In recent snaps... (part 2)

Movie night with the folks. Mum had fried some rice at home and we tapao-ed it. We were eating dinner in the car, in the car parking lot. It was delicious and spontaneously fun.

The rice looks a little pale but trust me, it was tasty yum. Diced assorted fishcake, chilli padi, beansprouts, soy sauce and rice.
My attention was caught by these beautiful flowers growing along the outer perimeter of a particular JC. Lovely!
Lovely view from the corridor at sunset... And yeah, the white dot is the moon. :) I love sunsets.

This was taken from my seat at a malay-muslim coffeeshop at Tampines. It's adjacent to the Tampines Round Market. It was a bright, hot, beautiful blue sky-ed day. We were there having brunch after sending my sister off at the airport. I had delicious rendang, chilli veg, and some other stuff i cannot remember but it was lip smackingly good. And i also had that gorgeous teh halia. Milky and sweet but it didn't overpower the tea and ginger taste.

This was the nutella crepe cake at Everything with Fries. Very unique... But something was just missing in it. It was chewy, at room temperature, and just mildly flavoured (bland...?) with the supposed nutella. It didn't taste as exciting as it looked in the glass display.

My mains from Everything with Fries. The fries were nice (freshly cooked and piping hot, tasty), coleslaw was cool and crisp and tasty and the burger was good too. This was the kid's meal because i knew that this was all i could manage. The burger is tiny, as u can see. But i was stuffed after the meal.

Was at Tanjong Pagar food centre with 2 classmates and this was our dessert after dinner. I decided to create my own dessert so i asked for "durian ice". The aunty gave me a funny face and said that she has never made that before, so i said "i'll just have your ice jelly but with durian topping". I could see that when she set to work, she was exercising her brain's creative centre as she made my dessert... It was yummy. :)

Was roaming Novena Square after my practicum one day and stopped by this salad bar for dinner. I ordered this Indian salad wrap, which was good. Healthy ingredients, yet satisfying and tasty to boot.

Jed giving me an ultra cute dipped-nose-eyes-looking-slightly-up expression.

Another cute pose, cuddling on my bed, blanket and pillow.

Shot taken at Kovan, near a friend's house. The expanse of wide, uninterrupted sky and the wide road was really refreshing. I felt like i was standing in some sort of strange combi between urban land and countryside.

Baked eggplant with tomato sauce and cheese.

In not wanting to waste the eggplants sitting in the fridge, i decided to try making that baked eggplant with tomato and cheese dish that i had once at this Italian restaurant, Amici. I remember falling in love with the dish and wanting to try making it on my own. So, here you go... Another one of my cooking adventures again.
Above: Spagetti sauce ready made by mom. I'm defrosting it here. Sorry guys, don't have the recipes for this... Though i know it consists of fresh tomatoes, garlic, onions, and herbs.

Above: My eggplants, olive oil.
Above: Leftover cheese, mozzarella and cheddar.

Above: One of my favourite ingredients.

Above: Mixed herbs.

Above: Random bottle of wine. I have NO idea what this is or its significance.

Above: Jed knows what to do whenever i open the fridge. When he sees me open the door, he would automatically lower his head so that the door can pass over his head. But when he saw me grab the camera for a shot, he scrambled to get up and away... Haha, i think he thought that i was going to use flash, which he does not like.

Above: All sliced up, mixed in the olive oil, oil from sundried tomatoes and the whatever-wine.

Above: Some other wine.

Above: Playing around with the depth of field.

Above: Into the oven to bake and soften. They took forever to do so.

Above: Whenever i checked on the eggplants in the oven, i would feel a sharp pain on my neck. It was because the metal from my necklace was heating up and burning my skin. :( HAHA. Had to take it off cos it was THAT painful.

Above: After the eggplants got cooked, i buanged in the sauce. But later realized that the eggplants were still hard, chewy and tasteless. So i let the mixture simmer in the oven for a longer time till it passed the taste test.

Above: The final touch. Cheese and herbs (see above).

Done!

The End.

My baked dishes always look the same hor. Cheese on top all the time.

Yesterday was our 4th year and 8 month anniversary... It's almost 5 years since we've gotten together. But if i were to hazard a guess, just for fun, of the amount of time that we've ACTUALLY been in each other's physical presence, i think it would only come up to... 2 1/2 to 3 years? HAHA. Mostly because we're both quite busy in this phase of our lives. Busy-ness usually ISN'T and SHOULDN'T be a reason to explain away the lack of time spent with your partner. But, we've been REALLY busy.

I guess we're both independent individuals who also enjoy our space and own activities, but of course each other's company as well. There is a comfort in being both apart and together. Perhaps that is easier to say and do for now since we've not started living under one roof. But still, we are who we are and we are perfectly fine without clinging to one another.

I've learnt though, that being TOO involved in your own life has its pitfalls because that sidelines the other person and s/he may be prone to wander... in whatever ways you can think of. It is never good to take the other person's presence for granted. So Gem and i do keep the smses going, though not all that often, but at least one sms conversation a day. Or a call.

There's been a lot of "wedding talk" around me recently. Friends talking about getting married soon and friends talking about the things i should do in prep for my own wedding... Not that he has proposed anyhow. hurhur. I can't wait to be at my friends' weddings, i don't mind being a jiemei over and over if they don't mind the supposed "inauspicious" aura around that. :P

Heh. This is Jed poking his nose around my Loef and BonitoChico stash that arrived today. After the postman (whom he could not bark at because i buanged him in a room while i peacefully collected my registered mail) left, Jed made a beeline for my goods. He poked, scratched, sniffed, licked, and even ripped off... Oops, he wasn't chewing my "letter", i meant, envelope.

In recent snaps... (part 1)

Lunch at Tony Romas with family and friends. :) With a (heavensent) $100 voucher. Happiness.

My french onion soup, the MUST ORDER for me since i was a kid. Sadly, the standard of the soup has dropped DRASTICALLY since the heydays when Tony Romas first opened. The soup bowl used to be filled to the max with soup, and there would be huge chunk of bread immersed and soaked with soup just below like a mountain of chewy cheese that would engulf the whole of the top of the bowl, with cheese sliding down the sides. Now? Erk. I really don't know HOW it got to this level and why no one in the management seems to be keeping tabs on the quality. But still, it's the only place i know that serves french onion soup this way (soup with bread and cheese). Let me know if you've tried better! Mountain of fried onions with a special sauce (cos i cannot remember the name, only remember it being nice), and the standard potato skins with sour cream. Lovely. More pictures below.
Did i mention that i've attempted to make potato skins? In my opinion, they turned out awesome. ;) i think u might be able to find photos of it on this blog, somewhere.
Fried onions: Quite a tasty dish as you chew slowly to get the taste of onions and the batter out, not too salty, unexpectedly huge. Goes well with the sauce, but oily of course.
Ah hah! And the baby back ribs.
Salad. By the way, i had an AWESOME moroccan salad at California Pizza Kitchen some sundays ago (also had a voucher, thank God). Mm... Yum. But no pictures of it, oh well.
The End
***
My attempt to create hot foam on top of my sunday earl grey tea.
After having tea with hot foam on top at a cafeteria, i was hankering after tea with foam one sunday morning. Having no machine, i sought the all knowing Google to help me find people crazy enough to think up of ways to do this without a machine. So i did! One person suggested that you take a glass bottle with a cap, fill it with the desired amount of COLD milk (skim or full cream does make a difference to the outcome, apparently). Cover the bottle and shake madly for 45 seconds. After which, buang it into the microwave for a few seconds to warm the milk just enough such that the glass is not too hot to handle. Pour milk into your cup of tea. Well. This was the outcome. Pass or fail, i dunno. But i was happy to have some semblance of foam la. Hur.

Jed doing a Cleopatra.

One main gripe about dresses from blogshops is that they tend to be a little short for me! Ragh.
I wish they would make office dresses at least a decent 33"-35" long, as it makes a world of difference. Casual dresses could also be at 33" at least... 31"-32" is just... TOO SHORT. Woah lao eh, cannot sit down without having to make sure i cover my butt before my behind hits the chair. *growl*

There are times when i have to wear my black running tights underneath the dress to preserve my modesty. Guess not everyone is my height lah. But even then, i'm not even that tall. I stand pretty average at 1.59m.

Ah, another gripe is that the clothes can be on the small side, though they are the exceptions of course. Most times, you see free size clothes, or clothes that fit XS to M sizes. The measurements for PTP (armpit to armpit distance when you lay your garment flat) is usually 13"-16" as the minimum (though i've seen 12". Mad.), and usually can stretch to 16"-18". However, you need to be aware that not all fabrics (like SATIN!) are as stretchable as fabrics like cotton, so you may have a hard time fitting into a top or dress of such materials. For example, I may be able to fit into a cotton top with a PTP of 13" to 16", but i may not be able to do so for a satin top. (Thankfully, Tracyeinny has been merciful in this area... but the stuff are a little pricey.)

Which also means... there's no way that i can happily eat, not exercise and put on weight during the lifespan of my current stash of online goodies otherwise, i won't be able to fit anything anymore. HAHA.

Think i'll feedback to the sellers about the length of dresses (which i have more of an issue with) if there's some kinda feedback system.

EDIT: Note that released collections on Jipaban is usually smaller than releases on the retailers' blogshop itself.

Dear girls (esp. diehard online shoppers),

You will love me for this. Go to http://www.jipaban.com.sg/ (if you already knew about it... WHY NEH TELL ME?! HAHA.)

It is a treasure trove of online goodies... They've collated a whole bunch of online stores for your perusal. It certainly WIDENED my list of favourite stores now!

At Jipaban, you can create your filter (eg. price range, types of items you want to see, whether the shop is rated or not), create your own "mall" with your shortlisted group of favourite online stores. You will be updated on new items put up by the sellers, you can create a wishlist of items, share your items (that you are eyeing) with your friends to see what they think, make purchases... Woah. I kena stunned liao by this creation of some really clever person(s).

Yours truly,
Joline-the-online-shopper-because-shopping-outside-is-too-expensive-for-me

PS: hang on tight to your purse strings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

After what a certain leader did, i feel quite shortchanged, doubted and discouraged. I don't know for sure why it was done of course, but it sure makes me feel 2nd class by the sheer action that the deed was done.

Honestly, i can face up to difficult truths and i prefer it that way. Yet, I don't want to make myself improve just so that i have to prove myself to anyone. I only have Father God to be accountable to. But still. If only such choices made by others didn't have to elicit such emotions.

I happened to glance at the stack of GNC Fish Oil capsules that my folks have stocked up on and decided to try one just for fun. So i shook out a lovely yellow softgel pill and supposedly washed it down with some tap water... Well, supposedly. The dang thing took like 10 minutes to fully make its descent down my throat into my stomach. HAHA. Felt it slowly centimetering its way down via peristalsis despite my efforts at making it go down faster with my morning earl grey tea. Felt so constipated in my throat! Kinda like a smaller scale of the feeling you get when you've swallowed a hardboiled egg too quickly and the contents are so stuck that you just have to not panic, just breathe slowly and let it go down without gagging.

Recently, i've given up on my Dr Brandt eye cream. It does nothing for me even after using it religiously... and it has the nerve to make my eyes feel puffy and heavy after applying it during the day! Bah. So i decided to give Aesop's parsley seed anti-oxidant eye cream a try. Well, i like it so far and my eye bags do look slightly better (i'll elaborate on this later). Ok, SLIGHTLY. Aesop does not promise to do things that it cannot do like some other brands, which i respect so much.

By the way girls, i'm currently trying this little regimen out. I've done just a bit of reading on the internet and decided to do (in Gem's words) a little "science experiment".

Project ZapDarkEyeCircles (NOT eye bags... cos they're still there)

Before i sleep, i warm up an eye pack and place it over my eyes for as long as i feel is necessary. This supposedly causes the blood capillaries to dilate and increase blood flow. Well yeah, when i looked into the mirror, i was horrified to see my undereyes so red. So that worked. I'm dilating the capillaries to help decongest/detoxify the eye area later...

After which, i used a small loofah/brush to gently "dry brush" my neck and eye area. I cannot really demo how i did it here, or describe it. It's something i learnt at a workshop that i attended with my mom and am willing to try out. Click on the link to read about it!

When i'm done, i put on another eye pack but this time, a cold/cool one over my eyes. This causes the capillaries to constrict again and lessen the redness from the previous increased blood circulation. When i'm happy/eye pack has warmed up/when i've fallen asleep and woken up with a start at 4am to find the tv still on and the "cool" eye pack warmed up from my body heat (this is usually the case), then i'll smooth on some of the Aesop eye cream. And then, i hit the sack.

In the morning... I am PLEASED to find that my eye bags aren't as red anymore!

So, i'm not sure if the improvement is from the cream, or the massage or both. So, i guess i'll know in time to come. Whatever it is, i'm going to continue with this regimen since it works for me and also well, by the end of the day, my eyes feel tired again and will need some TLC.

Oh, and something i found rather amusing from the Aesop eye cream packaging. I was expecting your usual factual tips you get from health and beauty products:

"Aesop Eye-giene (hurhur) Tips

- The skin around your eyes is the second thinnest on your body. Always smooth product in, never rub. (sounds normal enough)
- The eye area has very few sebum producing glands so is prone to dryness. Hydrate regularly.
- Sleep derivation is evidenced under the eyes. Treat yourself to an early night at least once a week (HAHAHA. Boy, do they know how busy people are nowadays around the globe!)
- Wearing UV protective sunglasses in summer (in Sg, it's all the time, baby) helps prevent squinting, an unnecessary strain for the eye area.
(and lastly... the one that took me by surprise)
- Avoid excessive tears by only watching movies with happy endings."

Ah, the packaging writers have a sense of humour, no? :)
I think that's the kind of attitude i want to have in life. Throw in a little humour, we don't have to be so prim, proper and serious all the time!

Last night, dinner was a simple yet satisfying affair with V and Y. I had 6-8 pieces of sushi, shared 2 desserts and had milk tea. I used to be able to exercise control over my food portions to curb the dreaded IBS bloatedness but as usual and lately... i've been stuffing myself silly and regretting it later. I know (both in stomach and mind) that i'm full, but my mental hunger isn't satiated at the same rate as my stomach. Ah well, but i think i've stumbled upon something really helpful for bloatedness...

Was feeling quite bloated (i think the milk tea did it man...) from the overeating and while waiting for the girls, i popped this pill called "Dandelion Complex" from Vitahealth (free from my Cozycot card goodie bag sign up).

I'm not sure what exactly did the trick, but i felt the warmth from the peppermint (an ingredient in the pill) go down into my stomach and in a matter of minutes, i felt the bloatedness lessen somewhat. I'm not sure if all this was a placebo, or whether it was the peppermint or the whole pill itself, but i really did feel slightly better. Shall try it again when i have the chance. Darn, but it would mean i would need to feel bloated again some time. Bah.

Anyway, here's what the pill bottle label states:

"Rich fatty meals and overeating (!!!) tend to cause digestive discomfort. VitaHealth Dandelion Complex is a unique formulation that combines Dandelion, Artichoke, Ginger and 3 other herbs to:

- Help maintain healthy digestion system
- Support liver health
- Promote healthy fat digestion"

Under ingredients, it says it contains: Dandelion, Burdock, Ginger, Artichoke, Peppermint, Capsicum.

Will update again if there's anything notable.

Update!
I just googled "peppermint + digestion" and WOAH LA... --> "(...) A number of studies support the use of peppermint for indigestion and irritable bowel syndrome... (...) A number of studies have shown that enteric-coated peppermint capsules can help treat symptoms of IBS, such as pain, bloating, gas, and diarrhea. (University of Maryland, Medical Centre)

"Peppermint aids digestion by helping to prevent cramping of the smooth muscles lining the intestine. Studies have shown that peppermint can significantly reduce symptoms of gastrointestinal upset, and may even help prevent the formation of stomach ulcers. Peppermint tea has been used to treat colic, heartburn, indigestion, and Irritable Bowel Syndrome (IBS)." (extract from http://www.vitaminstuff.com/herbs-peppermint.html)

***

Loving every moment of my self imposed break... (when i should be doing my disseration research. Hm...)

Went shopping (for me, it's mostly window shopping) with the 2 girls and I realized that there's no real point for me to go shopping because most things (clothes) cost $30+ and above, which i'm not really willing to pay UNLESS i REALLY like the item a lot. So, i just revert back to shopping online where it's definitely more kind to my student pocket. Haha, ah well. But still, i love looking at clothes, touching and feeling the fabrics and experimenting with what would look nice on me. After all these years, i'm still trying to understand my body better.

Plucked some guts to wear out my beachy looking wedges today, this pair of shoes that i bought a couple of years ago from Bata but never wore out till today. Must say that i kinda like how it looks when i wear it but i need to learn how to walk less like an ungainly ogre... Had to consciously tell myself to walk with my legs closer to one another and not stomp around so much!

Think i might go back for that basic Zara tank top ($19.90). It has a lovely cut, and it's made from a very comfy material. Stretchy, dreamily soft and silky, and thick.

Ok, time for bed.

I don't understand it. I'm living life as normally as i used to but somehow my under eye area has been extra tired, extra tender, extra heavy, extra swollen, extra purple-red. It's not horrific till I need medical attention, but it's bad enough such as it's certainly not normal. Sigh, does someone have any idea what could be wrong or what i should be doing?

I'm now going to re-enforce the rule again for myself: In bed by 11:30pm-12am.

V and i went to the littlematchgirl boutique at Tiong Bahru Plaza this evening... and i think we left the floor slippery with our drool.

The collection that they've got currently is SO, ME. Toga tops and dresses, tops with frills that are not over the top but just enough to accentuate the lines on the garment, lace, semi-looking halter neck tops (dunno what you call them). Gosh. LOVE. Slightly annoyed that their website does not seem to be working. Meh. :(

Didn't buy anything cos the clothes weren't within my budget. Some other boutiques that are carrying stuff now that are extremely me are, Miss Selfridge, Dorothy Perkins, Mango... All the earthy tones, relaxed, flowy, beachy at times. AGH! But all cannot afford. This's one of the pertinent reasons why i resort to shopping online. Ah well.

Ah yes, we watched How to Train your Dragon, and it is such a lovely, heart warming show... And cute as well... The character creators and animators really know how to make (animal loving) audiences squeak with delight! The dragons behave exactly like dogs and cats that we are more familiar with. Themes in the movie were love and friendship, family, acceptance, identity. Toothless the dragon reminded me of Jed big time, so much so that i just wanted to go home and cuddle Jed so bad!

At the end of the show, the image of Hiccup and Toothless walking side by side each other with each of their little physical flaws is stuck in my mind. Hiccup lost his leg from the knee down and had a metal replacement, while Toothless's tail had a fin missing... Handicapped in some way, but both accept one another as they are and help one another make up for their shortcomings. Sweet. :)

All Assignments. Status: DONE
It is really all over now. (Unless i fail my module lah)
Ah, so bittersweet. Now... time for my dissertation! :D

*

Sad. My glass bottle of Aesop facial cleansing oil crashed onto the floor this morning just before i needed to leave for school. My heart dropped to the floor along with bottle as i stared at the shattered bottle and the glass shards that lay on the floor from my bathroom to my room, and i felt such a sense of loss when i saw the rich yellow oil spread across the tiles. To think that just a moment ago as i was washing my face i was thinking: I must find a way of how not to waste this...

I know, it's just a facial cleanser... But it was something i saved up for because it really is quite pricey and it was something that never failed to give me precious, refreshing, pleasureable moments in the middle of a busy day whenever i inhaled the beautiful aroma of botanical oils. Oh well. :(

On another note... Well, my semester is OVER! ALL my assignments have been handed in. No more pressing deadlines! :DDD True, i've STILL got my dissertation to write, but that's another chapter altogether.

I spoke to my lecturer in her office today and I'm reminded again of how grateful i am for her support for me. She was the one who listened when my class had a mini crisis, she helped me through my practicum last year when i was facing some issues, and she was there as i spoke and cried (yeah, i did... the tears just came uncontrollably. *facepalm*) in her office when i shared how i taxed i was feeling from my family situation and needed a break form everything.

Today, she expressed to me that she and the other lecturers see potential in me to pursue my PhD. I've ever thought of doing that, yes. But that will come after some working experience and only if it contributes to something. I would only do it if it benefits in some meaningful way, because... i HATE academic writing. I'm honoured that she would think this of me as i do hold PhD holders in high regard. As i walked out from her office, i have to admit that i was chuckling to myself about my recent couple of assignments that was... well... kinda just well, in my opinion, sucky.

So i came home and had a leisurely lunch of leftover dinner from yesterday.

I can't remember the last time i had lunch in front of the television in the afternoon. Or watching television in the afternoon, for that matter.

(ok, i know that privilege doesn't apply to working people though!)

bonitochico buyers have either increased suddenly or have gone extra rabid these days. 12 minutes isn't enough time to get ANYTHING from the collection! I think you need to decide what you want, within 1 second to 3 minutes sia. woah lao eh. Grrr. not exaggerating okay.

On Jan 17th, i wrote about how God led me to choose Fatherhood as my dissertation topic and how opporunities started to unfold before me. Do you remember?

Well... God keeps making my jaw drop over and over again.

This week when i went to my practicum site, big boss introduced me to a YEAR LONG Fathering workshop that we'll be conducting with some major social services ministries/bodies in Singapore. My brain was popping FIREWORKS, i tell you.

Why?

Firstly, MY practicum site is taking charge leh! So i don't need to go through any other organizations, cutting down on the red tape.

Secondly, the time frame of the workshop coincides with the time frame of my dissertation. Usually, the difficulty in gaining access to a population for research is one of the main bug bears for students doing the research portion for their dissertation/thesis.

Thirdly, when i shared that i was interested in the effects of Fathering on relationships, my boss shared that that was what she was interested in too.

Fourthly, she's HIGHLY supportive of my research though i'm just an intern. She seems to be the kind of person who sees the unpolished gem in people before they even manifest any kind of strengths. When i told her that my supervisor isn't too well versed with Fatherhood, she was like, "Aiya! Learn (directed at the supervisor) together lah!" I wanted to laugh. Her view that people shouldn't just do what's comfortable is admirable. She's super gung-ho man.

Fifthly, there may be a grant involved... Hmm. Not sure how that would work out.

Wow. God. You're amazing. Typing all this out is like the revelation hitting me all over again. Last year i hadn't any idea that this was how things were going to pan out. I'm seeing AGAIN, how God is already chionging ahead, clearing and preparing the path, and assuring me, "Yeah! Follow through! You're going the right way!"

If GOD (hello, the Almighty Creator, no?), tells me that i'm going the right way, then... I SCARED OF WHAT SIA!?!

to know life, is to know death

Strange urge to share this, and i posted it as a note on fb too:

Had my last class in NIE yesterday night. I returned home feeling as if part of my life got cut off suddenly with no closure. There were short farewells, and then the rapid disappearances of people i know and have journeyed with for two years, but suddenly feel so distanced from. I guess everyone was tired and itching to get home to rest and/or complete the assignments before the deadlines.

We usually close our last lesson with food and drinks, but somehow, we seemed to have lost the enthusiasm for such things.

I miss school life suddenly, now that i've had my last official lesson in NIE. And I realize that i want to treasure every last moment as a student for the next 6 months and not hurry the process.

Now i understand, just in part, of what it means to live life intentionally once you've understood what "the end" means. Coincidentally, this is linked to my last presentation for my module, which also happens to be my last presentation in NIE ever, which was on multicultural counselling for death and bereavement issues.

I started out my course knowing that it was going to be tough, and it was. I struggled and complained. But now I want to savour and grasp every last experience of what it means to be a student. That means, doing my assignments with relish, doing my dissertation with my utmost effort and interest, but yet also feeling the emotions of frustration and pressure, with appreciation and thankfulness instead of dread.

I will stop saying that i want to get out of school and get to work, because I don't know when's the next time i'll ever step into school as a student. Another Masters? PhD? Only God knows. I pretty much don't see the point unless i'll get to do hands on training/practice or if i'm making an actual contribution to something or someone.

Earlier would have been nice, but I'm glad these feelings came now and no later than this.

This concept probably isn't new to you, but i guess i just wanted to share these personal thoughts from my experience.

Life doesn't "begin", or get "happier" or "easier" after a (tough) phase or journey is over. Because there will always be new milestones and new phases, Life therefore happens every second. It is how i let my heart and mind perceive my experiences and what meaning i make and attach to every passing moment that gives life, Life.

A little appreciation in a poem, a song, a short sentence of realization, or some kind of explicit verbal expression would be nice. I feel so alone, unloved and unappreciated sometimes.

Words seem to be my love language, huh.

*

"So what if they get angry with you? It's not your fault when they get angry with you."
"How can that be? It came from me what."
"If you said the same thing to 100 people, would all 100 people be angry with you? It's what they are thinking (internal belief system) on the inside that determines their reactions. (And it would differ for every person)"
"(ok... he has a point) But what if i say something that would totally piss everyone off? Like, 'You're an idiot?"
"Would you say 'you're an idiot' in the session?"
"Uh... no. But it's not so much of what i say, but more of what i do or don't do..."

"Counsellors and Psychologists tend to have a Messiah Complex. We think that we need to save everyone, every time. Thing is, we cannot save every person. We are not responsible for their lives, nor their problems. We are only able to help them in that 1 hour that we are with them. What they choose to do outside the counselling room is their choice and not something we can control. 1 hour is all we have, the rest of the 23 hours is theirs. Our responsibility is only within that 1 hour."

"I feel so inadequate."
"I feel that way too. I learnt from a senior, that self doubt is a constant, and an occupational hazard for every counsellor"
"(thinks: *#$%%$#^%*)"

"I cannot be everyone's close friend"

It's now time for... "Scary Assignment Season!" When i scare myself into completing my assignments on time!

Practicum II:

1) Case Presentation
Due: 7th April. Status: Undone
2) Intake Assessment Report
Due: 14th April. Status: Undone
3) Session Report
Due: 14th April. Status: Undone
4) Term Paper Reflection
Due: 14th April. Status: Undone

Multicultural Counselling:

1) Individual Paper II
Due: 12th April, 12pm. Status: In Progress
2) Group Presentation and Essay
Due: 5th & 12th April, 12pm. Status: In Progress

Whoopee?

heart and soul capturing pieces

The driving earthy beat, with what sounds like ethnic specific instruments coming together with an orchestra to create a rich, expansive auditory experience. I could also almost picture myself standing atop a cliff and looking down at a vast open landscape before me with the wind catching in my hair.



After listening to some music Gem sent me from a Japanese anime, i was reminded of a very short snippet of music from another Japanese film called Princess Mononoke. I remember my heart being hopelessly captured by just a few bars of music that was tastefully embedded in a video that my JC friend had created for the JC (he was in the media resource club. G should know who. ;) ). Here's an orchestra playing music from that film, but the melody i heard so many years ago isn't from this piece. If you don't have the patience to listen to orchestra music, don't click on this one unless you enjoy musicians in close-up action. But of course, the piece is good listening as well. :)



The short snippet is found in this piece! 1) 0:56-1:05, 2) 1:45-1:56, 3) 3:59-4:06. The chord structure! OMG. So heart wrenchingly beautiful. But of course, best to listen to the whole piece.



On Youtube, this particular piece received a whole lot of responses from people who were so touched by the music and now i'm one of them. It gave me the goosebump chills just taking it all in. It has soul. Grand, passionate, majestic. Usually i would enjoy a piece of music from a movie better after watching the movie with the soundtrack, but this really got me hook, line and sinker without the movie which was out about 10 years i think.



The rich sound of the impassioned guitar solo caught my attention at the start of the song. The entrance of the saxophone was tentative and gentle but gets more urgent and it sings a heart tugging melody to you. And then.... THE GUITAR AND SAXOPHONE GO CRAZY!!!!!!!!!!!!! Some crazy riffs can. Woah liao eh, i could listen to it forever on loop.



Piano, flute and orchestra intertwining to create a gentle, flowing, yet decisive piece. Fresh, inspiring, heart wrenching.

HATE paperwork (post counselling report writing). Like, detest.

But... Anyway, with a little help here and there, i'm finding it to be a slightly more positive experience being in the counselling room... I find that having a little confidence (and of course, some priming) helps a big fat deal.

Today, had counselling "overload" in a good way. Lots of case conceptualization training, analyses, learning from others and just talking things out with my counsellor classmate who helped talk me through some of my own knots. Realized, it's quite nice talking to guy friends cos they don't get emotional easily. Sure, there are cons to that part of men (the whole hear-problem-give-solution shebang), but sometimes, all you need is some straight talking guy friend who is sensitive to your worldview but who will also challenge you without having emotions as part of the equation.

Learning curve is like scaling the Devils Tower. But after a day of counsellor-cog-wheel-frenzy, it feels pretty good actually. I think it's because i find myself thinking more in line with other counsellors and i feel as if i'm doing some things right. AT LAST. Need more practice in the counselling room, need dialogue with other experienced counsellors. There's so much to learn and i am lapping it up!

Got home after a long day of being at work and school and looked at my growing pile of clothes that were meant to be hand washed. On other nights, i'd be groaning internally but tonight i decided, "kay, tonight's a good night for some quiet, solitary, brainless activity". So i take my pile of clothes to the washing area and started the whole washing routine. It felt good. Seriously.

Today was a good day. Started pretty darn early, but i was surprisingly "lucid" the whole day despite all the mental acrobatics. On most days, i would've shut down a long time ago.

It must've been mom praying for me throughout the day. Yesterday night, i was grumpy, solemn, stressed, anxious and downright grouchy. So much so that i blurted it out to my mom and she cheerfully said that she would pray for me. Well, looking at the dramatic change in me today, all i can say is, prayer works.

Well. Of course. :)

A long time ago when i was around maybe 5-6 years old i remember being in my church's old sanctuary with my mum and dad one day, before it was renovated. The sanctuary, what it was called back then, was where the adults would go for services.

I remember that incident quite vividly. When the adults were singing with praises and worship to God, i felt a churning in my being. Not the toilet sort of course. For the lack of any better word, my inner being felt "touched" and "inspired", I just felt my insides feeling overwhelmed with emotion. Tears would come and i didn't understand why. But i could draw and write. So i drew an image of something or other, and wrote something with "Jesus" and "Prayer" in it and i remember showing it eagerly to one of my folks.

Looking back, i know now. Being a child, there just wasn't any preconceived ideas, no theology, no debates. Just a clean, untainted slate, open and receptive to God's presence.

And that's how God wants us to be like. To be like little children, coming to Him innocently. With hearts and minds open, clear and totally trusting.

I cannot wait to become a counsellor with a reasonable number of years of experience in the field, to be someone who is more confident, more skilled... Because i really want to help. I realize how much i enjoy the helping process, but the journey to learning to be a better counsellor is certainly painful. And i really mean, painful.

Someone had a word from Father God for me, and that was: Persevere and press on. Your mountain needs to be conquered and you can't conquer it if you don't climb it. You are not alone He is already ahead of you holding the ropes for you and securing it so that you will not fall off the cliff. Only persevere and you will reach the summit.

It's certainly a steep cliff here. And i'm at ground zero. I wish there was an elevator, but it looks like there're no short cuts and i'm going to get some hard knocks climbing up. I just have to trust God that He's got my back in everything that i do and it doesn't matter if i, in my definition, fail and screw up. Because in Him, i've got full insurance and assurance coverage.

weather or not, i believe.

This morning as i look out my window to behold the clear, brilliant blue sky with puffs of white clouds, i'm reminded of God's humour and goodness that i wanted to share...

Yesterday was my dad's birthday and my family was going to spring a BBQ surprise on him with two other families whom we're close to and have known for years. On the surface, i looked fine and even emotionally felt fine. But if you know some thing about me and my family, celebrating his birthday isn't an easy affair deep down inside. But, anyhow...

The weather looked good for the early part of the day, but slowly and surely, the sky started to turn grey... and then the rain came in all its glory the way it has in the recent days in the west side of Singapore. The sky remained dark and grey. It rained for hours. The kind of rain that keeps going on and on and on...

It was quite saddening because firstly, it was our planned surprise (food was prepared by all parties involved), and secondly, we hadn't had a BBQ in a long while. But i decided to just PRAY and TRUST. Truth be told, there were times when i was telling God i trusted him, more to convince myself to trust! As i chopped my garlic and onions and minced up my basil leaves in the kitchen which has a nice big window, i kept praying and asking God for good weather in time for our BBQ.

If you could read my thought bubbles, you'd see things like "God! The plants have already been watered... Enough rain!", "God! PLEASEEEEEE stop the rain!" "Please please please please..." "God, please stop the rain to prove to (X, no names here!) and to me that you are a good and great God!"

Let me tell you, there were times when the rain seemed to lessen and when i got excited, the intensity picked up again. -.-"

So the time came when our friends arrived and i had to collect the BBQ pit keys from the security office. I trudged up with a big ole brolly, slippers slapping into fresh puddles, with thick rain drops drumming down around me. Even the friendly guards were empathetic towards us and gave some advice about how to keep the food sheltered. When i returned to the pit to hand our friends the keys, it was 6pm. They then began to set up the pit with such enthusiasm anyway.

Then the miracle happened.

Between 6 to 6:30pm when i started to squirrel the food downstairs (while sister distracted dad with his new iphone in the room so that he would not know of our disappearances), the rain started to lighten.

I asked God, "God, i'm trusting you for a total stop of the rain!" I cannot explain it, but i just BELIEVED that God would stop the rain though it did not look like it would at all. I felt like a child begging her dad for a toy, but somehow the begging was a happy kind of begging.

I am fully aware of the fact that i'm just a tiny little speck of a human child in the whole of Singapore, let alone the universe, and that asking God for him to stop the rain just for me and my family and friends seems like an arrogant, smartass, self indulgent favour to ask of such a gigantic and all knowing, powerful God. But even so, it was His heart that i trusted.

And at scheduled 6:30-6:40pm when it was time to bring dad down for his surprise, the rain had stopped. Totally.

Not just that. The sky had cleared, the clouds had broken and parted. Once more, blue was back and there was a brillant, orange sunset that was just beginning to spill its orange glow all over. As far as i know, such rich orange sunsets happen only on hot, rainless days.

I felt like God was saying, "Just wait for it... Trust me. I know when's the best time. It will be amusing!"

From just a moment ago when the rain didn't seem like it was going to stop, within a short 30 minutes, it did. And we even had a beautiful sunset. All of us who were there were praising God for the good weather, just in time!

Yes, i may be a small speck asking for weather to stop just for me, for my dad, his friends and for his birthday. From a God.

A huge, unseen, maybe seemingly distant God.
An all intelligent, all powerful, all mighty, all just and righteous Warrior God.
Yet He is also an all loving, all kind, all merciful, Creator God.

Yes, i may still be a speck to many, but my dad and I are not specks to Him. To Him, we are Children. Precious. Loved. Remembered. Cherished.

And it is precisely because God is all that, and more, that makes Him the God I believe in and worth doing so.

I do wonder what yesterday did for X, but i hope that this little episode ministered in a simple and profound way.

While thinking of what to do for my group counselling session today, i fell asleep. And i dreamt that a peacock flew into my home via the kitchen window and it was a VERY friendly peacock that behaved like a devoted little dog! HAHA.

Hi folks, just saying, well, hi. It's the busy assignment period at the moment when everything is due all at one go. I thank God that i've got a 2 week break from practicum so that gives me time to get my stuff done as well.

IBS has been acting up again, with the feeling of bloatedness after meals. Classmate advised me to avoid citrus fruits in particular, and to drink apple cider with water as a supplement to aid digestion. He suspects that i might not be able to breakdown fructose and/or lactose, as well as starch, efficiently. Lately i've also not been watching my diet as strictly as i used to, so i guess i've been suffering the consequences. Been giving in to whatever my brain says it wants to taste and been eating more than my stomach can take. Ah well.

Oh, and i discovered the brand Aesop recently! Ok, i know it's been around already but i've always thought it to sell their products at high and unaffordable prices. But one day while at Taka, i decided to step into the shop and, well, i was transported. The scent of aromatic botanicals gently enveloped my being and the rich, full notes and beats of the music playing overhead just brought me to a different plane altogether.

Fell in love with the stuff there because of its focus on using the goodness of nature, without too much of all that chemical stuff. And best of all... i found a GERANIUM body cleanser AND body balm! HAPPINESS. I ABSOLUTELY LOVE the scent of geranium. It makes me high, i tell you. I've got a facial moisturiser (into my 2nd bottle already) from Nuxe Paris (this brand can be found at John Little/Guardian pharmacy/Sasa) that contains geranium oil and every time i apply it on my face, i always take a moment to savour the scent with my fullest attention. I put my fingers to my nose, close my eyes, and take a deep, long breath. The fresh, rosy and slightly citrus-sy fragrance fills my consciousness and it's undescribable.

One website describes it as "uplifting and gently inspiring -- or evoking a sense of calm and tranquility."

Ah... :)

This was when i was taking my 'O' Level exams in Ghim Moh Secondary School. We were lining up two by two outside the chemistry lab waiting to go on for our chemistry practical exam when...

Me: *sniffs the air* HEY! I SMELL ONIONS!!!

(this was followed by great flurry of classmates flipping through notes to study onion cell structure, etc)

Outcome: we were tested on osmosis and diffusion, using onions to work with.

Then, while we were lining up outside the physics lab, one of my guy friends Ridzuan (the class joker) suddenly jerked his head up, stiffened, with eyes large like saucers said,

"I smell, i smell... PENDULUM!"

I could've died laughing.

Outcome: we REALLY were tested on some concept (gravity, methinks) using the bouncy metal spring pendulum thingy!

I wonder how my students did for their A Levels. Hm...

Rider's Cafe with B, G and the BFs

I'm not sure if my girlies want their faces posted here, so i've omitted the humans. Ok, but that's B's behind in the photo below.

Welcome to Rider's Cafe! A cool al fresco kind of place overlooking the Bukit Timah Saddle Club. The kind of place where you wear a pair of sunnies on your head, and nice flowy, airy and light coloured clothes to.

From where i was seated. Love the high ceiling and woody interior. We had planned to have brunch with P who had just returned from NZ, but he got held up so the rest of us continued on. It was truly quite lovely being with old friends, eating good food and being ourselves.

G's coffee. I guess it was as good as it looks.

Think this was Ph's burger.

My lovely, lovely salmon eggs benedict. From this photo, you can see the rather unique surface of the poached eggs. You can't blame us for thinking that it was whipped cream at first when the waitress delivered it to our table.

From another angle.

B's fish and chips.

Can't remember whose soup this was. But i remember it was lovely too.

Me and a horse in its stable! And yes, i do so love horses. I grew up as a little girl lovingly surrounded by My Little Pony toys, many horse figurines, drawing countless horses on stacks and stacks of rough paper that my dad/mom would bring home from work. Well, i drew dinosaurs and dragons too, among other things. I've got a permanent bump on my right hand middle finger to prove it!
Snaps of the various horses around the area:

Stuck my camera lens in between the fencing to get this unblocked view of this Lovely. :)

Buttercake and Cream (Sunset Way)

Gem and I went on a little date after church one night and he brought me to this place called Buttercake N Cream at Sunset Way. It was originally known as Peaberry and Pretzel, but changed the name and concept with the change of management. We ordered the couple set. Dish one was unfortunately a dismal (portion and variety) looking salad. It was fresh, at least.

Oh, but things get better now. This mushroom soup was absolutely tummy warming, tasty, creamy and full of juicy pieces of mushrooms. Lovely, without a doubt. Bowl was a little small though.
Main course 1: Pork chop. Somehow it didn't wow me, but it was not bad and it had that lovely grilled/bbq (i'm not quite sure of how to describe it) taste along with the tasty marinade. Chips were nice and thick.
Main course 2: Beef Steak. Also didn't blow me away, but it was pretty decent.
Gem had one of their recommended beverages, the Lemon Lime Bitter (LLB), while i had chamomile tea. They were served in mini-not-so-mini JUGS. After having eaten a fair bit of food, the amount of drink served was certainly quite a bit for a full stomach, but since we'd all want our money's worth, i've no complaints. I was impressed. The LLB drink was really good, by the way. It was too bad we were on the full side to really enjoy it. But i wouldn't change a thing. :P
Finally, dessert: Warm chocolate pudding, served with vanilla sauce and ice cream. Ice cream was ok as ice creams go, the vanilla sauce was smooth with just the right amount of sweetness, (made with REAL vanilla beans) and the chocolate pudding was... Rich and thick. Warm. Melty. Slightly bitter which complemented the ice cream and sauce provided. Lovely.
Here you go, another picture!