I half regret this, but i also am thankful for where i am today.
Since i am a psych graduate, and a counselling postgrad-to-be, can i then be a counselling psychologist?
Hm.
Monday, April 13, 2009
Random thoughts while i work 1
To do after semester:
1. Driving
2. Read my textbooks (seriously)
3. Buy lots of kinder bueno
4. Go window shopping... (sigh, no money to spend liberally)
5. Exercise at NTU alumni club
6. Clear my room
7. Get my practicum site pinned
***
Dad: Woah?! He's (Jed) already 6 years old?!
Jo: Yeap.
Dad: That's near the age that Prints (previous dog) died, at 7.
Jo: Yeap. But he (Jed) still behaves like kuku right (like a 2 year old kid).
Dad: (laughs) Yeah.
***
Before you ever tell someone the truths of the matter, or give them advice, or attempt to change their mindsets, or scold or disciple. ALWAYS, ALWAYS EMPATHIZE, FIRST.
Although you feel the urge to blast the person, or if you are just about to tell them life lessons learnt from your own experience, STOP RIGHT THERE. Take the time to let them talk, listen to the meanings behind those words, be genuinely interested, be present with the person emotionally and psychologically.
Sometimes we are so quick to tell others what they should do, or we want to let OURSELVES be heard that we forget that we are having a dialogue, and not a monologue.
When someone shares a difficulty, allow the person to experience the emotions because they need to work through it. They need to FEEL the emotions, but i of course think that it should not prolong for more than necessary. By cutting them short by giving advice and giving truths even with love, is not allowing a person to be heard and understood. If you don't allow them to feel, the message that they would receive is that their emotions are wrong, should not be felt, should be suppressed. And when you attempt to push ideas to them without them having felt listened to, they will not be receptive, chances are, they may be MORE defensive, if lets say they are not able to control their feelings.
Every person has a right to feeling what they feel, whether the emotions are "right or wrong". By saying that they have a right to feeling is not saying that they are allowed to act in a negative manner (eg. beating up someone), but it is saying that we are feeling creatures and by telling us not to feel is like telling us to shut up and/or to stop breathing.
We all need to learn the art of listening, and listening with patience and empathy.
***
I am so glad this week is relatively quiet and i am not serving for saturday. I have a 20-25 page essay to finish by monday. I have to write an average of 3-4 pages per day starting from tomorrow. Arghhhh. But thank you GOD! It's required to be double spaced, and the 20-25 page thingy includes references (which is kinda rare in academic writing).
1. Driving
2. Read my textbooks (seriously)
3. Buy lots of kinder bueno
4. Go window shopping... (sigh, no money to spend liberally)
5. Exercise at NTU alumni club
6. Clear my room
7. Get my practicum site pinned
***
Dad: Woah?! He's (Jed) already 6 years old?!
Jo: Yeap.
Dad: That's near the age that Prints (previous dog) died, at 7.
Jo: Yeap. But he (Jed) still behaves like kuku right (like a 2 year old kid).
Dad: (laughs) Yeah.
***
Before you ever tell someone the truths of the matter, or give them advice, or attempt to change their mindsets, or scold or disciple. ALWAYS, ALWAYS EMPATHIZE, FIRST.
Although you feel the urge to blast the person, or if you are just about to tell them life lessons learnt from your own experience, STOP RIGHT THERE. Take the time to let them talk, listen to the meanings behind those words, be genuinely interested, be present with the person emotionally and psychologically.
Sometimes we are so quick to tell others what they should do, or we want to let OURSELVES be heard that we forget that we are having a dialogue, and not a monologue.
When someone shares a difficulty, allow the person to experience the emotions because they need to work through it. They need to FEEL the emotions, but i of course think that it should not prolong for more than necessary. By cutting them short by giving advice and giving truths even with love, is not allowing a person to be heard and understood. If you don't allow them to feel, the message that they would receive is that their emotions are wrong, should not be felt, should be suppressed. And when you attempt to push ideas to them without them having felt listened to, they will not be receptive, chances are, they may be MORE defensive, if lets say they are not able to control their feelings.
Every person has a right to feeling what they feel, whether the emotions are "right or wrong". By saying that they have a right to feeling is not saying that they are allowed to act in a negative manner (eg. beating up someone), but it is saying that we are feeling creatures and by telling us not to feel is like telling us to shut up and/or to stop breathing.
We all need to learn the art of listening, and listening with patience and empathy.
***
I am so glad this week is relatively quiet and i am not serving for saturday. I have a 20-25 page essay to finish by monday. I have to write an average of 3-4 pages per day starting from tomorrow. Arghhhh. But thank you GOD! It's required to be double spaced, and the 20-25 page thingy includes references (which is kinda rare in academic writing).
Sunday, April 12, 2009
While waiting for my god brother's water baptism to start, i decided to take parts of my lovely monster yamaha keyboard since i brought the camera with me on stage.Sigh, i still couldn't get a proper video of him being baptised in the pool though.
Methinks this is a good stock photo to mess around with. :oD
Anyways, i am WAYYYYYYYY PROUD of my god brother. Getting baptised and all. And he's always saying this: "I want to seek first His Kingdom and His righteousness." He's thinking of serving in the music ministry soon too. :-D
***
Check out this "baby". It's as big as my palm!
But WAIT! There's a contender on the right! As you can see, my fingers of my right hand have disappeared beneath the mushroom.
My mom, demonstrating that mushrooms can be quite good substitutes for eyes if you think yours are too small.
Yes. This is the contender i spoke of earlier. It is literally as big as your face.My mom being my mom, in one of her wackier moments, took two mushrooms and placed them in front of...
I don't know if i should even be telling you to go figure..
I did NOT take a photo of that. Gosh, my mom is more garang than me.
NB: Once again, i think the alignment has gone wonky.
***
Does anyone have any suggestions for good clothes blogshops? I'm on the prowl...
V: i looked thru 3 collections and somehow... i have concluded that in general, tracyeinny's style is different from mine. pragnaz's webbie seems to be down/dead?
Thursday, April 09, 2009
Remember i said that i recently have been stuffing my face?
The desperation with which i dug into the fridge looking for something sweet and brown, and the ferocity in how i broke the hard piece into smaller bits, threw them into my mouth and chewed down hard despite my liking for it to be melted and smooth, shocked me.
(I'm surprised i didn't gnaw on the bar a la viking:drumstick)
I actually felt my cranial dwelling neurons sigh a huge sigh of relief as my taste buds savoured, in frenzied urgency, the familiar taste of chocolate.
Uh, I am not pregnant.
The desperation with which i dug into the fridge looking for something sweet and brown, and the ferocity in how i broke the hard piece into smaller bits, threw them into my mouth and chewed down hard despite my liking for it to be melted and smooth, shocked me.
(I'm surprised i didn't gnaw on the bar a la viking:drumstick)
I actually felt my cranial dwelling neurons sigh a huge sigh of relief as my taste buds savoured, in frenzied urgency, the familiar taste of chocolate.
Uh, I am not pregnant.
Wednesday, April 08, 2009
Introduction to Family: (COMPLETED. HALLELUJAH!)
Genogram x 1 (DONE)
Role Play x 1 (DONE)
Case Study x 1 (DONE)
MCQ Test x 1 (DONE)
Overall Grade: A- (PRAISE THE LORD!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
Group Counselling: (COMPLETED. HOSANNA!)
Individual Paper x 1 (DONE)
Co-facilitator's Paper x 1 (DONE)
Transcripting x 1 (DONE)
Group Counselling with Violent Youths Presentation x 1 (DONE)
Advanced Counselling: (AGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
Big Fat Essay x 1 (Panicking)
Psychopathology and Appraisal: (EEEEKSS)
Case Study Presentation x 1 (DONE)
3000 word essay x 1 (THINKING: How to do...)
Topic Presentation x 1 (DONE, waiting for group mate to do his edits)
MCQ Test x 1
Genogram x 1 (DONE)
Role Play x 1 (DONE)
Case Study x 1 (DONE)
MCQ Test x 1 (DONE)
Overall Grade: A- (PRAISE THE LORD!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
Group Counselling: (COMPLETED. HOSANNA!)
Individual Paper x 1 (DONE)
Co-facilitator's Paper x 1 (DONE)
Transcripting x 1 (DONE)
Group Counselling with Violent Youths Presentation x 1 (DONE)
Advanced Counselling: (AGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
Big Fat Essay x 1 (Panicking)
Psychopathology and Appraisal: (EEEEKSS)
Case Study Presentation x 1 (DONE)
3000 word essay x 1 (THINKING: How to do...)
Topic Presentation x 1 (DONE, waiting for group mate to do his edits)
MCQ Test x 1
Monday, April 06, 2009
during this coming holidays, i will just spend it exercising.
because firstly, i am broke and exercising is free of charge. what is more, i get to gym at the NTU alumni club as a unisim alumus. teehee. and the gym is not bad at all!
secondly, i need to get myself into shape... been stuffing my face recently and am enjoying it tremendously. *beam*
thirdly, after this hols, it's my practicum so it's my way of preparing myself mentally and physically.
because firstly, i am broke and exercising is free of charge. what is more, i get to gym at the NTU alumni club as a unisim alumus. teehee. and the gym is not bad at all!
secondly, i need to get myself into shape... been stuffing my face recently and am enjoying it tremendously. *beam*
thirdly, after this hols, it's my practicum so it's my way of preparing myself mentally and physically.
Friday, April 03, 2009
I've never said it out loud before till tonight... that I've always felt second class. I was struck by how bitter i sounded when i spoke to my leader. I think these feelings have been harboured for far too long that it's not funny.
I've always felt that i'm not communicated to, i always have to figure it out on my own what in the world the others are doing, unless i flail my arms and yell that i'm lost. I've asked for help but i've always been made to feel that i'm troubling people and/or holding everyone back, especially when there are parties who are always raring to go. I often don't feel included, i don't feel heard, i feel patronized. I wondered if it was just me. I think part of it is, but part of it isn't.
I wondered if it was something i had to put up with, close one eye. But apparently, it resulted in a minor explosion today. And i didn't expect my leader to react so quickly... i think the only thing that made it better for me was that i wasn't the only one feeling less than good about the situation.
Not very comfortable with the fact that it came out still because i've been controlling and suppressing it for so long, so when i just ranted, it sounded really emotional and i don't normally rant to my (guy) leader!
Couldn't help but feel bad afterwards but i guess what has to be said, has been said. The next best thing to do is to keep walking, the aftermath is to be civil and mature about it.
I've always felt that i'm not communicated to, i always have to figure it out on my own what in the world the others are doing, unless i flail my arms and yell that i'm lost. I've asked for help but i've always been made to feel that i'm troubling people and/or holding everyone back, especially when there are parties who are always raring to go. I often don't feel included, i don't feel heard, i feel patronized. I wondered if it was just me. I think part of it is, but part of it isn't.
I wondered if it was something i had to put up with, close one eye. But apparently, it resulted in a minor explosion today. And i didn't expect my leader to react so quickly... i think the only thing that made it better for me was that i wasn't the only one feeling less than good about the situation.
Not very comfortable with the fact that it came out still because i've been controlling and suppressing it for so long, so when i just ranted, it sounded really emotional and i don't normally rant to my (guy) leader!
Couldn't help but feel bad afterwards but i guess what has to be said, has been said. The next best thing to do is to keep walking, the aftermath is to be civil and mature about it.
Thursday, April 02, 2009
http://www.myspace.com/mattmahermusic (the sound quality for the songs is better from this link)
I'm having a blast listening to just these 3 songs on the website!
The last song ("Empty and Beautiful") captivated me musically (piano and orchestral arrangement was absolutely awesome) and lyrically. The musical support really melted together with the words and made it truly a heartfelt, thankful love letter to Jesus.
It's a song about Apostle Paul who was going through a really, really, tough time but yet was stoic and remained faithful to God. Of course he was not without his difficulties but yup, as you listen to the song, you can hear how God sustained him.
Intro to the song:
The song (but the sound not very good):
Maher describes the heart behind his debut (the CD also by the same name, "Empty and Beautiful"):
“In life, we end up having to empty ourselves to achieve that which is beautiful. If you don’t, you never really get made beautiful. It’s a weird dichotomy, especially in the world we live in because there’s so much focus on beauty. The whole idea of having to empty one’s self to achieve beauty is completely counter cultural, but that’s what happens—marriage, service of the poor, sharing the beauty of the gospel. That’s what Christ calls us to do, and I hope these songs will help inspire people to follow Jesus in that way.”
(Source: http://www.myspace.com/mattmahermusic )
I'm having a blast listening to just these 3 songs on the website!
The last song ("Empty and Beautiful") captivated me musically (piano and orchestral arrangement was absolutely awesome) and lyrically. The musical support really melted together with the words and made it truly a heartfelt, thankful love letter to Jesus.
It's a song about Apostle Paul who was going through a really, really, tough time but yet was stoic and remained faithful to God. Of course he was not without his difficulties but yup, as you listen to the song, you can hear how God sustained him.
Intro to the song:
The song (but the sound not very good):
Maher describes the heart behind his debut (the CD also by the same name, "Empty and Beautiful"):
“In life, we end up having to empty ourselves to achieve that which is beautiful. If you don’t, you never really get made beautiful. It’s a weird dichotomy, especially in the world we live in because there’s so much focus on beauty. The whole idea of having to empty one’s self to achieve beauty is completely counter cultural, but that’s what happens—marriage, service of the poor, sharing the beauty of the gospel. That’s what Christ calls us to do, and I hope these songs will help inspire people to follow Jesus in that way.”
(Source: http://www.myspace.com/mattmahermusic )
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
this posting of my work progress really helps me keep accountable to myself...
Introduction to Family: (COMPLETED. HALLELUJAH!)
Genogram x 1 (DONE)
Role Play x 1 (DONE)
Case Study x 1 (DONE)
MCQ Test x 1 (DONE)
Overall Grade: A- (PRAISE THE LORD!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
Group Counselling:
Individual Paper x 1 (IN PROGRESS)
Co-facilitator's Paper x 1 (STATUS: WHAT?!)
Transcripting x 1 (IN PROGRESS)
Group Counselling with Violent Youths Presentation x 1 (DONE)
Advanced Counselling:
Big Fat Essay x 1 (Panicking)
Psychopathology and Appraisal:
Case Study Presentation x 1 (IN PROGRESS)
3000 word essay x 1 (THINKING: How to do...)
Topic Presentation x 1 (DONE, waiting for group mate to do his edits)
MCQ Test x 1
***
Genogram x 1 (DONE)
Role Play x 1 (DONE)
Case Study x 1 (DONE)
MCQ Test x 1 (DONE)
Overall Grade: A- (PRAISE THE LORD!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
Group Counselling:
Individual Paper x 1 (IN PROGRESS)
Co-facilitator's Paper x 1 (STATUS: WHAT?!)
Transcripting x 1 (IN PROGRESS)
Group Counselling with Violent Youths Presentation x 1 (DONE)
Advanced Counselling:
Big Fat Essay x 1 (Panicking)
Psychopathology and Appraisal:
Case Study Presentation x 1 (IN PROGRESS)
3000 word essay x 1 (THINKING: How to do...)
Topic Presentation x 1 (DONE, waiting for group mate to do his edits)
MCQ Test x 1
***
Sunday, March 29, 2009
classroom = altar call room
My God heals the sick, grows out legs (elongate) for people who have one leg shorter than the other (He does! Just ask my pastor who witnessed it first hand... i will be glad to introduce you to her), He gets cancer tumours out of people, restores sight, hearing, mobility, everything! He basically specializes in the humanly impossible. God is AWESOME!
I have 2 classmates in my class who just recently got diagnosed with back problems and I'm hearing one of them wince in pain week after week. I want so bad to bring God's kingdom into my class, to my classmates. I want to see my classmates' eyes and hearts become open and receptive to Jesus. I want to be that child of God who's working out her faith so that His greatness is shown. Like, i want my classroom to be an altar call area for people to be captivated by Christ, to want to be prayed for and to be healed (in any way, physically, emotionally, etc) because Jesus HEALS! I REALLY REALLY REALLY want to. I want Jesus to be known! I really want people to see and know that Jesus is REAL and that they are loved.
I had a thought a few days ago, which is to pray for one particular classmate, and the thought has been bugging me for a few days. I have so much fear. Yet, it is not about how big my faith is that matters, but rather, it is who i put that tiny bit of faith IN. Because it isn't me who is going to heal anyone, it is Jesus.
Imagine, if one classmate is prayed for and experieces God's love and healing, wouldn't that start a mini frenzy of sorts? I don't know for sure... But if God willing, that would be the start of a kind of revival NIE needs, the kind of revival NTU, our schools, Singapore needs!
God's people need to move in faith to bring Jesus to the people. How? If i want to experience things i've never experienced before, i need to do things that i've never done before.
How? GOD! Give me that SUPER CLEAR opportunity please? And can you tell me in my face that that IS THE opportunity? Cos you know your daughter can be duh-blur one.
But of course, there are times when God does not heal and it feels lousy but still, it is an exercise of faith, to still have faith when we see nothing obvious happen. That's what faith is about, isn't it? I guess i worry about what the person i prayed for might think... but that... isn't really my business, come to think of it. My job is to simply obey joyfully. :-) It's God's issue to take up with that person. Not mine.
I have 2 classmates in my class who just recently got diagnosed with back problems and I'm hearing one of them wince in pain week after week. I want so bad to bring God's kingdom into my class, to my classmates. I want to see my classmates' eyes and hearts become open and receptive to Jesus. I want to be that child of God who's working out her faith so that His greatness is shown. Like, i want my classroom to be an altar call area for people to be captivated by Christ, to want to be prayed for and to be healed (in any way, physically, emotionally, etc) because Jesus HEALS! I REALLY REALLY REALLY want to. I want Jesus to be known! I really want people to see and know that Jesus is REAL and that they are loved.
I had a thought a few days ago, which is to pray for one particular classmate, and the thought has been bugging me for a few days. I have so much fear. Yet, it is not about how big my faith is that matters, but rather, it is who i put that tiny bit of faith IN. Because it isn't me who is going to heal anyone, it is Jesus.
Imagine, if one classmate is prayed for and experieces God's love and healing, wouldn't that start a mini frenzy of sorts? I don't know for sure... But if God willing, that would be the start of a kind of revival NIE needs, the kind of revival NTU, our schools, Singapore needs!
God's people need to move in faith to bring Jesus to the people. How? If i want to experience things i've never experienced before, i need to do things that i've never done before.
How? GOD! Give me that SUPER CLEAR opportunity please? And can you tell me in my face that that IS THE opportunity? Cos you know your daughter can be duh-blur one.
But of course, there are times when God does not heal and it feels lousy but still, it is an exercise of faith, to still have faith when we see nothing obvious happen. That's what faith is about, isn't it? I guess i worry about what the person i prayed for might think... but that... isn't really my business, come to think of it. My job is to simply obey joyfully. :-) It's God's issue to take up with that person. Not mine.
Saturday, March 28, 2009
a draft written on the 18th of oct 2008
I finally realized something. I realized why i used to get so "jaded" and critical during worship in church. It's because i did not sustain my own worship life outside of church.
When i say i "don't sustain", i don't mean i stop being a Christian. It just means that i don't engage with God as much as i want to. I often get too busy to talk to Him and so keep in step with Him.
You see. Every time i come to church and i go for prayer and worship with my team, or with the whole church, i feel as if i have to switch on "the whole close eyes, lift hands, holy moly actions, yada yada". But that's BECAUSE... i don't even continue my worship life outside church! OF COURSE i would feel like i have to switch on and switch off "the mode". It's suppose to be... ON the whole time.
But then, i also had the realization that worship does not HAVE to consist of those physical actions i mentioned. In actuality, u can worship any how you want to. The word i got was, "Freedom". Freedom to do anything u want, anything tt shows the Lord your heart's posture of worship.
Which is why, when i come to church after a week of conscientiously keeping quiet time, i come for worship and prayer feeling more refreshed, happy and REAL. The worship is genuine and wholehearted. The only difference is that i am now worshipping with others!
When i say i "don't sustain", i don't mean i stop being a Christian. It just means that i don't engage with God as much as i want to. I often get too busy to talk to Him and so keep in step with Him.
You see. Every time i come to church and i go for prayer and worship with my team, or with the whole church, i feel as if i have to switch on "the whole close eyes, lift hands, holy moly actions, yada yada". But that's BECAUSE... i don't even continue my worship life outside church! OF COURSE i would feel like i have to switch on and switch off "the mode". It's suppose to be... ON the whole time.
But then, i also had the realization that worship does not HAVE to consist of those physical actions i mentioned. In actuality, u can worship any how you want to. The word i got was, "Freedom". Freedom to do anything u want, anything tt shows the Lord your heart's posture of worship.
Which is why, when i come to church after a week of conscientiously keeping quiet time, i come for worship and prayer feeling more refreshed, happy and REAL. The worship is genuine and wholehearted. The only difference is that i am now worshipping with others!
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