i'm not posting anything new yet (apart from this informational one) because i'm waiting for a particular photo to be taken, and to be published for the specific date: 24th of september.

and boy! do i have a ton of photos i want to share with you. :-)

***

I've been feeling really prickly, really easily irritated, restless, snappy, short tempered. Whiny, annoyed, unfriendly, anti-social, mean. In essence, a very very mean pufferfish, but nowhere near as cute as the real fish.

Time to sit still for a while, to calm myself down, and focus my eyes and heart upon God. It's definitely not a good time for me to talk extensively to anyone unless i deliberately want to lose friends.

Two of my fingers looks like they've been zombified, i.e, turned purple and looks dead. Hur, hur. I love playing the guitar but i need to learn more chords and keep working on my chord changing fingers. Too slow leh, like an ah um and i fumble ever so often. And then hor, my strumming arm sometimes spasms or rigour motis-fies so i end up playing some rather uneven sounding rhythm. HeeheeHo.

I must really thank God for the encouragement he gave me through the first essay for this sem. Remember that horrible first-few-weeks experience (when i knew nothing about academic expectations) that somehow made me crumble into a teary mess? I topped the class for that assignment. Wheeeee! Thanks Daddy in Heaven and all who were there to give encouragement. :-D

The next social psych essay that i just handed up wasn't a piece of cheese cake either because it was dealing with macro sociological perspectives (i major in psychology, the last time i checked) which the textbook doesn't exactly explicitly cover and this time i had to complete it in ONE WEEK (i usually take 2 whole weeks to finish an essay) and i had to read the whole textbook and more, to do that one essay.

During tutorial today, we were told that 2 people hit the 80 or 80+ mark, and 4 people hit the 70 or 70+ mark for the latest assignment. I'm hoping that i'll be able to sustain the grade or do better especially after seeking and taking my tutor's advice, desperately wringing my brain of all its remaining juices over concepts i've never heard of before, relying on the Lord and somehow knowing and believing that i'll be able to make it. I'll be hopeful, but i'm trying not to expect it as if it is a given by default.

I am two people

A sentimental, who shuns being sentimental.
An emo freak, who thrives on being aloof.
A romantic, who shys away from mush.
A seeker of happiness, who often falls into melancholy.
Contented, yet jealous.
Can afford to put in the effort, but leans back expecting the world to be given.
A heart that longs to help others, but is yet hardened with anger and pain.
A bearer of the soul, who hides for fear of rejection.
Probably thinks too much, but thinks too little.

I could go on and on... But i'm busy, not free.

(A 1000 word essay to be done by today and plonked into a mailbox across the island in Simei, by TODAY. Haven't typed a word yet... Cheer me on, will you.)

During dinner, my cell mates and i were just talking about experiencing (scary) supernatural events.

And so it is that I returned home to a pitch dark and quiet house, all alone except for the dog who's sleeping in another room now (i'd feel better if he'd come over to my room instead) and i could not help but felt an eerie sense that i might encounter something unhealthy for my sanity.

(i'm not going to type out the stuff that's going through my over active mind right now, i don't fancy scaring you)

But i know that as a Christian, i have nothing to fear because the Lord is with me and He is a lot greater than all the evil spirits put together! Somebody say AMEN! In the last few months, i've been grappling with the concept that as a child of God, i've got authority in Christ Jesus, and i'm beginning to see that when we acknowledge that, we are able to witness the significance of the Christian walk and influence that we can have.

Before taking a shower, i turned up the radio up real loud with Don Moen singing "Hiding Place", and i began to sing the words, thanking the Lord for indeed being my hiding place, that i can run to Him whenever i am afraid and weak. And that just chased a great deal of my fear away... But i think that the human mind is a very powerful thing and we need to really keep the word and promises of God close to our hearts and to guard our minds from the evil one's lies.

uh oh.

There's something about breaking one of mommy's porcelain bowls that makes you feel like you've been a very, very bad little girl. *gulp*

It hit me yesterday, about how nice it actually is that physical beauty is fleeting.

Think i'll go chew on this till i got more to say.

Sometimes, there are just too many voices going off in this little skull of mine, and sometimes there're none. Silence.
Overall, i'm the only one among my closer circle of friends who blogs almost every other day... I quite enjoy it, airing all my blabberings, as meaningless as they can be. I suppose i just have too much to spout and i cannot keep doing that to my sister because she'll most likely throw her fan at me the second i step into her room for the 1000th time.

And then now i realize... when was the last time i felt like i had a really good conversation? And this isn't defined by whether both parties get to say what they want to say even if they were able to share some of their personal issues. But it's more of a presence of an intimate bond, a level of comfort and trust in the sharing and friendship, that the people who are conversing are able to feel it and fearlessly testify to. Where they know they won't be misunderstood or judged or feel bewildered when either one needs to cry, or when touch is given to express comfort and care. I can't remember when was the last time i had any meaningful girl time with a friend or friends. Everyone is busy. That kind of bond takes time, a special kind of understanding and chemistry. So i blog.

Lately, i've been banking in so many drafts into blogger but i haven't the time to refine them a little into something readable yet. But i continue to blog.

My mom calls blogging time robbers. In a way, she is right. But if i don't publish the incessant chattering, my mind wanders about, like 50 frenzied houseflies, more than what's good for me. So i blog.

This might probably become one of those posts that i'll let sit for a few hours before i take it down again and pretend i never said anything. A bit pointless right? But i will blog this anyway.

Absolutely ATROCIOUS behaviour. Disgusting. Downright DISRESPECTFUL AND RUDE! Check out this post written by Ci'en, called "Strange, But True", written on the 8th of Sept. I don't think i'll provide the post's link in case she wouldn't approve (although she's my sister's friend) so here's her blog URL: www.wurh.com

This is a perfect situation to glean some of the embedded rules, expectations, meanings, representations present in an individual, individuals and society, if you social psych people want some practice.

There's something about one factor though... The alcohol. Hhhmmm...

Blogger Beta sounds to delectable, doesn't it. Uhm... Oh, and talking about delectable? I wanted to ask you guys about this:

Ok, do forgive that 2/3 eaten one. Have a look at the one on the right. An initiative family member did the honour of slicing it up nicely, so try to imagine it without the horizontal lines.

Mom came home one day and she proclaimed: "My patient gave me piglets! I had 4 boxes, and you all don't eat one right... So i gave away 2 boxes."

I was like: Excuse me? PIGLETS?

So i stripped off the two rubber bands that held the box shut, and flipped open the cardboard cover to find these weird hamster like looking objects (from a plan view).

"Piglets?" I asked mom, in a tone that suggested that she must be very mistaken about the piglet part.
"They don't look like piglets meh?" she replies.

The only feature that this thing has that resembles a piglet in any way is that it has two holes punched into it on one end. Perhaps they were suppose to be the eyes or the piggy snout or something.

But all that suspicion disappeared in a flash when i took a piece of "piglet". It was HEAVEN. Er, i mean, it was a mooncake but the pastry was sooooo soft, crumbly and tasty, and the filling was an excellent flavourful accompaniment. The paste isn't as smooth as some other kinds of mooncake fillings, but the overall experience more than compensates.

I know that i'm as suaku as suaku (suaku: like a mountain tortoise) gets, so i was wondering if these were actually very normal, traditional types of mooncake festival delicacies. I do remember having heard some people say that their mooncake festivals are never complete without the "piglets". Is this what they were referring to?

It was so good that i had to find out where they were brought from, but to my dismay... They were all the way from Malaysia. Sadness. :-(

But *slurp!* Enjoy it while it lasts!

Although some of you might not agree with his shows and the way he conducts himself on international television, for me it's really upsetting to know that Steve Irwin, the "Crocodile Hunter" has died in an accident while filming his latest documentary in Australia.

I don't watch his shows but somehow i feel grief over his passing. I guess it's because i'm used to seeing him on telly as the big Australian television personality with his big Australian accent, in that characteristically loud and enthusiastic manner in which he brings to you his passion for wildlife and the environment.

You'd always believe that people like him would live on for many more years, making more documentaries that will air regularly and almost ritually on the telly, on Discovery, on Animal Planet, and that he would see his kids grow up to be just like him - fearless but respectful of the wild and God's creation. You'd think that he'll one day be just like the other legends in this field like Jane Goodall and David Attenborough, people who've lived their lives studying nature and educating the world of the wonders of it.

A sad day, but we all know that Steve Irwin died doing what he loved most.

"Language is a medium for communication... but it does not come just as a product of relationships but is also formed as a result of relationships..."

"DING DONG-NG-NG..." The doorbell chimed. *Cue mad dashing around the house* Ahem, home wear isn't the most decent, you know? So, Thinks: Who's that? Peers through the peephole: Postman. That can only mean one thing. THREADLESS TEES ARE HERE! Presenting, freshly arrived and un-ironed.


Fossil Fuel, by Graham Dobson.

















Happy Hospital, by Yoann Plard.



















Obi Wan Kerisst, by Jens K Styve.

Now that this tee has arrived, i'm wondering if this tee will go unworn in public... Will i get some religious people pulling me aside to issue a warning, or will i get into trouble with the law or something. You know how particular our gahmen is about maintaining "religious harmony", especially with the recent controversial madness over cartoon drawings of certain religious icons.

Personally, when i saw this tee the only words that jumped out at me was: Jesus, my Hero/Saviour. Of course, not without a touch of humour.
Ok, i admit the former (the "Hero" bit) was utterly cheesy but in all honesty, that's the message i'm getting.



This leaves me with three questions:
1. Are my thoughts and worries unfounded and i should just go ahead and wear it... Big deal.
2. The fact that i'm actually worrying over a t-shirt design in relation to the society i'm living in spells something, doesn't it? The want for free expression comes with... fear?
3. Or is it genuinely a serious issue?

Ok, all this sounds a little silly... But, what do you think?

Owwch.

Today is Watch Joline Hurt Herself day!

No, i'm not in any sadistic, masochistic mood (though i do get that sometimes) but for some unknown reason, i've been really accident prone today.

1. My fingers slip and i accidentally slit a shallow cut on my middle finger with the knife while slicing some cheese.

2. I shocked myself with a burn when i brushed a hand on the hot toaster.

3. I walloped my leg against the toilet seat on my way out from the loo.

4. I cut another finger, this time the pinky, on the metal binding rings on my address book. (it's not serious but enough to make it throb)

I am almost fearful of stepping out from the house this stormy day... But i must because i have a lecture later.

Are my tutors that pissed with me and my assignments? Gah...

Amused

According to the Flying Dutchman's (Class 95's morniing express DJ) kids, toothpaste is good for drying out, or "taming" pimples. Just apply some on the pimple, leave it overnight and it'll do the job.

Out of sheer curiousity and also because i hardly need to look for pimples on my face, i tried it and wala... Its works. Er, for me at least. NOT recommended if you have sensitive skin and if you think you might disfigure yourself. Try at your own risk.

*

(i also received this email on the UniSIM student portal and i'm pretty amused because in my stay here in UniSIM, we've so far been all about studies with no play or anything vaguely interesting. But lookie here!)

"Dear Students of UniSIM

The organising committee of the inaugural UniSIM convocation ceremony is looking for students (who have chosen to graduate with UniSIM Award) with singing talent to come forward for an audition. If selected, he/she will receive personal coaching by renowned music composer, Ms Babes Conde. Ms Conde has composed a UniSIM Song with lyrics written by one of our UniSIM academics. So please volunteer your voice and come forward for an audition.

The person we are looking for should preferably be a soprano/tenor. He/She will present the UniSIM song item for the first time, at the inaugural convocation ceremony to be held on 25 September. "

I don't have a singing voice. :-(

Today's papers featured an article about how this young girl of only 19 years contracted HIV from her steady boyfriend. He didn't know he contracted it from the multiple partners he had had before and now it's been passed to her. The article also went on to elaborate on how people assume that just because someone looks "decent" and is in their social circle, they're "clean".

As much as i really feel like going: "Serves you right for having premarital (and very likely, unprotected) sex" (pardon me for my harsh words because i've an almost murderously firm stand against premarital sex) A bigger part of me feels really upset about how at their young tender age, they've already been given a death sentence... Unless a miracle happens in their lives. Not only do they have to deal with the darkness of ill health looming ahead, it's also going to be a stigma that they'll carry around with them in the years to come. And that cannot be easy. No, it can't.

If people would just curb their carnal desires and abstain, they'd save themselves a lot of complications should the tides change.

Gah... i wrote 2 looongggg drafts in about 2 hours and now i'm wondering whether i should even publish them! On first thought, sounds like a waste of time, but on hindsight i think that what i've written and saved is something that needs to be penned down for reference in future. So... time wasn't wasted.

Anyway, i had such a blast yesterday. Er, that pretty much sums up the 2 long drafts. And no, i didn't do anything way crazy or anything.

Spending time being still and quiet before my Creator as well as yakking, guitar-ing and singing songs with my NTU cell people really just makes my whole entire day.

Since you cannot bring Earthly possessions to Heaven, i wonder if guitars exist in Heaven. I mean, does God approve of some kinds of man-made creations? Can strum, pick,and sing song mah. Heehee.
And how about harps? You know, you always hear of angels and harps.
It's kinda neat to think of heavenly beings playing an instrument that you get to see and play on Earth.

Does that make you wonder where the inspiration to craft harps, on Earth, comes from? Mmmmm.

Or, or, maybe God already put in Man the ability to create instruments that are already being used in heaven?

Or... Maybe God has way cooler instruments up there. Mmm....

From what started off as a need to stop the scalp from itching due to humidity as well as to get a different look... Ugh! Short hair is not me. Remind me never, EVER, to chop my long hair to a short crop again. Neh-verh.

Now to just wait for it to grow out a leeettle beeeet.

***

I opened up Windows Media Player and decided on a little Corrinne May for her beautifully tender, light but still soulful singing and deep chord striking, honest, lyrics. Not forgetting also the awesomely touching song melody compositions and score arrangements.

Then i remembered she had a blog... And i teared a little when i read this post that she wrote.

Makes me wonder about the state of my own heart. But is it? Or is it my own attitude of laziness? Then again. Is it my own fears within his society?

***

Once Hady is eliminated from Singapore Idol, we are more or less... Done. No hope. Gone. I once supported Jonathan Leong, but to me, he could only hide his flaws for a while before showing that he isn't quite up to scratch.

***

Cartoons of the Old (80s-90s)

It all started when KL sent me the link to a Gummi Bears youtube video... Then i figured: Hm... would there be any My Little Pony videos? And OH YES there were... There were even some longer length-ed episodes for fans of the old school cartoon. Now imagine cuteness! giggly-ness! corny jokes!! in the original cartoon... But then... i came across THIS ONE: "Apocalypse Pony"

Yes, yes, morbid i know... Heh, just like me. Cannot stop laughing liao.

*walks off still giggling wildly to herself*

Donch know wot i''m going to do with the locks but the humidity isn't very good for my scalp when i've got hair volume equivalent to like 100 Chewbakas put together, attached to my head. Maybe some of it's gonna come off tomorrow. Yeeaahaah!

***

It's an amazing night to just spend some time walking around downstairs, and perhaps perch myself on one of those wooden benches.

It's serene, peaceful, and while i didn't traipse myself downstairs, i stood next to the kitchen window and let the cold wind that was sweeping in tickle my face.

Absolute bliss. How i wish that more nights and days could be like this... And make it during the holiday season when i'm free to spend my time as i please.

I'm just about wrapping up the essay that i've been working on for the last two weeks. *huge backhand swipe across forehead* I'll be able to send it off tomorrow by morning. Oh, thank God.

I know that despite putting in so much effort into it, i'm kind of sure that it isn't of 3rd level standard, and so probably isn't worth the 'A' that i would so love to have. An 'A' isn't only about pleasing the parentals but it also serves the instrumental function of giving the transcript a face lift. I NEED the 'A', it's really not just about wanting it.

Don't really like attending social psych tutorials really. My tutor hasn't quite got the human touch with the way she handles us, though she says she loves to teach (we only got that nugget of info after coaxing her to share a bit about herself). As much as i feel like doing a disappearing act, i know the law abiding side of me says that i cannot afford to do that. Poo.

I watched as he made his way through the departure hall, had his passport checked and stamped, and felt a sense of emptiness when i saw him turn around to give his cheery wave and then disappear into the bowels of the airport. It looked as if the whole platoon of us had just lost our "tour guide", who was all decked out in his happy green printed shirt. But the mood was far from happy... because this dear cell mate and brother that we got to know and befriend was leaving us for Brunei for good. "For good", in the sense that he is done with his education here and is pretty much "staying put in his home country Brunei".

It hurts to see him and his girlfriend (who left about a month ago) leave us especially after getting to know them better when they first came to join the NTU cell around about a year plus ago. They've become so much a part of us, sharing the same identity and having quite distinct roles in the cell group. I might not feel the full brunt of the loss right now, but i guess when we return to the cell setting in our familiar room in block 6C, i'll probably feel the void more. Still, i know that we'll all pull through, and life goes on.

But i guess, i rejoice to know that God had a reason/reasons in His plan for them when they were brought to Singapore, and as a cell we release them with love. Yet we know that we're still bonded by our friendship and by the body of Christ. We've seen how they've transformed: the same person but leaving with a different spirit and heart. Thank God.

Guess we'll just need to get used to not seeing their faces and feeling their presence with us, though we can still poke them on MSN. :-)

One thing about the NTU cell is that we somehow tend to pick up? attract? students from all walks and integrate them into our friendly and accepting "family", which is probably why it's so large. But because of this teary farewell we had yesterday... we were just joking that we should now make a new rule... No more exchange students, and that the cell will only allow Singaporean citizens and PRs so that we'll not have to go through another heartache. Heehee. But of course, we're just kidding. :-P

***

Own private issues (many, many), academic issues, and family issues... Ah, this week hasn't been easy.

I don't know when the last time was when i broke down from stress like that. I'm sorry i gave you such a fright.