Yesterday, YN and i finally got to go for our much talked about spa trip. Armed with our Citispa vouchers obtained from our Shape Run, we met up at the Suntec City branch. Well... I can't say much about their service, and i don't really know what to attribute their rather lacklustre service to (if what i experienced WAS lacklustre).

When we entered the place, the ambience was dark and welcoming, quite nice and peaceful. The counter girl however, was nice to an extent, but presented herself as rather bo chup in executing her professional duties of telling us what we were in for and what we were suppose to do and what we were suppose to expect.

I was dumped into a private room with a steam bath thing, and after 30 minutes of choking on heat and 100% humidity in the steam bath, i got out and waited behind the locked doors of my room for someone to tell me that i could go for my massage. Apparently, no one came, and i had to gingerly open the door every now and then to peek and see if YN would come knocking on my door for her turn in the steam bath.

Instead, on my final attempt at opening the sliding door, i caught the attention of one of the staff and she asked me what was happening, so i told her i was done. She then told me nicely to follow her. Argh. So, i grabbed all my barang, wrapped myself in the towel they provided and scampered after her... Well, not exactly. She did not wait for me to come out of the room before disappearing around the corner into the recesses of the spa. So, I was left panicking a bit and scuttling after her with my bag and slippers in hand, in my two piece swimwear, holding on to the towel for dear dignity. $%%$#^%$^%$&%#$#$

I felt darn vulnerable walking around the spa like that with other people around lor! !$$%#$^%&^%*^

Eventually, i saw her and YN in a bigger room and i breathed a sigh of relief and tip toed in. She spoke to me in mandarin, most of which i could hardly understand... After some guessing and gesturing, i figured that she wanted me to lie down on the bed with my face placed into the hole.
The massage went reasonably well............. But if you thought that i fell into a deep blissful slumber, you cannot be more mistaken!!! Her hands worked fast and furiously on my back and upper butt (yes, butt!) and my brain was cussing away in pain and sometimes, i'd be giggling uncontrollably because she hit ticklish spots now and then. When my back creaked and cracked she exclaimed: "AIYO! You very tired issit? When you very tired, it is like that." Oh. Kay.

After feeling like someone put my back through a pounding machine, my massager (?) left the room without further instructions except for: "Don't drink too much water after 8pm. Drink only in small sips." And left. YN then came out from the jacuzzi in the same room and we talked for a bit, wondering what we were suppose to do. And she offered me one of her home-and-self made chocolate cookies! Yum! :-D

Only after like say, 15-20 minutes, one of the staff came along and told us to get changed while she'll get us some tea. So we did just that and ventured out from the room. By right, i was suppose to have my jacuzzi bath as well, but i was already getting a bit impatient with their lack of organization and personalized care that i decided to forego the jacuzzi.

We came out and wondered where we were suppose to have our tea. We assumed it was one of the rooms that had a tray of tea waiting, but we decided to ask the women at the reception area. The girl was nice and led us back to the said room, and so we sat down to drink. After the obligatory attempt by one of the staff to get us to buy a package (which she was not pushy about, so i give her credit for not being annoying), which of course we declined nicely, we paid and left.

I don't think i'll be going back any time soon. Nuh uh. I'm not sure why they kept leaving us to our own devices. From what i gather, it's either because they took us for regular customers who know what to do, OR, spa goers are generally given as much time as they need to relax and hang around hence they are not hurried. But still! I felt so lost. Bleah.

YN and i parted ways soon after cos i had to return home for dinner. While walking through the suntec towers, naturally, i cannot not go into Nike Bird and Royal Sporting House... Anyway... For those of you wondering what joline likes.... you can never ever go wrong with sportswear. *hhhinnntt*

Ok, i fell in love with this maroon running top (there were two that i liked, but i picked this one to try) and this pair of gold and black running shorts from Nike (but, but!!! The pink and grey one, as well as the purple and pink combinations were nice too!). But then, i went to Royal Sporting House and spotted another pair of running shorts from Reebok and it was equally nice. I'm thinking of getting either one, or two... or three items... Hmm...

I decided not to buy anything yet, but to return home to handle my budget first. Aren't i a good girl. :-) And what muscley legs i have!









Anyway, i shall end my post here now. Tomorrow'll be a long day.

YARRRRRKKKKKKKKKK!

Jo prints out set of songs for BACC.

Jo notices that text is all smudged out on the first page. Jo notices that there is black and red smeared all over paper.

Jo also notices something long and black that is twitching on its own on the piece of paper.

Jo assesses long twitching thing.

Jo realizes with horror that it is a SEVERED LIZARD TAIL SOAKED WITH BLACK INK twitching on her paper.

JO IS $$#^%&^%&% HORRIFIED.

Jo turns second piece of paper around and finds the MANGLED, TORN AND DISTORTED BODY LUMP OF THE LIZARD STUCK BEHIND THE SHEET OF PAPER, PRINTED WITH BLACK STREAKS BY THE PRINTER.

Jo's hand was dangerously near the mangled, torn and distorted lizard body lump.

JO IS SO GROSSED OUT SHE HURRIEDLY CRUSHES UP PAPERS AND TOSSES THEM INTO A PLASTIC BAG.

JO WOULD'VE TAKEN PICTURES TO GROSS YOU OUT TOO IF SHE WASN'T THAT GROSSED OUT HERSELF.

Printer exploration gone wrong for Mr Lizard.

Retarded Lizard!!!

Have you ever experienced times when you hear your mind/God?/heart telling you to do something, but you brush it aside, by rationalizing away, or, because you were too distracted, or thought maybe it wasn't too important, or that things would not change even if you obeyed? (amongst other things)

In the last 3 days, i had one or two of these promptings which i didn't obey. And mind you, regret is not a nice feeling.

And i think one of the main reasons why i failed to obey (i used to do so all the time because i didn't want to leave anything to chance) was because i was not receiving tangible feedback that what i had done had any impact on anyone or anything.

That's not a good reason to stop of course, but i guess as humans, we need a little encouragement that we have made a contribution somehow. Ah, part of Keyes and Magyar-Moe's social well being theory... "Social Contribution: the assessment of whether one is of value in society".

Knowing that we have made an impact keeps us going, it eggs us on by giving us hope that in doing what we are doing, it will fulfill a purpose, even if we cannot see it immediately.

Of course, rewards can either come quickly, or after a long, tedious process. Both of which we can't really control to begin with. All we can do is to be the trigger, the starter. The important thing is to just do the right thing even in the face of emptiness or bleakness.

If all the tiny millions of neurons in our brains (sitting high on our bodies in the main control centre that is The Head) went on strike and chose not to pass on their electrical and chemical messages through one another, we'd not be able to function at all. Similarly, if i went on strike and chose not to to the right thing, God cannot use me to move and change situations.

As for those on the receiving end... Hey, if someone has made an impact in your life today, or if you know someone who needs a little credit for their deed(s), why not be open to them about it. You never know how you can be that trigger in their lives as well.

So... Encourage someone today! Give out those free power gels (carbohydrate loaded food used by athletes)! Run beside a fellow friend/enemy in their hard and hot race of life and offer your towel (for enemies, maybe you can take the opportunity to pour water over their heads instead. Heh.)! Sms or call someone to check on them! Observe and give praise!

Why not?
And besides, you don't need a prompting before you do something good for someone.

Knee How Mah?

Ok, this'll be a update about the knee injury. The when, and whats. A big big thanks to those of you who've shown your concern... I really appreciate it. It's like, it's my injury, either you don't even meet me, OR, you can't see the problem even when i'm around, but yet you still enquire about how i'm doing... So i'm touched. :-)

It started two days after my New Balance real run. I finished the run well, and i was perfectly fine after and during the race. Monday passed by uneventfully, and then on tuesday morning, all i did was squat, and that was when i felt the sharp pain around the knee cap and stood up immediately. I noticed a lump formation as well and i was pretty frightened because i've never felt anything like it before.

For days, i could not squat fully because it'd hurt. After 3 weeks, things got a lot better. It hurt less, but i still felt that the lump and pain, though it was minimal. I thought i was doing well, so i took a walk home with Jun one saturday night, and to my disappointment when i got home, the lump and pain flared up and squatting was painful again. The next day though, it was slightly better.

All of this was puzzling me, so... i finally got to see the doc.

According to the orthopedic doctor, he said:
"Nothing serious... Just some wear and tear in the knee joint, some arthritis here (taps the x-ray image)... Nothing serious. Your knee cap is rough from the wear and tear. So, when you overdo, the knee cap rubbed against a weak part of the knee and that area produced fluid, which is causing the swelling. So, every time you overuse the knee, it'll produce the fluid and therefore, the pain."

Suffice to say, my heart and spirit was crushed. It might not sound that serious, but to me, the implications were... So, does that mean that my running days are over? Does that mean that i'll always get this pain when i run? Since running uses the knee a lot.

It did not help that though he is sort of nice, he wasn't answering my questions properly when i proposed my concerns to him, and he didn't seem very sympathetic about how i obviously felt.

He recommended that i go for physiotherapy, which i did for the first time in my life on wednesday. I LOVED IT. Well, i got a therapist who educated me on the knee physiology and told me what exactly was going on. Apparently, this problem is a common one, seen mostly among school athletes and NS men.

I learnt about the position of the patella, the outer and inner thigh muscles and how my knee cap was moving sideways because my outer thigh muscles were stronger than the inner ones, therefore resulting in the misaligned movement. She also taught me some exercises to do on my own everyday. The inner thigh muscles need a good workout.

She gave me one good knee massage (wa seh, darn PAIN but darn SHIOK) and then hooked me up to two machines. The first one was an ultrasound machine that was suppose to help with the cell healing, and the second machine was to help reduce the swelling. All i had to do was lie still and enjoy the prodding and massaging. Hee.

It's much better these couple of days. I guess the physio session and exercises really do help. It's not completely well, but i'm just trusting for healing and recovery. In the meantime... I'm swimming. Haha, ok, so it's hard to keep me off my sports.

So yep, this is the whole story. Other than the fact that i've decided to go for the standard chartered half marathon. And... i'll be walkin'. Yeah baby, YEEHAH!

So my exams are over... And things have gotten a little... busy (most of it is busy-ness in my head) in such a short span of time.
It's 2:30am now, and d'you know how wonderful it is to spend some quiet time alone in my room? I've been so caught up with non recreational stuff lately that having time to deliberately sit still, to hear myself think, is a luxury. Yeah lah. My brain works at pentium 1 speed, so i need more time to process my thoughts. I'm not the most intellectual person around here.

The peace is just... Wow. Having the LEGAL opportunity (when school's in, blogging with reckless abandon feels like a crime) to engage in non academic work in the wee hours of the morning is liberating. In the stillness of the night, in the quietness and privacy of my room, with the door closed to keep noise away from my family, i feel safe and free. I can feel my eyes getting puffy and tired now, but i'm reluctant to hit the sack. :-D

(joline's 5 second blond moment: gah, exam stress gave me big pimples!)

So... Updates.

First things first, i'm preparing to have to retake one of my papers. Nasty stuff, but at times like this, you just need to face reality and plan for the future. It's not about being pessimistic. It's just that, i'm not living in denial. I trust God, yes, but what if He does allow me to fail this paper for reasons that are beyond me? Trusting God isn't always about believing that he WILL give you what you ask for. I trust Him, despite, whatever the outcome is.

Secondly, i thought my knee was getting better, on the road to recovery. After two weeks or so, i'm able to squat again. But i'm still not able to do what i used to do normally, ie, put pressure on my knee, crawl around (while playing with Jed lah! You think for what.), and spring up from a squating position. BUT then, despite the improvements... I came home from a walk with Jun from Holland Village, and discovered... To my horror, that i cannot squat without experiencing the same (now elevated) pain, and the lump now feels enlarged again. I'm quite miserable about this whole injury, really. I love my sports, i love my exercise. And i cannot imagine my life without rigorous sporting activity.
I have NO clue as to what is causing the lump and pain. I've gotten an appointment with a specialist this coming wednesday, and I'm hoping that he'll be able to help me out. :-( And my Standard Chartered half marathon is in TWO WEEKS!!! I am feeling miserable about it, yes.

Thirdly, i am feeling emotional pain. Not my own though. I'm not feeling LADEN with weight, what i mean is, i am feeling the pain that others are feeling. I mean, i had the privilege of being able to listen to some of my friends and though i don't fully comprehend what they are going through, i can sense the struggle and pain. There's only so much one can say and do to solve a problem. We can help the person with or through the negative emotions, but problems don't and can't disappear in an instant. It takes courage on our part to tackle the issues, some time to bear through the process, to tear up the problem and then mend things back again. We get scars, but we come out wiser.

Fourthly. Planning for Bintan and Timor trip. Hm. Hm. Hm. Every person who finds out that Timor is my first mission trip destination go like this: "OH REELEEE????!!!! HOHOHOHOHO!!!!"
I found out the reason for their enigmatic behaviour: It's because in terms of technological advancements, Timor is the most backward in this region.
Ha! I listened to their explanation with a mixture of wonder and... terror. Ah well. But really, i'm game for it. Seriously.

People usually say that the children there are wonderful. Honestly, i'm not a lover of little humans. In fact, i'm afraid of children, and because of past experiences as a child, i don't particular like children. And i'm told that there are LOADS of children and that they will come flocking to your home and you, and talk to you. Ok... Uhm. Uh. Hmm... Well. I guess it's a time for God to mould me, to be a more expressive, fearless and loving person.

Ok, this's all for now. I don't exactly know who reads all my junk other than the usual suspects that i get comments from (heehee, i REALLY appreciate you ok! Without you, this blog would be pretty lifeless). Some of you don't let me know of your presence (hi CHERYL, yes, YOU! MUAH HAHAHA.)!!! But still, thanks for dropping by to read up on my ordinary life (care to share what brings you here?). So i'm not yabbering into a black hole. :-D

(jo's 2nd 5 second blond moment: if i don't sleep soon... worsened eye bags!)

Toodles. joline out~.

I had my first paper yesterday.

It was a Royal Fiasco.

I've handed it up to the good people to mark it. I cannot do anything about it anymore.

So i've submitted it to God. Because God can do something (if He deems fit).

Hello world! Your friendly blogger is still alive, longs to blog but is up for exams this week. So, am here just to say HI ALL! *wave* and that it is infinitely crappy to have a knee injury just 1 month shy of my half marathon, and that i'm seeing the end of the tunnel that wasn't all that dark to begin with, and oh, my cell group/church mates has created a blog!

It's new, so there aren't many posts yet... But it shall fill up in time. We're at www.ntucell.blogspot.com Come visit us some time!

EXAMS? BRING IT ON!

Hi folks. Yes, i've been MIA-ing in the last week or so... Because i've been mugging for my upcoming exams (MY LAST EVER IN SCHOOL... UNLESS I FAIL!) and also, anything interesting to post would involve pictures and i don't have the luxury of time right now to wait for it to load.

Anyway, over the weekend, only one thing struck me and i feel compelled to tell you about it. We had the privilege of hearing from a pastor who shared with us her experience of God telling her to pray for something very important.

She said:

"During the prayer (she was at a prayer event), i postrated before God and i was praying in tongues and interceding. But i did not know what i was praying for... So i asked the Lord to show me what I was interceding for. And he showed me a vision...

I saw MULTITUDES of young people... Walking together... And they looked completely LIFELESS. (she adds, addressing the congregation: i see some of you here, some looking bored, some sleeping, but at least you are still alive...) But the youths looked SO LIFELESS!

Then i saw them walk to the very end... I think a place where they could not walk any further anymore... And i saw them jumping. Jumping over a cliff, and no one came back up again. Then i saw where they were jumping into... Fire. And i knew, the Lord was showing me the Lake of Fire (in Hell)."

this is for you Vicki! :-D

This would be my pig of a dog, sprawling himself on my mom's tummy, looking hungrily at her piece of watermelon. Yup, Jed LOVES fruits and veges. I think the way his face and body looks here closely resembles the proportions of how he was like as a pup. Ah, those days... When he was MURDEROUSLY cute.












"Mommy. I want that piece of watermelon! Pretty please?"

Ok, this would be the first time i'm making use of Blogger's post-up-a-video function. I had to wait AGES for it to load. You'll see a vicious Jed in action, a flash of my sister, and hear my voice in the background muttering something to Jed and sister. Also, at the end, you'll see Jed's ultra cute muzzle-on/against-paw look.

(oh, uh, i said "simi taichi, man", if you couldn't catch that poor attempt at hokkien for "what's the problem?")

Love(s) is/are...

Meet my new pink nike cap!

Jo: Hey, see? I bought this today, the colour is nice right? They say must wear cap in Timor cos the children got lice and you don't wanna get them.
Jiejie: (inspects cap and see the holes on the top that is meant to keep your head cool) GOT HOLES! LICE CAN GET THROUGH!!!
Jo: ................. *thinks "sheesh"*










Still, i love it.


















I don't camwhore ok. It's the cap that's camwhoring.


















My boyfriend and i are sort-of flower people. :-) He got me this, just because.













And he bought me this on our 2nd year anniversary. I cannot begin to tell you how strong its fragrance is when it blooms and how vibrant the colours are. They bloom as quickly as they die, but still, worth the watch every single day.

Trivia: On our very first (serious) date in 2005, he bought me white lilies.











Jun bought me this out of the blue, and i tell you, the message she sent me to tell me about it was hilariously cute and oh so innocently gleeful. She also wrote such a heartmelt type of message on the reverse side of the card there... Which explains the whole fridge magnet's message: Girls Rule.
Amen.
Thank You Jun... *squishhug*





And this.... I've been flaunting! The boy MADE this for me. The story goes like this:

Jo: Eh, there's this belt online i saw, it's SO PRETTY! Got rainbow.... I love....... but it's 15 US dollars. Adds up to about 30+ sg bucks. I want to buy leh.
WR: Aiya, i can design it for you and even add a pony!
Jo: (doesn't take him seriously)

Lo and Behold, one friday he whips out a collection of designs for me to choose from and tadah! He bought a canvas belt, stuck the printed design on the buckle, and covered the design with a kind of gel which took two days to harden. And woahlahlah! I am so pleased. Thank you, Dear. (perks of having a designer boyfriend. muah hahaa. So talented right? right???)

of ibs, po*p and soundbites

Yesterday i visited my doc about the ibs issue, and he's taken me off the meds and keeping me on the laxatives and supplementary fibre. The best part? If all goes well, NO MORE visits! If not, i'll have to pop by again. The condition has improved SO much since the first time i went to visit him about the problem, and i really thank God that my body has reacted well to the training. I didn't think it was possible (i was really upset about how chronic it has been), but i guess i underestimated what professional knowledge and my body could do.

I'm not 100% back to normal. I wish i could be, because then i wouldn't have to care too much about how i'm treating my body. But i think that having this condition helps me, in a way, to keep tabs on my diet and lifestyle. Having to consciously eat more vegs and fruits and to remember to destress. Yeah, stress apparently is a contributing factor. -.-"

Was very very amused at how while mr doctor was about to take my blood pressure, he commanded in a doctorly, rapid fire way to me, "So, have you been eatinglotsofvegetablesandfruitsanddrinkinglotsofwaterandexercisinglikemad? You look like you've lost weight." I giggled (was guffawing in my head) and just said "yeah". Giggle.

Anyway, he was pleased with my blood pressure reading. "Good", he chirped in a pleased manner, as he released the pressure on my arm and removed the stethoscope from his ears.

***

Before heading to school yesterday, i had some dinner that mom had lovingly prepared. Out of all the food she had freshly made and was about to heat up, i grabbed a small bowl with a meagre amount of rice and said that i'd be pleased with just the veg and mushrooms for sides.

Not only does she say that the amount of rice i eat is like a refugee's...

She said, "You eat so little ah, later your s*it small, small (she adds hand gestures for effect and indication) like goat s*it".
I wanted to laugh like a maniac in reply but somehow my frontal lobe suppressed that reaction to her comment.

GOAT POOP?! WHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA!!!

I totally bruised my stomach tonight, having had a Hog's Breath dinner with my lovely coconuts. Ok, i don't know why i called them my coconuts, but, isn't coconut a cute word? Co-Co-NUH-T! Ok, i mean, my NTU cell darlings. Pictures coming up later... It's about 1:35am now and i should be hitting the sack soon cos i'm going to run my second ever 10km (in my life) since last december's standard chartered run.

GEM TREATED US ALL K, ALL ELEVEN OF US! THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU! *appreciative grin*

Also, i just wanted to say Praise God, because despite such a heavy dinner, although i did get a little bloated from the food considering it was quite a bit, i didn't get the ultra uncomfortable, backache inducing kind of bloatedness that i get from having mild IBS. SO... TATA IBS, SO LONG, FARE WELL, I WANT MY BODY TO CONTINUE REJECTING IBS! THANK GOD!

NB: IBS = irritable bowel syndrome

It's amusing how the "ah bengs" at our usual zhup fan (economy rice) stall always charges my mom more than me though we buy the same stuff. We know this because we bought the same thing on separate occasions and the price differed by 10 to 20 cents.

They like my pwetty youthful face? *hawhawhaw*

Love me, for me. For who i am now. Love me for the real me.

Don't love an idea of me. Don't fool yourself into thinking you love me. An idea is all it is. An idea. And if you love an idea that does not come to pass, then you would've wasted your whole life on someone you did not love.

Don't claim to love me for who i am if you've brainwashed yourself. Stop telling yourself your lies so many times that it has become your 'truth'. Because one day, the truth will emerge, and when the repercussions of that arise, you'll wish you had never lived.

Whenever i take a break from essaying or work, i go over to Youtube and do a search on jazz or blues keyboard... And man, would i be utterly inspired! I learnt to play classical music in primary school and stopped in primary 6 at grade 1. Since i didn't call my old piano teacher back (who is now coincidentally in the same church as me! i only found out this year.), i pretty much became a recreational pianist who loved new age music. I then took up chord music lessons at believermusic and have stuck with chords every since because it's sooooo easy. And besides, playing with chords is found in pop music too. Which is a little more enjoyable and less torturous than classical piano. :-P

But i've grown a little tired of my same old emo chord progressions and "churchy" chords that i feel like it's time to pursue different sounds and techniques. Yeah, so YEEHAH!

I just wish that my piano would magically tune itself back to concert pitch, or that i could go right out and get a digital piano. The tuner guy who came to my place the other time was horrified at how flat my piano is. So flat that he didn't dare to tune it back completely for fear of destroying the strings inside. Too much tension = *PIAK*

Listening to classical music on youtube has made me realize that i enjoy it a lot more by watching the people who make the music a reality. Whether it's piano music or orchestral.

Oh and GUESS WHAT? I discovered.... a VEGETABLE ORCHESTRA! The first one is kind of like an introduction to how and what they do... They look like they're really having a carrot/cabbage/pumpkin/tomato of a time! Take a look see:



Cool BEANS, huh?

my life's reality

Perhaps after you've watched the video, just close your eyes and listen to the lyrics of the song. The song just reminded me of the reality of what Jesus did for me and for all of us, whether or not we acknowledge him or not. If ever you feel like God is far away from you, just think of what he did and let the love of his actions tell you what you mean to him.

"Why" by Nicole Nordeman

We rode into town the other day
Just me and my daddy
He said I'd finally reached that age
And I could ride next to him on a horse
That of course was not quite as wide

We heard a crowd of people shouting
And so we stopped to find out why
And there was that man that my dad said he loved
But today there was fear in his eyes

So I said daddy why are they screaming
Why are the faces of some of them beaming?
Why is he dressed in that bright purple robe?
I'll bet that crown hurts him more then he shows
Daddy please can't you do something?
He looks as though he's gonna cry
You said he was stronger then all of those guys
Daddy please tell me why?
Why does everyone want him to die?

Later that day the sky grew cloudy
And daddy said I should go inside
Somehow he knew things would get stormy
Boy was he right
But I could not keep from wondering
If there was something he had to hide
So after he left I had to find out
I was not afraid of getting lost
So I followed the crowds
To a hill where I knew men had been killed
And I heard a voice come from the cross

And it said father why are they screaming?
Why are the faces of some of them beaming?
Why are they casting their lots for my robe?
This crown of thorns hurts me more then it shows
Father please can't you do something?
I know that you must hear my cry
I thought I could handle a cross of this size
Father remind me why
Why does everyone want me to die?
When will I understand why?

My precious son
I hear them screaming
I'm watching the face of the enemy beaming
But soon I will clothe you in robes of my own
Jesus this hurts me much more then you know
But this dark hour
I must do nothing
Though I've heard your unbearable cry
The power in your blood
Destroys all of the lies
Soon you'll see past their unmerciful eyes
Look there below
See the child
Trembling by her father's side
Now I can tell you why
She is why you must die

(video images and lyrics aren't running in parallel in terms of context, but it helps to let you picture the scene)

there are rosy and not so rosy times

Long ago and not too long ago, every time she raises her voice, begins to sound unreasonable, or has a tinge of accusation/highstrung-ness in her voice, or gets annoying in any way, i respond just as hot temperedly like a knee jerk reaction. I had no patience to tolerate what i perceived as nonsense. I would rise to challenge her and an argument would ensue.

These days, whenever she gets into one of those moments, i feel like my world suddenly slows down, my heart beat slows down, my breath gets even. It's not that my brain does not begin shooting out lots of lines to retort back. It does. But i feel my decision making (temporal lobe?) kicking in. And my response? I either dismiss it silently and keep quiet, or, answer what needs to be answered in an even or an emotionless tone.

Life is a lot more peaceful when you choose your battles.

But for him, it's different. It might not be the case on his side, but to me, he always seems to be challenging me. Always being critical, quick to judge. Finding loopholes, rarely encouraging. He makes me feel ignorant, stupid, and youthful in a bad way (as in, "you young people don't know much").

And it hurts. This time, things can swing in two directions. We either have a debate, albeit slightly heated, or, we'd have an argument. These days, the debate happens more often because i try really hard to control my nerves before the situation escalates.

As a kid, i used to marvel at how patient he would be... How he takes a while before he gets agitated, and i always felt safe having him like that. In the recent years though, things have changed. He gets irritated more easily and shows it. I didn't used to be as scared/cautious around him as i am now. He's no monster of course. It's just a change in the dynamics that i've noticed.

this confirms (everyone's suspicions and my own) that i am weird

i was perusing through 2 beautiful wedding websites of two couples i know personally from church.

instead of feeling the fuzzy longing of wanting to be get married too like most girls...

i suddenly feel like i don't want to get married.

It's confirmed.

I'm going to East Timor!

No... not for a holiday per se, but for a short term mission trip. The reality of it hasn't quite settled in yet for some weird reason. I don't even feel like i'm looking forward to it. It's like, i have no expectations whatsoever. But this is my FIRST mission trip EVER, and i hear it's a tough place to begin at. Taking J's experience for advice, i'll set my expectations really low, with respect to the level of creature comforts. I'm pretty sure that i can mentally deal with the conditions, all I just hope for is that my physical body doesn't break down.

I wonder if i should give myself a graduation present in december... A nice and good camera. Hrrmmm. My current powershot G2 is only 4megapix (bad for taking quality videos), and the exilim... has konked out. I don't like the exilim much, except for its conveniently slim body and fast startup. I'm dreaming of an SLR. :-X Highly unlikely that i'll get one around this time anyway, though. Wishful thinking by a mile!

I think i'm going to keep a journal (have got loads of empty diaries to spare) to document this last semester that i never thought would get this busy. School work, workplace work, mission trip prep, marathon and other race preps, other church commitments, and trying to figure out what to do with my life after i'm done with school. I think i'd like to read, and think back upon my experiences because i think i'm going to be and am in the process of being taught a few lessons.

Does anyone have any great ideas on how to pack light and pack smart for a 10 day trip to timor?

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I'm in need of new CDs. New types of sounds, new genres, new tunes! It's amazing how much money you spend on CDs. You don't feel it because it's a gradual purchasing process. But if you just pick up that CD wallet and assume that each CD is worth around 20bucks... That wallet is worth quite a few hundred dollehs, or near a thousand.

10 CDs = $200
25 CDs = $500
50 CDS = $1000

Scare-ree.

Happiness is when you receive a call at night from a family member who's not home yet, asking if you want some treats (that s/he can get on the way home). Like maybe, fries, drinks, chicken wings...

Simple pleasures. It always brings a smile to my face. And it just tells me that the person is thinking of us, the home, and loving us in the way they know how to.

On a less romantic note...

From when i was a wee kid, to the 20 something year old that i am, i've many fears. One of which is that if a family member isn't home by a certain time, the next phone call that pierces the quiet night will be one from a police officer bearing bad news. I'm serious. I tend to be paranoid over certain things. I guess this is why they say that everyone has a psychological disorder, just to some extent. Nothing clinical, just that we may show some mild behavioural signs.

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Although i don't have a FYP in my final sem, the load i'm carrying this sem sure feels like i've got one. School readings and assignments, workplace work, exam prep, mission trip prep, half marathon prep, church commitments. *Glug* Am i drowning?

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For some WEIRD reason, my home has been receiving multiple calls from these people who are trying to sell a food supplement, some royal jelly thing. I do not know HOW they got our number, and they just keep calling every other day. They're usually kind of polite, all of them have strong indian accents (i don't know why! beats me...), a bit pushy, but if you are firm they'll let you off the hook. My phone caller ID registers the calls as "out of area", meaning not within Singapore (or do they not want you to know where they are calling from even if it's within Singapore?), which makes it all the more puzzling to me.

Do any of you get these calls too?

The next time one of them calls, i think i might try a couple of things instead of cutting them off to tell them that i am not interested:

1. asking them where they are calling from, where they got my contact, ask why i get so many calls
2. mention... the police? (hurhur)
3. after the most recent call, i had a sudden thought. why not attempt to share the gospel instead? hurhur.

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The few most enduring mild swear words in Singapore are, "wa lao (eh)", "shit (or crap)"

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Ran 8.1 km today. I'm surprised at myself, since the last time i ran was last tuesday and i only hit 6.6 - 6.8km. I felt my leg joints getting wary by the time i hit about 5+km, but i knew i had to discipline myself to keep going. If at any time i lag for a week, or fall sick from now till december, it'll be extremely tough to tackle the half marathon lah. Especially since i'm not really a running person.

But it's so painfully boring though... Thank God for mp3 players. I used to run without any kind of distraction. You know, just me and the road. But after trying it once after much persuasion from gem, i think i see why he's so insistent. I don't want to be reliant on it, but it seems that i'm en route to just that!