Dog Run Part 2

Jed looking up at the treat my sister is holding.

Checking one another out.

Jed is trying to show who is boss. Sigh.

Shot of the dog run while the sun sets. Dogs playing in the mud. Huge black dog checking Jed out. Jed doesn't stray very far from us, so he trots back every now and then to hang around us.

Very pretty Corgi.

Cute Jed moments

Cute Jed moment No.1

Cute Jed moment No.2
He's doing this usual begging tricks... My mom is eating a nice juicy mango and he ingratiates himself with her, as you can see, spreading his doggy self on my mom's stomach and resting his little doggy head on her chest and staring longingly at the mango. Look at those eyes... Aiyo.

Avatar

Edit: woah, i'm thinking of catching the show again and/or buying the DVD. if there were non-pill versions of addictive drugs placed in movies to keep people watching, i think James Cameron stuffed this one full of it and it's working for me and loads of other (unsuspecting)people and critics! (same for his other movie isn't it, the Titanic? There were people who watched it 100 times or more!)

For the first time ever, we double dated. Well, sort of. Haha. It was the first time the folks went out to watch a movie on a weekday night either in a looooooooooong time, or if ever.

Last week, i told mum that i was going to watch Avatar with Gem and she promptly asked dad if he wanted to go as well. So this evening, two couples went to the Lido Cineplex for the 7:30pm show.

Boy.

I will be eating, sleeping, thinking, DREAMING, Avatar, man.

The story is simple. Man wants resources from the land belonging to a difference race (the Na'vi) and push their agenda by force. The Na'vi retaliate, the hero who served Man at first moved his allegiances from Man to the Na'vi when he learns about their way of life and when he falls in love with one of the Na'vi. Full on battle, Na'vi wins, and hero becomes a real member of the Na'vi.

But more than that, there were quite a handful of messages! It subtly or otherwise raises issues and familiar political topics like the the war in Iraq, Afganistan, the destroying of the Amazon forest by heavy industry, genocide of Native Americans (read from an online article), that nature will eventually "fight" back when the balance between nature and human activity (extraction of resources, etc) has been upset (global warming anyone?). I was amused and appalled that they even threw in the term "shock and awe", a concept (from the Nation Defense University of the USA) referred to as "rapid dominance" (wikipedia: "spectacular displays of force to paralyze an adversary's perception of the battlefield and destroy its will to fight").

After the show, it even got my folks discussing the content. As a bonus, my mom didn't get motion sickness. I was a bit worried that she might and wouldn't enjoy the 166 minutes in the cineplex because we watched it in 3D and there was quite a lot of action. Haha. Everyone liked the show, and i was glad it was moolah well spent.

In the first part of the show, there was a lot of "romancing" going on between the movie goer and movie. My church mate likened it to watching Jurassic Park, when you get to experience the vastness and lushness of the flora and fauna and the sheer monstrosity of the lifelike dinosaurs. In my opinion, the purpose was to allow the viewer to appreciate and sink into the beauty of a different world, to come to value the culture, creatures and livelihood of a people different but yet not so different from ourselves.

So when the destruction kicks in, you pretty much may feel some degree of pain and grief that the Na'vi must've felt when they saw their beloved forest (their whole lives, basically) and loved ones being murdered. My mom commented that when she was watching the war take place, she "felt disturbed". She could feel the chaos. For some people like myself, i didn't feel sad at all when a human being took a hit because all our sympathies were with the Na'vi.

Honestly, i walked away with one thing resonating most strongly in my mind and soul. And that is that what i saw really isn't very different from what's happening today in our world. The tribes of indigenous people being harmed today due to the destruction of their forest homes for the resources present there aren't from another planet, they're just on the other side of OUR planet. Even if the extraction of resources isn't the main issue, there has been and probably still is the senseless discrimination of such people.

I don't know what i can do to stop it, and my heart grieves.

face off with a deadly predator? really? watch to find out. :)

Fascination at granny's house.

I've always wanted to snap pictures of her home appliances because they would be considered antiques! It's so easy to get used to all the modern stuff I have at home and overlook the old ones thinking they're passe and ugly. But something just made me stop and allow wonder to take over one saturday morning.

Who would've heard of the brand Cromptom Parkinson in this day and age???

These are actually the ceiling fan controllers.
The light switches... They are all still functioning fine and dandy, by the way. And ok... this is my place of solace when we come back from our morning hot drink at AMK market... *ahem* Seriously! It's quiet, serene, peaceful, clean, dry, i hear birds and sometimes the buzzing of insects, the tapping of tree branches on the roof as they sway lightly in the wind, and i feel right at home immediately. Life seems to stop for just a while, while i uh, answer nature's call. Just give me my morning saturday papers or a good book and i'm set. :D Probably the first generation of window grill design when the house was first built? I'm not too sure.


Old rubber slippers with the old fashioned jade green and light green tiles.
The stairway leading downstairs.

More photos later! Need to get some readings done.

All i did was ask her a simple question: does too high or too low a pillow cause backaches? cos i woke up this morning with a backache.

and then she unleashes a whole barrage of stuff on me, saying that i don't take care of myself, i don't respect my body, it's cumulative, my body is retaliating. Basically, she was throwing back at me the point that i asked for it, that it was MY fault that i hurt, that i am to BLAME. I was so sick and tired of it all that i retorted to her to stop nagging and stop finding fault with me for every little thing.

a part of me, if i heard hard enough, underneath all that blabbering, i would've heard that she was really saying that i should take care of myself.

but by george, it's SO hard to hear the concern under all that acid.

good grief, and then i was so angry that when she brought up another issue within less than 5 minutes, i was utterly rude back to her. i just freaking had enough of her ability to find all sorts of reasons to say something negative.

i left the room in a big huff yelling that her expectations are too high, that no matter how good i am, i'll never be good enough. that I just wasn't good enough.

the same thing happened yesterday when i was driving when she made a totally unnecessary remark that triggered me off and i raised my voice at her, in front of him. i didn't care if i was going to get scolded for being rude because i have had enough of the nonsense. i needed to prove that what she was doing wasn't helpful.

i don't normally react in such a big diva way. it's my patience for her constant nagging over some fault she finds in me that is wearing so thin that i can no longer hold in my bitterness and i lash back out.

a part of me is saying that i'm an adult, so stop acting like an impulsive angsty teenager. another part of me is saying that i will not take unreasonable behaviour lying down. the injustice of being told off when i didn't do anything wrong pisses me off BIG time and if i don't voice it out, it'll eat me inside.

whatever. needed to rant.

recent snaps (oh, and it's my 1000th post on thevacuum!)

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!

As promised, some random photos. And more to come...

Ex-cell leader's wedding dinner at The Amara Sanctuary Resort, Sentosa.

Beautiful (deco), simple (procedures) and clean of "frills" (like the whole yam seng thing). I likey. This was taken at my spot at the long banquet like table while waiting for people to come.

There was this mood lighting thing going on, so the colours changed every few seconds bathing everything in its hue. So this was red.Then blue.
And neutral.

Dessert at Mykii, Holland Village.

This was the green tea ice cream with espresso, i think.

The green tea cake... which did not taste like green tea at all. If you told me it was a new york cheesecake, i would have also believed you. It was bland. The tastiest part of the cake was the whipped cream on top of it.

At my classmate's home baking cookies!
It's her special recipe for cranberry almond cookies. There's crushed cereal, chopped almonds, quaker oats and cranberries in there. As healthy as butter cookies go, i guess. :) Getting ready to be baked.Baked and displayed on the plate to cool.

Peekchures coming up soon! Just... random ones. :)

In the past week... I,

... had some daddy-daughter time. Which is rare. But nice and necessary.

... almost got into a road accident. (this one was frekkin' traumatising. i went home and cried and actually crawled into bed to sleep with my mom. not kidding. i felt traumatized, fearful and lousy.)

... rediscovered grace, kindness, and once again felt the old NTU cell spirit when my friends stood by me after the near collision. They assessed the situation and gave objective advice for the future, assured me that i was a safe driver, felt the unhappiness with me about the behaviour of the road bully, made sure that i was ok enough to drive back home on my own. Somehow, they just said all the right things, in the best way. I could not have asked for better passengers, who despite having had gone through the same scary experience, still had the grace, gentleness and mercy to tend to my needs.

... knew that God's protection was upon us through the way things unfolded and how i managed to handle the extremely scary and new situation. Maybe i'll write about what happened in a later post.

... promise i will be a better defensive driver and expect the unexpected.

... was blessed immensely by people around me on my birthday and beyond the day itself.

... learn that butter noodles made by N is BE.AWESOME.
(garlic, onions, mushrooms and salted butter. With linguine. That's ALL. Goodness.)

... met my future cell leader and admitted that i am his phantom cell member. heehee.

... went for my previous cell leader's wedding. It was simple, intimate, beautiful. None of the extra stuff like gate crashing, no table to table photo taking. It was just all about the couple, but without sacrificing on giving the guests the best as far as possible. And i got to sit opposite one of Singapore's retired army Generals! And he's really nice with no airs about him at all.

... have been blessed by my folks.

... sat in for the first time to listen to what my folks' insurance agent was talking about.

... cleaned the car briefly for the first time on my own and found it very therapeutic. Getting the bird poo off, cleaning nooks and crannies, turnin' up the volume of the CD player (WOW Hymns by contemporary artists) while doing so. Yes, it was therapeutic. No one to hurry me or tell me what to do. Just the hot sun on a sunday afternoon, music, and getting some cleanin' done.

... drove to Seng Kang and Bedok with very good and skilled instruction givers at midnight, which was something i otherwise wouldn't have done, especially since i almost could have gotten my friends and myself killed or hospitalized just the night before. Gosh. Being a beginner driver is frightful. As frightful as being a beginning counsellor. All involving the care of lives.

... have more or less decided to graduate later. I will take 6 more months to complete my program because i cannot handle practicum, a module and thesis all at the same time.

I just need to say this, before the day ends.

THANK YOU EVERYONE for your well wishes and messages... Although i spent the day doing mundane stuff and thinking back on birthdays past and the hoohah surrounding it, it was your constant influx of blessings throughout the day (and one person was early, which i totally do not mind one single bit. ;P) that made me feel so special and remembered. The little gestures meant so much to me and it made me quietly vow in my heart that every person DESERVES to feel blessed and treasured on their birthday.

Thanks everyone. :) My heart is aglow and that's how i want today to end. :)

"Good Morning! Happy Birthday!", Dad very enthusiastically exclaimed with a big ole smile on his face, when he heard that i was awake.

He came by the sofa where i was half sleep with gift in hand, while i squeaked with delight and covered my mouth with my dog scented blanket.

"Good morning, and get up." He stood there and offered his hand to pull me to a sitting position.

"Can i just...". His voiced trailed off slightly awkwardly and said, "... just, hug...". Dad held his arms open in a gesture inviting me to hug him. And we embraced. Messy hair, out of bed smell, half consciousness and all.

It's been so long since my dad ever hugged me for anything at all. It's been years.

Especially since the saga in my family that we are still healing from, it means so much to me for my dad to reach out to hug his (still hurting) daughter.

Even as i type this, i realize the risk he took, the pride he (maybe?) needed to swallow and as I think about it, it brings fresh tears to my eyes.

I can't really explain the joy i felt when my folks returned from malaysia and without me expecting it, proposed to bring me out for my birthday dinner despite them feeling tired out from the long drive home and the whole trip itself. And as "luck" would have it, my sister who is usually running around with her own agendas was home and therefore could join us for dinner. It's been so long since we could go out as a family... As time passed by, our lives have slowly drifted in different directions and so this family dinner is a huge blessing to me.

For lack of a better description, i felt like i was 10 years old again... "with the power to decide where i wanted to eat, what i wanted to eat. Everyone just wanted to ensure that the birthday girl gets and enjoys whatever she wants". I'm a quarter of a century now really, but somehow, with grown people asking things like, "what have you been REALLY WANTING (like, craving) to eat?" and "You decide, you're the birthday girl...", etc, i really felt so... liberated. Like, man! Now, when was the last time that anyone paid THAT much attention to what I really wanted, saw it as something so infinitely important that it was ready to be given at the snap of a finger?

Needless to say, i was, er, behaving like a 10 year old at Bakerzin and Swensens. What with my happy grins, incessant chatter and laughter, clapping of happy hands when dad said, "Ok, quick, better go get your packet (OF BAKERZIN MACARONS. OMG.)" and when my Durian Supreme sundae arrived. The higher-than-normal tables at Earle Swensens made me feel even more like a kid at the dinner table that is too high for her.

I'm thankful that i wasn't brought up to be given every single thing i demanded for, so i really felt immense appreciation for the treat and felt touched by the time that spent together. I felt good to just let loose and forget about being all prim and proper, but instead just take joy in simply being my parents' daughter... Though she's changed from being the toddler wearing the plastic sunglasses/spectacles with the ridiculous bee perching on the frame to their now university going young adult with the, well still plastic, but now nerdy black frame glasses, she's still very simply, their younger daughter and child.

When my sister (3 years older than me) and i were goofing around while sitting opposite my parents, i saw, something so different and rare in my mom's smiling eyes as she looked on at us. I saw genuine mirth and even thankfulness in her eyes as they twinkled and crinkled when she smiled at our nonsense. Her eyes and smile looked, ALIVE. Something i have not seen in a long time. It was as if her eyes were saying, "I've not seen my children this way in so long, and i miss seeing them interact like close sisters. The way they are talking to one another now really makes me happy."

Edit:
I spoke too soon... I thought i had escaped the sprouting of white hair from all that stress, but my mom spotted one yesterday. Dangit!

Narnia is freaking awesome. Ok, I'm biased because i love medieval related war scenes (swords! bows! arrows! catapults! chain mail! armour!), horses, mythical animals, animals in general. But as i was saying...

In Prince Caspian, I love it when little Lucy emerges from the forest, steps onto the bridge and faces an army of probably hundreds. She's fearless as she unsheathes her little dagger. She appears all alone till the majestic Aslan comes up from behind to stand beside her.

I just love the image it portrays. Despite facing the odds of 2 is to hundreds, she had placed her complete trust in her hero, the one whom she believes had come to overcome and to save. So much so that she could step out in total confidence to confront grown and war bloodied men with her tiny "letter opener".

It isn't just about what we can do on our own. After all, all we can do is give whatever we've got. We can't go beyond that. What we CAN do however is believe in the One who has the utmost wisdom, power and authority, who will make up for what we lack to help us conquer our challenges.

That is what makes the whole difference.

Tiger Woods seems to have some really mean time management skills. Juggling between family (1 wife, 2 kids) and allegedly 6 (and counting?) more women.

Sheesh, if all this is true... Then here's another one joining the ranks of multitudes of men who have cheated on their wives. WHAT SIA. Yes, we're all attracted to beauty but surely there is a head with a brain somewhere in these men that can be involved in making responsible choices, no?

It's not ONE woman, like he had a lapse in judgment somewhere. It's like, "hello there, you with the skirt? Wanna get it going?"

Like, hello? No conscience is it? And those frisky women. Shame on you! RAGGH!

It's beyond frightening to me that when i read the first page of an online article of this whole tiger woods fiasco, most of the comments on that first page actually are so blase about the whole thing. There were comments like, "Get over it", "He's only human", "I'm surprised that everyone is surprised". The worst comment i read was "Get over it! Life happens, monogamy is not normal and that is the truth." I mentally did a double take and would have choked if i was consuming something.

Are people so jaded and used to infidelity that they are able to close an eye and treat it as part of life? HELLO? Where have moral values in this world gone to?! Where have trust, respect, honour all disappeared to??? Seems like people are so used to hearing men cheat that it's no big deal anymore. Ok fine, if they say, "morality be damned, i live by no rules", then how about something as FUNDAMENTAL as the mental and emotional PAIN that they are going to cause the family? Like, for starters, the one they said their VOWS to, the person they PROMISED to honour and respect?

If people start off thinking that they are going to cheat anyway, then don't hurt others by getting married, bringing children into the world, only to desert them along the way.

i don't get why the Jet allows the keypad to pop up when i select the field to type in my blog title, but it doesn't let the keypad pop up when i want to enter in an entry in the type-a-post field. touch screen phones. bleargh.

a trip to nie recently shot and blew up my holiday dreams to smithereens. my holiday dreams meaning just 4 weeks of peace, without having to think about work and school.

the good thing was that i managed to tie up the loose ends of one of the major problems i was facing academically, but in the meeting, i was also told that i needed to catch up with the others in dealing with my dissertation/thesis. i told my lecturer honestly that i was so worn out, so tired. i haven't had a break since the beginning of the year, and the stresses of school has taken a toll on me. i'm the not the only one, apparently. my classmates feel the same way. they're feeling more tired than before in this semester that just passed by. and of course, there was the major family issue that erupted in may, that killed my june break AND the peace of mind that i needed to face my practicum (which also started in may, so, no break either).

i actually cried in her office that day. i usually try my best to control myself in front of strangers but i didn't this time. i almost cried in front of my boss at work too when i told her that i had a family crisis and couldn't handle certain things.

i had hoped that i could breathe easier for these few puny weeks in december before school starts again in january. i find that this whole year, my stress levels have been kept at above the normal average levels and sometimes peaking at maximum or close to maximum. i marvel at the fact that i have not yet sprouted out white hair, which i did in JC... oh yes, i DID in JC. gosh.

and so when i finally settled some issue with the lecturer, she dropped the bomb that i still had to do readings for my dissertation and get some writings done because submission next year will be close and i will have my practicum to settle still, AND plus one more academic module. Ok, doesn't sound that bad in number, but finishing the practicum hours are very draining. So, to add a module PLUS carrying out a research and doing research paper writing, is just... monkey.

yet. one thing that took the heat off is that my thesis isn't meant to be a groundshaker, it's just suppose to give me an experience of carrying out a research. my heart slightly lifted when i heard that. lowered expectations is good. i just find it curious that they don't expect more out of masters students.

now as i'm writing this, i'm considering if i should take one more semester to finish this course off (ie, stay in NIE for one more year, versus the 6 months that i have now), or should i stick to my guns, feel the stress build up but finish along with everyone else. I'm thinking about my health, my sanity. My IBS problem started when i was doing my undergraduate studies, and back then, it was worse. Now, it's better but it still occurs. i prefer my stress related health issues to stop at IBS, thankyouverymuch. Through my practicum, i've seen how stress can really cause havoc in a person. It's quite crazy, what it does. I don't want that to happen to me.

i'm just glad that my topic for my thesis interests me. it's on fatherhood (prayed about it), but i don't know how i'm going to develop that into anything just yet.

i guess... i'm going to have to let my interest take me through and God handle the nitty gritty.

and then there is the question of whether i should spend the time left on myself, or spend it on others. that is, leading a group at a youth camp. i'm like... argh. i. need. time. for. myself. i don't know. quandary.

i think i may take up my lecturer's suggestion of taking a break. not some shopping break, not a break that would require moving around and doing things, but something that would allow me to SLOW DOWN to a STOP. to cease the erratic running around and frenzied thoughts that worry me all the time, take some time to chill, reflect, change my mindset on things, so that i can move ahead with a positive mind frame. i don't know what that may be because it's a bit late to go booking for holidays.

so, ambrose, you're right. i NEED TO DO SOMETHING, which is about doing NOTHING. Or, close to nothing.

maybe a trip to sentosa, a short stay at a cheap hotel there. near the beach. i do so miss the beach. then again. where's the money going to come from??? gagh... maybe home will have to do.

This little dude was perched in a zen-like manner on the first step of the flight of stairs. ALMOST squashed him when i came pounding down the stairs. Isn't he cute? Check out his awesome curled tail with the tip just hanging over his head! He didn't even so much as budge or twitch when i stuck my camera near his lizardy face. I was ready to leap back if he jumped or anything though. Heh.

Driven by the reality of my gross natural curls that ruined my side parting, my bald spot on my preferred side to part my hair at (too many years at the same parting), the itch for a new look, i went to cut myself some bangs at JP. I really like it! Even though my sister thinks i look toot. I love my sister, she tells me her honest opinion without hesitation and i in turn appreciate her prompt and objective feedback. After all, i always prefer the truth over a lie that would make me "happy".

I was thinking about doing this for weeks and finally, when Van said "Just go!", i decided... OK, I SHALL! I figured that i might chicken out at the entrance of the salon, but somehow, something about the place made me take a step in to enquire about the price for cutting a fringe. A nice lady greeted me and answered my queries, and when i decided $5 was a good deal, i decided to give it a go.

I was praying, "God, please give me an experienced stylist!" (i was frekkin scared because i'm not one to follow trends and i've never had bangs maybe since i was a wee kiddo?!)

And true enough, God gave me the LEAD HAIR STYLIST can? Who was the same nice lady who answered my queries. In about 10 minutes, i was done, and personally i think she did a quick, professional and tidy job. Just by looking my hair over and flipping it about, she could pinpoint how my hair behaves (natural waves, cannot cut too short and not this way, etc) and what i should avoid and what would be suitable for my face shape and manageable for me to maintain. Ok, maybe i look like a goon here. HAHA. I like!

Ok, slightly more normal looking here.

Nothing like watching Bolt on the samsung jet while having Jed lie down next to me so that I can pat him as he sleeps.

Cried my eyes out again while watching the last part! Ah, a show for dog lovers...

Breathing a little easier now, now that the assignments have all been handed in. I have just my practicum hours left to clock (ARGH, i still don't know if i'll have enough hours), reports to write as i go along, and session preparations to be done as i think of the intervention plan for each person. It's quite draggy work, but give me this any time, rather than school work man.

I was just thinking of how much work takes up my time such that I am wondering how my involvement in church will be like in future when majority of my life will be consumed by work. I'm hoping that as a counsellor, work stops in the office, but with the way things are right now... I'm suspecting that reports will eat into personal time, which isn't the way i want to live!

I caught myself thinking a while ago, whether i can skip this and skip that and just go for service only. It was then when I pretty much realized that you know, it's because i am around in church a lot that keeps me encouraged because of the friends i meet and the whole atmosphere of being in the presence of like minded people. This isn't to say that God doesn't exist outside of church, nor does it mean that my Christian walk ceases to exist once i step out of church.

But what i DO realize as part of REALITY, is that if i become too busy, and church and Christian living is relegated to a trip to church for 2 hours out from the whole week, i am likely to go down the slippery slope of being a sunday Christian. A Christian in name only, with just a hollow heart. Honest.

That was when it DAWNED on me... why, it's so important to have some form of commitment to a ministry(s), where I am accountable to people and there will be at least two or three people who will care enough about me to check up on me now and then. (Ok, i'm thankful that i can think of at least three. Which reminds me. Have I ever bothered about those who haven't been showing up? I think i tend to take the stance that they don't want to be bothered, so i in turn don't bother them...)

It's important to have people check up on you to see if you're still alive, whether you've died from being blown up in the kitchen or something like that, but it's even more essential that there are people who will ask how you're doing, not judge/scold you about why you've not been around and will even ask if there's anything that they can pray for you for. Those people are so precious and far and few in between.

Then again, i'm glad that what i am choosing to do with my life is something i knew God has planned for me to do. And with that, i know that i cannot do it without Him, i know that i will always be relying on Him to guide me and to bring me through. Which helps me keep close in step with Him. By default.

But still, i may fall into the trap of treating God like a genie, and though I toil with and for Him, I may still lose sight of the purpose of the journey every now and then, right?

Which brings me back to full circle. I need to be kept active in my ministry and guard my walk with Jesus like freaking jealously.

Have always wanted to wear coloured contact lenses but the makers haven't gotten round to making lenses for people with astigmatism, aka almost the whole of Singapore...

ALMOST done with my wretched assignments.

After which, it will be practicum hours and report writing galore but still may not be enough to graduate on time. I don't know. We'll wait and see.

God HELP.

my classmate put into words something i didn't realize i was going through.

Burn Out.

Yes, i am burnt out. Not majorly so, but it seems i'm on the route to being so. The only thing that can get me doing work is when i am pressured hard to do it. Otherwise, i can't bear to get typing or get my brain moving. I haven't had a proper break since january. and i'm still struggling with meeting the practicum hours requirement. I may not get to graduate on time because of that.

Recently, i experienced sour burps, something i've not had before/in a long time... And by chance, i happened to read an article about it and i found out that sour burps are a result of stress. i'm worried that i'm going to sprout out white hair soon. honestly, there are a few counsellors i know who seem to be hiding their white hair with hair dye...

I'm tired out from the work load and personal issues, and one of the only pleasures (other than FOOD) that i am refusing to give up is a good night's rest. I refuse to deprive myself of sleep even if it means that i can't get work done. i mean, c'mon! the stresses of life cannot rob me of that basic need man.

where is God? i do talk to Father now and then, but never more than a short simple prayer. i know He deserves more than that.

The good thing is that i got past that one period where i wanted to simply run off to a secluded place to have a good cry and get a breather from everything. I've moved on from there, but i can't say that there won't be another episode. i could just be running on a concoction of panic, responsibility and adrenalin right now.

i feel like telling the world to just get lost and frekkin' leave me alone, man.

i'm going to bed. it's 12:55am, i didn't get any work done and frankly at this current moment, i don't care.

jet out, iphone in?

With M1 and now, STARHUB joining in the race, that is, selling the iphone as well... i am SO tempted. To jumpship AND to trade in my Samsung Jet.

I have to admit, i still hate touch screens. But i wonder if the iphone's touch screen technology and it's interface would be any better... The Jet's not a bad phone, it's just the fact that the touch screen and nitty gritty details to do with interface isn't that efficient, which makes its usage darn annoying for someone like me who's got to do things snappy and on the go. I've been quite frustrated with it recently. :-(

there are some features that the iphone is lacking (features which i count as important): a good camera with flash, a front pointing cam for video calls, bluetooth (the iphone's is next to useless), and decent battery life.

i guess... i just need to get used to this irritating touch screen nonsense. For now. Who knows, maybe my next phone will have the good old keypad, once the phone makers have figured out how to include big screens with keypads in a slim phone body. In my world, and probably everyone else's, life zooms by at a crazy pace and i find myself having to multitask as i move about. Thinking, planning, communicating, pondering, worrying, troubleshooting...

Maybe having this little monster called the samsung Jet will slow me down for a bit, to hone my patience and allow me to take time to see what goes into my smses. Might help my brain form more neural connections while i'm at it, since i'm still fumbling. But boy, i wish i could make the perfect phone!

hello sekrit stawkur hannah: heehee! thanks for dropping by and dropping me a note. nice to know there's someone's reading out there! :) and yes, i have decided that i will not go. but, i think i will hijack someone's bag space... to pass something nice to some of the kids. I HOPE the someone won't mind too much. :oD Yeah, jenn said she can't go and it was sad to hear. it wld've been nice to experience the dynamics of being the same team as our worship pastor. :) Are you going?

***

Some random photos that i took with my old sony ericsson that never got onto the blog till now:

Was walking through my friend's HDB estate when i saw this AWESOME old school mama shop at the VOID DECK of the block. Oh my goodness. Check out the clock! It's SO OLD! Possibly from the 1980s??? I have no idea. It brings me back to my childhood, when trips to the minimarts were absolute excursion treats, with the possibility of being able to bargain (read: plead, pout, emotional coercion) with the accompanying adult to buy me candy or chocolates, or a mechanical pencil. :)

Look! LOOK! I love it that the place has been preserved and is still being run by an old uncle.

Moving on. I've never experienced drinking tea like this in a hawker food centre with such tiny tea cups. Really unique.

That would be our tea pot, perched beside us.

Was at Bugis when i passed by pet lover's centre and was stunned when they used a miniature pinscher as a doggy model. LOVE! You usually see other dogs like golden retrievers, spaniels or some other friendly looking fluffy thing. But here, you see a lovely, handsome little min pin. :)

Ok, in not so glamourous times, here's my own min pin under the covers.

Mom and i at a booth in the science centre being amused by one of the exhibits. Can't remember what the technology was about. If you can see, i'm holding up my phone to snap a photo.

Spotted at The Central. I kid you not. (original word bring "glass") Some smart*** probably wanted to have a laugh.

Ancient tomes in NLB. Was trying to search for information on work trends in Singapore. Not helpful at all. And look at how old school the books are! Where have all the publications from local writers from NUS, NTU, etc, all gone to?

O.o

Yesterday, Gem and i went to the Samsung shop at JP to ask about the Jet's poor battery performance. Yes people. Promising as it may be, the battery life SUCKS for a new phone. One day of playing around with it, causes it to go flat already. It's only when i hardly touch it except for moderate amount of messaging does it last for a day without dropping a bar. But by the next morning (and i turned it off at night hor) with some messaging, it drops TWO bars. BLEARGH.

When Gem asked the guy at the counter, "Has anybody come to complain about the battery life for this phone?" The guy smiled, and said "no." I noticed he did not meet Gem's eyes, but instead looked at me. I immediately knew that this bloke was lying big time.

Ok firstly which person would give poor feedback about the phones you are selling unless you're the rare person who puts the customer FIRST and company (and potentially your job) SECOND? Secondly, a lot of people have had complaints about the battery life. I've read it online. (Sadly, i still took my chances.) Thirdly, which person, if telling the truth, would say "no" and SMILE (unless he was genuinely proud of the product. but he did not seem proud of it at all. and his smile was very "limited", not a full on smile.)?!

VERY put off.

i finally, FINALLY bought my new phone!!! Been wanting to get one since december last year and so i've been looking out for a decent one.

My sony ericsson W710i (walkman cum sports phone) has served me very well for the past, close to 3 years. I've not seen anyone carrying this phone for a while already. Pretty much considered a relic. It's not totally dead but from time to time, it will decide to pull stunts on me like: multiple auto shut downs, forced silence.

I have lots of messages in there that are so precious to me and if the phone dies, all the messages die along with it too since messages are stored in the phone itself. So, i figured it's about time to let it retire.

I'm pleased to announce my newest edition: the Samsung Jet!

It's quite affordable for a phone that's packed with a lot of goodies. I did my research on it, and apparently, opinions on it are quite mixed. :oS. I'm hoping mine doesn't pull stunts on me like some of the earlier batches of Jets that were first released. I usually find that the first batch of phones from a newly released model will have bugs. One of my friends advised me against Samsung, citing reasons like poor service at the repair centres, outsourcing of non-Samsung technicians, tendency to misinfo at service centres, swapping of parts instead of changing to new parts. I was pretty put off, but i guess i decided to take my chances.

It's got wifi, HSDPA, GPRS, 5 megapixel autofocus camera WITH flash (YES! FINALLY!), GPS, DivX, video recording 30 fps/120fps, bluetooth, full touch sceen, AMOLED display, 800MHz Processer, document reader. Shiok a king kong.

I've never liked touch screen phones, i'm quite a stickler for keypads still... But because the Jet is the only touch screen phone that i felt comfortable typing on, it has a nice big screen (for viewing the bible and internet pages), and since most keypad phones now seem to be quite "backward"/ugly/i cannot get used to the qwerty, i decided it was time to "move on".

PLUS. Since i'm a student and thankfully below 26 as of now, i get to opt for the student plan!!!! UNLIMITED SMSES! OMG! Why didn't i sign up for this earlier, since i tend to increase my bill fees through high usage of smses.

I *might* install facebook, definitely a bible software... Mmm, what else? ACK! So fun! :oDDD

I'm just waiting for it to charge for 8 hours straight before i attempt to lay my hands on it since i just bought it and need to charge up the battery to the max level. My lovely white Jet!

(Gem said: You've got a Samsung Jet, and a Sam Seng Jed. *HAHAHAHAHHA* Ok, only those people who've met Jed personally will know what i'm talking about.)

In trying to finish up the leftover melted chocolate/fudge topping, i decided to make a marble cake. HAHA. For someone with close to ZERO experience with baking, who knows only a tiny miniscule fraction about the science of baking, i must say this is a daring attempt.

Instead of butter, i used butter and margarine (because i ran out of butter and i've never read of recipes which suggest using margarine). Instead of cocoa POWDER, i used MOLTEN chocolate. Instead of using the machine, i mixed everything by hand powered by brute strength (bored with doing assignments). The amount, ratio, of butter, sugar, fats, flour, eggs, liquid ingredients, etc, all play a part in whether your cake will turn out fab or flat. That is in addition to the skill of the hand, which is very important. You need to be gentle, firm but cool and light handed. None of which my hands possess at the moment. Hurhur.

It sure smells good, now that it's cooking in the oven. But i can't say much about the insides... The cake has risen, but going by the way it still wobbles when i shift the tin, it's still wet and uncooked beneath and by right, i should be cooking it for only 20 minutes more.

Oh boy. Haha... This is fun.

I ought to join the 3 guys on the show Food Jammers, if only because i get to mess around and experiment with food and see how it turns out. But i don't want to waste anything of course, hopefully whatever i create is edible...

Update: My marble cake is a ridiculous success!

Time to get down to business

To Do:

Practicum 1, Group Supervision (the most crazy module):

1) Presentation of individual session, intake interview WITH recording x 1
2) Presentation of group counselling x 1
3) Comprehensive Report on an individual session x 1
4) Comprehensive Report on an intake assessment session x 1
5) Term Paper x 1
All Due: 2 NOV
Status: UNDONE and Dependent on currently non-existent clients. PANIC.

Program Evaluation:

1) Program Evaluation Proposal x 1(Due: 17th Nov, Status: Undone)
2) Class Project x 1 (Due: TBC, Status: Undone)

Career Development in Counselling (the most ambiguous and blurifying module):

1) Big Huge Term Paper x 1 (Due: 11th Nov)
Status: No one in my class has any inkling on how to begin to do this

While having a trim at HV...

Hair Stylist (HS): You look like a friend of mine...
Jo: *thinks: shucks, i have a common face...*
HS: But my friend is a guy...
Jo: Uh. Ok... (!!!) I wonder what the similarities are...
HS: He is... how do you say. He's not handsome.
Jo: *thinks: huh? haha...*
HS: He's... Beautiful.
Jo: ?!?!?!?!?!

Hawhawhaw, beautiful man! Ok, not sure if i should take that as a compliment. :P

First attempt at making a Chocolate Fudge Cake

This weighing scale might be as old as, if not, older than me. My momma has been using this for as long as i can remember!
Same goes for this dude as well.

Melting the chocolate (Hersheys semi sweet chips) and butter together, in a plate placed on top of a pan with boiling/simmering water. The hot steam is what melts the stuff into a goo. As a health freak making a cake like this and knowing EXACTLY what goes into it... This isn't one of my proudest moments. No way, hosay.
It takes faith to believe that it'll eventually become a smooth mixture. It was so lumpy for quite a while because the chocolate chips just wouldn't melt out evenly. So i used 2 spoons to mash the lumps till it became relatively smooth.

Mixing the 4 eggs and sugar.

Folded in the flour.

Into the oven!

Out of the oven! It looks a bit burnt hor. The new oven we have tends to be on the "powderful" side, for some reason. Have to be extra careful when baking stuff.

Cutting up pieces.

Slather on the fudge! (more melted chocolate mixed with pure cream). I had run out of Hershey's chocolate, so i dug around the kitchen and used up some Lindt and Royce dark chocolate that had been lying around for a while. Had to be careful during the melting process though, because the chocolate is meant for eating directly and not meant to be melted for baking. Since I didn't know the boiling and melting point of ready-to-eat choclate, had to be careful not to over melt it which will result in carbonized burnt chocolate.

Ok, ready to give to next door neighbour! :D

It's a weird cake. When i first baked it, it was moist inside. At night on the same day, it became dry. Then subsequently, it became moist again. Hur.

I typed out an email telling my pastor that I am unable to go to Maliana for the mission trip this december. I had tears in my eyes as i finished typing out the email. It is due to school, finances, due to family issues, that made me sigh and decide that I could not afford to go.

Maliana (in East Timor) was my very first mission trip destination, and that place and the children there have a very deep and special place in my heart.

I was about to click on "send". But something in my heart pulled back and i just clicked on "save now". I don't know when that email will be sent.

God, is this you telling me to go, is this me being reluctant to allow you to make a way for me? Or is this just a fact of life that I have to give this one a miss again?

Attempting to make a chocolate fudge cake... ;) But i'm calculating if i can afford the time to do so...
Well, if it happens, stay tuned for photos!

Thoughts at 9am in the morning:

1) Had put the car wind screen wipers on max speed this morning due to the rain... They were moving at such a madly frenzied pace that i giggled to thought to myself that they looked like they were on drugs.

2) So i got out of the car and got some rain on myself. When i entered the lift, my first thoughts and instincts were: "Cold. Wet. Now shake your fur from side to side." (A sure sign that a human being has been living for a long time with a dog)

I just got one of the periodical passion card promotion emails and wow, they're actually promoting tickets for upcoming Christmas events (artsy performances) in december.

I'm smelling and FEELing Christmas around the corner! It's my favourite time of the year... For some odd reason, i'm appreciating the efforts put into sprucing up Singapore for this particular festive occasion. I used to hate how it always looks so commercialized and how everything just crashes once the 25th of december is over. Well, i still don't like how it crashes.

But somehow, the glitter, the music, the cheer, the company of family, er, sales (hurhur), the rush or absence of activities seems to leave my heart with a warm, contented feeling.

I can't quite put my finger on it. I think it's just that... it's, well, Christmas. And i've always had happy, loving, fun-filled and fond memories of Christmas when i was young. Maybe those buried feelings from those years gone by are resurfacing and though it's going on replay, it's giving me a refreshing perspective and sense of wonder and appreciation all over again.

A group of 11 of us went down to Bottle Tree Park at Khatib and boy, "fun" is an understatement in describing our experience!

We paintballed for about 1 1/2 to 2 hours, and it was awesome. The adrenaline rush, the speed, yes, the pain, teamwork, strategising, etc. The instructors were really nice, and they were really accomodating to our requirements and managed to customize the games for us.

While we were there, we got to talk a bit to this guy whose nickname is Kiko. Little did i (later on) realize, we were actually talking to a REGIONALLY KNOWN paintballer okay (out of curiousity, i just googled him)! He's apparently well known in Asia for his killer paintball skills.

Singapore's hosting a paintball competition at West Coast (ah, near my place!) on the 18th of October, sunday. It should be fun to watch!

Been driving on my own recently for short distances, like to gleneagles and back, to church and back. i find that i'm way less tense when i'm driving alone than when someone else is in the car.

anyway, PEOPLE WHO DO NOT SIGNAL ARE BIG FAT CAUSES FOR ACCIDENTS!!!

I almost got mauled by this goon (sorry, but i'm really pissed with people like this) who was whooshing down the lane next to the extreme right lane. So as i was turning out from my u-turn onto the extreme right lane, this fella zoomed into my lane WITHOUT INDICATING. SOMEMORE CAN HORN AT ME.

This caused me to swerve to avoid and I ended up driving onto the curb of the road divider. Sheesh.

Then today, as gem and i were about to cross the road, another goon came whooshing down and turned into the minor road WITHOUT SIGNALING. AGAIN. If i didn't somehow pause to see if the fella would stop, gem and i might've been tomato juice by then.

RAGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Methinks.... God still wants me alive for a higher purpose. Hur.

Now that i think of it. It's quite amusing to see a mother's reaction when some ungracious driver bullies her kin who is driving.

I wouldn't go so far as to say: Beware, do not step on mommy's toes when daughter is driving (because after all, what can she do right?), but i would say, boy, my mommy ain't afraid to give 'im a good stare through the window!

You can sense the motherly instincts rising, her sense of justice and her protective support for her offspring (of course, if i ain't in the wrong lah).

***

Happened to watch a pretty old show called Centrestage (2000) last night. I am SO awestruck by the dancers (ballet dancers, in particular). I mean, the acting was so-so, no big names, but it was the grace and beauty of their movements whether fast or slow, and i could somehow understand a tiny bit what they were communicating through their bodies! I was ENTHRALLED.

Although i've got NO training whatsoever in dance, there's a part of me that just knows a good performance from a not so good one. Of course not as zhai as professionals, but somehow the sense of structure, flow, beat, angle, just resonate inside me so much so that it's just a sense i get.

I was so inspired that i wanted to get onto my feet and dance but i knew... my neighbours downstairs wouldn't be pleased with a bumbling elephant thumping above them at 11pm.

I got this song off Facebook from a friend who posted it up. Despite the current life situation, it speaks out my heart's cry...

These two songs, "No greater love" and "God follower" by Steven Curtis Chapman was written in dedication to missionary Jim Elliot and his team who gave up their lives for the gospel.

In 1956, the 5 American missionaries who left for Ecuador were speared to death by a stone age tribe of Indians known as the Aucas. This left 5 families in total devastation but this wasn't the end of God's plan. Two years later, the wife and sister of two of the murdered missionaries walked into the jungle to live with the same people who had murdered the men they loved. Today, the Aucas (now known as the Waodani) are a changed people. (excerpt from http://www.cbn.com/special/endofthespear/)

I watched it and it made me tear up... God is amazing, and he sure works in sometimes painful and mysterious ways but the outcome is ultimately powerful and beautiful.

I honestly don't care about what people say, but i believe that it IS possible to bring God's love to people through my field of work. Whether it may be to my colleagues or to the people I will see.

I have seen the ways, it is my purpose, and i WILL do so. Time is not something I am in control of, but as long as God hasn't closed the chapter of my life on Earth, my life is for this purpose. Even if i may not see immediate results, i would have at least set something going in some way or other.

Frankly speaking and i am not afraid to say this: If we keep letting "rules"/rationalizations/etc come in the way of making a difference in other people's lives, we actually just perpetuate those obstacles.

I believe, "To see things you've never seen before, you have to do things you've never done before".

AMEN.