In the last 5 years, i've been a most faithful supporter of the ACJC rugby team, trudging down, rain or shine, mostly solo after leaving JC, to the Police Academy to lend my screaming mouth to cheer my team on and to snap pictures of the event.
In the last 5 years, the finals always saw THE clash of the titans: ACJC and RJC.

But not this year.

Well, it's not too bad... since... RJC was the team that (still) got booted. Muah hahaha. Go SAJC! (even though you beat my team too. :-< )

Disclaimer: me no vendetta against RJC lah. Just some plain and simplistic old school rivalry.

We interrupt the exam prep with a word of warning to all friends.

A short while ago, i received a call (to my mobile phone) from a financial advisory company asking me if i would like to go down for an interview for the post of financial advisor. They claim to be the biggest or one of the biggest of such companies around which i think is a bogus claim, because:
1. No website at all. A big company and Google Singapore can't even find you?
2. No such name in the Yellow Pages.

So you tell me.

I haven't a clue on HOW they got my contact number, sounding all so very professional and polite.

The best part is, the person on the other line said that the contacts she received was from a head hunting company. Now, please excuse me. I've only worked as a puny part-time sales assistant and now an office staff, which are jobs you would hardly call "professional". The head hunter fella hasn't even spoken to me about switching jobs and now a company is knocking on my door?

*screams hysterically* Waddaya want from me!?

*ahem*

So anyway, please be careful.

The sad thing about humans is that when we chase the things that make our own hearts pleased and our desires satiated, we forget about the relationships around us that matter. Sometimes, it's not a literal act of forgetting, but a willful putting aside of people because of our priorities. Sad, but true. But is it always necessary? Is it really not possible to give up just one segment of our time that we spend doing our own thing (that is not related to serious work) to sustain relationships and continue treasured communication between friends and family?

We don't spend our last moments on Earth thinking about the unwashed dishes and undone paperwork that's due, but what we really long for are the very people around us who ate from those dishes and the people whom we have built meaningful friendships with while working through the good and bad times.

Is this an idealistic fantasy? Not entirely.

Hi people, i've not been killed by an oncoming cement mixer, but i've been swamped by a wave of post examination activities.

The only kink with that is, it's everyone else's post exam time, while me... I just get sucked into it. Bad girl. My first and last paper is on the 22nd.

Off to work! Whee! *wave*

randomology

*giggle*

Something from my psych textbook:

Callum: Is God everywhere?
Mother: Yes, dear.
Callum: Is he in this room?
Mother: Yes, he is.
Callum: Is he in my mug?
Mother: (growing uneasy) Er - Yes.
Callum: (clapping his hand over his mug) Got him!

(Donaldson, 1992, cited in Stevens, 1996)

***

As the 4 people sat to watched the idiot box showing a pretty lady making 2 long scratches on a piece of paper with 2 pictures of rather innocuous objects, one person says: "Ya! You know jie's friend put a tick instead of a cross in the box you know?"

Dad: No, no, no... You must put a tick on the one you want, and a cross on the one you don't want.

-.-"
My fambly.

***

You know you can't cook/need to improve the currently tragic culinary skills, when you attempt to cook one of your favourite dishes only to mess it up so bad that... the favourite dish is not so favourite anymore.

***

I think that i take things way too seriously. It's either that, or i put too stress on myself when i need to perform. To compound things, when everything comes successively blow by blow, i feel like keeling over and dying for a while. For a less dramatic way to escape, i would love to be whisked to some beach (with a guarantee chop to be rain-free) without a single care on my mind, and sip a cool drink with jazz music playing in the background.

Things are not bad, really. It's just the paraniod, easily freaked, easily pressured person that i am that makes me incline more towards being the one ON the couch belonging to a psychologist, rather than being the one LISTENING to the one on the couch.

Communication gripes

I abhor it when people don't take time to listen. They think they know what you're going to say next and interject with a criticism or their point of view on the matter. The bad aftertaste left in the mental mouth really isn't necessary if you would just pay attention for a few more seconds or at least 5 minutes. Is that so hard?

Some others just don't know where to stop. Being over zealous in the bringing across of their passionate opinions, they fail to see that they're upsetting their company, aggravating the already waning effectiveness of the conversation with their one track mindedness and impatience at how and why others don't agree with them.

And then there are those people who don't know the difference between being honest and being tactless. There's a reason why they say that "Honesty is the best policy", and not "Tactlessness is the best policy". You can be honest while being careful with how you put something across to someone. It need not be a pleasant message, but at least you would've done both parties justice if you uphold a level of respect for one another. Firstly, you hold on to your dignity, and secondly, you don't purposefully cause any more negativity in the other person than needed. How the other person reacts, post-discussion, is then really up to them.

Ah, then there is another category of people who are so sensitive about what's being said to them, but are indiscriminately insensitive to other people. Talk about double standards.

Woah. Then there are those... Champion Material type, you know? You take the initiative to talk to them, but they don't bother to reply. But if thy royal highness decides to speak, most of what you see are two nostrils in place of eye contact, or knotted brows above their aristocratic peepers with a royal radiant scowl even a peasant like me would be most blessed beyond compare if i were to behold.

Then there are those who cannot be bothered with you until they need something from you. This is an unfortunate fact of life, and as unhappy as one can be about it, we are all forced to do this at some point or another. It would be too idealistic to keep bonds strong between you and every single friend.

I also find it interesting to note how some people who consider themselves to be "open minded", can actually be the least tolerant of others who decide to have a strong and steadfast opinion on an issue. The irony, man.

How interesting the thought: If we all communicated the same way, would we communicate better? Then, who's to say whose communication skills are best to be adopted? And the list of questions goes on.

As Batty (the, erm, yes, Bat) from the movie "Fern Gully" would say: "AGH!? Huuumaaannn!!! Where? Agh! Agh! Aggh!"
Yeah, as humans, we all can be pretty scary people sometimes.

Just thinking about the run, envisioning the morning sprint, running as a pack of er, women, on the 16th of July makes my heart pound faster so much so that i can even hear the throbbing sound in my ears, feel my face gettng flushed, experience that wonderful tingling sensation of excitement and energy that spreads throughout my living fibres.

Now, if i can just translate and channel my enthusiasm to my fingers and brain to madly tappity tap on the keyboard for this essay question, i would be most pleased.

I know that some of you have expressed your interest in the Threadless.com tees... So, here comes the good noos! They're once again having a SALE! USD$10 a tee. The not so good noos is that the range of choices aren't too varied this time, but still, have a look see and you might find something that catches your attention.

***

G and i have decided to sign up for the Shape Run '06: she'll do the 10km run and me, the 5km. Wheeee!!! She's the seasoned runner so she'll be doing that run while me the newbie dewbie... Shall go see what it's like to pound the roads along with a whole throng of other women (only). I'm sure there'll be loads of intimidating garang and fit runner types clad with an assortment of flashy branded sports attire bounding right by me. Ah well. Training for it begins now. Thanks Polar Running Coach. :-)

This is going to be my first competitive run, er, well, outside of school. I've NEVER been any good at long distance runs and truth be told, i actually hate it. So what's the deal? Guess i just love the exertion, the good sweat and the nice worked-out feeling after a good run (and throw in a gym session too, please will you.) Yours truly, the resident (selective) masochist.

5km is not a ton, i have to agree. So it's not so much of just merely finishing the race that i'm after because i can do that. It's the challenge of running it at a faster pace than i usually would.

Eess going to be sho fun!

Anyone else interested to go run too? Let me know k? :DDDDD
Yes, it's open to women only. And for the really nice guys, you can come and support your female friends by getting post-run ice cold drinks served on a silver (gold also can) platter and volunteer to give massages and a towel wipe down. Face, arms and legs only hor. Oh, bringing a standing air-conditioner and feeding us full, ripe and juicy grapes is optional but we won't mind that either, i'm sure. Thankew! :DDD

Nah lah. I'm content enough to simply mill around in my sweaty attire. I'm gross like that.

And so my life will take on another sphere: Work.

I've got this tendency to take up more activities and responsibilities than i can handle, but i think that this move to accept this opportunity recently is necessary in so many ways, to achieve both personal and future career ends.

It's not full time work, but i quote "very part time", which has the precise work scheme that i need at this point in time.

And thanks so much, you've been such a great help! You know who you are. :-D

And Lord, though i'm going to be doing everything else except seeing clients, still, please help me to be your salt and light, your prayer warrior, your instrument and servant in providing my best acts of service inspired by your Love, to the people around me who need you.

***

My wisdom teeth are pushing their way through! I've heard the wisdom teeth horror stories and have seen my sister look miserable after her dental surgery. I'm only a selective pain junkie so in this case, i sure DON'T want to go through the experience of having them extracted out even if it means a diet of ice cream (!) and campbell soup for days.

Sticking my finger in, i think that my new pearly whites are growing out just fine. Yaaayyeee... =D

"There, take this one", he said as he pointed to the little representative of Life that sprouted from soil-less ground. It was such a pity that the camera couldn't focus on all the textures of each of the subjects.

A quiet and almost solitary practice, i had. Would like a new thumb trigger release which would set me back something like close to, or over 200 buckeroos. *nervous giggle*

***

(sms conversation with sister)

J: I've finally seen fashion's most celebrated and beautiful creation... The Jellyfish Berms!
S: Welcome to the club! Now you have to go wash your eyes with dettol.

please note: sarcastic.

approaching the problem

Big, fearsome, teeth gnashing, flesh tearing, people terrifying, junkyard dog, aka Doberman?

Nah... That's how tiny he really is.

Doesn't he look like something from Star Wars with those twinkly bright eyes? You know, those Ewok thingys.
.
.
.
.

I was once again reminded during cell on Saturday that we need never worry, the simple reason is that the Lord dwells in us, walks beside us. We never need to cry "Where're you Lord?" because he's right here. We only need to humble ourselves, turn to Him and ask, "How Lord, what do you think?"

When we scrutinize our problem(s), they become all consuming, the only subject in our field of vision. But when we choose to trust in God, we then see things using a wider lense, taking the step back and looking at the matter from a macro point of view. You will be struck by the sudden profound difference in your focus. And there is peace in the knowing.

1.
People who jump into relationships one after another as though the previous ones never meant that much, are like quick sand. They swallow up new prey, so viciously, too fast. They don't stop to think very much. But underneath the placid surface, lies a whole collection of death.

Note: the scientific definition of quick sand is nothing like the movie version (which i have adopted) of it. As the scientists say, to drown in quick sand is like "drowning in vegetable soup and the screaming is well, optional".

2.
Friend says she saw an AIA advert and thought i was in it. Hur? Heehoho.

3.
Goodwood Park Hotel is calling me. Ok, not. The durian delicacies are calling out to me. And desperately too. I shall heed them most diligently.

4.
I think my brain wobbles and melts down into blabbery goo when confronted with authority and fear. Not good, this is.

5.
On this day, exactly one year ago, i received a hand written letter (the best way to receive messages, i say!) with the sweetest poem that i've ever set my eyes on. Life changing.

to be continued... maybe.

there were two group photos of my NTU mates originally posted here. but since i'm like a really anal person, i was afraid of the possibility that some of you might object to your face being splashed on the internet.
If ya'll see this, let me know your preferences on that, k? Thanks!

*

Not to scare you off, but I often wonder too. Unseen and regular readers and people who have scoured my embarrassing and hair-raising archives... Hello there!

I was going through my drawer today to get rid of the papery mess that sometimes makes looking for documents a pain, and i came across some really disturbing things i wrote back in primary school.

For a kid with a relatively good childhood (i think), with a loving family and er, was the school bully *gulp* rather than the victim (i'm so sorry for what i did back then), i was a kid full of angst. We're talking about primary school here, hello? What on EARTH was eating at me back then? I think i was probably too influenced by the books i was reading then, one of which was "The Outsiders".

There are and will always be times when i will wonder and wish i had the opportunity to see myself from another person's physical eyes and intellectual point of view. How do others see me, versus the person that i think i am? Given, each person probably has a modified version of who joline is, but still, i'd like to know. What is it that comes to their minds when they see me approaching? Do they experience dread? Yuck-ness? Happiness? Oh-it's-her-er..,-ok-just-be-nice-and-civil-to-her?
Do people really like me for who i am?

I look at myself and see so few attractive points that i always wonder why and how i have friends.

I remember that back in secondary school, a friend told me: "XXX says that you're the bitchiest RGPS girl (in Ghim Moh Secondary School)". I didn't understand why XXX would say that of me, because i never did anything to her and if anything, i usually stayed away from her and her gang most of the time because i knew i didn't fit in with that clique.
Perhaps i will never know the full story, whether it was borne of adolescent childishness or was it really the case that i was actually such an (fill in unsavoury noun).

For all i know, she could be right.

My digging unearthed this msn conversation i had with a friend sometime, i think... last year. Here's a little bit of history in some history:

J: I used to see you as the joker...
S: Hah and you were the ice queen?
J: ME? Ice Queen? *chuckle* Really ah. How was i like back then? I remember myself being referred to as the "bitchiest RGPS girl" *chuckle* I do admit i could've been quite a bitch.
S: hmm.. no u werent. if being smarter and more articulate was wat being a bitch meant back then.. then u were..
S: woah i'd have loved to be a bitch back then too.. cos tt's how i saw you.. i mean.. not the bitch part..
J: HAHAHHAHA
S: Although i did remember someone once say that it takes persistence to warm your frozen heart.. i dont remember who..
J: *suddenly sits up*
S: cos you were a softie nevertheless... well that's what he/she said..
S: hah...
J: How was i an ice queen?
S: u came off as well fierce and cold.. but i didnt see that eventually..
S: i mean... once i got to know you, it was totally different..
S: there stood a smart, articulate, sporty person.. and u always knew when to do what.. hah... u were more than able at being a lady.
S: a strong willed lady might i add..
J: Goodness, you put me in such good lighting. Though i don't feel worthy of it.
S: Hah.. i never quite saw anything wrong.. Sometimes i worried that i wasn't smart enough to be in your presence.. hahaha..
J: Goodness.. i never meant to make anyone or you feel that way.

How subjective, all this human experience is.

***

To my Gem who's been working hard through day and through night, through the harsh sun's heat and the rain's cool showers, through flu and sleepiness and all... I just want to reiterate the fact and truth that you do not labour alone. Going through this time with you, is your bestest friend and Creator Father, Saviour and Counselor. Don't give up! Every hour, minute and second that you've got is precious now.
If anything, let the pressure churn out from you a work that speaks the truth in all its illustrative glory... For His Glory.

newest additions to the wardrobe

above: "MP(3)" by Matthew Flemingabove: "Heavy Medals" by Nick Mahoney

above: "Death by Music" by Jacob Yoon

*Pleased as punch*
The material of the tee is a bit thinner than i anticipated but that doesn't ruffle my feathers at all.
I is happy customer.

narcissism, adrenaline and stress rolled into one happy bimbotic lump

My Threadless.com Tees ARE HERRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE all the way from the US of A! And i fit them all! And i look soooo nice. *banana-ear-to-ear beam* YEAY!!!

My sister watched me prance, hop and bounce around my room in each of them with an idiotic grin plastered on my nerdy face. Muah hahahahah!!! I *heart* Threadless.com

*ahem* Back to research report writing.

Something fishy, this way comes. Ok not really, but i sense a common theme that happens to have strung two incidents together, that is.

1. The thought that held my attention at gunpoint till i blogged it down.
"It's sad that when you do a right and moral thing against the flow of the prevailing influences of dishonesty, people look at you as if you were stupid."
It had no reason to pop into my mind but it did. The next day, i looked back upon the devotional reading for that particular previous day which i had not read yet, and it spoke of the same topic that came to me.

2. The meeting of thought and occurence (today)
While doing something totally unrelated to psychology, the thought of a friend who was working in a psychological clinic (plus other related issues) came to my mind. At around the same time, my phone chimed in an sms which happened to be from said friend. As (insert word of providence) would have it, he told me that there was a vacancy at the clinic to work part-time.

Funny hor?

God? What is going on? I'm gunning for a career related to psychology, not to be a psychic. But then again......... Having a psychic ability would be really good in psychology now wouldn't it.
The term "Psychic" makes me think of gypsies and crystal balls. Or in our Asian culture, i'd think of old folks sitting against a wall in the heartlands with a small table adorned with idols, joss sticks, candles, yellow paper with chinese characters inscribed on them. The works.

At this point in time, I'm sitting here, stalling. What do i write as a next follow up paragraph? I've got ideas flying and circling my head but as i'm reviewing them, i also shoot them down after that with, "No, imagine what opposition i'm going to get if i say that!"
I realise this is an author afraid to say something controversial out of the sheer subjectivity of the matter.
How silly.

Was about to continue when i realize i have better things to do than manage and conduct a furious debating session in my mind. So, toodles!

PS: I saw this guy at Bras Basah wearing a Threadless.com tee called "Death by Music". I bought that one too!!! And i'm still waiting for it. Hmmph. I wonder if he saw a flash of appreciation and recognition in my eyes for the design as i fixed my gaze upon the tee for the 2-3 seconds that i had as we passed each other on the escalator.

I'm going at breakneck speed through my ton of readings which i imposed upon myself (courtesy of my Gold Mine aka The National Library). Not a bad thing really, but it probably means that i won't enjoy the bliss of unconsciousness on fabric and springs under me tonight. Pffft. I always say that, but i end up unconscious anyway and it doesn't seem to matter where i concuss when the moment arrives.

Yes, if i don't continue stepping on it, i'll end up pretty dead.

perfect time for a lesson

O.O

Woah. See that statement below that i made yesterday, about doing the right thing and being thought of as stupid?

I opened today's devotional and was greeted by a related topic: That the world does not mind the Moral Man of this world, but hates the moral Christian. The reason is that because the former relies on his own strength while the Christian relies on God's strength.

The basis for this difference is: The holding onto and the releasing of the Human Pride. When one gives up one's reliance on the self effort, one gives up that pride. To illustrate that: Remember how you had to acknowledge that you didn't understand a concept, decided to humble yourself and asked someone how to solve that math, physics, chemistry, etc, question?

And that's not all the "coincidence" there is. I was doing some research yesterday when that statement from yesterday just bore its way into my mind and grabbed my attention till i had it blogged down.

I didn't read yesterday's devotional but today i flipped back to it and saw the topic for the day: "Hated by the world", the message being, 'the world did not hate Jesus because he pursued opposition or antagonism just so that he could be persecuted, but rather the world hated him because of his absolute purity and holiness'.

What a perfect match in timing!

Which brings to mind that most recent entry that Eugene (see my comrade links) made about being in Mindef also...

O.O

It's sad that when you do a right and moral thing against the flow of the prevailing influences of dishonesty, people look at you as if you were stupid.