ACJC Fun-O-Rama 2008

29th of March: Joline was spotted at... ACJC Fun-O-Rama 2008!

I was from class SC10 back in 2001-2002, and being from the pioneering SC10 class, i was pleasantly surprised to find that SC10 still lives on. Looks like there are still lots of biology students.

Back in my day, we sold chocolate coated bananas. I don't know HOW we managed to win a prize for raising a respectable amount of money from our POOR excuse for dessert-food. I think we were fortunate to raise enough money, conning the first wave of curious people who probably never returned for a second helping. I remember the then-boyfriend asking his friends to buy the bananas from my stall. How nice of him. But, poor friends. MUAH HAHAH.






I guess this was their game stall. Back then, our game stall was a golf course one. I never really got a chance to see/try it. It was manned by the guys of my class.















Ok, and THIS, my friends. Was a sight to behold. People just stood and STARED at the scene before them. Others, like me, took photos. Many bewildered people stood around gawking at this... headless creature being barbequed.

Look at its posterior! Devoid of meat (presumably sliced off) already!






It is a cow. Er, was.













Ok, joline, signing off for now! More later at a godly hour.

long long ramble

So wot happened at the interview you ask? Firstly. It REALLY WAS 2 hours long. ha. And well, it went pleasantly enough. Read on for the details:

When i arrived, i was given a case study to read in a cold and quiet room, along with another interviewee. I made some notes on the sheet of paper... Mostly jotting down my analyses of the case study. When i mean case study, i mean, that the sheet of paper had a hypothetical situation of a family that was having their first consultation with me in a counselling session. The scene was of a family that was having problems with their "havoc" teenage daughter.

I made all my analyses till i had none left and I asked God: "Ok, what else do i need to consider?"And a thought popped into my head, "Think about what you would do in this situation."
When i received that answer from God, i was struck by how i missed out on such an obvious thing to think about. I mean, i analysed EVERYthing except for thinking about what i should do as their counsellor. Which would be the most commonsensical question that the interviewers would ask. I only had a few minutes left to think about it too... But God is so cool. :-) He told me what i should do.

Soon after, i was called into the room with one lady, and one man. They didn't like, stand up to greet us and shake hands. So, i was kind of at a lost of what to do. Somehow, everyone seemed a little tentative.

So it turned out to be a group interview: 2 interviewees, 2 interviewers. We were asked about our backgrounds, what makes a good counsellor, what are our best qualities to offer as a student and as a potential future counsellor, what our commitments are to the course, where will we be headed after the course (if we do get in). Oops, am i revealing too much? There were some other questions targeted at my *ahem* competitor.

I made a booboo blunder at one point... When competitor made her stand on something, lady interviewer asked me if i had anything to comment... I blabbered something or other, that was 50% sense, and 50% nonsense. For my 50% nonsense, i stuttered one line, contracted verbal constipation, stared hard at competitor (till she raised an eyebrow at me), stared at interviewer, and gave an embarrassed laugh, and said, "Erm, never mind." So... Joline. Good grief. Lady interviewer DID NOT LOOK THE LEAST BIT IMPRESSED WITH ME. She had such a demeaning look on her face. *shrinks timidly into a corner*

But i kinda "redeemed" myself later on during the case study analysis. When the guy interviewer posed THAT question: "So, what would you do in this situation?" (See? GOD IS SO AWESOME HOR.) I waited for 2-3 seconds to see if competitor wanted to answer. Since there was a moment of silence, i decided to speak up first. After which, competitor agreed with everything i said, when interviewer asked if competitor would like to comment on my answer. Interviewers seemed to take well to whatever we both said. But there was no way that i could fathom what they were thinking. They just nodded, smiled, analysed our answers here and there, and asked a few questions to clarify some points.

At this point, i was really thanking God for my experience at work. Although i don't get to meet clients as a counsellor, i get to observe what the psychologists do at the center. So, i was able to draw on what they do at work and applied it to the case study.

In general, I noticed that competitor was faced with more grilling than me, because she threw in some of her own theories and slightly "of-concern" comments. To which the interviewers had to intervene to get/make some things clear. Somehow, the guy seemed to be more firm/critical with competitor than he was with me. (by the way, competitor is twice my age.)

So after our case study discussion, we had to write a short essay, which was a reflection and self report on our strengths and weaknesses. I wrote about my childhood "traumas" (haha) which kinda precipitated some problems for me today... And how i had to overcome some of these fears when i went to Timor. Gosh. The Timor trip and its challenges really has been a timely example for me to write about in my various self reports.

All in all, i can't tell whether they were impressed with either of us. They looked super composed, critical, careful, pleasant but stiff.

I am not sure about why they were so easy on me. ONE: they could have like, after hearing my first few answers to their questions, written me off already as a non-potential. So, maybe they didn't have to bother about grilling me since i'm already out. Or, TWO: they heard and saw everything they needed to see and know from me, and already made the decision that i can move on to round 2. There's NO way of telling.

My dad and cell mate commented that a possible reason for a group discussion is to stimulate competition. Like, to see who's the leader and follower, who's the one with the bright ideas. In actual fact, both competitor and i were kinda backing one another up... Not really going against each other's viewpoints. Hur.

Apparently, competitor asked the interviewers what their expectations were of future students, and one of the answers they gave was that, they hoped to get a group of students who could work with one another. Hey... So maybe the group interview is not all about competition, but to see if the interviewees can cooperate and work cohesively.

I won't really know the outcome till perhaps a month or two from now. That's a long time to wait, i must say. Round 1 is done! I wonder if i'll make the cut into Round 2.

***

I was just talking to Gem about how i bet i could be much better looking (HAHAHA) if i bothered to dress up. Like, you know, paint my finger and toe nails, put on contacts and make-up, put on false eyelashes, do my hair, wear heels, dresses, be more fashionable, yada yada yada. I mean seriously. There is SO MUCH more that i can do to look more spruced up. But i am lazy and well, i just can't see myself prancing about in such feminine wear in the first place.

And Gem said matter-of-factly: "I am comfortable with your sense of style. And i like it that you don't require so much time to dress up before you go out."

Some time ago, he also told me that he thinks going natural, without having make-up on, is nice.

And Joline grins inwardly like nobody's business.

How can i thank thou for not imposing standards of feminine vanity upon thee?
Muah hahaha.

***

I just came back a while ago from cell group and a short girly night out. Gosh. Good friends, good conversations, good ICE CREAM *heehee, thanks J* and a ride home (much appreciated, D)... Wonderful way to end the night.

***

You know. If i had my own way... I'd be out in the wild, being with wild animals. Maybe filming a documentary for Animal Planet and/or Discovery Channel. Or, if i had my way, i'd spend my days training and going on adventure races/trips. Or doing other sporty things. Make a living from being with animals or doing sports.

I have all my life to live out. About 50 more years of it. For all i know, i might move from one occupation to the next, achieving these funny little desires. :-)
Zookeeper, right WL? ;-)

***

Time to sleep now... Though i feel like i could just go on and on and on and on...

Good night! It's going to be another good day in church tomorrow!

currently...

I received some good news after my 3 months of hard work getting my university applications through. NIE called me up for an interview that is scheduled to happen tomorrow. The girl informed me that i had to be free from 11:30 to 1:30pm. 2 HOURS?! I'm thinking of all the reasons as to why it has to be so long... I'm hoping really bad that it does NOT include essay writing or case studying something. You know, to test your maturity in handling a situation, or some such. YN says that perhaps it's long because there may be a queue. Hopefully!

It's interesting that i managed to get this interview, since i didn't fulfill all the paperwork requirements (unfortunate circumstances) and I am no stellar postgrad with lots of experience or exceptional brain power. :-D

I don't really know what God has in store for me in the next half a year or so. This period of my life consists purely of doing the mechanics, and then placing my trust in the Lord for whatever that may come about. In other words, wait patiently and keep smiling.

Anyway, here's my bit of advice for those of you thinking of furthering your studies (eg. Masters):

1. Be on GOOD TERMS with your educators in school. You will/may have to ask for referee reports from them. If you are applying to more than 1 school, you'll be "bugging" them considerably as they are quite busy people, i assume.

2. Work/volunteer/intern, if you can, while studying. You may also need to ask the person in charge of you to help you out with referee reports once you are done with school. And yes, be on GOOD TERMS with your boss. That said, work also gives you some real life experience and it's a bonus if you work in a place related to your current area of study. It may also spell out to the uni admissions people that you are able to manage your time and that you have some substance.

3. START YOUR APPLICATIONS EARLY. You really don't want to miss deadlines. Check out the application deadlines for your intended course as early as 6 months before your final examinations. Sometimes, you'll need to do a lot of leg work and paper work before sending in the ACTUAL applications, and that in itself can take MONTHS, so please start early. Don't procrastinate! (eg. getting a degree accreditation from professional bodies/associations so that you can apply for a particular course in university)

4. Of course, be very sure about what you want to do in future so that your course can train you in specifics.

5. Doing your homework on the schools (does not mean that just because it's not listed in the top 10, means that it is not good) is important. You want to know what are the particular strengths of that school, what it has been good in for the past years. Locations, cost of living, facilities, COURSE SYLLABUS, whether the degree is approved in Singapore, etc.

6. Make sure you look-out-for-fulfill-hand-in everything that the school requires from you. You don't want them coming back after 1 month only to tell you that you missed out on some paperwork and therefore can't process your application. Sometimes, even when they don't specifically ask for something, if you think that it's a common enough request (eg. supplementary information/referee report/work experience history), just get it done.

7. Going through the process can be frustrating from time to time. I didn't have a very tough time because i managed to cover as much ground as possible, to my knowledge at least. So remember, don't pass on your frustrations, be nice to the people who are helping you out. From your parents to the people who are processing your applications!

Ok, this is all for now.

God, thank you for the interview opportunity. May there be more of you, and less of me.

OH YEAH. And since i will be in NTU-NIE tomorrow, i WILL BE FREE AFTER 1:30pm IF ANYONE WANTS TO ABDUCT ME FOR LUNCH OR A CHIT CHAT SESSION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (ah, the joys of cheap uni food)

ok, that was a darn big hint already lor. Heh.

***

Speaking of "stellar students", here we have a very "talented" .... Elephant! It PAINTS. Seriously.

How can someone dying be a good thing?

This is an edited video of a Czech movie called "Most", Czech for "Bridge". I think some time ago, you might've received an email of the story... This is it in movie form! .:-) Watch it... :-)

If this touched your heart... Let this be an analogy of how God the Father sacrificed his son, Jesus, for you. Just for you, and it doesn't matter who you are or how bad you feel about yourself. He died just for you.

Why was this dying "Good"?
Very plainly and simply put: Jesus Christ died on the cross to "take away" our sins so that those who believed in Him and this truth that He died for us, would go to Heaven and be with Him for all eternity.

So who is this "Jesus" person? He is the son of God that came to live among us as a man and show us the way back to God.

Jesus lived as one of us and remained sinless (without any faults/wrongdoing. Eg. lying, lust, etc). Because of love, He chose to take our sins upon Himself and died to pay the price for us upon the cross. He opened for us (humans who sin every other day) the only way back to God.

And THIS is why we celebrate his death! Because when He died, he opened a way for us to live with God when we leave this Earth.

Question: But what is this connection between sin and death? Why is it so... blown out of proportion?

We now live in a physical world, and we are physical beings who live according to the laws of the physical world. But equally real, is that of the spiritual world and that realm also has its laws.

According to the bible, it is said, "For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.” - Romans 6:23
It simply means that if we sin, then we are going to die eternally, that is, make a journey to Hell when we leave Earth.

***

Over this weekend, i felt numb towards God. Yes, it does happen from time to time... And i believe that i came across this because my heart needed to be softened once again towards God. It brought me to tears when i saw this. I could better understand God's LOVE when i saw this sized down to human proportions and to a possible Earthly scenario.

God Bless!
I am smiling inwardly so much now. :-)

Credits to ieatishootipost for the video, and church mate HW for the explanation of Good Friday.

Had a brush with an annoying client today. I could go on and on about her but i'm reminded...

"Love those who are unlovable."
It's easy to love those who are loveable... There's nothing extraordinary about that. But to love someone who is not lovable... That is how Jesus does things, it's extraordinary, and that's how we should follow suit too.

"People can't annoy you, unless you allow them to."
True.

2 men who made me laugh today

1. At church, while watching the baptism service (cell mate Champ was getting baptised!) taking place, i turned around to find my senior pastor standing behind me. And not only was he there, he was carrying his chubby little baby grand daughter. I wasn't quite sure how to act cos like, here was my senior pastor, some big shot in the church, but yet there he was, just a man (60+ years old) cuddling his baby grand daughter.

J: Oh! (err... mind races to find something to say) Hello....!
SP: Hi! *smiles till can't see his eyes*
J: *garbles something to him and can't remember what he said in reply*
J: What's her name?
SP: Gracie.
J: Oh... Gracie!
SP: Her mother is getting baptised.
J: Oh, ok! She really looks like you.
SP: Really? I don't think her mother would be happy to hear that...
J and M: *LAUGHS*

Oh man... My pastor is funny sia.................

2. Family was at Swensons discussing the various scenarios related to me and sister going to Australia around the same time, when mom exclaims:

M: Ah! When both of them leave... It's just the 2 of us... *buries face into dad's shoulder*
Dad: Sure what! 4 minus 2 is 2 wad...

My sister and i just CRACKED UP, and then my dad caught onto the joke and we all cracked up. I don't think my mom was as amused as us, but she didn't make a fuss.

It was so hilarious. I mean. Here was my mommy bringing up something pertaining to emotional ties (you know how WOMEN are... Emo creatures.), and here was this MAN, responding in such a practical, objective, emotionless way, doing a MATH SUM to address her concerns!

WAH LAO! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA..........

I'm wondering if i should make the switch to wordpress. It's quite impressive visually, but functionally, it's too confusing for people like me. I've just made an account there and i've got a hibernating blog with a pretty header, but it annoys me that i can't mess around with the width. As you can see, this blogger template gives me the whole screen, but the wordpress one concentrates everything to be in the centre. So squishy! And for wot?!

To date, i've applied to Monash University, University of South Australia, University of Queensland and National Institute of Education (NIE). I'm now waiting for their replies.

I'm in a situation where i am confident in God's plan for me, while another side of me is anxious about whether I would be accepted anywhere. You see, i'm fine (ok, maybe 75% fine. i'm just creeped out by working life.) if God thinks i don't need a Masters to start working right away. Yet, when i look at my transcript which still isn't too bad looking, but when i fill out my application forms, i'm struck by how underqualified i am to do a Masters program.

Which is why i've told my folks and Gem, that if i REALLY do get a place in the Australian Uni(s), it is DEFINITELY God given, and there's no other reason besides that. No such thing as luck or human wisdom and strength here, man. It would be pure providence.

I'm reading up on the money issues and accomodation. It's so exciting but oh so tedious!

Another thing that i've discovered recently is... What happened to my running form?!??!?!!

For the past few weeks, I've been brisk walking because i accompany my folks to the canal/park connector at night. I have my short runs here and there but nothing too drawn out. Last sunday, i did 4.6km of jogging and i tell you, it was SO unpleasant. 3/4 way, i had to stop and stretch my back muscles that felt really tight, my knee(s) hurt (sharp pain type), the outer rim of my right foot was feeling "pounded" from the impact of running and my chest area was feeling fatigued and tight and I kept having to breathe extra deeply in order to feel like i'm getting enough oxygen to carry on running. All in all, i was a bit of a mess!

Ok, given, the night before, i slept at 6am la, so maybe that contributed to my poor performace.

I'm wondering if the knee pain was part of the result of brisk walking on the treadmill, which might've done more harm than good. Had a slight injury from moving quickly on the belt. Think i strained something. I'm glad to say though that i've dropped a bit more weight since my very odd post-half-marathon-weight-gain. You would've thought that you would lose some after running 21km, right?

Wrong! I put on something like, 3 kg?! Yeah man, what in the world... I wouldn't say that it was muscle gain cos i definitely didn't feel very healthy. I read up on post marathon weight gain and found that it might be water retention because the body is repairing itself after being strained. Ok, so it took me 4 MONTHS to repair meself? Gawsh.

Anyways... Miss Lalalo, with the new pair of rubber to burn!!! You can run with me now!!! ;-D

I honestly thought that this advert was about a new laxative on the market. (it's talking about a new German lozenges, i think, actually. -_-" )











A dream come true! But it ended up tasting so-so only. (some of you know that i love fake strawberry cream and green tea flavoured stuff too)

This was sighted at Central at Chinatown, outside a Jap restaurant. My folks (they so happening, hor.) were holding a dark purple shawl behind the glass so that the yellow coloured words would be more visible. hurhurhur.

Part 1 of Gem's Valentine's Day gifts. I LOVE! We were shopping at Far East one day and i came across this shop with this belt. I've always wanted a red belt, and would've been happy with a plain one with the right thickness. But this flower design just made the red belt desire shoot up sky high! I didn't buy it though. But lo and behold, Gem got it for me most unexpectedly! I also love the greyish silver buckle. Very nice touch.

Part 2 of the Valentine's Day gifts. A Reebok running top! You can't really go wrong with running gear, when it comes to joline. So yeah! I love this too. One more to my collection of nice training/running stuff.

*cue in music from twilight zone* I bring you another episode of "strange tales"...

Jo: What does your mom work as? *staring into the distance and the word "remisier" pops into thy head*
S: Oh, she is a stock broker.
J: Is that the same as a remisier?
S: Yes. The same.
J: Before you told me what she worked as, i had the word "remisier" in my head.
J and S: *become wide eyed*

Ok, so the next time someone asks me if i can read his/her mind when i tell them that i did psychology, i shall just look deeply into their eyes, with a slight creepy smile and say, "Sometimes.....".
Hurhurhur.

***

Yesterday, Gem and i were at Watsons holland village choosing a shampoo for me. I was making an evaluation of some brands and just as i said, "The shampoo is quite moisturising", this slim lady with long brown hair and blond streaks walked by us along the same aisle and said outloud to no one in particular: "No, it's not."

I was quite perplexed for a moment, and i asked Gem whether he heard what i did. He said he heard: "Doraemon". (ok, at this juncture, i declare that women have better hearing. heh. ok, kidding...)

After a few minutes of deliberation i picked out a sunsilk shampoo happily and said to Gem, "Ok! It's $6.50 right?", while striding towards the cashier.

Then, the SAME lady who happened to be in the queue in front of me said outloud, "If you have the money to pay for it."

In my head, i was like... "HUH?!?!???!?!?!?!?!?!? WHAT THE???"
SO WEIRD RIGHT!!!!!

I kept quiet till i paid for my shampoo and then Gem said to me, "Hey, that lady is saying some very bizarre things!"

At first, i thought that her first comment was to the person she was talking to over her handphone or something, through an unseen bluetooth device. But the second "pissed-at-the-whole-world" comment, was just too coincidental that it left Gem and i super amused and bewildered.

HA. These are the things that make life so interesting. I don't even know the lady and whatever she was saying was too directly relevant to whatever i was saying. And i couldn't find the bluetooth device anywhere because her hair was covering most of her head. I wonder what was making her so pissed that night.

***

I don't really know how to begin or end telling you this. But. WOW! God REALLY surprised and blessed me AGAIN. Some 3 years ago, i didn't know if doing my honours was the way to go because i wasn't sure if i'd nail a good pass for it. But well... With hard work and faith in whatever God had in store for me be it good or bad... I just got my official transcript 2 days ago, and i was awarded a upper second class!

WOOooOOOOOOoooooooooooOOOooooOOOOOTTTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Oh my Gawssh!

You know. Nothing about what i do makes me deserving. Yes, i did work hard but there were many times when i really struggled through my work, because of never ending deadlines for self study, doing essays and reseach, fatigue (through nights and wee morning hours), severe writers' blocks (can last for 1 week!), immaturity in thought at some points, not being able to attend cell group because of clashes with class, etc. Throw in the fact that I've not been the most angelic of people, with my fair share of horrendous behaviour and unfaithfulness to God. I really had to depend on God to pull me through it all.

With that, i can only say: God, You amaze me.

I just feel that it's appropriate to post this poem by Carol Wimmer here. It really touched my heart when i first read it through an email sent to me. Here we go...:

WHEN I SAY, "I AM A CHRISTIAN" by Carol Wimmer

When I say, "I am a Christian," I'm not shouting, "I've been saved!"
I'm whispering, "I get lost! That's why I chose this way"

When I say, "I am a Christian," I don't speak with human pride
I'm confessing that I stumble-needing God to be my guide

When I say, "I am a Christian," I'm not trying to be strong
I'm professing that I'm weak and pray for strength to carry on

When I say, "I am a Christian," I'm not bragging of success
I'm admitting that I've failed and cannot ever pay the debt

When I say, "I am a Christian," I don't think I know it all
I submit to my confusion asking humbly to be taught

When I say, "I am a Christian," I'm not claiming to be perfect
My flaws are far too visible but God believes I'm worth it

When I say, "I am a Christian," I still feel the sting of pain
I have my share of heartache which is why I seek His name

When I say, "I am a Christian," I do not wish to judge
I have no authority--I only know I'm loved

Copyright 1988 Carol Wimmer

of fitting rooms, jed and hair

I don't understand how and why some of the bigger sports shops in Queensway do not have fitting rooms. I asked one of the shop owners why this was so, and he said that one of the reasons is because it gets really crowded during the weekend and customers would/might throw stuff around after trying them on. (how would he know since he has never had a fitting room in his shop?!) Also, they want customers to buy the merchanise.

I'm thinking: SHEESH. That is such a lazy way to go about things and it coerces customers into buying the clothes without being able to make an informed choice about a piece of clothing.

But then, he also said that when it gets crowded, it makes stealing easier for shoplifters. This is highly possible, seeing as how the space within shops in queensway can get really squeezy when the shoppers arrive. He didn't say how, but i assume he means that people can slip stuff into their bags easily. (how is that related to not having a fitting room again? Queensway = small =too crowded = bad security = theft? It's not as if other shops around Singapore don't have this problem... and they still can afford to have fitting rooms. Someone please enlighten me.)

Honestly, as a picky and careful shopper that also likes to have everything in the shop, i want to make sure that i buy only the things that i really want. And that can happen only when i get to try the clothes first before making a purchase. Bleah.

Anyhow, the guy (whom i suspect is the boss) at first said that i had to buy the pair of pants first before i could come back and change it if the size did not fit. (do these people not realize that it's NOT just all about size? there's also the case of fitting!!!) But just as i was going to pay for it, he said to me: "You want to try first?" I gave him a pitiful expression and a silent nod. So he took my IC for insurance and let me off to the loo. Well. I liked it, thankfully, and bought it after all. He later informed me that the other guys in the shop wouldn't have allowed anyone to try the stuff if he wasn't around. Ah well.

I have concluded that i will silently take stock of roughly what queensway has in their stores. Then i'll just head to the upmarket places to see what they have and try on the stuff and record the sizes i fit. If there are matches, then i'll head to queensway, because obviously the discounts are better. What's a customer to do, so as not to be duped?

***

I was walking Jed yesterday around my estate when a girl from ACS (International) came by. She slowed down to a stop beside me, looked down at Jed and i could feel her drawn very strongly to him and i could almost see her heart smiling. She bent over to let Jed sniff her hand for a moment or two. I can't remember if she tried to touch him or not. But she soon got up again and smiled at me.

With a grin, i said to her: He's cute, isn't he?
Girl: *smiles back* Yeah...
And she walks away, glancing back at him from time to time.

This seemingly insignificant moment sets me musing for a couple of reasons. I remember that not long ago, someone wrote to the papers that it was rude for strangers to pet someone else's pet without asking first. I agree somewhat. First things first, the stranger doesn't know if the dog will bite or if they are scaring it. Secondly, they shouldn't assume that all owners aren't paranoid about strangers touching their dogs. Thirdly, well, it's just plain courtesy. I'm sure you don't go around anyhowly touching people's babies on the streets.

But anyway for me, i don't have much against doggy touch-ers. I get annoyed only with people who don't have a clue about the nature of dogs and their behaviour and therefore attempt to do stupid things to the dog. Any of which might get the dog defensive/fearful/aggressive, etc. I really appreciated how that girl allowed Jed to sniff her hand first. It was non-threatening and kind to him. Ok, and i also appreciated the she bothered to look at the owner of Jed after she tried to make friends with him. haha.

Everything about her behaviour also hinted that she is either an animal lover or a dog lover. Why? Ha, because i act the exact same way... hurhur.

Secondly, for those who know me, you would know that i have a strange fear of people, even the most harmless of sorts. Like children?!
So yeah, when the girl looked up at me, i was like: "oh no, oh no, what do i say? So awkward to just like keep quiet and smile at her right... Like, SO PSYCHO."

With the split second calculation in my brain, i blurted out candidly, just like i would to a friend, about how cute Jed is. (haha, i was amused big time at my thickened skin.) And she replied in a friendly and open way as well.

Ok, hardly a big deal i know, but i see this is a minor victory in my quest to be less tongue tied in spontaneous situations, and more comfortable with strangers in general. Because you see, in my line of work in future, i will be meeting strangers ALL the time!

***

I recently, erm, "installed" hot pink streaks into my hair. Actually, i wanted baby pink streaks but the shop didn't have em. They said that the hot pink would fade into a lighter pink and i bought the claim. So... hence, my ah-lian pink streaks.

I is liking them a lot! Except that i wished i could rearrange the positions of the streaks. But i can't do that unless i have the tools. Apparently, the hair is real and comes from girls in China who sell their long hair for money, so that they can pay for their school fees.

Rather interesting and kind of sad. It paints a picture of poverty, directly against indulgence. Yet, they gain and we gain as well, hence everyone is happy. But i wonder how much they are paid in exchange for their hair. I mean, hair takes ages to grow and once they chop off their locks, it'll be a long time before they can make some money out of it.

These gnawing negative feelings inside me refuse to go away. They are resisting and are resistant. It's as if i've forgotten how to be happy anymore with the one person i should be happy with. If only something could be done to change history, or that if the person could just do/say/admit SOMETHING, so that my heart would stop feeling so heavy with hurt. But i can't even think of anything that can be done, because, the damage has already been done and exposed, and all that SEEMS to be possible, is for time and common sense to sink in. And for forgiveness to be given. But i can't. Not yet. I'm still angry, i'm still hurt, i'm still SO FREAKING PISSED with males.

You should have seen the way i was scowling the other day. People on the streets were taking second looks at me, and i suspect that i was scowling way too hard for a normal human being.

There is no peace in my heart and although i am functioning as per normal, i know that at the back of my mind, there is unresolved business that can't be resolved immediately, and there is hate and bitterness swirling about.

I've been trying to think logically and rationally. Trying to piece together the facts and trying to place myself in the person's shoes. Trying to be an understanding person. But nothing seems to help. I'm so consumed by disappointment, anger, disgust, hate, hurt, that my reasoning has become hazy. It's as if the only emotions i can feel for men right now are all these.

I feel like i need to walk away.

In 1 hour's time, i shall be in a dance studio having my first pilates class ever. I never would have thought that i'd be taking this up! Hopefully, i won't find it too slow and unstimulating...

I am still into my running but well... am thinking of doing something less focused and impactful on my lower body. Next up, i shall be searching for kickboxing classes.

To run?

Shall I sign up for it? At least it gives me something to train for and look forward to... For now, i'm running/walking distances of 4 to 5 km whenever i exercise and am doing it at an easy pace. Though i can handle it physically, i'm practically dragging my feet along. Though keeping fit is part of my lifestyle, i need something to perk me up mentally!

Here's the deal:

Saucony 100plus PAssion Run 2008

Event Info

Date: 8 June 2008, Sunday
Venue: East Coast Park, E2 (Angsana Green)
Time: 0630hrs – 1200hrs
(Each category will flag-off at different time. You are required to look at the Race Category Table you have registered)

Race Categories:-

Competitive:
Men's and Women's Open - 15km,
Men's and Women’s Open - 10km (think of doing this one),
Men's and Women’s Veteran - 10km,
Men's and Women’s Junior - 10km.

Non-Competitive:
Fun Run (5km)

Each participant of the Saucony 100PLUS PAssion Run will receive:

1. Runner's Tag
2. Champion Chip for the latest and most accurate timing (ONLY for Competitive runners and need to return after the run)
3. PA PAssion Card (ONLY for Non PA PAssion Holder)
4. Two unique gifts,
5. One Lucky Draw ticket.
6. A Saucony 100PLUS Passion Run Finisher Medal
7. A Saucony 100PLUS Passion Run Personalised Finisher Magazine with their photo and timing printed (For Competitive Category Only).
8. An exclusive Event's tee worth $26.90 for all Competitive and Non-Competitive runners

If anyone wants to run with me, say so k?

"icannotstoplaughingandsquealing" videos

These are two videos that got me laughing and laughing, OR, squealing and squealing!

"Baby Beagle learning to howl"
To squeal, press play:


"Hedgehog crunching on something and makes the most hilarious of expressions!"
To laugh, press play and observe:

You know... My heavenly dad is quite cheeky.

While i was on my way to church last night for band practice, i was lamenting to Gem about how i wish i had a "chaffuer" to drive me home later after practice. *he raised his eyebrows to that*

I said that the only "chaffuers" around were the blue ones on the road that you have to share with hundreds of other people. I was just wishing that i could somehow teleport myself home after practice because i was feeling quite tired from my long day out, starting with my job interview in the morning. I then went on to forget about what i had said once i reached church.

After practice, Sharon, one of the vocalists from my band, briefly caught up with me about my plans to further my studies. Then she asked me if i wanted a ride home since it was on the way back for her. I was hesitant at first because i was wondering if i was imposing on her and hubby. But she was insistent and so welcoming that i agreed to hop into their car.

It was only when i was walking to the lift lobby of my home that i realized i was zipped home in a matter of minutes, and i realized that God had really provided me a quick ride home in a comfy car!

Ok, i'm not saying her hubby was a chaffuer, but you get what i mean lah.

Cute, huh. And then it made me reflect on how like, i didn't exactly say, "God, i would like a ride home tonight". All i did was complain and left it as that, and even forgot about it throughout practice.

Now i realize that God is interested even in the most ordinary of things in my life and he is willing to provide for me, his daughter. One point here is that I shouldn't rely on my human strength (like, "oh well, no chaffuer lor, so sian... ok lor, i will just tahan la, i can one...") and wisdom ("aiya, you think God will bother?"). I should remember that God is always for me, and that i should turn to God all the time for all my needs, big or small. And it's OKAY to be open about being weak, and let God do the providing. Just ask. The other point is: God should take up a BIGGER portion of my attention in my life! I should see him in the every day activities and in every moment.





ps: now... about that Canon SLR from the Spectacle Hut Lucky Draw........

I read an article written by a teenager on the topic of thinness (in yesterday's "Mind Your Body" newspaper) and i COMPLETELY SEETHED when i read that her boyfriend told her that "he would like her better if she were more toned." I tell you...

I think guys like that really should just go and...

GROW UP, IMMATURE and SHALLOW EXISTENCE!

Well, that's just MY opinion.
Oh yeah, and dump him please. He's too toxic for any girl's self esteem.

I managed to get an interview for a job at YMCA (everybody sing, "WWAII--MM--SEE AYEEE!!!) *ahem*

Yeah, anyway, i applied to a few places and this one responded first. I personally am more interested in the job at The Salvation Army because of the more sporty element. But i suppose this one is a bit more "meaningful", since i can concentrate on the individuals.

This is the ad from the Singapore Association for Counselling website:

YMCA Project Bridge has a vacancy for the below post:
Position: Counsellor/Youth Worker

YMCA Project Bridge is an outreach center (a stone's throw away from Woodlands MRT Station) with the goal of reaching out to Out-of-School Youths (OSYs) and Youth at Risks (Y@R) aged from 13 to 19.

We are looking for an individual with the PASSION to reach out to these youths and guide them back on the right track.

If you have what it takes contact Mr Isaac Lim @ 96450433 or email to isaaclim@ymca.org.sg

Job Requirements:
• Recognized Degree / Graduate Diploma in Counseling
• Experienced with OSYs or Y@R Preferred.
• Able to work with all races of youths.
• Confident in taking up individual casework or group work.
• Able to conduct programmes and activities.

Yup. I'm of the opinion that, it's ok whether i get or don't get the job. I believe strongly that when i submit my will and life to God, He will open and close the right doors. So, yes! Trying not to be too anxious about it. Just do my best and be myself.

I need to recall all the stuff i've done in the past too in case my interviewer asks me some difficult/reflective questions!

I returned home after a chinese new year dinner at a family friend's home and promptly konked out on my bed while waiting for the shower heater to heat up the water. As i was dozing away, i suddenly began to hear music coming from my radio (i think it was some guitar music from one of my intrumental CDs) and then i saw my dad was sitting at the foot of my bed and he said to me: "Mm, this is quite a nice way to relax after a day..."

I then thought: "Hm, odd..." (because the scene was kinda fuzzy) and then i proceeded to ask my dad: "Do you exist?" (HAHA, what a question) And then i reached out for his foot to see if it was actually solid and whether it was real to the touch. As i pulled on his toe, his leg started ELONGATING! Like, stretching as i pulled!

It was then when my mind registered "I am dreaming", and for some reason, my body began to try to wake up from slumber. I felt my eyes struggling to flit open (they were opening and closing repeatedly), the lids were heavy and my mind seemed like it was zooming out from the dark realm of dreams to reality as we know it. I felt tingling in my right fingers, which were the fingers that were "pulling my dad's toe". I think they were the first body parts that were awakening.

It was such a strange experience because most of the time, we tend to wake up naturally, a smooth transition from unconsciousness to consciousness, such that we don't find ourselves struggling to wake up. But through this experience, i found that i was actually conscious of the process of waking up.

Ha. Like i've always said, somehow my body knows when i need to wake up to bath, brush my teeth, etc. I usually don't sleep right through to the morning when my body knows that I've not done my usual cleansing regime before i retire for the night. Somehow, it'll wake up on its own.

***

Last night, my dad, mom, Jed the dog and i came home from our 4+km walk-a-jog and then had a nice steamboat dinner together. Seeing that Jed had a share of exercise and that he was begging for food, my mom/dad said, "can we at least give him some vegetables to eat? He must be hungry." (he is allowed only one meal a day)

And then just as s/he finished that sentence, a few stalks of raw vegetables fell from the basket that was containing it, onto the table top and onto the floor (where Jed could get it).

Odd huh? *chuckle*

I cannot even put in eyedrops for the life of me, so today when i went to the optician, i was freaking and whining a little. Gem prayed for me outside the shop and i braved the entrance into the shop to say that i was there to collect my lenses.

It's enough to say that i gave the optician and her other helper a hard time, but surprisingly, i took 1 1/2 hours, which was way faster than i thought i would've taken. But i had my fair share of frustration, helplessness, fear, pain and just pure annoyance. I managed to place the contacts into both eyes and went home spectacleless. It was an odd, odd feeling. Things were mostly clear but it wasn't 100% clear, and it somehow alternated between clear and blur, depending on how the lenses shifted in my eye. It wasn't a very nice feeling at all. :-( I'm thinking it's because the astigmatism in my left eye is mighty high.

When i came home, Gem stood by me while i tried to get used to removing the lenses and placing them in again. This time, i really flew into a frustrated tantrum. Which was... = Sulking, whining, slamming things, getting really edgy, impatient, declaring "I HATE IT, WHY DO I EVEN BOTHER!". Gosh. You know, only people i consider family would see this side of me. It was really ugly, i tell you. I really gave Gem "hell"! But him being the super boyfriend, he was nothing but loving, patient and kind. Amazing, seriously. I was getting flustered also because my eyes were tired from all the abuse and the eyeballs were turning red and became itchy at one point.

I managed to remove both sides after coming home, but failed to put them in again. Strangely, when Gem left for home, i managed to put in and remove the lenses twice for my right eye, and once for my left eye. Which was a mighty fine sudden improvement. What really helped was that i decided to mechanically follow the optician's instructions step by step, moving my hands robotically, and in my head i was chanting: "Putting contact lenses isn't painful, it's normal, and simple, slowly... just keep still, relax, and put it in." Somehow, putting things into the perspective that putting on contacts is a common everyday occurence seemed to do the trick of tricking my mind into thinking that putting contacts in was the most normal thing in the world for me.

Hopefully, i will be able to remember what and how to do it all over again. It was really a nightmare getting just one lens into one eye! Gotta sleep soon, to give my tired eyes some rest.
Thank you Gem, you're amazing.

I think i look... like the same old me just without my glasses. It's not like you can see that i'm wearing my contacts! Heehee.

whee!

Today, i did something i thought i'd never be doing this soon... (i thought i'd only try it when i get hitched)
(er, when i read that above line for the second time, i realized it sounded a bit WRONG. HAHAHHAHA.) Aiya, quite innocent lah, don't think too far.

I bought... CONTACT LENSES.

Ok, not a big deal in this day and age when practically everyone has tried it at least once unless you've got perfect eyesight.

But for me, i've always had an issue with fiddling with my eye and the area around the eye. So, the thought of putting something into my eye and then taking it out via a PINCHING action is pretty darn squeamishy. *shiver*

There was once when i went to an eye doctor regarding a stye in the underside of my eyelid. He wanted to take a look at it, so he sat me down and tried to flip up my eyelid with some CAVEMAN PIECE OF TOOL, aka, A PAPER CLIP?! Yeah, so i sat there with this crude piece of thing approaching my eye and i just balked. A few times. So he gave up and started to tell me what i should do to resolve the stye. And i was on the verge of crying because there i was, feeling so helpless, scared and pathetic, and yet i was this 22 year old buffalo afraid of some painless prodding.

I felt really bad about not being able to allow him to examine me, so I told him i'd let him try again. In the end, he finally flipped up my eyelid and i sat there rigid and tense and hoped for it to be over soon. It wasn't too bad really. I just had to just... well, steel myself.

Anyway, since i've invested some $204 into this, it's all or nothing... or i could exchange all of it for a spanking new pair of glasses. Hurhurhur. (the easy way out)

Right, got to work tomorrow, so it's off to bed. the last time i had a dream about contact lenses, i dreamt that it was like putting huge pieces of scotch tape into me eyes! Now... wearing contacts is going to be a reality. Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. I really never thought i'd be bothering to buy them!

My optician was this super chatty (but quite nice) girl. I can't reveal too much here to protect her identity, but yeah. We hit it off somewhat due to a common portal we walked through at some point in our lives. She seems to have faith that i'll be fine with the whole contact lense wearing process. HO BOY. Wait till she has to actually deal with me then we'll talk!

Two more weeks, and it'll be hello contacts, hello spectacleless joline! Woo!

(i feel so silly raving about this when people have moved onto Lasik already. Hurhur. Oh well.)

Many problems arise because the root of the issue lies in insecurity.

Have you asked yourself these questions: Just what is it, in this world, that has robbed so many, so many, of us, of our security? Where have we invested our trust to keep our sense of security safe? Why is the issue of insecurity so acute and widely proliferate?

Right now as i'm typing, i'm stopping every now and then to press a warmed spoon (warmed by the hot water that the spoon sits in, in a mug) against my eyes. No, it isn't some beauty regime. It's just that my eyes are puffy and tired from crying this morning for like, 2 hours and a bit? It's now 10pm and the uncomfortable feeling in my eyes has not passed. Hence the warm spoon. I took a panadol extra for my headache and i slept all through the afternoon, but it hasn't worked. Anyways.

What's the problem you ask?

Well, after this morning's talk, my parents now know how i struggle with being with people and meeting people. They also now know my opinion about parenting styles and their styles of motivation. And all this came out all because my dad asked me how my university and job applications were going. To cut everything short, he asked me the question in a way i found provokative (to which he said it was not meant to be) and i reacted and everything that needed to come out, came out.

Seriously, i count myself lucky that i have parents who will bother to sit and talk to me about my issues instead of beating me up wham-bam-sorry-ma'am style. Yes, maybe taking in and appreciating my point of view may be a bit tricky for them at first, but when i stated repeatedly that we (as in, me and the folks) should really just listen, understand and respect that we are all unique people with our individual struggles stemming from our different upbringings and backgrounds, they listened and respected where i was coming from when i shared with them my problems.

I think they saw and probably heard for the first time from their daughter's mouth what their daughter was going through. Maybe they have seen it all as i was growing up, but they've never heard it from me explicitly. I think that really needed to know the reality of what's going on behind the scenes.

This is why i always strongly believe in communication. Without it, how can you ever hear others or allow yourself to be heard? Even when you know it's going to be tough and painful, things are different when issues are explicitly trashed out. But then, it's sad when communication cannot be carried out, when the people concerned just do not have the capacity to communicate, for their various valid/or invalid-but-rationalized-to-become-valid reasons.

PS: I can't fully remember what i was dreaming about when i was sleeping, but i know that there was a lot of screaming. The effort to scream and the desire to scream was so consuming that it's contributed to my current headache. Wow, this is a first.

Guys are ________________________

I shall choose not to fill it up. Those of you who know me well enough will know what i'd say.

***

Anyway. I heard some good news! SIM is converting that nice but semi-effectively-useless student lounge into a GYM. (not that i'll be SIM to use it though...) Yes, a GYM! I am SO BRILLIANT. HA! A few years ago, i said outloud to a friend in a crowded SIM lift: "You know, we should have ATMs and a gym in school." And well. Guess what.

Now we've got POSB and OCBC ATMs, AND now this is coming to past. HA! Maybe someone heard my plea.

***

Asking for help and enquiring about administrative issues through the UniSIM, NUS and NIE helplines have been a bit trying today. And from talking to these people, i have concluded that the UniSIM admin people are the overall best service providers. At least from this population sample. (Actually, i've almost always had consistent good phone service from the UniSIM folks.)
The person from NUS was, i *think*, eating when i called and had somewhat delayed responses, and the NIE person did not know much and had to ask for a lot of assistace from other people in the background. I should've just spoken to someone else. When the phone call ended, she sounded like she had been put through a meat grinder and had no energy left to even say a proper "goodbye, thank you for your enquiry" or "thank you". Must be a newbie/had a bad day/PMS/etc...

I must admit i was irritated by some of their incompetence, but i told myself that I was once in their shoes and no one wants to receive a call from a nasty, easily upset or impatient caller that would spoil their entire day or working experience. So i kept my tone controlled and as light as possible... Must learn to be gracious! Even when someone wrongs you... Be gracious. It's hard lah, but when someone is genuinely gracious, s/he is absolutely beautiful, at least in my sight!

***

Assessing the courses from NIE, NUS, RMIT, Monash, Curtin, Murdoch, UniSouthAustralia, Swineburne and UQueensland. Busy.

Getting relevant paper work done. Busy, busy.

Having to ask academics and employer for a report on me. Paiseh to the max. Busy busy busy.

Today, i went out with my special friend... (another one, not Gem) *grin*

Thank you Lord for friends. For friends who love and accept me as i am. THANK YOU GOD. Like, SERIOUSLY.

random pic(k)s

What you see here, was a dinner i concocted all by myself k? Stir fried dow miao with garlic, oven baked chilli sting ray and chincalok with lime juice.
Talented, not?










Super old school right? My granny's mailbox that's attached to her gate. It's been slightly improved with a plastic sheet to stop rain from soaking the mail.










I saw this at Taka and i HAD to take a picture of it if i could not buy it. My love affair with horses all began when little kid joline hankered after every single thing that had my little ponies on it. Well, i am still kinda taken in by them. :-)










The night Gem dyed my hair for me. He put SO much effort into doing it that it took like hours and i, OOPS, became restless and sleepy and irritable. Look at his gloved hand and the bottle of dye, and check out that expression. Hilarious. HA.








Jun, Denise, Issy and i had a great girly night out at the atas Dempsey Hill. We were dressed in... OUR PJs. Can you believe it. Jun and i felt like everyone was staring at the both of us since we were the 'best dressed'. She was in her secondary school alma-mata tee and shorts, while i was wearing a (Chronicles of) Narnia tee with my checkered home shorts that NEVER steps out of the house for more than a few minutes! Oh. Good. Grief. The embarrassment.
Well, we had a good time (atas than atas lor.... we is got money to pay for our ice cream at the Ben and Jerry's can?) and that's all that matters.

That's us in the female toilet being trigger happy. Aiyo. Had to pluck up some courage (from where in the toilet, i do not know) before stepping out again to face the atas world in our PJs.

thought for the day: purpose

Here i am at home surrounded by not much else except my thoughts. In the past 2 weeks, two people have dropped bombshells on me leaving me quite, quite stunned. It's not a BIG deal compared to some other types of bombshells, but it's significant enough to me and well, it hurts. I wonder if life would be any different, whether things will become pretentious? You can never tell till you test out the situation.

I've sent off my membership application to SPS, while i await my attestation letter to send off to APS. Been pretty much occupied with trying to get my post graduate life in order what with the seeking of masters openings and now, looking for a job.

And amidst all this, i'm feeling a certain depth of despair, of emptiness. It's only the thought of spending time with God that makes me happy, and nothing else. Notice i said "the thought of" and not "spending time with God". Sigh, i've been busy scurrying around that the only moments i have left for God are the times when i am on the go, and before i sleep. Yeah, I am going to remedy this asap.

It's in moments like these, of being left alone when i am left with the essence of my self. All my friends are in school or at work, going about their lives that are structured. My family members are also all blessed with paid work. I was caught in a series of events, but now? I realize, how accustomed i have grown to busy-ness and friends and noise, that when i am left doing nothing, when i have nothing to give me identity or purpose, when i have had enough solitary rest, i begin to feel a seeping in of, dare i say, depression?

On the morning of my 21st birthday, i had experienced that intense feeling of depression and it took days to pass.

Yet, i am determined to get past my emotions. A friend once told me, "emotions are real, but are not truth". I don't entirely agree, but i suppose it should apply here. I know that things are going all right, and i don't have any real crisis to mourn over. I HAVE a purpose, it's just that there is a time lapse between my engagement with it and i need focus, patience and stability of mind, soul and spirit to get through this time.

I've always heard the phrase "purpose in life" so often, but never quite understood it, till i've actually experienced a glimpse of life with the lack of it.

Some say that without purpose, a person's psyche can be quite disturbed.

And now something beckons from the back of my mind...:

Short term purposes versus long term purposes.

Once we fulfill the short term, we make new ones to reach. And each time, we run out of goals when we have conquered the last one. We sense fulfillment and achievement, but when we lay aside the goals we have reached, what truly lies at our core? Were those things the only things that gave life meaning? If we stripped all the acitivites away, the friends, the food, the jobs, the errands, the deeds. What fuels us, inspires us?

There is something quite profound about having a long term goal, a life vision. The deep seated, resonating passion that you KNOW exists in your inner being. It's not the kind of thing that dies when you fail in some endeavours in life. When you fail at some junctures, you know that your long term mission does not change. It just means that you learn something, get energised again, and you pick yourself up and know that life is not over, and that being ALIVE and HAVING life itself simply means that you have simply been granted more time and space to move ahead and progress.

Yet there is another dimension. Might i say that there is a difference between living without God versus with God who works with me and my goals.

From a personal point of view, the person who truly breathes life into my life and long term goal(s) are not my parents, not my friends, not Gem, but Daddy and Best Friend, God. This part may get a little bit hard to understand for some reading this, but i'll try to put it simply:

God is a loving God, and he knows my own desires and wills of my heart. At the same time, i love God and want to fulfill his purposes for me. With a relationship with God, somehow, what i want and what he wants will begin to merge. Because when your heart beats in sync with someone else's, your goals become similar.

And what better way is there to live life when your goals are guarantee chopped approved by a great and almighty God, the creator of everything?

In life, you just cannot please everyone. And so, in pursuing these goals, you may have to take unbeaten tracks, or meet with adversaries, or disapproval, or discouragement, and sometimes, the challenges hurt even more when they come from those who are closest to you.

But when i've faith in the one person who matters most, God will makes things right in the end, even when everything goes or looks wrong. As long as i follow bravely the path he shows me in my heart, nothing can stop me. Hence, now, do i not only have a long term purpose that will inspire me, but i also have an everlasting and loving Father God who watches my back.

So for now, i'll put things into perspective and think rationally. Lay the negative emotions aside, love what i have and who i have in my life whether or not they are near or far, and be secure in my long term purpose and God's purpose for me. Unless God flashes me a huge neon sign to state otherwise, i cannot go wrong from here.

A series of blessed events

Hi folks! Hey, you know, i'm pretty much brimming with shorts stories here and there about how God has really just shown himself to me in such cool ways. I think that there's no better time to do it then now, otherwise i'd simply forget and all of it would fade into the deep depths of my memory. So, without further babbling, here is my truckload of testimonies!

1. The exam grades

Last semester was a busy one for me because i was juggling schoolwork, workplace work and project, church and mission trip stuff and my own running training. Remember that terrible paper i had last year, the module called Acculturation Psychology? I studied for it, but i studied all the "wrong" things! Whatever that came out in the exam were stuff i did not study for. I left the exam hall 30minutes earlier, and that is something i've never done in my entire schooling life.

So i pretty much felt that i messed up my whole paper, and i began preparing myself mentally to redo that module. The only complication with that would be: if that module is only available in the july semester, then i'd be wasting the first 6 months (Jan to June), and effectively, one whole year!

I went about my holidays trying not to think about the possibility of what might happen. I just told myself that whatever happens, God has a reason for it and that i trust him for whatever that may come. I had to ready my folks mentally too should i really have to repeat. But nothing could erase that feeling of dread that made my heart sink to my stomach just thinking about seeing a red mark on my transcript.

When i returned from my mission trip on the 23rd of december, i immediately checked for my exams results when i came home after dinner. And you know, God is good... I had gotten a B- for that terrible module. I had procured a B-! Like, WOOOOOWWWWWWW!

Knowing the state of my exam script, with the contents being either big blanks, general knowledge, and scanty bits of hazily recalled information, and having left early, it is only by a PURE MIRACLE that i passed, let alone obtain a B-.

***PRAISE GOD!***

2. Overcoming Sickness

2A. (prior and during the mission trip)

Apparently, a few weeks before leaving on my mission trip to East Timor, my bloating from IBS starting acting up again, and the day before my departure, i started experiencing sharp pains in my left ear. The pain just came out from the blue, and i don't remember having ever felt them before and i sure didn't have any prior injury to warrant the pain.

My folks suggested that these may be signs of anxiety, but since i didn't feel anxious, i had a feeling that these obstacles coming my way could be something more spiritual in nature (when we are bent on doing God's will and work, the enemy would want to get us down!). Knowing the possibility of that, I refused to be discouraged and i asked my parents to pray for me.

In addition, i kept having these persistent and disturbing thoughts that i was going to be sick on the trip, and that i will surely be bogged down by it. The thoughts kept bugging me and in some ways, the mental happenings manifested a bit into the physical and i began to feel a little headachey and nauseous. I had to keep rejecting those thoughts.

When my team and i arrived in Kupang, they celebrated my birthday! HAH, with a really cool doughnut with a candle on top. So cute lah, i wonder who brought the doughnut all the way from Singapore. So i told them about the health related struggles i was having and they prayed for me.

Suffice to say, i was NOT SICK throughout my trip. The only time when i got motion sickness was after a 12 hour long van ride, which i recovered from after a night's rest. And yes, NO BLOATING from IBS during my trip! AND, NO EAR PAIN either! HAH!

2B. (during my Worship Team Advance, aka, camp.)

A few days before going for camp, i went shopping at Jurong Point, and i think i caught some bug. My nose became really itchy, stuck AND runny, and i would sneeze ever so often. It was uncomfortable and i know i wasn't exactly sick. This uncomfortable respiratory problem prolonged for close to one week.

I slept through one night at camp with a clogged and itchy nose. But the next morning, something amazing happened.

During the worship session, Pastor Jenn told us about how God had given her an annointing on her hands. It had happened some time ago when a visitor speaker had visited our church (Kobush? i think.) and had prayed for her. And when the speaker had prayed for her, she felt a supernatural sensation in her hands and she has been able to recognise the same sensation which signified that God has his annointing on her to do His work. Meaning that He will work with and through her whenever she uses her hands to pray for and bless others.

So, she told us that after asking God if she could, she said that she wanted to symbolically pray for each of us so that we could receive this same annointing. She did, and prayed for pretty much everyone. When she came and prayed for me, i didn't feel anything significant, but i believed in whatever God can do anyway, whether or not i can see or feel.

After she prayed for me, i sat down thinking about my stuffy nose. I realized that: hey, it's NOT normal for me to have this stuffy nose. I'm NOT sick, and i know that for a fact because my condition wasn't getting worse, it was just stagnant, as if i had a perpetual allergy to something. Even in air conditioned rooms, i don't have this kind of problem. I missed my freed air passageways!

So, i thought to myself, since my hands have been prayed for, i shall use them!

I laid both my hands around my neck and prayed. I asked God: Ok, God, i pray that you will clear out my air ways, and that i'll be able to breathe freely again like i've always been able to. I don't normally have sinus issues, so Lord, i pray against this problem. (end)

I did not experience anything SUPER INSTANT or like thunder and lightning or anything moving through my body.... But you know what. In the next few minutes, i actually felt my air ways clearing. First it was one nostril that cleared up, and then the next one also cleared up. And suddenly, i could breathe freely again! As in, seriously! It was like, my nose moved from being totally blocked and dripping to completely clear.

Isn't GOD AWESOME?!

***YEAY! THANK GOD!***

3. Hearing His Voice of Love (happened during the Timor trip)

Although i've been a Christian pretty much all my life (second generation Christian), there're times when i struggle with knowing whether God loves me. You know, you hear the same line: Jesus Loves You, so many times but yet you don't FEEL it like the way you would when someone says it to you personally or hugs you or something.

But during on morning worship session in East Timor with my team, the Lord spoke to one of us about how much he loved us, and that team member shared it. In confirmation, another team member also felt God tell her that he loved her.

For myself, during worship i was singing really loudly but something inside said: stop singing so loudly, just be still. So i stopped and sat down and asked God, "God, what do you want to tell me or the team?"
And i thought i heard Him say so tenderly: I just love you.
Even as i am typing this, my eyes fill with tears remembering His insistent and gentle reminder.

After worship was over, the team shared their experience during worship, and i shared mine... And i tell you. I DON'T KNOW WHY AND HOW, but when i narrated to them what i had heard, i started to tear, and then all of a sudden, i started to BAWL. YES, BAWL. Like, the kind of crying which involves -wailing- and a lot of tears. I mean, like, hello, i COULD NOT CONTROL IT, it just came out so strong from the depths of my subconscious being and i had to HIDE my embarrassment by laughing with a "hee hee hee" in the midst of my crying. HAHAHAHA. I bet i scared my team mates a bit. I was really fighting to suppress whatever sound that was coming out through my lips.

I've NEVER cried like that in front of strangers (yes, i love my team, but they are not super close to me that i would cry in front of them, except for maybe one or two) as an adult.

I was quite shocked by what was happening. I'm no stranger to the notion of crying when God touches me or someone, but wailing? And in front of others? NO WAY! That kind of crying, i do only in privacy, and even then, it is very rare.

One of my team mates rallied the others to pray for me during that extraordinary moment and i felt so odd. HAHA. So yes... God really surprised me that morning, and it's an experience i won't be forgetting.

4. Repairing the broken areas (during the Timor trip)

Just a bit of background information:

As a child, i've always been jealous and starved of attention and affection. It's not that my parents never gave me any. I just wanted to be treated with devotion ALL the time. So you can imagine what kind of horror breaks loose when there was even a tiny mention of having another sibling. Finding that out was the most horrifying thing to me because to me at that time, if my mom had another kid, i would no longer be loved as much and i was not going to allow that to happen.

It did not help that in the presence of babies and young children, my mom would coo over and cuddle them and "forget" all about me. And because of what i saw and felt, it did not assure me that she would still love me if another sibling arrived.

Ever since, i had hated young children because of what they represented. I had the notion that they were irritating, troublesome and that i'd be far better off without children. And i always thought that young children did not take to me well like they would to my other peers.

Another one of my struggles is related to how i look. I'm part confident of myself, but a part is also always seeking man's approval and praise. So when i went to East Timor (now don't you laugh ok!) i craved the admiration and approval of the people.

Sounds stupid i know, but you know how as locals, we might find foreigners interesting? Yeah, same concept here. As a foreigner, i had also wanted some form of attention.

But on one of the days on a visit to a secondary school, i felt rather rejected and insignificant in comparison to my team mates, and though i was smiling, laughing and looking like i was enjoying myself, i felt a wound inside festering.

But let me tell you... GOD WORKS IN REALLY FUNNY WAYS. Listen to this:

Our Timor co-ordinator, Dick, who is also a member from my church who helped us with the arranging of transport and everything else, was hanging out with the neighbours' kids next door. I was hanging around outside our house (which is next door to Dick and the kids) when
Dick yelled over to me: JOLINE!!!

J: (turns to look over the fence to the house next door) Yeah?
D: You've got a FAN CLUB! (gestures to the children)
J: HUH?!
(then suddenly, ALL the children yelled, "HI JOLINE!!!!!!!")
D: (says something i could not hear)
J: Huh?!?
D: Never mind!

Later on, i popped over to the neighbour's house with my team leader and i found out from Dick that, the children became my "fans" because....... HAH, AIYO, this is so weird! Apparently, one of the kids was from the secondary school we had visited earlier and she saw me. So when i got to meet her at her home, she told me in Tetun (the language used there), "You, Bonita.". "Bonita" means "beautiful" in Tetun.

I was quite astounded by all this because never in my life have i been told by anyone so unabashedly and with so much admiration that i was beautiful. And the more i thought about it, the more i was beginning to see God's hand in it. You see, God did two things through this situation.

He had brought and used his innocent little children to touch and soften my heart (my first problem) and at the same time, he was assuring me that i was already beautiful (my second problem).

I then knew that i was hearing God, through his little children (that i found so hard to love for so many years), and that I was hearing and receiving his love for me.

I brought a camera over and took pictures with them, kind of like an unspoken way to tell them that i will remember this moment and that they were important enough for me to remember them. And the girl who spoke to me hugged me so tightly during the phototaking!

Isn't God cute? :-D
I certainly think so!

**************************************************

Ok, that was a REALLY long post lah. But i KNOW that for God's glory, i shall speak of His goodness in my life! And here it is!

I just realized that the testimonies cover areas of inner (emotional and mental) as well as physical healing. AHAHAHA! I so happy man.

Think the post is too long to edit now lah, so i won't bother to for now. I am just too excited to let it sit in my draft box! So, here it is! (will update if i can remember more that happened to me in the past months)

Ok, hi folks... A HAPPY NOO YAH TO YOOOO! How've you been?

Right... i've been MIA-ing again. Been awfully busy with a four day long "camp" in my home! I had so much fun, can? Ah, well, i've got another camp, a real one this time. I'll be gone from friday to sunday for my band advance (worship team camp).

Ha, if there's one thing i've learnt from a mission trip (other than experiencing God and learning life lessons), it's packing light and packing smart. i don't remember never being this efficient with my packing! Awesome... Anyways, i think that national service really equips guys (the guys i tripped with) with useful knowledge about surviving outside and without the comforts of home.

Got to go! Shucks. I wonder how i can squeeze in some time for shopping this week. Hmmm...

HEY FOLKS! I'm back from EAST TIMOR! Scores of photos and i have a testimony!

I'll be back to share more when i have the strength to blog. Ha. For now, i'm pretty zonked out from the travelling.

But i just wanted to make known my appreciation to those of you who kept me and my team in prayer, those who came to see me off at the airport, those who welcomed me home through all means, and those er........ who recently gave me christmas (and birthday) presents! HAH!

*yawn* Ok, my body needs rest. Especially after it tried to wake up at 6am this morning... (in Timor, we had to wake up around that time everyday)

Good night everyone and stay tuned!

A Blessed Christmas to you, and may Father God speak softly and gently into your heart this season.

HIYA FOLKS!

The time has finally come... It's a special day today!

In 4 hours, i shall be off to Timor Leste. Oh, and it's also me birthday today. Whee~!

I got this in my email recently. I laughed out loud at this one! The glasses fit so perfectly! How on earth did the dogs not shake off the glasses in irritation?!
Er, unless photoshopped lah.

I'm sitting all alone at the front desk of the office and i'm bored. I haven't packed for my trip on friday!

Oh man. Shucks, i wonder if the bag i'm carrying is big enough. I'm going to need some packing advice from mom and Gem. Maybe more yabberings later if i am alive enough.

TestimoKnee

This is so interesting...

About one month ago, i sustained an injury on my left knee after running a 10km race (on sunday) and then attempting to squat on that fateful tuesday morning two days after the race. I was forced to stop running and hence stopped my training for my half marathon.

For weeks, the problem persisted. At first, i couldn't squat because if i tried, i was rewarded with a gloriously sharp pain shooting through my left leg. After 3 weeks, the internal swelling had decreased and the pain became close to minimal.

On a scale of 0 to 10, it was about 2-3. So one night, i attempted a walk home from holland village. To my dismay, i returned home to find that squatting had become painful again. That meant that the injury had been aggravated and that inflammation had occurred again.

After my exams, i visited the doctor and got some muscle stretching and strengthening advice from a physiotherapist. I spent 1 and 1/2 weeks doing what the physio told me to do, and even lapsed sometimes... ARGH, i was lazy, ok? All this while, i stayed off running.

The standard chartered half marathon came around and well... As you already know, i went for it without 100% approval from mom or doctor. I said i would walk which was fine with them, but i ran most of the way... Oh well.

But you know what?

Despite running with an almost recovered knee that may go back to being injured if i'm not careful and with no training in the last month, within 3-4 days, i am close to fine with no more sore knees (from the 1st day). And NOT ONLY THAT!

I was dreading to find out the truth... To find out that perhaps the inflammation was back. But, i eventually DID try out my left knee on tuesday or wednesday by squatting. And WOAHLAH, NO PAIN, NO INFLAMMATION! And this is despite the doctor having told me that if i ran too much, the body will produce fluid in the knee and thus the pain.

You tell me how awesome i feel now?! Ran 10km, kena knee injury. Ran 21km, no knee injury!

I know i had some physio done but i only had 1 and 1/2 weeks and i even lapsed in my exercises a few times. But everything turned out ok! PRAISE GOD FOR HIS MERCY AND GRACE!!!

PS: yes, i did pray and ask God to help me with my knees... I guess he knows the desires of my little heart lah. :-D To just run and be well... (which uh, sort of also translates to not being scolded by mom.)

Half Marathon (that's 21 kilometres, baby!) CONQUERED!

I want to tell you about the events on sunday, but i realized it's all a blur... Basically, because... i was functioning with half a brain. But here's the recollection, after taking some effort to think about it. This is more like my own record for keeps, so you might get bored reading through the whole loooooooong thing!
Here goes...:

Why the half brain, you ask? No, i didn't dye my hair blond. It was because i had only about 3 to 4 hours of sleep, and in addition, i didn't sleep well because of anxiety-excitement and an overactive brain. I think i kept awaking to half consciousness before falling back asleep.

After getting up at 4:20 am thanks to Gem who THANKFULLY gave me a morning call (my clock which was set at 4am didn't do the job of waking me up), i showered and took a cab down to clementi stadium to catch the chartered bus to Suntec City. I got a real grumpy cab driver with whom i had to give instructions to on how to get to clementi stadium, and who proceeded to scold the cabbie call center for taking 10 minutes to answer his direction query to the stadium.

"Eh, i tell you ah.. You all take TEN MINUTES to answer my call. TEN MINUTES. YOU ALL SLEEPING AH?! YOU ALL SLEEPING?! YOU ALL TAKE TEN MINUTES TO ANSWER MY CALL!"

Wa, fierce. high frequency of this kind of aggression and hostility can lead to heart disease you know.

Zipping through the highways in the wee hours of the morning with just one other guy passenger in the huge coach bus, we reached town in no time. I didn't know where to go but of course, there was the marathoning crowd to follow. Waited for Gem to come and we deposited our bags together and proceeded to the starting point.

Nothing much to report really, from here onwards...

Ok, this is where i did not discipline myself and suffered some consequences. I had promised myself that i would be walking all the way to avoid aggravating the knee condition, and if i did run, i'd only do 2km stretches each time. I managed to stick to the regime with Gem till the 8km mark. That's when the momentum of jogging kicked in and then i couldn't stop to walk. Shucks. We pretty much pushed on, jogging most of the way, and stopped to walk or to stretch our muscles when we felt any muscle tightness whenever we needed to.

Throughout the race, Gem was in superbly good spirits, cracking A LOT of lame (and actually funny, HAHA) jokes and i was guffawing away. I was pleased that i was able to keep up the running, the talking, laughing and even the smiles (which explains why a photographer took a shot of us. Tradeelala.).

Sadly, i cannot remember ALL of the nonsense we were talking about. Except this one about how cool it'd be that if God had completely healed my left knee, then i can put this text on the Adidas's "My reason for running" tag that you can pin to the back of your running top: "TestimoKnee. God healed my Knee." (private joke: hey den, jun and dom, that's a LEVEL 4 joke!)

It'll be an awesome testimony on the move, that people behind you can read!

Gem joked that we can set up another spin off under BACC, kinda like, "Being a Contagious Christian: Sports Edition." And then, the makers would come up with more cool suggestions and tools on how to reach the athletic lost.

We pushed on and finished in 3hours 20minutes, a timing that we had sort of aimed to reach.

Towards the finishing line, we gripped each other's hands and crossed the line together... Aw, i've ALWAYS wanted to do that! Ha, suffice to say, doing that was my idea lor, not as romantic if it was his idea instead. So anti-climax right. After we crossed the line, i'm not sure what happened, but either my blood pressure dropped suddenly, the heat was too much, or blood sugar was too low... Apparently, i began to feel a tightening feeling around my temples, and my vision was getting darker. I fought to keep conscious and tried to slow my walking so that i didn't exert myself to the point of fainting. Gem helped me find a spot and i sat down for a while with my head between my knees, letting blood go to my head. My hands were cold and man, i felt like i was on the verge of blacking out.

I felt better after a couple of minutes, and in the heat of the morning, we searched and found the 100plus and banana kiosk. Felt a whole lot better in the shade, and after a can of 100plus and some muscle stretching. But that was when my knee joints started complaining very loudly. But nothing prepared me for what was to come later on.

After some sun basking and photo taking by the friendly Adidas photographers, we ventured to Raffles City for lunch and then made our way back to my place to take a well deserved shower and afternoon nap. But i tell you, i've never been in so much pain after a run before in all my life. My left and right knees felt bruised inside, and the back of my right knee had some tendon and muscles problems. It was a struggle to even walk properly, let alone going up and down the stairs. Every step had me widening my eyes in shock, as well as gasping and whining in pain. I had to hold on to Gem and the railings for support as i limped about.

Aw shucks... but my Gem is the best, ok. He was patient and caring throughout the ordeal, never an unkind word for my plight and he was considerate about the pain i felt and how much i had to walk. When we got back and showered, we made an ice pack and Gem secured it to my right knee to prevent inflammation as i lay down like an injured soldier. Gem also dried my washed hair for me (without me asking!!!) so that i wouldn't get a headache (i get headaches when i sleep on my wet hair). :-DDDDDD This kind of boyfriend where to find?!?!

Fast forward to after our nap and dinner at Ghim Moh... (we had YUMMY BLACK PEPPER CRAB, thai sauce chicken and mixed veg by the way! Awesome man...)

Back home, while sitting through another ice pack treatment for my left knee, i fell asleep on the couch in the living room. Gem watched a movie (Underworld Evolution. HAHA.) while waiting for me to awake so that i could go back to my room to sleep. But i didn't, so he brought out my blanket and covered me with it. And that was around 1+ to 2am, mind you. He waited THAT long!

When i awoke on monday morning, i noticed that the ice pack was gone and that i was snuggled under my smelly (smells like Jed) blanket, and altogether feeling quite well taken care of. I felt like Gem knew my every need and responded exactly the way i would've needed him to. While i got up to get ready for work, Gem made both of us a scrambled egg sandwich each and made me a cup of milo for breakfast.

God, i thank you for this wonderful guy who knows how to take good care of me! I was and still am feeling really blessed by him. Honestly, i think he might've done more than what i've described here, but my memory of sunday and monday is really hazy so this is about as much as i can recall.

I still can't get over the fact that i'm done with a half marathon. The most i've ever run in my life is 11.5 to 12km. And that's around the time i injured my left knee and ceased running for 1 month. And then here i am, a finisher of 21km. My physiotherapist friend told me that what i did wasn't exactly a good idea, which i agree with. But, ok, i'm stubborn when it comes this kind of thing. It's funny how during the last part of the run, 90% of pain present was muted prolly due to natural pain killers or some remarkable brain ability, but the minute you finish, the pain comes like a sledgehammer.

When i did my first 5km, i thought, "why would anyone want to run 10km?" But then, after completing the Shape Run 5km, the Standard Chartered 10km seemed doable. When i was training for my 10km, i thought, "i'd never want to endure 21 km! I don't see myself ever running 21km." But then, i decided to go for the challenge and did my first 21km last sunday. Before my 21km, i was thinking, "42km? NUTS! I'd never do that, i'd kill my knees! Look at all those people suffering, man!" But now... i'm beginning to feel my mentailty slowly changing... Oh boy. What have i gotten myself into! I think i've inevitably set myself up for 42km already.

Oh my GAWSH.

PS: I'll never forget the pain i went through after this run. i've learnt that training for a run is not all about endurance and running your legs off. Training up and strengthening (weight and resistance training) the muscles is just as important so that you don't bonk during and after the race!