SEMESTER STATUS: DONE! FINALE! SUDAH! NO MOREEEEE!!!! WHEEEEE!!!!

Now, for:

1. Driving (about time)
2. Read my textbooks (seriously)
3. Buy lots of kinder bueno (pleasures that i can afford)
4. Go window shopping... (sigh, no money to spend liberally, but seeing pretty things is nice after being cooped up at home for too long)
5. Exercise at NTU alumni club (free!)
6. Clear my room (need the space and fresh air)
7. Get my practicum site pinned (In Progress)
8. Make that cheesecake thingy with that recipe i got from a family friend (she wants to know the outcome and i want to eat the outcome!)
9. Dissertation Prep and Supervisor Hunt

Although ths sem is over, i have next sem to think about. Apparently, my holidays still require me to hunt and pin down my practicum site for next sem, think of a dissertation topic, read my textbooks for practicum. Yeah, school is not far away from my mind.

This hols will be busy!

I am also contemplating whether i should go back to shooting on sundays at the range... Just thinking about it makes my heart beat faster and my head go a bit dizzy with excitement.

To put a cup filled with soybean milk to my lips and taking a deep, satisfying gulp, is a pure blessing of providence.

I count it nothing less than a privilege.

When we are surrounded by abundance, it seems like it's normal to be having the things that we have. Even assuming that it is our human right to have the things we want. Sometimes, we even demand more.

But how many people in other parts of the world, in slums, in poor districts, can afford to demand that? Their basic human right of dignity is sometimes even forfeited and denied. Let alone having basic necessities like food, clothes, clean water... Or soybean milk for that matter.

I'm blessed, and my heart aches with gratitude.

random thoughts while i work 2

I love (almost) all things to do with psychology. The theories, the techniques, the way it deals with thought and behaviour. But, i don't want to be a cold therapist in the cold office.

I want to be able to move around and reach people through counselling and talks, with a heart of love, warmth, free of descrimination and of self seeking and self loving thoughts, but also with the determination to set some things right in this crazy world.

Yeah, it sounds like a romantic idea doesn't it? But i think that when God is to be brought to His people through His people, He WILL. make. THE. way.

So i should be a counselling psychologist?

But a year ago, i missed the application for the masters in applied psych program (that has the counselling psych track) but i couldn't afford to wait for the next intake, so i applied for my counselling course instead. I half regret this, but i also am thankful for where i am today.

Since i am a psych graduate, and a counselling postgrad-to-be, can i then be a counselling psychologist?

Hm.

Random thoughts while i work 1

To do after semester:

1. Driving
2. Read my textbooks (seriously)
3. Buy lots of kinder bueno
4. Go window shopping... (sigh, no money to spend liberally)
5. Exercise at NTU alumni club
6. Clear my room
7. Get my practicum site pinned

***

Dad: Woah?! He's (Jed) already 6 years old?!

Jo: Yeap.

Dad: That's near the age that Prints (previous dog) died, at 7.

Jo: Yeap. But he (Jed) still behaves like kuku right (like a 2 year old kid).

Dad: (laughs) Yeah.

***

Before you ever tell someone the truths of the matter, or give them advice, or attempt to change their mindsets, or scold or disciple. ALWAYS, ALWAYS EMPATHIZE, FIRST.

Although you feel the urge to blast the person, or if you are just about to tell them life lessons learnt from your own experience, STOP RIGHT THERE. Take the time to let them talk, listen to the meanings behind those words, be genuinely interested, be present with the person emotionally and psychologically.

Sometimes we are so quick to tell others what they should do, or we want to let OURSELVES be heard that we forget that we are having a dialogue, and not a monologue.

When someone shares a difficulty, allow the person to experience the emotions because they need to work through it. They need to FEEL the emotions, but i of course think that it should not prolong for more than necessary. By cutting them short by giving advice and giving truths even with love, is not allowing a person to be heard and understood. If you don't allow them to feel, the message that they would receive is that their emotions are wrong, should not be felt, should be suppressed. And when you attempt to push ideas to them without them having felt listened to, they will not be receptive, chances are, they may be MORE defensive, if lets say they are not able to control their feelings.

Every person has a right to feeling what they feel, whether the emotions are "right or wrong". By saying that they have a right to feeling is not saying that they are allowed to act in a negative manner (eg. beating up someone), but it is saying that we are feeling creatures and by telling us not to feel is like telling us to shut up and/or to stop breathing.

We all need to learn the art of listening, and listening with patience and empathy.

***

I am so glad this week is relatively quiet and i am not serving for saturday. I have a 20-25 page essay to finish by monday. I have to write an average of 3-4 pages per day starting from tomorrow. Arghhhh. But thank you GOD! It's required to be double spaced, and the 20-25 page thingy includes references (which is kinda rare in academic writing).

While waiting for my god brother's water baptism to start, i decided to take parts of my lovely monster yamaha keyboard since i brought the camera with me on stage.

Sigh, i still couldn't get a proper video of him being baptised in the pool though.

Methinks this is a good stock photo to mess around with. :oD

Anyways, i am WAYYYYYYYY PROUD of my god brother. Getting baptised and all. And he's always saying this: "I want to seek first His Kingdom and His righteousness." He's thinking of serving in the music ministry soon too. :-D



***

Check out this "baby". It's as big as my palm!



But WAIT! There's a contender on the right! As you can see, my fingers of my right hand have disappeared beneath the mushroom.

My mom, demonstrating that mushrooms can be quite good substitutes for eyes if you think yours are too small.

Yes. This is the contender i spoke of earlier. It is literally as big as your face.

My mom being my mom, in one of her wackier moments, took two mushrooms and placed them in front of...


I don't know if i should even be telling you to go figure..

I did NOT take a photo of that. Gosh, my mom is more garang than me.



NB: Once again, i think the alignment has gone wonky.

***

Does anyone have any suggestions for good clothes blogshops? I'm on the prowl...

V: i looked thru 3 collections and somehow... i have concluded that in general, tracyeinny's style is different from mine. pragnaz's webbie seems to be down/dead?

Remember i said that i recently have been stuffing my face?

The desperation with which i dug into the fridge looking for something sweet and brown, and the ferocity in how i broke the hard piece into smaller bits, threw them into my mouth and chewed down hard despite my liking for it to be melted and smooth, shocked me.

(I'm surprised i didn't gnaw on the bar a la viking:drumstick)

I actually felt my cranial dwelling neurons sigh a huge sigh of relief as my taste buds savoured, in frenzied urgency, the familiar taste of chocolate.

Uh, I am not pregnant.

Introduction to Family: (COMPLETED. HALLELUJAH!)
Genogram x 1 (DONE)
Role Play x 1 (DONE)
Case Study x 1 (DONE)
MCQ Test x 1 (DONE)
Overall Grade: A- (PRAISE THE LORD!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

Group Counselling: (COMPLETED. HOSANNA!)
Individual Paper x 1 (DONE)
Co-facilitator's Paper x 1 (DONE)
Transcripting x 1 (DONE)
Group Counselling with Violent Youths Presentation x 1 (DONE)

Advanced Counselling: (AGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
Big Fat Essay x 1 (Panicking)

Psychopathology and Appraisal: (EEEEKSS)
Case Study Presentation x 1 (DONE)
3000 word essay x 1 (THINKING: How to do...)
Topic Presentation x 1 (DONE, waiting for group mate to do his edits)
MCQ Test x 1

during this coming holidays, i will just spend it exercising.

because firstly, i am broke and exercising is free of charge. what is more, i get to gym at the NTU alumni club as a unisim alumus. teehee. and the gym is not bad at all!

secondly, i need to get myself into shape... been stuffing my face recently and am enjoying it tremendously. *beam*

thirdly, after this hols, it's my practicum so it's my way of preparing myself mentally and physically.

I've never said it out loud before till tonight... that I've always felt second class. I was struck by how bitter i sounded when i spoke to my leader. I think these feelings have been harboured for far too long that it's not funny.

I've always felt that i'm not communicated to, i always have to figure it out on my own what in the world the others are doing, unless i flail my arms and yell that i'm lost. I've asked for help but i've always been made to feel that i'm troubling people and/or holding everyone back, especially when there are parties who are always raring to go. I often don't feel included, i don't feel heard, i feel patronized. I wondered if it was just me. I think part of it is, but part of it isn't.

I wondered if it was something i had to put up with, close one eye. But apparently, it resulted in a minor explosion today. And i didn't expect my leader to react so quickly... i think the only thing that made it better for me was that i wasn't the only one feeling less than good about the situation.

Not very comfortable with the fact that it came out still because i've been controlling and suppressing it for so long, so when i just ranted, it sounded really emotional and i don't normally rant to my (guy) leader!

Couldn't help but feel bad afterwards but i guess what has to be said, has been said. The next best thing to do is to keep walking, the aftermath is to be civil and mature about it.

http://www.myspace.com/mattmahermusic (the sound quality for the songs is better from this link)

I'm having a blast listening to just these 3 songs on the website!

The last song ("Empty and Beautiful") captivated me musically (piano and orchestral arrangement was absolutely awesome) and lyrically. The musical support really melted together with the words and made it truly a heartfelt, thankful love letter to Jesus.

It's a song about Apostle Paul who was going through a really, really, tough time but yet was stoic and remained faithful to God. Of course he was not without his difficulties but yup, as you listen to the song, you can hear how God sustained him.

Intro to the song:


The song (but the sound not very good):


Maher describes the heart behind his debut (the CD also by the same name, "Empty and Beautiful"):
“In life, we end up having to empty ourselves to achieve that which is beautiful. If you don’t, you never really get made beautiful. It’s a weird dichotomy, especially in the world we live in because there’s so much focus on beauty. The whole idea of having to empty one’s self to achieve beauty is completely counter cultural, but that’s what happens—marriage, service of the poor, sharing the beauty of the gospel. That’s what Christ calls us to do, and I hope these songs will help inspire people to follow Jesus in that way.”
(Source: http://www.myspace.com/mattmahermusic )

this posting of my work progress really helps me keep accountable to myself...

Introduction to Family: (COMPLETED. HALLELUJAH!)
Genogram x 1 (DONE)
Role Play x 1 (DONE)
Case Study x 1 (DONE)
MCQ Test x 1 (DONE)
Overall Grade: A- (PRAISE THE LORD!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

Group Counselling:
Individual Paper x 1 (IN PROGRESS)
Co-facilitator's Paper x 1 (STATUS: WHAT?!)
Transcripting x 1 (IN PROGRESS)
Group Counselling with Violent Youths Presentation x 1 (DONE)

Advanced Counselling:
Big Fat Essay x 1 (Panicking)

Psychopathology and Appraisal:
Case Study Presentation x 1 (IN PROGRESS)
3000 word essay x 1 (THINKING: How to do...)
Topic Presentation x 1 (DONE, waiting for group mate to do his edits)
MCQ Test x 1

***

classroom = altar call room

My God heals the sick, grows out legs (elongate) for people who have one leg shorter than the other (He does! Just ask my pastor who witnessed it first hand... i will be glad to introduce you to her), He gets cancer tumours out of people, restores sight, hearing, mobility, everything! He basically specializes in the humanly impossible. God is AWESOME!

I have 2 classmates in my class who just recently got diagnosed with back problems and I'm hearing one of them wince in pain week after week. I want so bad to bring God's kingdom into my class, to my classmates. I want to see my classmates' eyes and hearts become open and receptive to Jesus. I want to be that child of God who's working out her faith so that His greatness is shown. Like, i want my classroom to be an altar call area for people to be captivated by Christ, to want to be prayed for and to be healed (in any way, physically, emotionally, etc) because Jesus HEALS! I REALLY REALLY REALLY want to. I want Jesus to be known! I really want people to see and know that Jesus is REAL and that they are loved.

I had a thought a few days ago, which is to pray for one particular classmate, and the thought has been bugging me for a few days. I have so much fear. Yet, it is not about how big my faith is that matters, but rather, it is who i put that tiny bit of faith IN. Because it isn't me who is going to heal anyone, it is Jesus.

Imagine, if one classmate is prayed for and experieces God's love and healing, wouldn't that start a mini frenzy of sorts? I don't know for sure... But if God willing, that would be the start of a kind of revival NIE needs, the kind of revival NTU, our schools, Singapore needs!

God's people need to move in faith to bring Jesus to the people. How? If i want to experience things i've never experienced before, i need to do things that i've never done before.

How? GOD! Give me that SUPER CLEAR opportunity please? And can you tell me in my face that that IS THE opportunity? Cos you know your daughter can be duh-blur one.

But of course, there are times when God does not heal and it feels lousy but still, it is an exercise of faith, to still have faith when we see nothing obvious happen. That's what faith is about, isn't it? I guess i worry about what the person i prayed for might think... but that... isn't really my business, come to think of it. My job is to simply obey joyfully. :-) It's God's issue to take up with that person. Not mine.

a draft written on the 18th of oct 2008

I finally realized something. I realized why i used to get so "jaded" and critical during worship in church. It's because i did not sustain my own worship life outside of church.

When i say i "don't sustain", i don't mean i stop being a Christian. It just means that i don't engage with God as much as i want to. I often get too busy to talk to Him and so keep in step with Him.

You see. Every time i come to church and i go for prayer and worship with my team, or with the whole church, i feel as if i have to switch on "the whole close eyes, lift hands, holy moly actions, yada yada". But that's BECAUSE... i don't even continue my worship life outside church! OF COURSE i would feel like i have to switch on and switch off "the mode". It's suppose to be... ON the whole time.

But then, i also had the realization that worship does not HAVE to consist of those physical actions i mentioned. In actuality, u can worship any how you want to. The word i got was, "Freedom". Freedom to do anything u want, anything tt shows the Lord your heart's posture of worship.

Which is why, when i come to church after a week of conscientiously keeping quiet time, i come for worship and prayer feeling more refreshed, happy and REAL. The worship is genuine and wholehearted. The only difference is that i am now worshipping with others!

First things first. HAPPY BIRTHDAY MISS L!
Miss L is my long time jc mate and boy, have we been through a fair bit... But we always know that our friendship is worth... uh, there's no worth to match it with, it is priceless, it has crossed to the infinitely qualitive, and that's what makes us carry on as good friends after all these years though we don't meet up often at all. My friend for life! :oD

***

Introduction to Family:
Genogram x 1 (Due: 30th April, NOT DONE)
Role Play x 1 (Due: 30th April) (IMPROMPTU?!)
Case Study x 1 (DONE)
MCQ Test x 1 (DONE)

Group Counselling:
Individual Paper x 1 (IN PROGRESS)
Co-facilitator's Paper x 1 (STATUS: WHAT?!)
Transcripting x 1 (IN PROGRESS)
Group Counselling with Violent Youths Presentation x 1 (DONE)

Advanced Counselling:
Big Fat Essay x 1 (Panicking)

Psychopathology and Appraisal:
Case Study Presentation x 1 (IN PROGRESS, Due: 6th April)
3000 word essay x 1
Topic Presentation x 1 (DONE, but need to edit ppt slides for final submission!)
MCQ Test x 1

***

In other news. I passed my driving final theory test! FINALLY. FINNNAAALLLYYYY!!!!!

It took me 7 (what a nice God inspired number... God made everything in "7 days") long beautiful years for me to feel ready in mind and soul and spirit and body and emo and... you get the idea, to take up the driving challenge. I think i mentioned this before. When i finished my A levels, i went ahead just like most other JC students to go get their licenses. Once i passed my basic theory though, i just lost it because i wasn't keen on studying some more for final theory (tired of studying after A levels) and more so, i was just freaking out at the thought of driving.

SO YES. Now that i am READY, i can go for lessons any time now! I AM ELATED! (But i don't feel the elation until someone reminds me about it. I think it's because i'm too busy with school right now)

Imagine... I can soon be using the car to move around and get myself home in double quick time.

All righty. Time to go. Big thanks to everyone who has been cheering me on here and in your own ways. :-) I'm really encouraged and touched. :-)

schoolverk update 2 (updated, bold=new development)

Intro to Family:
Genogram x 1
Case Study x 1 (DONE)
Role Play x 1
MCQ Test x 1 (DONE)

Group Counselling:
Individual Paper x 1 (IN PROGRESS)
Co-facilitator's Paper x 1
Transcribing x 1 (IN PROGRESS)
Group Counselling with Violent Youths Presentation x 1 (DONE)

Advanced Counselling:
Big Fat Essay x 1

Psychopathology and Appraisal:
Case Study Presentation x 1 (IN PROGRESS)
3000 word essay x 1
Topic Presentation x 1 (DONE, but need to edit ppt slides for final submission!)
MCQ Test x 1

Chiong ah!

To my friends who have been patient with me: thanks so much for your understanding and i need er, more understanding, as you can see... Hoho.

I slept so badly last night because my mind was so anxious and kept waking me up to think about whether i should go back to my work. I was tempted once but i figured no point sleeping so little and feeling deflated throughout the day. Ironically, i am already feeling sleepy because of my failed attempt to sleep and waking up multiple times.

***

In other news, my dad blessed me with a netbook! In times like these as an older but a non-working-still-studying child, i'm appreciating things a lot more, taking less things for granted, feeling more thankful for what i've been given. (although i feel guilt!)

My current 15" lappie gives me arm and shoulder aches (my biceps actually get a good workout and they ache the next day even) every time i bring it out to do work and it's been a source of inconvenience although it is definitely more powerful. Since i inherited it from my dad, he understands the problem and i guess that was what made him more empathetic towards my needs.

I was really surprised at how readily he gave me the freedom to decide if i wanted the netbook. Usually, i would be the one trying to convince him and he would be the one telling me to think about whether i really needed it. This time it was the other way around. The option was there to get it and it was my decision as to whether i wanted to go ahead.

So now i have a lovely white Lenovo S10, called Lenny. All the lappies i've had have names... :-)
Adele (Dell): my first proper lappie of my own
AyeSirMajorGeneral (Acer): my current lappie
Lenny (Lenovo): my portable mini-me (Gem helped me name it. i said 'how about mini-me'? and he said, 'how about lenny'? I thought Lenny sounded nicer, so Lenny it is!)

I had decided to get it in black at first because the cumulative dirt will be less visible. But when i took a second look at the white, i halted the salesguy at the IT show and said i wanted white instead because if i didn't change it, i knew i would regret it! Although now i have to face the consequences of seeing a greying/browning lappie over time. Eeee. Usually i am a sorta practical person, but i figured since AyeSir was black and i use it more often anyways, it won't hurt to get a white one that i would use more only when i go out.

Adele is still alive though she once threatened to crash some time ago... That was when my dad rushed to get me an external hard drive to save everything. She's kinda slow in processing things now and her screen is riddled with these burnout lines (i think). I think i'll go clean her up (file & program-wise) one of these days when i'm done with assignments.

just to give u an insight into my school life at the moment...

I have a TON OF WORK:

Intro to Family:
Genogram x 1
Case Study x 1
Role Play x 1
MCQ Test x 1

Group Counselling:
Individual Paper x 1
Co-facilitator's Paper x 1
Transcripting x 1
Group Counselling with Violent Youths Presentation x 1

Advanced Counselling:
Essay x 1

Psychopathology and Appraisal:
Case Study Presentation x 1
3000 word essay x 1
Topic Presentation x 1
MCQ Test x 1

Guess what. NONE HAVE BEEN COMPLETED NOR STUDIED FOR. DEADLINES ARE COMING UP WITHIN THE NEXT 4 WEEKS.

You tell me how? Very dead right.

I need isolation to get all this DONE!

ARGHGHGHGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

THIS IS IT!!!! THESE MOZZIES ARE DRIVING ME NUTS!

ANOTHER COLLECTION OF 5 BITES IN MY FOREHEAD!

EVEN WHEN I COVER MY HEAD, IT FLIES INSIDE AND BUZZES BESIDE MY EAR!!!

YOU ARE ALL GOING TO DIEEEEEE!!!!!!!!

OCBC Cycle Singapore with La! 22 Feb 2009 Sunday

At about late 6ish in the morning. La kindly offered to take a picture of me and my east coast species type of mountain bike. 'New G-sports' or something like that. Go figure. ;o)




































La with her own bike. La is super pro one ok.


This was taken before we began, somewhere at the back end of the starting line queue.

Still waiting for our race to begin. Drastic change in lighting hor. La giving me a cute smile

Us!

I REALLY love this picture! What happened was we u-turned into East Coast Park and started alongside the sea. I was so overwhelmed by the beautiful view of the sea and how the morning sun was shining down on the water, making it glint and sparking...

So... this is one for the memories!

Nice accidental photo taken by La. :o)

I really have La to thank for snapping pictures of me for me to remember the event by... I can't handle a bike and a camera as well as her to take decent photos!

Ok, i tried to take one. This was the only full body shot i managed to take. La was so cute... When we rode next to one another so that she could pass me her phone she said: "Jo... If you cannot (manage) right, just drop the phone ok and save your life..."

HAHAHAHHAHAHA... So funny but i was like, awww...

Another cute picture of us at the last aid station where we could get free 100 plus. I tell you, chilled 100 plus tasted heavenly after 2 plus hours of hard cycling. But the sun was SO HOT that the drinks warmed up so quickly.

Ah... the finishing stretch... Which was devoid of people to support others coming in from the race. Haiyo. In running events, there're always people standing by the finishing line cheering their friends and strangers on.

It was quite an experience, and a new one at that. I really prayed for God's protection since cycling isn't my forte and there were like at least 3000-4000 people cycling on that day.

It was certainly more fun cycling with a friend than cycling all alone... I knew La could go faster than me but she stayed beside me all the way from start to end and i was really quite thankful for her patience and willingness to accomodate me. It's a lot easier to zoom right off when one is very much able to but she chose to stay... :o) Thanks La. *beam*

(i have this inkling that the alignment of photos and text are all wonky. ah well.)

Van and i have planned to go watch Marley and Me! But we sure did not know that, when we took this photo... Somewhere either in Dec or Jan at some MRT station. It was after a party at Dom's place.

Cute right......................... Heh heh.

(if you're thinking: "that looks like some PE attire you're wearing Jo." Well, yes it was. We were suppose to come dressed to the party in our old school uniform. Only Joy and i did!)

Gah... i owe myself a ton of movies.

Changeling, Benjamin Button, The Reader, Slumdog Millionaire, Marley and Me, Transformers.