I was running late for my family's renuion dinner and there i was at Kallang trying to "fight" for cabs. Apparently, 3 sets of people kinda intercepted "my cab" by standing in front of me instead of behind me (although 2 sets of people were nice enough to still ask if I wanted the cab when it stopped for them instead of me). I was kind of annoyed but i told myself not to worry and that God will provide for all his children and that he would provide for me too.

After a while i thought to myself that my location had too many people in need of cabs, so i decided to walk around the bend to a less crowded place. But then as i stood by the roadside, i felt really stupid because i realized that: alamak... how can i get an empty cab at my spot if all the cabs that went by the previous spot are taken by the people before me? I began to realize that the likelihood of getting a cab was even slimmer at where i was...

Just then, this green cab came along and the driver spotted me. He started to turn in to the kerb despite me not even sticking out my hand to flag it down because (1) there was this HUGE bus just behind it and i didn't want the uncle to kena mashed by the bus if he stopped suddenly, (2) i couldn't see if the cab was empty.

But i opened the door of the cab and asked,
J: Uncle, can we go to ******?
U: Oh? At *****?
J: Oh, yes yes!
U: By CTE?
J: Uhm, whichever's faster.
U: Ok, whichever's faster.

The funny thing was that i only knew my gran's address but i really did not know how to describe to the uncle WHERE my granny stays. I was prepared to have to check the street directory book if he did not know where it was since it isn't a well known place. I even had the wrong impression of where she was staying in my head ( i was thinking "Upper Serangoon" when she's actually at Serangoon Gardens). Had he asked me where the rough location was, i would have blabbered the wrong place. But lo and behold, he totally KNEW where it was despite me just telling him the name of one of those small lanes somewhere in Serangoon. I didn't have to explain anything to him, and i only had to sit back and relax (was feeling tired and gross after cycling 30ish km).

When i alighted, i told him, "Woah uncle, i was scared that you wouldn't know this place you know..." and he replied, "Oh, i come here before..."
This cab driver was DEFINITELY Godsent, man!

And boy, he took me there for a fare less than 10bucks and i even got there before all my relatives did!

Seeing this from a wider point of view, I learnt that as Christians, we don't have to "fight" against people and situations. There really is not point in getting mad and indignant over worldly things because our "battles" aren't physical. All we need to do is just trust that God would take care of everything simply because He is Daddy God. He knows all our needs, we just need to ask and believe in His goodness. Boy, he is a much bigger and able God than we take him for sometimes!

Listening to "The Kraken" track on the Pirates of the Caribbean OST. Woah, the music for the kraken is so cool. How come i never noticed how cool the music was? Maybe the kraken was just too gross. Teehee.

This is it!

I have had enough of saying "i want to drive", "i bet i can drive", but not really going to make the effort to learn to drive. My biggest issue is: fear of being in an accident, second: time spent.

But in an effort to straighten out my personal time management skills, i am going to learn to multi-task and handle school as well as driving for a start.

I've already divided out my final theory book into sections so that i can read a section on a stipulated day and finish it by a certain time. Passing this final theory thingy is my main hurdle. Once i'm done with that, i will then have to summon up all my courage and go for my first driving lesson... I tell you. I am petrified by the very experiences that i have not even experienced! I am afraid of the instructors (before even meeting them), i am afraid of causing an accident (when i haven't even begun), i am afraid of not being able to do it (when i haven't even tried), i am afraid that i will not pass (when i haven't even shown myself what i can do!).

I am friggin' scared!!!!!

But then. Knowing myself, I just know that there will be a time when i will feel ready to take on my fear. It's like, i know that i am still fearful, but i also know that through the time that i have allowed to pass (despite the chidings and the comparisons i get from other people), my will has become set and my heart has steeled.

And so the time is now.

Being imperfect and prone to becoming discouraged though, I decided to blog this because i want to further convince myself that this is it... And that if i fail, flounder, procratinate, you guys have all the right to poke me and tell me to get my arse moving again till i get my driving license...

BBDC, here joline comes.

How is school, you ask?

My dread and inertia has been transformed into anticipation, excitement, complete (or near complete) attention in class, a new sense of conscientiousness. I am almost laughing at myself now. :-D

More importantly though, i've been thinking about all that happened over the last part of 2008. I'm a little frustrated that i cannot remember the bulk of what happened at the most recent varsity camp but i know that somewhere somehow i have to dig it all up and process through it.

On the spiritual/walking with Jesus side, i am totally amazed at what God has spoken to me about through other people during dedicated prayer times. They were absolutely SPOT ON despite not knowing me well personally. Well, spot on simply because God exists and He speaks directly into my life. :-)

This was what God said (in point form) through Pastor V when he prayed for me:

1. God wants to give, or already has given the gift of protecting, caring, laying down of my life for those i love, like a shepherd. But to do that, I first need to know the shepherd. Psalms 23.
2. A picture of an overflowing cup.
3. Jesus wants me to know that He stands beside me always, with his arm around me. (I REALLY needed to know that! I've always wanted God to show me that He's always close beside me.)
4. Love with Courage! (When Pastor said this in his prayer, he digressed to tell me that he didn't know why he said that, but felt that it must be said.)

I can tell you that all of that spoke deeply to me... Point 1 and 4 are especially direct. I'm always seeking to protect or sought to protect people around me. And in future, my career and lifestyle will be all geared specially towards protecting and caring for people. I take this as continuing assurance (boy, i need that confidence to know that i am doing the right thing) that my path taken right now is the right, straight and narrow one. I guess i will need this assurance time and again because the road ahead seems riddled with challenges which will make it tempting to give up. With people, there will always be tricky situations.

I nodded knowingly when God said to "love with courage". Ironically (you will know the details if you know me well enough), i find it hard to love humans for various reasons. To love with courage is to die to/give up my own hard feelings, to let my heart soften and loosen, to not fear anymore, to muster up what little love i have to speak volumes in action, making room for the unlovable or unlovable things, to go out without fear of brokenness.

Awesome, right?

:-)

***

I've signed up for a cycling event called OCBC CycleSingapore with a girly gang. I think this is the first of its kind and i'm not a good cyclist at all. I can only cycle in straight lines! I signed up for the 40km only because i've done 40km once and the event for the majority of the community is only 20km which is far too little.

***

Don't you just LOVE the weather these days? Gusty winds, bright blue skies, the smell of crisp, cold, fresh air... Daddy God, i wish every year would be like this. (or every day?)

***

I bought 9 little frozen soft shell crabs (favourite food!) which my mom is sceptical about me having any success with. Wellll... lets see what google search and some recipe sites will turn up for me. :-) I'll let you know how it goes...

A Blessed New Year to Everyone!
(ok, the below is me trying on some bizarre hats from IKEA)

The Spider Cap






















The Cake Head






















Meow!






















I know that experts have predicted a really disasterous 2009 for Singapore, but you know, as long as we trust in Heavenly Father, there is nothing to worry about. Yes, what happens around us can appear frightening and threatening, but i believe that father will never let us starve. He takes care of his own children, we will always have enough. Maybe not extravagent, but enough. :-)

So, if you're facing uncertainty, just call on the name of Jesus. It does not matter if you believe in Him or not. You know, He believes in you and knows you personally. :-)
Ready to be surprised? All you need to do, is open your heart to Him.

It's kinda sad for me to learn that while i might think that someone is my good friend, the other person may not think i am theirs. It's not because i do bad things... The Reason: Because i don't share much about myself, while they tell me a lot of stuff.

Two people (and maybe more people out there) have told me this recently and it made me think about the way i handle conversations. I tend to be the question asker, the one who listens and never talks much about the self. Most of the time, people open up and pour out stuff and i listen and offer some words or some advice.

I think there are a couple of salient reasons why i don't talk about myself.

Firstly, have you ever been in the presence of people who talk non-stop about themselves? You know those types, like whenever you tell them something you did, or something you thought about, or just anything about yourself, they go something like, "Yeah, yeah... *half interested look* i know what you mean, you know ah, i also.....".

And they launch into this whole long story about themselves and their issues/problems. It's ok when they validate your info and talk about their experiences in relation to what you said. But there are types who never fail to make you feel like they weren't even listening to you, don't care about what you're thinking or feeling, but more interested in talking all about themselves and their woeful/trigger happy life. It's like being totally preoccupied with themselves, in their own little world. When you begin to utter something about yourself, their facial expression suddenly slackens, their eyes wander, and they don't look like they're processing what you say.

I guess having been at the brunt of such experiences often, i learnt to shut up and just listen.

Secondly, i guess it's been a long time since i felt that i've really been listened to. I often feel that perhaps people don't want to listen and that i am not worthy to be listened to. I always feel a sense of guilt when i share something with someone during a conversation. It's as if, by talking about myself, i'm being narcisistic, being a person who talks unnecessarily. I feel like if i am talking about problems, i am a woeful human being. Mostly, i just feel that my issues aren't worth people's attention.

It's only when i am REALLY bothered, do i blurt. When i blurt, i ramble for a long long time. I think JL, V and Joy will know of such times of late. Gem... well, he hears me ramble pretty much ALL the time, because i know he listens.

Ok so now you know.

24th

Bolt in 3D and dinner at Tony Romas with family. Pony ride and feeding (!!!) sponsered by JL, heart to heart talk, lots of sunlight and packed lunch included (!!!). Many, many well wishes through sms and facebook and email. Movie and dinner with R and Is.

Looking forward to date with Gem and high tea with Is!

Sigh. It was/is a happy 24th. :-)

This post is more for me to remember what and how i cooked some dishes...

Mom has fallen ill with a vicious flu bug. Weird that the doc gave her antibiotics though since it's a virus, which does not respond to AB like bacteria does. So this week i'm the chief cook in the house. Muah haha. My sister is the more trusted cook between herself and i (the food i cook is usually a hit or miss affair... while my sister's usually turns out yummy), while mom is the one who usually takes the initiative to whip up dishes for the family but this time... nasty bug has gotten her down quite a bit.

Yesterday, i made a soupy dish for mom: boiled chicken stock with onions, leeks, potatoes and carrots and chicken chunks. Had to add a bit of that chicken cube thing because the chicken bones being boiled were well, not enough to lend a rich taste. For dad, i made him some pizza bread: bread, tomato paste spread, onions, ham, mushrooms and cheese. Sprinkled a little mixed herbs on the top as it toasted! Delish. He liked it! Mom thought the soup smelt good and tasted good too.

Today, i made mom noodle soup: yesterday's soup leftover with chicken and ikan bilis cubes boiled together in water to make the soup base. Then added in ginger slices and boiled it some more. At the end, threw in egg tofu, and tomatoes as well as enoki mushrooms. Took out some fresh chilled chicken breast and marinated it with a pinch of salt and sesame oil for a few minutes before throwing it into the pot as well. Boiled up the noodles in a separate pan. Once all done, serve everything hot in a bowl. Mom said it was good! :-)

Wednesday. I'm thinking... Either chicken porridge or chicken macaroni soup.

Thursday: One of the above.

Friday: I won't be around for dinner so i'm thinking, maybe i'll make a bit more food on thursday so that it can be warmed up again for dinner.

***

I've noted that i quite enjoy doing my own grocery shopping and cooking with no one in the kitchen telling me what to do. If i don't have picky eaters, then i would enjoy cooking more because then i would be free to cook anything without having to rule out choices of ingredients or specific dishes. I like the thought processes that lead me to think of what flavours should go together in a dish. I get to savour the flavours in my head! Sort of. :-)

Yet, it can be stressful when i've got a time deadline and when i can't get inspiration to conjure up a meal. Today, i woke up from my afternoon nap at around 5pm and asked God, "What should i cook??!?!!" (cos i was thinking about it for a long time and mom was gonna return home soon) And well, i suddenly got the idea to cook the noodle soup thing. The idea came just in time before mom called from the office asking me if i was prepping dinner tonight. God is cool. :-D

It's just the washing up that irritates me. Too much water being used and the repetitious washing is tiring for my hands and brain!

Think my mom is really appreciative and it's kind of funny that i've been "ordained" as the chef for this week because I've even received a little grocery budget. I guess it's practice for me anyway, to learn to visit the wet market a-la-aunty-style and spend wisely by budgeting the spending on food stuffs.

My dad is right. We need to be awful careful before we share the more intimate things in our lives with others. There are times when we feel tempted to share, but it is an act of will to hold our tongue and keep the honesty to ourselves first.

It's not just being honest about some THING, but it's also about being honest with WHO we are as people with other people in our lives. Something i have to figure out.

Which is to me a rather sad existence to be wary all the time, because i'm a frank person, an open book. But in being one, i'm bound to get burnt and get others burnt at some point in time. It's going to take a lot of control on my part to not speak my mind honestly all the time. Sounds a little disturbing, but well, truth is truth. It ain't a perfect and idealistic world.

Are we ready to be honest? Or are we just content with being surrounded by half baked honesty from the people around us? (For the sake of peace and harmony? To be liked?)

It's a delicate balance and lesson to practice. When to be at the right time, and when to never be.

Which is why God is cool. You can be completely honest with him and he won't rat on you, he loves you despite whatever you say, doesn't find fault although he does scold when necessary, is always understanding and non judgmental. Hanging out with God is the most peaceful way to pass the day.

My Father has a sense of humour man.

Yesterday i was telling God with some level of anguish in my heart, "God, i've been so busy with my own errands to run, i've been so distracted this week and i don't like it. I want to worship you in every area of my life, how can i worship you even in my daily living? I want to worship you throughout the week, connect with you. Nothing makes me as happy when you are in my heart. Nothing compares to you. I know my heart longs so much for you, cos it's empty without you."

That evening, R (someone who does NOT message me normally) messaged me to ask if i was going to church. I was like, "huh" OH YEAH, there's Soak and Seek tonight!" Although i had known that it was tonight, i was kinda like not too keen on going and had forgotten until R texted me.

Note: Soak and Seek is a time for the musicians, dancers, etc (the "artsy" people) in church to come together for combined worship and bible study.

My attitude in response to that? Get a load of this: " Huh, I don't want. Feeling lazy... don't want to leave my home."

Than i realized, "Hello? Didn't you just tell God that you wanted to worship him?"

It's so sadly amusing, how when the real thing comes along, my human weakness clouds my heart's desires. I thank God for that realization and i decided that i was going to make that choice to worship God with all my will and strength.

God was obviously saying, "You said you wanted to worship me right? Here you go, are you going to come for this (Soak and Seek)?" It was a little admonishment for me from Father God. I know it was certainly divine... R did not message anyone else to ask and he definitely does not message me normally. Guess i had to be reminded to learn to put my will into action. :-D

Oh, and through what God told R (at the end of the session, we prayed and asked the Lord how we can bless our friend), Father wants me to read the book of James. Wokay! How specific! I like. :-)

I need a break. Some peace and quiet.

Just like what my classmate said, "I need to be alone to recharge." Well, i'm an introvert, that's why. People find this surprising. But it's true. I may be loud, but that's when i'm charged up. Or when i have something to say, a point to make. Otherwise, i'm mostly the laidback individual, listening, speaking my mind when i need/want to. I'm not the life of the party.

Think i've got to go hole myself up at home for at least a week or more. Watch DVDs, think, surf the net, sleep, write, cook, bake. Whatever that satisfies my desire for rest. Need to live in a short term bubble.

I can't decide if i'm happy or lost at the moment.

inducing.... hyperventilation...

Look at its adorable puppeh faaaace! (proportions: big forehead and little mouf) Auuugghh! And its teeny tiny squishy body inna hotdawg bun! Aahhhhh! i can almost smell its musky soft doggy scent from here.




This is just incredulously funny. It's like, "Ok! I'm just testing if jonathan used wax on the stairs!" *done sliding* "Yeah people, floor check done! Smooooooth as a baby's bum!"

Source: www.cuteoverload.com

Of all the photos, the nicest ones were taken in the toilet when we were trying to remove our make up. HAHA.

Anyway, here's saying HI! after the wedding. :-)

As Jie meis, we had a good excuse to go pay some good money to get our faces and hair fixed.... So we went to a salon and i have never worn so much make up in my life!

Personally, i think i essentially look exactly the same, with or without make-up. Unlike some people who, after slathering on the stuff, look entirely different and unrecognizable.

What made me really grin (and think to myself that "it was all worth it") was when my dad said to me: "I think your hair was really nice... and i thought the make-up was done very well. Made you look really different, it enhanced your face. Very pretty." AWWWWwwwwwwww.... Thanks Dad! :-)

Ai yai, the end is nearrr...

Things to do when school is over (which is actually dependent on whether i can finish all my assignments before the 12th. Highly unlikely though.):

1. Meet up with the girls
(i've stuck post-it notes with the names of people on my mental noticeboard, but they've a way of dropping off. So, if i've said i'm going to meet up with you but have not, please come and pinch me, you have my permission...)

2. Do/plan something nice for gem.

3. Go on eating trips.

4. Last minute training for 10km.

5. Go to the beach/park.

6. Catch-up-potluck with the you-know-whos. ;-)

7. Go look for a good pore cleaning mask.

8. Read the counselling (soft skills) book and other articles.

9. Do video editing for the married woman.

10. Go on phototrips with miss D, and miss V and miss C.

***

I can smell december. The wind that blows through my window at night tells me so.
(darn, now i sound like Rafiki from the Lion King who can read information out of the dust/leaves that he catches straight out from the air)

***

Senator Barack Obama is the new president of the USA...

I've got mixed feelings about him stepping into the White House...

The world and i am going to wait and see.

for you, miss zen :-)

happy convo to me (16th October, Thursday, 2008)! (taken by Alvin! Thanks bro...)






















I really like the colours of the robe, my faculty's (arts and social sciences) colour. It was a silky rich rose red and a lovely purple, unlike some other colour combinations that i've seen that make graduates look like bookmarks. I sure hope my faculty in NIE has decent robe colours!

I took a "Harry Potter" photo of myself. Hur hur. Yeah, riding-on-a-broomstick thing.

I think my heart is a lot more partial to animals than to humans. *bites lower lip*

Take a look at this video where pet dog Leo, risked his life to protect 4 kittens when the house caught fire. I don't really know HOW he thought he could protect them, but he was with them in the burning house and even suffered smoke inhalation.

Quite NUTS, but it just blew my mind... And i teared.

sunglasses advertisement... Not.

Me in your Oakleys!
You in my Optic Nerve!

















Once the sem is over, golly boy, am i going to go all out to paint the beach red or what!
I don't know whether my fitness level can tahan or not since i haven't been running a whole lot recently but, I really want to go trail running/hiking, biking, beach-ing, just whack man!

I loved going through the east coast park connector network (about 40km), but i didn't really like the urban landscape too much in terms of the interruptions. But i did enjoy the sweat and grunt inducing gruelling moments when we had to carry our bikes up and down overhead bridges. Just be careful not to slip because that could get pretty ugly.

AH! Jia you to me!

I want. Can? :-)
i wuv Mythbusters.

Note: ok, i discovered that they don't ship stuff readily to Asia, and will need to make enquiries. Dangwabbit.

***

1 Group presentation: Teen Sex Education (40% done)
1 Essay: on either Mid Life Crisis or Juvenile Delinquency (not done)
1 Research Critique (not done)
1 Research Proposal (have not thought of a topic yet)
1 Essay: Comparing counselling theories (not done)
1 Intake interview (not done)
1 Set ppt slides: Case Conceptualization (sort of done)
1 Report: Ethics in Group Counselling (sort of done)

AIEEEE!!!
The funny thing is, i'm a lot calmer about all this WITH the approaching deadlines than when i first began my course with deadlines that were still far away. Denial, methinks.

This would be my silly dog Jed who conveniently plonked his whole little body onto my IMPORTANT school newspaper cuttings. And he's still all, "Wot? Wot did i do?"

Tomorrow's my convocation day. Got to admit that i wasn't too keen or serious about going for it, since i'll be going for yet another convo in 1 1/2 years time. But i guess... something compelled me to do so. Undergraduate convo is kinda like the first major milestone for the tertiary education folks. Granny (who was looking forward to this) and family (excluding my globetrotting sister) are going for the ceremony and the big makan, but it seems like no one else can come for the after-ceremony photo taking. How sad. Even Gem won't be around because of school.

Neh mind, i'll try asking nicely for everyone to come for my postgraduate convo in 1 1/2 years time. Like, would they still be free? I guess some of them should still be in NTU...

At least there's Grad Night on friday! We were told to come dressed as our favourite movie character. I procrastinated registering for the dinner because of that, but then my friend who's organising the event said that i didn't HAVE to... That's a good thing. Or else, i'd be dressed as a MAN... You know, because my favourite movie character is Neo from The Matrix?! Either that, a Jedi Knight from Star Wars. I don't think i would look very good beside my (male) date then...