currently...

I received some good news after my 3 months of hard work getting my university applications through. NIE called me up for an interview that is scheduled to happen tomorrow. The girl informed me that i had to be free from 11:30 to 1:30pm. 2 HOURS?! I'm thinking of all the reasons as to why it has to be so long... I'm hoping really bad that it does NOT include essay writing or case studying something. You know, to test your maturity in handling a situation, or some such. YN says that perhaps it's long because there may be a queue. Hopefully!

It's interesting that i managed to get this interview, since i didn't fulfill all the paperwork requirements (unfortunate circumstances) and I am no stellar postgrad with lots of experience or exceptional brain power. :-D

I don't really know what God has in store for me in the next half a year or so. This period of my life consists purely of doing the mechanics, and then placing my trust in the Lord for whatever that may come about. In other words, wait patiently and keep smiling.

Anyway, here's my bit of advice for those of you thinking of furthering your studies (eg. Masters):

1. Be on GOOD TERMS with your educators in school. You will/may have to ask for referee reports from them. If you are applying to more than 1 school, you'll be "bugging" them considerably as they are quite busy people, i assume.

2. Work/volunteer/intern, if you can, while studying. You may also need to ask the person in charge of you to help you out with referee reports once you are done with school. And yes, be on GOOD TERMS with your boss. That said, work also gives you some real life experience and it's a bonus if you work in a place related to your current area of study. It may also spell out to the uni admissions people that you are able to manage your time and that you have some substance.

3. START YOUR APPLICATIONS EARLY. You really don't want to miss deadlines. Check out the application deadlines for your intended course as early as 6 months before your final examinations. Sometimes, you'll need to do a lot of leg work and paper work before sending in the ACTUAL applications, and that in itself can take MONTHS, so please start early. Don't procrastinate! (eg. getting a degree accreditation from professional bodies/associations so that you can apply for a particular course in university)

4. Of course, be very sure about what you want to do in future so that your course can train you in specifics.

5. Doing your homework on the schools (does not mean that just because it's not listed in the top 10, means that it is not good) is important. You want to know what are the particular strengths of that school, what it has been good in for the past years. Locations, cost of living, facilities, COURSE SYLLABUS, whether the degree is approved in Singapore, etc.

6. Make sure you look-out-for-fulfill-hand-in everything that the school requires from you. You don't want them coming back after 1 month only to tell you that you missed out on some paperwork and therefore can't process your application. Sometimes, even when they don't specifically ask for something, if you think that it's a common enough request (eg. supplementary information/referee report/work experience history), just get it done.

7. Going through the process can be frustrating from time to time. I didn't have a very tough time because i managed to cover as much ground as possible, to my knowledge at least. So remember, don't pass on your frustrations, be nice to the people who are helping you out. From your parents to the people who are processing your applications!

Ok, this is all for now.

God, thank you for the interview opportunity. May there be more of you, and less of me.

OH YEAH. And since i will be in NTU-NIE tomorrow, i WILL BE FREE AFTER 1:30pm IF ANYONE WANTS TO ABDUCT ME FOR LUNCH OR A CHIT CHAT SESSION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (ah, the joys of cheap uni food)

ok, that was a darn big hint already lor. Heh.

***

Speaking of "stellar students", here we have a very "talented" .... Elephant! It PAINTS. Seriously.

How can someone dying be a good thing?

This is an edited video of a Czech movie called "Most", Czech for "Bridge". I think some time ago, you might've received an email of the story... This is it in movie form! .:-) Watch it... :-)

If this touched your heart... Let this be an analogy of how God the Father sacrificed his son, Jesus, for you. Just for you, and it doesn't matter who you are or how bad you feel about yourself. He died just for you.

Why was this dying "Good"?
Very plainly and simply put: Jesus Christ died on the cross to "take away" our sins so that those who believed in Him and this truth that He died for us, would go to Heaven and be with Him for all eternity.

So who is this "Jesus" person? He is the son of God that came to live among us as a man and show us the way back to God.

Jesus lived as one of us and remained sinless (without any faults/wrongdoing. Eg. lying, lust, etc). Because of love, He chose to take our sins upon Himself and died to pay the price for us upon the cross. He opened for us (humans who sin every other day) the only way back to God.

And THIS is why we celebrate his death! Because when He died, he opened a way for us to live with God when we leave this Earth.

Question: But what is this connection between sin and death? Why is it so... blown out of proportion?

We now live in a physical world, and we are physical beings who live according to the laws of the physical world. But equally real, is that of the spiritual world and that realm also has its laws.

According to the bible, it is said, "For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.” - Romans 6:23
It simply means that if we sin, then we are going to die eternally, that is, make a journey to Hell when we leave Earth.

***

Over this weekend, i felt numb towards God. Yes, it does happen from time to time... And i believe that i came across this because my heart needed to be softened once again towards God. It brought me to tears when i saw this. I could better understand God's LOVE when i saw this sized down to human proportions and to a possible Earthly scenario.

God Bless!
I am smiling inwardly so much now. :-)

Credits to ieatishootipost for the video, and church mate HW for the explanation of Good Friday.

Had a brush with an annoying client today. I could go on and on about her but i'm reminded...

"Love those who are unlovable."
It's easy to love those who are loveable... There's nothing extraordinary about that. But to love someone who is not lovable... That is how Jesus does things, it's extraordinary, and that's how we should follow suit too.

"People can't annoy you, unless you allow them to."
True.

2 men who made me laugh today

1. At church, while watching the baptism service (cell mate Champ was getting baptised!) taking place, i turned around to find my senior pastor standing behind me. And not only was he there, he was carrying his chubby little baby grand daughter. I wasn't quite sure how to act cos like, here was my senior pastor, some big shot in the church, but yet there he was, just a man (60+ years old) cuddling his baby grand daughter.

J: Oh! (err... mind races to find something to say) Hello....!
SP: Hi! *smiles till can't see his eyes*
J: *garbles something to him and can't remember what he said in reply*
J: What's her name?
SP: Gracie.
J: Oh... Gracie!
SP: Her mother is getting baptised.
J: Oh, ok! She really looks like you.
SP: Really? I don't think her mother would be happy to hear that...
J and M: *LAUGHS*

Oh man... My pastor is funny sia.................

2. Family was at Swensons discussing the various scenarios related to me and sister going to Australia around the same time, when mom exclaims:

M: Ah! When both of them leave... It's just the 2 of us... *buries face into dad's shoulder*
Dad: Sure what! 4 minus 2 is 2 wad...

My sister and i just CRACKED UP, and then my dad caught onto the joke and we all cracked up. I don't think my mom was as amused as us, but she didn't make a fuss.

It was so hilarious. I mean. Here was my mommy bringing up something pertaining to emotional ties (you know how WOMEN are... Emo creatures.), and here was this MAN, responding in such a practical, objective, emotionless way, doing a MATH SUM to address her concerns!

WAH LAO! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA..........

I'm wondering if i should make the switch to wordpress. It's quite impressive visually, but functionally, it's too confusing for people like me. I've just made an account there and i've got a hibernating blog with a pretty header, but it annoys me that i can't mess around with the width. As you can see, this blogger template gives me the whole screen, but the wordpress one concentrates everything to be in the centre. So squishy! And for wot?!

To date, i've applied to Monash University, University of South Australia, University of Queensland and National Institute of Education (NIE). I'm now waiting for their replies.

I'm in a situation where i am confident in God's plan for me, while another side of me is anxious about whether I would be accepted anywhere. You see, i'm fine (ok, maybe 75% fine. i'm just creeped out by working life.) if God thinks i don't need a Masters to start working right away. Yet, when i look at my transcript which still isn't too bad looking, but when i fill out my application forms, i'm struck by how underqualified i am to do a Masters program.

Which is why i've told my folks and Gem, that if i REALLY do get a place in the Australian Uni(s), it is DEFINITELY God given, and there's no other reason besides that. No such thing as luck or human wisdom and strength here, man. It would be pure providence.

I'm reading up on the money issues and accomodation. It's so exciting but oh so tedious!

Another thing that i've discovered recently is... What happened to my running form?!??!?!!

For the past few weeks, I've been brisk walking because i accompany my folks to the canal/park connector at night. I have my short runs here and there but nothing too drawn out. Last sunday, i did 4.6km of jogging and i tell you, it was SO unpleasant. 3/4 way, i had to stop and stretch my back muscles that felt really tight, my knee(s) hurt (sharp pain type), the outer rim of my right foot was feeling "pounded" from the impact of running and my chest area was feeling fatigued and tight and I kept having to breathe extra deeply in order to feel like i'm getting enough oxygen to carry on running. All in all, i was a bit of a mess!

Ok, given, the night before, i slept at 6am la, so maybe that contributed to my poor performace.

I'm wondering if the knee pain was part of the result of brisk walking on the treadmill, which might've done more harm than good. Had a slight injury from moving quickly on the belt. Think i strained something. I'm glad to say though that i've dropped a bit more weight since my very odd post-half-marathon-weight-gain. You would've thought that you would lose some after running 21km, right?

Wrong! I put on something like, 3 kg?! Yeah man, what in the world... I wouldn't say that it was muscle gain cos i definitely didn't feel very healthy. I read up on post marathon weight gain and found that it might be water retention because the body is repairing itself after being strained. Ok, so it took me 4 MONTHS to repair meself? Gawsh.

Anyways... Miss Lalalo, with the new pair of rubber to burn!!! You can run with me now!!! ;-D

I honestly thought that this advert was about a new laxative on the market. (it's talking about a new German lozenges, i think, actually. -_-" )











A dream come true! But it ended up tasting so-so only. (some of you know that i love fake strawberry cream and green tea flavoured stuff too)

This was sighted at Central at Chinatown, outside a Jap restaurant. My folks (they so happening, hor.) were holding a dark purple shawl behind the glass so that the yellow coloured words would be more visible. hurhurhur.

Part 1 of Gem's Valentine's Day gifts. I LOVE! We were shopping at Far East one day and i came across this shop with this belt. I've always wanted a red belt, and would've been happy with a plain one with the right thickness. But this flower design just made the red belt desire shoot up sky high! I didn't buy it though. But lo and behold, Gem got it for me most unexpectedly! I also love the greyish silver buckle. Very nice touch.

Part 2 of the Valentine's Day gifts. A Reebok running top! You can't really go wrong with running gear, when it comes to joline. So yeah! I love this too. One more to my collection of nice training/running stuff.

*cue in music from twilight zone* I bring you another episode of "strange tales"...

Jo: What does your mom work as? *staring into the distance and the word "remisier" pops into thy head*
S: Oh, she is a stock broker.
J: Is that the same as a remisier?
S: Yes. The same.
J: Before you told me what she worked as, i had the word "remisier" in my head.
J and S: *become wide eyed*

Ok, so the next time someone asks me if i can read his/her mind when i tell them that i did psychology, i shall just look deeply into their eyes, with a slight creepy smile and say, "Sometimes.....".
Hurhurhur.

***

Yesterday, Gem and i were at Watsons holland village choosing a shampoo for me. I was making an evaluation of some brands and just as i said, "The shampoo is quite moisturising", this slim lady with long brown hair and blond streaks walked by us along the same aisle and said outloud to no one in particular: "No, it's not."

I was quite perplexed for a moment, and i asked Gem whether he heard what i did. He said he heard: "Doraemon". (ok, at this juncture, i declare that women have better hearing. heh. ok, kidding...)

After a few minutes of deliberation i picked out a sunsilk shampoo happily and said to Gem, "Ok! It's $6.50 right?", while striding towards the cashier.

Then, the SAME lady who happened to be in the queue in front of me said outloud, "If you have the money to pay for it."

In my head, i was like... "HUH?!?!???!?!?!?!?!?!? WHAT THE???"
SO WEIRD RIGHT!!!!!

I kept quiet till i paid for my shampoo and then Gem said to me, "Hey, that lady is saying some very bizarre things!"

At first, i thought that her first comment was to the person she was talking to over her handphone or something, through an unseen bluetooth device. But the second "pissed-at-the-whole-world" comment, was just too coincidental that it left Gem and i super amused and bewildered.

HA. These are the things that make life so interesting. I don't even know the lady and whatever she was saying was too directly relevant to whatever i was saying. And i couldn't find the bluetooth device anywhere because her hair was covering most of her head. I wonder what was making her so pissed that night.

***

I don't really know how to begin or end telling you this. But. WOW! God REALLY surprised and blessed me AGAIN. Some 3 years ago, i didn't know if doing my honours was the way to go because i wasn't sure if i'd nail a good pass for it. But well... With hard work and faith in whatever God had in store for me be it good or bad... I just got my official transcript 2 days ago, and i was awarded a upper second class!

WOOooOOOOOOoooooooooooOOOooooOOOOOTTTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Oh my Gawssh!

You know. Nothing about what i do makes me deserving. Yes, i did work hard but there were many times when i really struggled through my work, because of never ending deadlines for self study, doing essays and reseach, fatigue (through nights and wee morning hours), severe writers' blocks (can last for 1 week!), immaturity in thought at some points, not being able to attend cell group because of clashes with class, etc. Throw in the fact that I've not been the most angelic of people, with my fair share of horrendous behaviour and unfaithfulness to God. I really had to depend on God to pull me through it all.

With that, i can only say: God, You amaze me.

I just feel that it's appropriate to post this poem by Carol Wimmer here. It really touched my heart when i first read it through an email sent to me. Here we go...:

WHEN I SAY, "I AM A CHRISTIAN" by Carol Wimmer

When I say, "I am a Christian," I'm not shouting, "I've been saved!"
I'm whispering, "I get lost! That's why I chose this way"

When I say, "I am a Christian," I don't speak with human pride
I'm confessing that I stumble-needing God to be my guide

When I say, "I am a Christian," I'm not trying to be strong
I'm professing that I'm weak and pray for strength to carry on

When I say, "I am a Christian," I'm not bragging of success
I'm admitting that I've failed and cannot ever pay the debt

When I say, "I am a Christian," I don't think I know it all
I submit to my confusion asking humbly to be taught

When I say, "I am a Christian," I'm not claiming to be perfect
My flaws are far too visible but God believes I'm worth it

When I say, "I am a Christian," I still feel the sting of pain
I have my share of heartache which is why I seek His name

When I say, "I am a Christian," I do not wish to judge
I have no authority--I only know I'm loved

Copyright 1988 Carol Wimmer

of fitting rooms, jed and hair

I don't understand how and why some of the bigger sports shops in Queensway do not have fitting rooms. I asked one of the shop owners why this was so, and he said that one of the reasons is because it gets really crowded during the weekend and customers would/might throw stuff around after trying them on. (how would he know since he has never had a fitting room in his shop?!) Also, they want customers to buy the merchanise.

I'm thinking: SHEESH. That is such a lazy way to go about things and it coerces customers into buying the clothes without being able to make an informed choice about a piece of clothing.

But then, he also said that when it gets crowded, it makes stealing easier for shoplifters. This is highly possible, seeing as how the space within shops in queensway can get really squeezy when the shoppers arrive. He didn't say how, but i assume he means that people can slip stuff into their bags easily. (how is that related to not having a fitting room again? Queensway = small =too crowded = bad security = theft? It's not as if other shops around Singapore don't have this problem... and they still can afford to have fitting rooms. Someone please enlighten me.)

Honestly, as a picky and careful shopper that also likes to have everything in the shop, i want to make sure that i buy only the things that i really want. And that can happen only when i get to try the clothes first before making a purchase. Bleah.

Anyhow, the guy (whom i suspect is the boss) at first said that i had to buy the pair of pants first before i could come back and change it if the size did not fit. (do these people not realize that it's NOT just all about size? there's also the case of fitting!!!) But just as i was going to pay for it, he said to me: "You want to try first?" I gave him a pitiful expression and a silent nod. So he took my IC for insurance and let me off to the loo. Well. I liked it, thankfully, and bought it after all. He later informed me that the other guys in the shop wouldn't have allowed anyone to try the stuff if he wasn't around. Ah well.

I have concluded that i will silently take stock of roughly what queensway has in their stores. Then i'll just head to the upmarket places to see what they have and try on the stuff and record the sizes i fit. If there are matches, then i'll head to queensway, because obviously the discounts are better. What's a customer to do, so as not to be duped?

***

I was walking Jed yesterday around my estate when a girl from ACS (International) came by. She slowed down to a stop beside me, looked down at Jed and i could feel her drawn very strongly to him and i could almost see her heart smiling. She bent over to let Jed sniff her hand for a moment or two. I can't remember if she tried to touch him or not. But she soon got up again and smiled at me.

With a grin, i said to her: He's cute, isn't he?
Girl: *smiles back* Yeah...
And she walks away, glancing back at him from time to time.

This seemingly insignificant moment sets me musing for a couple of reasons. I remember that not long ago, someone wrote to the papers that it was rude for strangers to pet someone else's pet without asking first. I agree somewhat. First things first, the stranger doesn't know if the dog will bite or if they are scaring it. Secondly, they shouldn't assume that all owners aren't paranoid about strangers touching their dogs. Thirdly, well, it's just plain courtesy. I'm sure you don't go around anyhowly touching people's babies on the streets.

But anyway for me, i don't have much against doggy touch-ers. I get annoyed only with people who don't have a clue about the nature of dogs and their behaviour and therefore attempt to do stupid things to the dog. Any of which might get the dog defensive/fearful/aggressive, etc. I really appreciated how that girl allowed Jed to sniff her hand first. It was non-threatening and kind to him. Ok, and i also appreciated the she bothered to look at the owner of Jed after she tried to make friends with him. haha.

Everything about her behaviour also hinted that she is either an animal lover or a dog lover. Why? Ha, because i act the exact same way... hurhur.

Secondly, for those who know me, you would know that i have a strange fear of people, even the most harmless of sorts. Like children?!
So yeah, when the girl looked up at me, i was like: "oh no, oh no, what do i say? So awkward to just like keep quiet and smile at her right... Like, SO PSYCHO."

With the split second calculation in my brain, i blurted out candidly, just like i would to a friend, about how cute Jed is. (haha, i was amused big time at my thickened skin.) And she replied in a friendly and open way as well.

Ok, hardly a big deal i know, but i see this is a minor victory in my quest to be less tongue tied in spontaneous situations, and more comfortable with strangers in general. Because you see, in my line of work in future, i will be meeting strangers ALL the time!

***

I recently, erm, "installed" hot pink streaks into my hair. Actually, i wanted baby pink streaks but the shop didn't have em. They said that the hot pink would fade into a lighter pink and i bought the claim. So... hence, my ah-lian pink streaks.

I is liking them a lot! Except that i wished i could rearrange the positions of the streaks. But i can't do that unless i have the tools. Apparently, the hair is real and comes from girls in China who sell their long hair for money, so that they can pay for their school fees.

Rather interesting and kind of sad. It paints a picture of poverty, directly against indulgence. Yet, they gain and we gain as well, hence everyone is happy. But i wonder how much they are paid in exchange for their hair. I mean, hair takes ages to grow and once they chop off their locks, it'll be a long time before they can make some money out of it.

These gnawing negative feelings inside me refuse to go away. They are resisting and are resistant. It's as if i've forgotten how to be happy anymore with the one person i should be happy with. If only something could be done to change history, or that if the person could just do/say/admit SOMETHING, so that my heart would stop feeling so heavy with hurt. But i can't even think of anything that can be done, because, the damage has already been done and exposed, and all that SEEMS to be possible, is for time and common sense to sink in. And for forgiveness to be given. But i can't. Not yet. I'm still angry, i'm still hurt, i'm still SO FREAKING PISSED with males.

You should have seen the way i was scowling the other day. People on the streets were taking second looks at me, and i suspect that i was scowling way too hard for a normal human being.

There is no peace in my heart and although i am functioning as per normal, i know that at the back of my mind, there is unresolved business that can't be resolved immediately, and there is hate and bitterness swirling about.

I've been trying to think logically and rationally. Trying to piece together the facts and trying to place myself in the person's shoes. Trying to be an understanding person. But nothing seems to help. I'm so consumed by disappointment, anger, disgust, hate, hurt, that my reasoning has become hazy. It's as if the only emotions i can feel for men right now are all these.

I feel like i need to walk away.

In 1 hour's time, i shall be in a dance studio having my first pilates class ever. I never would have thought that i'd be taking this up! Hopefully, i won't find it too slow and unstimulating...

I am still into my running but well... am thinking of doing something less focused and impactful on my lower body. Next up, i shall be searching for kickboxing classes.

To run?

Shall I sign up for it? At least it gives me something to train for and look forward to... For now, i'm running/walking distances of 4 to 5 km whenever i exercise and am doing it at an easy pace. Though i can handle it physically, i'm practically dragging my feet along. Though keeping fit is part of my lifestyle, i need something to perk me up mentally!

Here's the deal:

Saucony 100plus PAssion Run 2008

Event Info

Date: 8 June 2008, Sunday
Venue: East Coast Park, E2 (Angsana Green)
Time: 0630hrs – 1200hrs
(Each category will flag-off at different time. You are required to look at the Race Category Table you have registered)

Race Categories:-

Competitive:
Men's and Women's Open - 15km,
Men's and Women’s Open - 10km (think of doing this one),
Men's and Women’s Veteran - 10km,
Men's and Women’s Junior - 10km.

Non-Competitive:
Fun Run (5km)

Each participant of the Saucony 100PLUS PAssion Run will receive:

1. Runner's Tag
2. Champion Chip for the latest and most accurate timing (ONLY for Competitive runners and need to return after the run)
3. PA PAssion Card (ONLY for Non PA PAssion Holder)
4. Two unique gifts,
5. One Lucky Draw ticket.
6. A Saucony 100PLUS Passion Run Finisher Medal
7. A Saucony 100PLUS Passion Run Personalised Finisher Magazine with their photo and timing printed (For Competitive Category Only).
8. An exclusive Event's tee worth $26.90 for all Competitive and Non-Competitive runners

If anyone wants to run with me, say so k?

"icannotstoplaughingandsquealing" videos

These are two videos that got me laughing and laughing, OR, squealing and squealing!

"Baby Beagle learning to howl"
To squeal, press play:


"Hedgehog crunching on something and makes the most hilarious of expressions!"
To laugh, press play and observe:

You know... My heavenly dad is quite cheeky.

While i was on my way to church last night for band practice, i was lamenting to Gem about how i wish i had a "chaffuer" to drive me home later after practice. *he raised his eyebrows to that*

I said that the only "chaffuers" around were the blue ones on the road that you have to share with hundreds of other people. I was just wishing that i could somehow teleport myself home after practice because i was feeling quite tired from my long day out, starting with my job interview in the morning. I then went on to forget about what i had said once i reached church.

After practice, Sharon, one of the vocalists from my band, briefly caught up with me about my plans to further my studies. Then she asked me if i wanted a ride home since it was on the way back for her. I was hesitant at first because i was wondering if i was imposing on her and hubby. But she was insistent and so welcoming that i agreed to hop into their car.

It was only when i was walking to the lift lobby of my home that i realized i was zipped home in a matter of minutes, and i realized that God had really provided me a quick ride home in a comfy car!

Ok, i'm not saying her hubby was a chaffuer, but you get what i mean lah.

Cute, huh. And then it made me reflect on how like, i didn't exactly say, "God, i would like a ride home tonight". All i did was complain and left it as that, and even forgot about it throughout practice.

Now i realize that God is interested even in the most ordinary of things in my life and he is willing to provide for me, his daughter. One point here is that I shouldn't rely on my human strength (like, "oh well, no chaffuer lor, so sian... ok lor, i will just tahan la, i can one...") and wisdom ("aiya, you think God will bother?"). I should remember that God is always for me, and that i should turn to God all the time for all my needs, big or small. And it's OKAY to be open about being weak, and let God do the providing. Just ask. The other point is: God should take up a BIGGER portion of my attention in my life! I should see him in the every day activities and in every moment.





ps: now... about that Canon SLR from the Spectacle Hut Lucky Draw........

I read an article written by a teenager on the topic of thinness (in yesterday's "Mind Your Body" newspaper) and i COMPLETELY SEETHED when i read that her boyfriend told her that "he would like her better if she were more toned." I tell you...

I think guys like that really should just go and...

GROW UP, IMMATURE and SHALLOW EXISTENCE!

Well, that's just MY opinion.
Oh yeah, and dump him please. He's too toxic for any girl's self esteem.

I managed to get an interview for a job at YMCA (everybody sing, "WWAII--MM--SEE AYEEE!!!) *ahem*

Yeah, anyway, i applied to a few places and this one responded first. I personally am more interested in the job at The Salvation Army because of the more sporty element. But i suppose this one is a bit more "meaningful", since i can concentrate on the individuals.

This is the ad from the Singapore Association for Counselling website:

YMCA Project Bridge has a vacancy for the below post:
Position: Counsellor/Youth Worker

YMCA Project Bridge is an outreach center (a stone's throw away from Woodlands MRT Station) with the goal of reaching out to Out-of-School Youths (OSYs) and Youth at Risks (Y@R) aged from 13 to 19.

We are looking for an individual with the PASSION to reach out to these youths and guide them back on the right track.

If you have what it takes contact Mr Isaac Lim @ 96450433 or email to isaaclim@ymca.org.sg

Job Requirements:
• Recognized Degree / Graduate Diploma in Counseling
• Experienced with OSYs or Y@R Preferred.
• Able to work with all races of youths.
• Confident in taking up individual casework or group work.
• Able to conduct programmes and activities.

Yup. I'm of the opinion that, it's ok whether i get or don't get the job. I believe strongly that when i submit my will and life to God, He will open and close the right doors. So, yes! Trying not to be too anxious about it. Just do my best and be myself.

I need to recall all the stuff i've done in the past too in case my interviewer asks me some difficult/reflective questions!

I returned home after a chinese new year dinner at a family friend's home and promptly konked out on my bed while waiting for the shower heater to heat up the water. As i was dozing away, i suddenly began to hear music coming from my radio (i think it was some guitar music from one of my intrumental CDs) and then i saw my dad was sitting at the foot of my bed and he said to me: "Mm, this is quite a nice way to relax after a day..."

I then thought: "Hm, odd..." (because the scene was kinda fuzzy) and then i proceeded to ask my dad: "Do you exist?" (HAHA, what a question) And then i reached out for his foot to see if it was actually solid and whether it was real to the touch. As i pulled on his toe, his leg started ELONGATING! Like, stretching as i pulled!

It was then when my mind registered "I am dreaming", and for some reason, my body began to try to wake up from slumber. I felt my eyes struggling to flit open (they were opening and closing repeatedly), the lids were heavy and my mind seemed like it was zooming out from the dark realm of dreams to reality as we know it. I felt tingling in my right fingers, which were the fingers that were "pulling my dad's toe". I think they were the first body parts that were awakening.

It was such a strange experience because most of the time, we tend to wake up naturally, a smooth transition from unconsciousness to consciousness, such that we don't find ourselves struggling to wake up. But through this experience, i found that i was actually conscious of the process of waking up.

Ha. Like i've always said, somehow my body knows when i need to wake up to bath, brush my teeth, etc. I usually don't sleep right through to the morning when my body knows that I've not done my usual cleansing regime before i retire for the night. Somehow, it'll wake up on its own.

***

Last night, my dad, mom, Jed the dog and i came home from our 4+km walk-a-jog and then had a nice steamboat dinner together. Seeing that Jed had a share of exercise and that he was begging for food, my mom/dad said, "can we at least give him some vegetables to eat? He must be hungry." (he is allowed only one meal a day)

And then just as s/he finished that sentence, a few stalks of raw vegetables fell from the basket that was containing it, onto the table top and onto the floor (where Jed could get it).

Odd huh? *chuckle*

I cannot even put in eyedrops for the life of me, so today when i went to the optician, i was freaking and whining a little. Gem prayed for me outside the shop and i braved the entrance into the shop to say that i was there to collect my lenses.

It's enough to say that i gave the optician and her other helper a hard time, but surprisingly, i took 1 1/2 hours, which was way faster than i thought i would've taken. But i had my fair share of frustration, helplessness, fear, pain and just pure annoyance. I managed to place the contacts into both eyes and went home spectacleless. It was an odd, odd feeling. Things were mostly clear but it wasn't 100% clear, and it somehow alternated between clear and blur, depending on how the lenses shifted in my eye. It wasn't a very nice feeling at all. :-( I'm thinking it's because the astigmatism in my left eye is mighty high.

When i came home, Gem stood by me while i tried to get used to removing the lenses and placing them in again. This time, i really flew into a frustrated tantrum. Which was... = Sulking, whining, slamming things, getting really edgy, impatient, declaring "I HATE IT, WHY DO I EVEN BOTHER!". Gosh. You know, only people i consider family would see this side of me. It was really ugly, i tell you. I really gave Gem "hell"! But him being the super boyfriend, he was nothing but loving, patient and kind. Amazing, seriously. I was getting flustered also because my eyes were tired from all the abuse and the eyeballs were turning red and became itchy at one point.

I managed to remove both sides after coming home, but failed to put them in again. Strangely, when Gem left for home, i managed to put in and remove the lenses twice for my right eye, and once for my left eye. Which was a mighty fine sudden improvement. What really helped was that i decided to mechanically follow the optician's instructions step by step, moving my hands robotically, and in my head i was chanting: "Putting contact lenses isn't painful, it's normal, and simple, slowly... just keep still, relax, and put it in." Somehow, putting things into the perspective that putting on contacts is a common everyday occurence seemed to do the trick of tricking my mind into thinking that putting contacts in was the most normal thing in the world for me.

Hopefully, i will be able to remember what and how to do it all over again. It was really a nightmare getting just one lens into one eye! Gotta sleep soon, to give my tired eyes some rest.
Thank you Gem, you're amazing.

I think i look... like the same old me just without my glasses. It's not like you can see that i'm wearing my contacts! Heehee.

whee!

Today, i did something i thought i'd never be doing this soon... (i thought i'd only try it when i get hitched)
(er, when i read that above line for the second time, i realized it sounded a bit WRONG. HAHAHHAHA.) Aiya, quite innocent lah, don't think too far.

I bought... CONTACT LENSES.

Ok, not a big deal in this day and age when practically everyone has tried it at least once unless you've got perfect eyesight.

But for me, i've always had an issue with fiddling with my eye and the area around the eye. So, the thought of putting something into my eye and then taking it out via a PINCHING action is pretty darn squeamishy. *shiver*

There was once when i went to an eye doctor regarding a stye in the underside of my eyelid. He wanted to take a look at it, so he sat me down and tried to flip up my eyelid with some CAVEMAN PIECE OF TOOL, aka, A PAPER CLIP?! Yeah, so i sat there with this crude piece of thing approaching my eye and i just balked. A few times. So he gave up and started to tell me what i should do to resolve the stye. And i was on the verge of crying because there i was, feeling so helpless, scared and pathetic, and yet i was this 22 year old buffalo afraid of some painless prodding.

I felt really bad about not being able to allow him to examine me, so I told him i'd let him try again. In the end, he finally flipped up my eyelid and i sat there rigid and tense and hoped for it to be over soon. It wasn't too bad really. I just had to just... well, steel myself.

Anyway, since i've invested some $204 into this, it's all or nothing... or i could exchange all of it for a spanking new pair of glasses. Hurhurhur. (the easy way out)

Right, got to work tomorrow, so it's off to bed. the last time i had a dream about contact lenses, i dreamt that it was like putting huge pieces of scotch tape into me eyes! Now... wearing contacts is going to be a reality. Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. I really never thought i'd be bothering to buy them!

My optician was this super chatty (but quite nice) girl. I can't reveal too much here to protect her identity, but yeah. We hit it off somewhat due to a common portal we walked through at some point in our lives. She seems to have faith that i'll be fine with the whole contact lense wearing process. HO BOY. Wait till she has to actually deal with me then we'll talk!

Two more weeks, and it'll be hello contacts, hello spectacleless joline! Woo!

(i feel so silly raving about this when people have moved onto Lasik already. Hurhur. Oh well.)

Many problems arise because the root of the issue lies in insecurity.

Have you asked yourself these questions: Just what is it, in this world, that has robbed so many, so many, of us, of our security? Where have we invested our trust to keep our sense of security safe? Why is the issue of insecurity so acute and widely proliferate?

Right now as i'm typing, i'm stopping every now and then to press a warmed spoon (warmed by the hot water that the spoon sits in, in a mug) against my eyes. No, it isn't some beauty regime. It's just that my eyes are puffy and tired from crying this morning for like, 2 hours and a bit? It's now 10pm and the uncomfortable feeling in my eyes has not passed. Hence the warm spoon. I took a panadol extra for my headache and i slept all through the afternoon, but it hasn't worked. Anyways.

What's the problem you ask?

Well, after this morning's talk, my parents now know how i struggle with being with people and meeting people. They also now know my opinion about parenting styles and their styles of motivation. And all this came out all because my dad asked me how my university and job applications were going. To cut everything short, he asked me the question in a way i found provokative (to which he said it was not meant to be) and i reacted and everything that needed to come out, came out.

Seriously, i count myself lucky that i have parents who will bother to sit and talk to me about my issues instead of beating me up wham-bam-sorry-ma'am style. Yes, maybe taking in and appreciating my point of view may be a bit tricky for them at first, but when i stated repeatedly that we (as in, me and the folks) should really just listen, understand and respect that we are all unique people with our individual struggles stemming from our different upbringings and backgrounds, they listened and respected where i was coming from when i shared with them my problems.

I think they saw and probably heard for the first time from their daughter's mouth what their daughter was going through. Maybe they have seen it all as i was growing up, but they've never heard it from me explicitly. I think that really needed to know the reality of what's going on behind the scenes.

This is why i always strongly believe in communication. Without it, how can you ever hear others or allow yourself to be heard? Even when you know it's going to be tough and painful, things are different when issues are explicitly trashed out. But then, it's sad when communication cannot be carried out, when the people concerned just do not have the capacity to communicate, for their various valid/or invalid-but-rationalized-to-become-valid reasons.

PS: I can't fully remember what i was dreaming about when i was sleeping, but i know that there was a lot of screaming. The effort to scream and the desire to scream was so consuming that it's contributed to my current headache. Wow, this is a first.