Back from camp. Super Tired. Sadly, not many photos because somehow i think my Casio Exilim has gone kuku. I knew Casios weren't good... But got videos though, and i think they are pretty fun to watch. Tired. Going to sleep now. Had a great time. I miss camp already. Now when i wash dishes at home, i'm reminded of the very spot at the chalet kitchen where i washed dishes too. And when i shower at home, i'm thinking again of how it was like showering at the chalet's toilet. Ah... Campsick. :-( It was a sinking feeling to clean up the chalet before leaving. The huge rooms had no more people laughing, chatting and lazing around in them, complete emptiness with no more life, after the campers left. Campsick.

It's off to camp for me from sunday to wednesday. I sure hope that it'll be a "success", in that there'll be lorry loads of fun, generous helpings of laughter, superfluous jokes and an overflow of camaraderie, genuine friendships and fellowship. And of course, that the people participating will come away from the camp knowing that God has clearly deposited something into their lives as they embark or continue on their journey through varsity life.

Hope our games raawwkk mannn.... though i'm the veteran game master, it's always my partners i work with every time who truly make the games a lot more wild and haspenning (no spelling error) than i could ever make it to be. Thanks dewd. =D

Hopefully i'll be back with tons of nonsensical photos.

I must not be busy in July. I must not be doing much in July. I must date Gem in July. I must laze around in July. I must enjoy July before school begins. July is the month of my second last school holiday ever before the December hols. Please do not arrow me as much as possible in July, or i will bite you. Remember. July = Relax.

Have you ever felt God's love/touch so strongly that when it came on you, it shocked you and made you cry uncontrollably? It's not a bad kind of crying, but it comes because of an unexplainable filling of the spirit that just overwhelms you.

Last saturday, my band mates and i were praying in the room upstairs before service, and i just felt in my spirit that i had to kneel before the Lord in surrender. In just that period of worship and prayer, i have come to more clearly understand what it means to "focus on God", to "surrender", to "worship".

As i knelt behind the keyboard, i put aside everything in my mind and chose to not believe in the devil's lies about me being worthless and unloved. Instead, i chose to believe that i was a child of God, sinful, but still loved wholly, precious and thought about fondly by my Father. I chose to believe in that identity, that though i am not perfect, i can come to God knowing that i am accepted, and not condemned in his sight, that i have every right to come before God as a child would to her daddy.

Sitting still, i realized that i was actually opening my heart to God (an action i never quite understood... am still unclear but i am learning along the way), making it receptive to what he wants to deposit into my heart. I focused on the Lord, and very naturally worshipping him deep in my spirit. Sometimes words cannot express how much you want to say, that's why speaking in tongues is so important.

That's when i felt something unexplainable fill my heart and tears just spilled out. If i weren't with like, 15 other people in the room, i wouldn't have dammed up my tears. I felt like God was revealing his heart for me, to me. The intensity of it was strong enough to actually surprise me out of my worshipping and i sat there reflecting on what i just experienced... And also because i didn't want to flood the floor...

And so here i am, blogging this to remind myself of the milestones in my walk with God. I just love thinking back on the precious times when God reveals himself to me and in doing so, teaches me about how it is like to be with him. In future, what i know can also be used to plant something into someone else. I've had the privilege of being able to do this and it really edifies me to know that someone else benefits. :-)

Wielding the "Sword" (aka, The Bible), are my NTU cell mates. Red was not the color code for the day. Aren't they cute? Teehee.







Jed and his tangle of legs.











My NTU cell girlies hanging around (literally) at West Coast Park. I say, Let's do it again! :-DD







Coaching archery at the police carnival. I like teaching, except that it made my throat sore for about two days.










My free Body Shop gifts. *beam*








Animals. Don't. Read. (notice how low the sign is placed?)

Hey people. I'm still alive... Well, kinda. Had a bad headache when i left the house for work today that pretty much left me closing my eyes, with my face buried in my folded arms, not wishing to look at the computer screen and envisioning myself throwing up into a sink.... Ok, too much information. But that was so not fun. So much so that the boss was kind enough to ask a colleague to cover for me for the rest of the day.

Of late, my body has been rebelling, and some of the things i'm experiencing makes me wonder whether i unknowingly have some illness but i'm just oblivious to it since i haven't gone for any checkups.

Personally, i'm not worried about coming down with cancer, or whether i've got some other sinister disease. The only thing i dread about having a disease is the suffering bit, because my pain threshold isn't quite skyhigh. I somehow think that the people around me would worry more than i would. Basically, i just know that when i die, i'll be with God and that would be perfect bliss. I do not worry about my end destination because i know that i am already secure because of what my Jesus has done for me.

If i ever found out that i am dying, my first few concerns would be... Now, how am i going to spend the rest of my days on Earth? How can i make my life count? Finances... My family... Pain... Yeah. But i'm not worried about what happens when my heart beats its last beat.

***

Just handed in first draft of company's project. Whew! TO GEM: THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU! I've got something for you, so ask me for it on sunday ok? ;-)

I just treated myself to two bottles of perfume oil from The Body Shop (in addition to getting my usual Vit C fix). Ok, i rarely do this but i was so enthralled by the scents of the 2 new special editions. Mmmm... Gorgeous. *sniffs self* When i thought that i had already treated myself enough with products, i was blessed with more stuff... Because apparently when you spend 60bucks, you get a few free gifts all nicely packed in a paper box-bag thing (girls, you want? ;-D)

(1) Vit E moisture cream
(2) Vit E cream cleanser
(3) Grapeseed Showergel (i love the smell of this one!)
(4) Lip Gloss (in my favourite colour in the range!)
(5) Camomile make-up remover

So much stuff! Yeay!

***

Got to go sleep now. No more headaches for me. No way.

The first draft of the document is due this thursday. What i've done so far is to come up with the outline, excluding all the content text. I've yet to design a cover page, but the coolest thing happened this morning. While i was half asleep in the wee hours, i suddenly thought of a title that actually made sense and wasn't all that cheesy! It's short, sweet, and says exactly what the booklet is about.

You know how things in your dreams always SEEM like they make sense, but they don't really, when you awake. But in my subconsciousness, i told myself to check the meanings of the words over and over again, and found that it made complete sense. I don't think i can reveal what it is over here though since it's a company thing and it hasn't been printed yet.

I miss blogging man.

***

Updated:

Oh, to add on to the topic of interesting people at the library... This time, the people i encountered were so nice.!
(1) the man who moved one seat down because he saw all my stuff that i was carrying. When i glanced up at him, he told me he was giving me space to put all of it down. Sweet!
(2) this guy who was sitting opposite me heard my sniffling and sighing that was going on for a couple of hours. He first offered to buy me sweets for my sniffling and the told me where to get snacks and hot drinks in the library. Before i left, i bid him goodbye, and in return he said: "Remember. Don't drink cold drinks and drink milo before you sleep." Aww!

"Coach" Joline to hit the Police Academy again this sunday!
(seems like the archery booth is lucrative...?)

I had better shoot some practice shots first to reinforce my basic archery knowledge before i teach someone man... *pai seh*

joline in the lee kong chian reference library...

Whoever said the library was a boring place... Let me see. I've just had the honour was sitting within the vicinity of: (1) a (rather weird) guy very into his small stack of lingerie books (NOT KIDDING) (2) a belchy old man (3) a lady who suddenly broke out into tears and sobs while reading a book.

Ok, back to projSPSandSCDF. (and scanning for more 'interesting' people)

I rediscovered the joys of playing internet reversi, but this time in the confines of the cold office. Which kinda adds to the kick of playing it since doing fun stuff at work is kept to a minimum... So anyway, man...

It felt so good trashing my opponent on my first game after almost 2 years of not playing reversi. The sweetest part? Was that i was "losing" at the beginning. It looked like i was already on the verge of being beaten, with something like 3 or 4 black pieces (me) to 20+ white pieces (opponent).
But really, what matters is:

(1) choosing to challenge the challenge
(2) believing in and seeing the end goal rather than the current problem(s)
(3) being careful, and concentrating on strategizing and securing the key "positions" that will eventually let you overcome, despite being at first overwhelmed by your seeming failure.

Sounds a lot like navigating through Life, doesn't it?

***

I had stuff on the whole of last week.

- mon (edit: had dinner at MOS, watched "Amazing Grace", and supper at Cineleisure, all with my cell group AND a new Egyptian friend! Thanks Issy! ;-DDD)
- tues (housework and getting work clothes)
- wed (work and camp games planning)
- thur (worship min and cell advance)
- fri (projectNUS dry run and camp comm meeting and gran's b'day dinner)
- sat (Habitudes seminar and church)
- sun (west coast)

Rest was something i needed super badly... But i certainly do not regret my time spent with my girlies yesterday at West Coast Park. Wah lao, i had SO MUCH fun.

I'd say that I've got more good memories to replay in my mind and heart than words to describe how the day went... So i just wanted to leave a post here to remind me of the day we spent together on a beautiful, God given and blessed Sunday afternoon (and night).

Shall go watch the videos i took. Tradeelala. :-)

Howdy people. Things have been a blur since the exams ended last, last friday. I had envisioned indulging in lazy unhurried days... Must have been quite a daydream because with the flurry of activities, lazy days would most likely remain a vision till about maybe July.

There's so much to say, but it's mostly stuff that i want to say to myself. I guess you could eavesdrop on my thoughts if you want to. Just be prepared to be bored or left wondering what on earth i'm talking about.

Number 1 on my priority list:
Keep the well-being kit up and running, keeping deadlines and meeting content targets. I thought i was free from doing essays, but boy... this project that i'm involved in is like one massive essay! With Pictures. Diagrams. Charts. Illustrations. Stories. Basically anything that will help translate the message of maintaining mental health across to employees from two prominent sectors in Singapore and their families. A project with repercussions, indeed.

Number 2:
Games planning with Gabe. Dude, i'm so busy i haven't had time to even plan when to meet let alone having done any research.

Number 3:
EXERCISE. (going to try out my new running tights to see if its more comfortable than shorts!)

Number 4:
Catch up with people. I have a tendency not to do this despite wanting to. The reason is because i often feel that i need to get myself in order before feeling ready to meet other people. But i take too long to fix myself, especially during the holidays. I need some major planning.

Number 5:
Fry my multiple sunshine quails eggs on one pan. And other assorted oddities.

Number 6:
SHOP. On weekdays ONLY. Beginning in the MORNING. I went to orchard on friday and the crowd in town is CRAZY. Boy, I hate it when holidays and sales coincide. But that's the way it naturally is and will remain.

Number 7:
Plan and work on wedding videos. Gosh, how time flies. (Not my wedding lah.)

Number 8:
THE BEACH. WEST COAST. MOVIES. CHILL. I NEEEEEEEEDDDD............

Ladeedah, ok, got to go.

angsty post on the physical (updated)

Today, i was just thinking about the woman of today living in a society such as this.
And i think that men who want their girlfriends and wives to be stereotypically slim/pretty/lusciously curvy/blemish free/etc, and to STAY that way in order to be considered beautiful, desirable and/or worthy, display an utterly shallow, media-blinded and insensitive reflection of themselves. Do they need reality checks or what.

Firstly, we women come in all shapes, sizes and builds. And so do men. So they should deal with it.

Secondly, we women bear their children. And what do we sacrifice to get in return, physically, for our effort? Firm skin for flappy excess skin, hormonal changes that affect the way we look, a leaner-in-comparison-body for post pregnancy fats, blemish-free skin for stretch marks, etc. I think we deserve some respect, and don't they dare think that our child birth battle marks are ugly.

Thirdly, women have a higher fat ratio than men. So don't think it's so easy for us to achieve that that super athletic, toned body. We live for more than just how we look, and besides, if we had our way, do they think that our lives revolve around such shallow pursuits? (that's if how good we look on the outside is a measure of how good we feel about ourselves)

Fourthly, metabolic rate decreases as we grow older. Men and women go through this. And so, oh please. Don't get all double standard-ish, and worse still, make demands of us if they cannot even stop that belly from spilling over either.

***

Quoting from EzyHealth and Beauty, May 2007... This is with regards to women who go for reconstructive surgery to tighten up their nether regions for the sake of saving a marriage and/or to enhance sexual pleasure.

"Some women are going to drastic lengths as a result of negative comments by their spouses. (...) The most common reason we hear is that their husbands are unhappy with the way they look and feel after childbirth" - a visiting Australian gynaecologist.

"Both men and women must come to realize that lasing intimacy does not arise from having the perfect body - and that the responsibility to make a relationship work is not the sole domain of the female."

Hi there people... thought i'd just scribble some virtual nonsense.

I'm a little saturated right now, brain is starting to reel from all the cramming. But there's something, a driving voice of some sort that keeps egging me on, saying: "You'll be ok, you can do it, don't worry. You CAN remember your facts!" And whatever it is, it's working... reassuring and keeping me calmer than most other times.

BuahahaHaha, now that i think of it, this talk about having a voice talking is so "appropriate" because i'm studying for my abnormal psych exam and i'm taking a break from mugging the Schizophrenia chapter. I assure you i am no where near having any episodes of positive symptoms of schizophrenia. Eg. Delusions and Hallucinations

Like this joke i read:
"When we talk to God, we're praying. When God talks to us, we have schizophrenia." JOKING only K!
peace peace~.

Got to go. Or the voice might just start telling me that i'm so doomed.

10 hours to FREEDOM!

Exam's this friday (after which it'll be my holis!).
I'm kind of time strapped (gah...).
Think i'll go into hiding for now. (sigh)
If need be, might peek out here from time to time to preserve my sanity. (yeay!)
Till then!

*buries face in textbook*




*Did you know: While we all know that lions and tigers and cheetahs are cats, do you know what Hyenas are? Dogs?
Nay. In fact, they are more closely related to cats than dogs. (note: they form a different biological family altogether, which is closely to Herpestidae, family of meerkats and mongooses.)

correction: Shape Run will be in September, not July.

and we're not going to Indulgz! The bad reviews have changed me mind. I'll go another day when i'm not hauling 6 other people with me.

Finally! I'm going to try the food at Indulgz, Bugis. I've always liked to venture out to try food that has in some way been featured in blogs and other print media. (i'm already impressed with the well spoken english of the lady who picked up my call and her good phone manners)

muah hahahaha....!

***

Oh, when i have the time after my exams, i'm going to fry quails eggs sunny side up. Imagine, many many cute little sunnies on my frying pan! I've always wanted to do stupid things like this to satiate my curiousity.

Ok, back to studying.

1 project + 3 kids + 3 parents + 1 teacher = "begging" + 2 interviews + 2 visits + 1 report writing + 10 brain veins popping + 4 eye bags + someone kena became "slave" (sorry!) + 1 expanded tummy

Yeah, that's a pretty accurate summary of the last week or so, that climaxed and ended at 11:56pm on the 9th of May, wednesday, 2007. (deadline for submission: 9th May 2007, 11:59pm)

But it's over now (in a good way) and i have nothing but grateful thanks to the people i could not have made it through without: God, J, J's mom, the participants and Gem. There's no way that i could've survived it without all of them, and those of you who've prayed and were praying for me.

I've got some worries getting in the way of me feeling totally at ease even after i've submitted my work, like whether my lack of citations in Part B (too rushed to remember to add!) will get me into trouble. Sigh. But it's done and only God has the final say.

And Gem has really demonstrated to me something about love: 24 hours working with me in any way he could (especially with the transcripting!), going home at 12 midnight for two days in a row, which is all the way in the East. With a willing heart and attitude of determination, with his ever supportive encouragement, always uplifting, always smiling, never complaining, without a single peep or expression of displeasure or impatience. I even got dinner and shoulder massages thrown in too! He is my godsent. Thank You.

Now to study for my examination next friday! ROAR!

Hmmm! Did you see the line up of runs for this year?

July: Milk Run
July: Shape Run
July: Mizuno Wave Run
August: New Balance Real Run
August: Army Half Marathon
September: Run For Hope
November: Singapore-Johor 2nd Link Bridge
December: Standard Chartered Singapore Marathon

Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!

***

The sky over the dog run field was absolutely beautiful today. (not sure how to process the photo so that the grass doesn't look so black. :-S)

More beautiful sky.

















Some person sitting with her back against the sun to provide shade for Jed. (black dog = absorbs heat = very hot) Just look at his face! His tongue is hanging out and his eyes are closed... Gawwsh, he looks so silly. Teehee!
















My baby.





































Both being comfy on the beanbag.
















Weird faces by the both of us.

Clothes from Island Shop do not seem to favour people with some form of anterior assets.

***

It dawned on me that the answer to why Gem is so quiet (no replies to my smses!) can be found in the Life! section, TV page, ESPN Sports Channel, UEFA Champ...

***

Pat's Schoolhouse decided to lie low and not respond to me or something, but friend's mom gave me the greenlight to come to her workplace! I am ever soooo grateful to her. TRULY.

While i'm rejoicing that i'm no longer stuck in a rut, I am fully aware that i'm embarking on the inevitable suicide-ish attempt (though i'm confident i will NOT die) at my exam equivalent take home project. Interview on monday afternoon, report due two days later, on the wednesday.

Maaaaan....

But still, a part of me knows (i believe it's God's peace that resides in my innermost being) that i'll be ok.

To Synth

I've always avoided using the string sound whenever i'm playing the synthesizer for service (basically because i don't like the fake sound). But what makes it hard for synth players like myself to fully use the capabilities of the synth in the auditorium is the lack of opportunities to be able to play around with the sounds.

So anyway, the topic of "variety of sounds" came out during last week's debrief and i felt a little indignant. Because i think that while the people-up-there feel that we are free to experiment, there are the elements of communication, subjective tastes in music and personalities that can come in the way of creating One Unified Complementary Sound.

There's also the thing about taking risks, making mistakes and all... And i guess we'll just need to be at the mercy of the amount of forgiveness and understanding from leaders and the band in the midst of trying out what they tell us to.

As i'm sitting here editing my essay, i'm listening to my library of contemporary christian music (and other stuff) with a more specific goal of listening out for what the synth players are doing.

My main question at the moment is:
HOW on EARTH do they switch from sound to sound so fast while filling in, in the appropriate places without missing out a beat, all within the same song and without causing the song to sound empty during the pockets of time used to change sounds?

While another concern is:
I get the feeling that people are not ready to hear the voice of the synth doing its intermittent bursts of effects, albeit using pretty cool sounds. Well, will never know till i do something out of the ordinary eh?

I think that level of deftness will come with familiarity and more practice (both of which i'm not getting). Hey, lets be honest about it, yeah. I think i'll certainly aim to come at a time well before sound check.

But my one last, and actually the most important concern is:

Though having a range of musical styles and variation can help being fresh vibrancy to worship, i don't think we should be too hung up over technicalities. You've got to admit that with better music, people may fall into the trap of paying more attention to the music than to God Himself.

We need to know when to quit being obsessive and pay attention to the real spiritual issues at hand that we may be blind to by our thoughts that we "are doing all right" in our playing and leading. What the ground experiences may not be what we think they're going through. That said, i think the congregation also need to know when to take a step back to recognize that the music is only a tool to help in encouraging worship, and not out there to fabricate a holy-airy-fairy feeling of worship or to create some kind of wannabe rock concert. The music shouldn't really matter, in actuality.

Ok, done muttering for now.