A Blessed New Year to Everyone!
(ok, the below is me trying on some bizarre hats from IKEA)

The Spider Cap






















The Cake Head






















Meow!






















I know that experts have predicted a really disasterous 2009 for Singapore, but you know, as long as we trust in Heavenly Father, there is nothing to worry about. Yes, what happens around us can appear frightening and threatening, but i believe that father will never let us starve. He takes care of his own children, we will always have enough. Maybe not extravagent, but enough. :-)

So, if you're facing uncertainty, just call on the name of Jesus. It does not matter if you believe in Him or not. You know, He believes in you and knows you personally. :-)
Ready to be surprised? All you need to do, is open your heart to Him.

It's kinda sad for me to learn that while i might think that someone is my good friend, the other person may not think i am theirs. It's not because i do bad things... The Reason: Because i don't share much about myself, while they tell me a lot of stuff.

Two people (and maybe more people out there) have told me this recently and it made me think about the way i handle conversations. I tend to be the question asker, the one who listens and never talks much about the self. Most of the time, people open up and pour out stuff and i listen and offer some words or some advice.

I think there are a couple of salient reasons why i don't talk about myself.

Firstly, have you ever been in the presence of people who talk non-stop about themselves? You know those types, like whenever you tell them something you did, or something you thought about, or just anything about yourself, they go something like, "Yeah, yeah... *half interested look* i know what you mean, you know ah, i also.....".

And they launch into this whole long story about themselves and their issues/problems. It's ok when they validate your info and talk about their experiences in relation to what you said. But there are types who never fail to make you feel like they weren't even listening to you, don't care about what you're thinking or feeling, but more interested in talking all about themselves and their woeful/trigger happy life. It's like being totally preoccupied with themselves, in their own little world. When you begin to utter something about yourself, their facial expression suddenly slackens, their eyes wander, and they don't look like they're processing what you say.

I guess having been at the brunt of such experiences often, i learnt to shut up and just listen.

Secondly, i guess it's been a long time since i felt that i've really been listened to. I often feel that perhaps people don't want to listen and that i am not worthy to be listened to. I always feel a sense of guilt when i share something with someone during a conversation. It's as if, by talking about myself, i'm being narcisistic, being a person who talks unnecessarily. I feel like if i am talking about problems, i am a woeful human being. Mostly, i just feel that my issues aren't worth people's attention.

It's only when i am REALLY bothered, do i blurt. When i blurt, i ramble for a long long time. I think JL, V and Joy will know of such times of late. Gem... well, he hears me ramble pretty much ALL the time, because i know he listens.

Ok so now you know.

24th

Bolt in 3D and dinner at Tony Romas with family. Pony ride and feeding (!!!) sponsered by JL, heart to heart talk, lots of sunlight and packed lunch included (!!!). Many, many well wishes through sms and facebook and email. Movie and dinner with R and Is.

Looking forward to date with Gem and high tea with Is!

Sigh. It was/is a happy 24th. :-)

This post is more for me to remember what and how i cooked some dishes...

Mom has fallen ill with a vicious flu bug. Weird that the doc gave her antibiotics though since it's a virus, which does not respond to AB like bacteria does. So this week i'm the chief cook in the house. Muah haha. My sister is the more trusted cook between herself and i (the food i cook is usually a hit or miss affair... while my sister's usually turns out yummy), while mom is the one who usually takes the initiative to whip up dishes for the family but this time... nasty bug has gotten her down quite a bit.

Yesterday, i made a soupy dish for mom: boiled chicken stock with onions, leeks, potatoes and carrots and chicken chunks. Had to add a bit of that chicken cube thing because the chicken bones being boiled were well, not enough to lend a rich taste. For dad, i made him some pizza bread: bread, tomato paste spread, onions, ham, mushrooms and cheese. Sprinkled a little mixed herbs on the top as it toasted! Delish. He liked it! Mom thought the soup smelt good and tasted good too.

Today, i made mom noodle soup: yesterday's soup leftover with chicken and ikan bilis cubes boiled together in water to make the soup base. Then added in ginger slices and boiled it some more. At the end, threw in egg tofu, and tomatoes as well as enoki mushrooms. Took out some fresh chilled chicken breast and marinated it with a pinch of salt and sesame oil for a few minutes before throwing it into the pot as well. Boiled up the noodles in a separate pan. Once all done, serve everything hot in a bowl. Mom said it was good! :-)

Wednesday. I'm thinking... Either chicken porridge or chicken macaroni soup.

Thursday: One of the above.

Friday: I won't be around for dinner so i'm thinking, maybe i'll make a bit more food on thursday so that it can be warmed up again for dinner.

***

I've noted that i quite enjoy doing my own grocery shopping and cooking with no one in the kitchen telling me what to do. If i don't have picky eaters, then i would enjoy cooking more because then i would be free to cook anything without having to rule out choices of ingredients or specific dishes. I like the thought processes that lead me to think of what flavours should go together in a dish. I get to savour the flavours in my head! Sort of. :-)

Yet, it can be stressful when i've got a time deadline and when i can't get inspiration to conjure up a meal. Today, i woke up from my afternoon nap at around 5pm and asked God, "What should i cook??!?!!" (cos i was thinking about it for a long time and mom was gonna return home soon) And well, i suddenly got the idea to cook the noodle soup thing. The idea came just in time before mom called from the office asking me if i was prepping dinner tonight. God is cool. :-D

It's just the washing up that irritates me. Too much water being used and the repetitious washing is tiring for my hands and brain!

Think my mom is really appreciative and it's kind of funny that i've been "ordained" as the chef for this week because I've even received a little grocery budget. I guess it's practice for me anyway, to learn to visit the wet market a-la-aunty-style and spend wisely by budgeting the spending on food stuffs.

My dad is right. We need to be awful careful before we share the more intimate things in our lives with others. There are times when we feel tempted to share, but it is an act of will to hold our tongue and keep the honesty to ourselves first.

It's not just being honest about some THING, but it's also about being honest with WHO we are as people with other people in our lives. Something i have to figure out.

Which is to me a rather sad existence to be wary all the time, because i'm a frank person, an open book. But in being one, i'm bound to get burnt and get others burnt at some point in time. It's going to take a lot of control on my part to not speak my mind honestly all the time. Sounds a little disturbing, but well, truth is truth. It ain't a perfect and idealistic world.

Are we ready to be honest? Or are we just content with being surrounded by half baked honesty from the people around us? (For the sake of peace and harmony? To be liked?)

It's a delicate balance and lesson to practice. When to be at the right time, and when to never be.

Which is why God is cool. You can be completely honest with him and he won't rat on you, he loves you despite whatever you say, doesn't find fault although he does scold when necessary, is always understanding and non judgmental. Hanging out with God is the most peaceful way to pass the day.

My Father has a sense of humour man.

Yesterday i was telling God with some level of anguish in my heart, "God, i've been so busy with my own errands to run, i've been so distracted this week and i don't like it. I want to worship you in every area of my life, how can i worship you even in my daily living? I want to worship you throughout the week, connect with you. Nothing makes me as happy when you are in my heart. Nothing compares to you. I know my heart longs so much for you, cos it's empty without you."

That evening, R (someone who does NOT message me normally) messaged me to ask if i was going to church. I was like, "huh" OH YEAH, there's Soak and Seek tonight!" Although i had known that it was tonight, i was kinda like not too keen on going and had forgotten until R texted me.

Note: Soak and Seek is a time for the musicians, dancers, etc (the "artsy" people) in church to come together for combined worship and bible study.

My attitude in response to that? Get a load of this: " Huh, I don't want. Feeling lazy... don't want to leave my home."

Than i realized, "Hello? Didn't you just tell God that you wanted to worship him?"

It's so sadly amusing, how when the real thing comes along, my human weakness clouds my heart's desires. I thank God for that realization and i decided that i was going to make that choice to worship God with all my will and strength.

God was obviously saying, "You said you wanted to worship me right? Here you go, are you going to come for this (Soak and Seek)?" It was a little admonishment for me from Father God. I know it was certainly divine... R did not message anyone else to ask and he definitely does not message me normally. Guess i had to be reminded to learn to put my will into action. :-D

Oh, and through what God told R (at the end of the session, we prayed and asked the Lord how we can bless our friend), Father wants me to read the book of James. Wokay! How specific! I like. :-)

I need a break. Some peace and quiet.

Just like what my classmate said, "I need to be alone to recharge." Well, i'm an introvert, that's why. People find this surprising. But it's true. I may be loud, but that's when i'm charged up. Or when i have something to say, a point to make. Otherwise, i'm mostly the laidback individual, listening, speaking my mind when i need/want to. I'm not the life of the party.

Think i've got to go hole myself up at home for at least a week or more. Watch DVDs, think, surf the net, sleep, write, cook, bake. Whatever that satisfies my desire for rest. Need to live in a short term bubble.

I can't decide if i'm happy or lost at the moment.

inducing.... hyperventilation...

Look at its adorable puppeh faaaace! (proportions: big forehead and little mouf) Auuugghh! And its teeny tiny squishy body inna hotdawg bun! Aahhhhh! i can almost smell its musky soft doggy scent from here.




This is just incredulously funny. It's like, "Ok! I'm just testing if jonathan used wax on the stairs!" *done sliding* "Yeah people, floor check done! Smooooooth as a baby's bum!"

Source: www.cuteoverload.com

Of all the photos, the nicest ones were taken in the toilet when we were trying to remove our make up. HAHA.

Anyway, here's saying HI! after the wedding. :-)

As Jie meis, we had a good excuse to go pay some good money to get our faces and hair fixed.... So we went to a salon and i have never worn so much make up in my life!

Personally, i think i essentially look exactly the same, with or without make-up. Unlike some people who, after slathering on the stuff, look entirely different and unrecognizable.

What made me really grin (and think to myself that "it was all worth it") was when my dad said to me: "I think your hair was really nice... and i thought the make-up was done very well. Made you look really different, it enhanced your face. Very pretty." AWWWWwwwwwwww.... Thanks Dad! :-)

Ai yai, the end is nearrr...

Things to do when school is over (which is actually dependent on whether i can finish all my assignments before the 12th. Highly unlikely though.):

1. Meet up with the girls
(i've stuck post-it notes with the names of people on my mental noticeboard, but they've a way of dropping off. So, if i've said i'm going to meet up with you but have not, please come and pinch me, you have my permission...)

2. Do/plan something nice for gem.

3. Go on eating trips.

4. Last minute training for 10km.

5. Go to the beach/park.

6. Catch-up-potluck with the you-know-whos. ;-)

7. Go look for a good pore cleaning mask.

8. Read the counselling (soft skills) book and other articles.

9. Do video editing for the married woman.

10. Go on phototrips with miss D, and miss V and miss C.

***

I can smell december. The wind that blows through my window at night tells me so.
(darn, now i sound like Rafiki from the Lion King who can read information out of the dust/leaves that he catches straight out from the air)

***

Senator Barack Obama is the new president of the USA...

I've got mixed feelings about him stepping into the White House...

The world and i am going to wait and see.

for you, miss zen :-)

happy convo to me (16th October, Thursday, 2008)! (taken by Alvin! Thanks bro...)






















I really like the colours of the robe, my faculty's (arts and social sciences) colour. It was a silky rich rose red and a lovely purple, unlike some other colour combinations that i've seen that make graduates look like bookmarks. I sure hope my faculty in NIE has decent robe colours!

I took a "Harry Potter" photo of myself. Hur hur. Yeah, riding-on-a-broomstick thing.

I think my heart is a lot more partial to animals than to humans. *bites lower lip*

Take a look at this video where pet dog Leo, risked his life to protect 4 kittens when the house caught fire. I don't really know HOW he thought he could protect them, but he was with them in the burning house and even suffered smoke inhalation.

Quite NUTS, but it just blew my mind... And i teared.

sunglasses advertisement... Not.

Me in your Oakleys!
You in my Optic Nerve!

















Once the sem is over, golly boy, am i going to go all out to paint the beach red or what!
I don't know whether my fitness level can tahan or not since i haven't been running a whole lot recently but, I really want to go trail running/hiking, biking, beach-ing, just whack man!

I loved going through the east coast park connector network (about 40km), but i didn't really like the urban landscape too much in terms of the interruptions. But i did enjoy the sweat and grunt inducing gruelling moments when we had to carry our bikes up and down overhead bridges. Just be careful not to slip because that could get pretty ugly.

AH! Jia you to me!

I want. Can? :-)
i wuv Mythbusters.

Note: ok, i discovered that they don't ship stuff readily to Asia, and will need to make enquiries. Dangwabbit.

***

1 Group presentation: Teen Sex Education (40% done)
1 Essay: on either Mid Life Crisis or Juvenile Delinquency (not done)
1 Research Critique (not done)
1 Research Proposal (have not thought of a topic yet)
1 Essay: Comparing counselling theories (not done)
1 Intake interview (not done)
1 Set ppt slides: Case Conceptualization (sort of done)
1 Report: Ethics in Group Counselling (sort of done)

AIEEEE!!!
The funny thing is, i'm a lot calmer about all this WITH the approaching deadlines than when i first began my course with deadlines that were still far away. Denial, methinks.

This would be my silly dog Jed who conveniently plonked his whole little body onto my IMPORTANT school newspaper cuttings. And he's still all, "Wot? Wot did i do?"

Tomorrow's my convocation day. Got to admit that i wasn't too keen or serious about going for it, since i'll be going for yet another convo in 1 1/2 years time. But i guess... something compelled me to do so. Undergraduate convo is kinda like the first major milestone for the tertiary education folks. Granny (who was looking forward to this) and family (excluding my globetrotting sister) are going for the ceremony and the big makan, but it seems like no one else can come for the after-ceremony photo taking. How sad. Even Gem won't be around because of school.

Neh mind, i'll try asking nicely for everyone to come for my postgraduate convo in 1 1/2 years time. Like, would they still be free? I guess some of them should still be in NTU...

At least there's Grad Night on friday! We were told to come dressed as our favourite movie character. I procrastinated registering for the dinner because of that, but then my friend who's organising the event said that i didn't HAVE to... That's a good thing. Or else, i'd be dressed as a MAN... You know, because my favourite movie character is Neo from The Matrix?! Either that, a Jedi Knight from Star Wars. I don't think i would look very good beside my (male) date then...

I love Discovery Channel's Mythbusters!

They are a team of wacky, intelligent, technically adventurous geeks who get wind of myths and use their knowledge of science (physics, mechanics, yada, yada) to prove or disprove it. So, you either get: Busted, Confirmed, Plausible, as conclusions to their tests.

I REALLY hope that they keep the show going. The show is too precious!

Ok, imma geek when i wanna be. :-)

Father God has a lot of work to do in my heart...

I feel so ugly inside. Though others tell me otherwise, i know my faults better than anyone else and being human, i do what i do to look nice: Hide the faults. Cover it up by doing the exact opposite to repress them.

But the more i hide my faults, the uglier i know i am inside.

There is no point in making sure i look good on the outside week after week, when really, i have little substance to back up what i do on the outside. In that sense, i am nothing but a liar.

The sight of Harry diving in front of Peter (Parker) to take the fatal through-the-chest stab in Spiderman 3 is haunting, heart wrenching and heart warming all at once. I'm sure that Harry considered the risk of what he was about to do, of what might happen to him if he took the chance to save his friend. But clearly, he didn't give two hoots about himself, but gave it all for his friend.

The look that Harry had on his face clearly spelt the profound brotherly love that he had for Peter and his actions spoke so distinctly of the true and honest, all or nothing kind of friendship that he and Peter shared. One life, given up wholeheartedly, willingly and without hesitation for the life of another.

Wow.

***

In a loonnnngggg time, since circa 2002, joline is going to wear a dress. For not just 1 day, but over 2 days! Oh. My. Gosh. Ack.

It's not that i hate dresses. I like dresses. It's just that the dresses need to BE ME, and that i am generally intolerant of having to sit and stand in a ladylike manner. Seriously, i like dressing up but i am just TOO lazy to do so. Gimme my jeans and tee any day, baby. Or shorts and a cool tee.

Spent 6 hours in front of the computer today doing my ethics project group work. I hope that our lecturer is kind to us because all the other groups have 3 people while my group only has... Er, 2 (1 of our group mates pang seh us and left the module altogether). In a way, it makes things less complicated, but it means a lot more work for the both of us. I never did have to do group projects with much more mature adults back in UniSIM, so to have to work with one one-on-one today was quite a new experience. Thank God that she's great to work with and we come from pretty similar backgrounds.

Then i had the jiemei meeting... Hurhur. ;-)
After we hatched our evil plan, aka Operation Sabotage, i walked away pretty much emotionless except for thoughts about whether the games portion will be pulled off well or not. But now, i'm feeling the combination of anxiety and excitement. Ack, need to get a decent pink thingy to wear! Some dress or something. Shopping is in order on monday, after my convo gown fitting.

Bimbo moment: Kind of wondering which brand of coloured lenses is good and whether people with astigmatism can wear them.

I was at Music Plaza, PS the other day and boy, was it an interesting evening. I encountered:

1. a drummer guy (DG, a customer who was trying out the drums) who told me that he liked my "touch" on the piano (i don't really know what he means by "touch")

J: (tries out a Yamaha playing "Hit the Road Jack" rather softly. Then started softly tinkling the usual bunch of chords)
DG: (Comes up to me from behind) Hi, i like your touch. Do you play a lot of jazz?
J: Er, no, i play mostly by ear.
DG (looks disappointed) Oh. Well, i like your touch.
J: (watches DG walk away) Oh, thanks!

2. guy from buddhist fellowship

He came into the shop wanting to ask the shop assistant about the piano i was playing. I started to move away from it saying that if he wanted to try, please go ahead. But he told me to keep playing so that he could listen. After a few chords, he asked if i played anywhere and i replied that i played for my church band. Then... he asked if i wanted to play for "another faith". I was stunned of course. I didn't decline at first but instead started to quiz him about what this event was about. Turns out he is a buddhist and wants to hold an event where people from different faiths come together to share about their respective faiths.

We had a short conversation about Buddhism and Christianity. I started to put some learnt things (from a recent sermon) into practice but alas, he was too bent on asking me to come to his event. I thought that he went too far with some of his questions, and boy was he insistent! He wasn't going to settle for a "no" so easily. I wonder why. We left the shop with me having his contact and an indefinite answer about me going to his fellowship. Friend tells me that it might be an evangelistic thing. Hm. *nods*

3. 2 young people, a woman and man from a church that believes in God the Mother, the "bride" as a part of God, the end time prophecies, how people today do not observe the passover anymore, saturday as sabbath, not sunday. If you're interested.

They started out innocently enough with a survey which i think was simply a guise to get me into a conversation about what they believe in. They were pushy all right! Refused to have my email address, insisted on my hp number (which i obviously did not give) and gave me pamphlets to read. They basically used verses from the bible to substantiate what they were saying (the woman was nice but sounded like a robot when explaining their beliefs, while the guy was nice but morphed into something monster-ish when asking for my number, insisting that they really wanted to share the truth with me on another set day)

I have mixed feelings about what they were saying. I spoke to my dad about it and i agreed with him that what they were preaching wasn't essential to the simple gospel of Jesus Christ. Although i still have some thoughts about the God the Mother thing, yeah.

Whatever it is, i got a taste of what some Christians do that just scare people away. Coming across as zealots, being too pushy and annoying, using "con" methods. But not all of us are like that!