Time to get into shape man, and i don't mean the round kind of shape. Because i've got 3 runs coming up:
Sheares Bridge 6km Run (26th August)
Shape 5km Run (9 September)
Standard Chartered Half Marathon (2 December)

Hooooooooo boooyyyy... *gulp*
Need to get better, PRONTO!

***

I read the latest Habitudes images that were sent to me, and i found myself nodding in agreement with every one of them. Timely and in season for me right now.

Speaking of things "in season", other than school that has just begun for me, i need to get down to sending out my applications to the Unis over yonder. A few years ago, my dad was adamant about me going overseas, because i wasn't street smart or mature enough. But today, it's an entirely different story. He asked me this two nights ago: "So, have you decided what to do (course) and where you want to go? You better start sending out your applications." The look on his face. I can't quite put my finger on it.

It's a clear green light that he's all for me leaving the country now to pursue my masters.

(rather interesting that one of my last two modules i'm taking this sem is called Acculturation Psychology. It's all about 'culture shock', the what and hows of it. Perfect for me, and i didn't realize how apt it is for me now, because i'm one scardy cat when it comes to travelling to a foreign land.)

The question about whether i'm REALLY going to go is another hurdle though. There are a few factors in my life that are being revealed to me right now that kind of make me wonder about what God intends for me after i graduate from UniSIM. I'll find out in time. As long as it get these applications going!

Wait. I haven't even decided what course i want to do yet.

this is for you guys!

Just so you know.
I have the BEST cell group and boyflen ever. It's not that they did anything complicated or monstrous. All they did, was visit me on saturday after service when it was Day 3 of being sick. Yes. That's all they did, but you cannot imagine the extent at which the blasting fireworks and the flying hearts were going off in my head and heart.

To this day, i cannot remember a time when anyone ever came to visit me just because i was sick. With a flu (it wasn't even dengue!). Even after i said that i would rather not pass my germs to them.

Dom and Gem apparently went shopping at a supermarket, buying GRAPES (haha, am tickled by how medieval it is, and the mental image of the 2 guys picking little dainty green and red grapes.) and Vitagen (for my digestion, thanks dear. :-D)

And what's more, Jun called and came over too! I tell you....... My heart sang! Saying Thank you is not enough to say how much i appreciated her being there with a sick old grouch.

They didn't have to be there with me... Especially since all of them should have gone back home early to sleep as our Ubin trip was happening the next day. But they chose to.

So this post is for you guys and gal. You truly blessed me last saturday, and i couldn't ask for anything more.

PS: I knew it was your suggestion, Mer. Thank you. :-) *hug!*

So. I DID go to Pulau Ubin despite awaking with a slight fever. I just decided that i would be ok later and i just stepped out of the house in faith, after two days of solid resting. What with all the tissue i brought in preparation for a drippy nose, i didn't use it for that but rather to wipe mud off my feet and sweat off my face. In other words, i felt a whole lot better at Ubin and even after Ubin.

Loads of photos to load and share! Got to kope from everyone first and compile into a folder.

In a nutshell. Super shiong cycling, through road, gravel and mud. Through sunshine and rain (flappy ponchos are very handy). Up and down little hills. Stopping to che(c)k out Chek Jawa and Noordin Beach. Saw lots of cuuuttteeee (big) dogs and puppies. Went home still feeling like i could cycle some more. (A lot of stored energy from all the sleep i'd been having)

My mom came along with us, the bunch of us young guns, but you would've thought my mom was a 16 year old, with all that bounding energy she had going on. Miss Jun was very tickled. ;-p

I'm really glad that i'm not as unfit as i thought. *grin* Speaking of which. This year, i'm going to go for it man. 21km at the Standard Chartered Run! (and if i survive this one reasonably well... and if i'm still around in Sg, maybe 42km next year)

Seeeeck.
Nose is like a hose, throat feels like there's a cactus in there. Feeling altogether lethargic but i am restless. Gah. And my Ubin trip's tomorrow! *roar!* I'm undecided about whether my body can take it tomorrow. Might have to bring one whole box of tissue to tide me through, as well as like, a few boxes of Strepsils that don't exactly work. They only offer temporary relief.

Am sorry for the lack of posts, but i'm more than happy to yak in the comment boxes. Been kinda busy with stuff at work. Writing has also been in short and curt sentences lately. Gargh.

Pounding the ground

I just had a lovely 4km run today. Lungs feel like it can handle my deep breaths a bit better, doesn't feel as heavy like a week ago. Body didn't tire as easily. I'm slowly getting back my fitness, but i've still a way to go... Judging by my 100m sprint that i do for fun after my runs. Usually the sprint speed will last the whole way but today i slowed before i hit the finishing 0 meter mark.

I got my mailer from Standard Chartered. To register at a discounted rate, I've got to register soon... So... if any of you girls want to run, we'll do the 10km together. If not, i'll be signing up for the 21km.

Please drop me message when/if you read this.

I have not lost my love for archery. I know it.

We've got an event coming up from the 24th to 28th of August at Velocity Novena. I guess i'll be shooting (mainly) as well as coaching if they need me to. Whee!!!! But first, to figure out my schedule. Hmm. YES!

My compound bow rises from the ashes!

Or, as my sister would say... "more like rises from the dust"

-.-"

I have such a supportive family.

Peekchures!

Gem looking very sleepy with his TGM acoustic guitar. The day mer, dom and him came over to jam to the wee hours of the morning. No pics of dom and mer in case they don't want to reveal themselves over the net.








***

THE Bimbo Night at La's place. I don't think i have the liberty to post the girls' photos... so this will have to do. Alternatively, if you girls reading this don't mind being seen on the net, let me know.

















***
Our illegal gathering for a special birthday girl at her void deck. Same rules apply. If you want to be seen/don't mind being seen on my blog, drop me a comment.






***
The day Miss D and i met up, and boy... did we shop! Bought a lovely Mango jacket with her, thanks to her good taste. Us and our nonsense as usual.






More normal picture.








***
Ultra Camwhoring at the National Youth Council building at Orchard (after a volunteer briefing)




















































I'm not ashamed to say that i censored some pictures because i've got tree trunks for arms. As you can already see in the second last photo. These are considered the more acceptable photos. Keehee.
***

About time to knock out. Boy, am i going to be busy these few weeks before school begins. I know i wasn't suppose to be busy in July. Bah. Night!

Foooood

The day my sis and i punk'd our dad

What we did, was we took one piece of bean, one piece of bacon, one piece of sausage, one fried sunny side up quail's egg and a couple of leaves of vegetables, and called it "dinner". We did this because our mom was away on a holiday and dad was at our mercy when it came to eating dinner. Teeheehee.

My sister and i waited with bated breath and severely stifled giggles in the kitchen, waiting for the moment my dad sees the food on his plate and reacts.
Ha, his reaction wasn't that big, but it was definitely worth the practical joke. He came down and stared at his plate for a few seconds with the silence of disbelief hanging in the air before declaring, "TAKE PICTURE! TAKE PICTURE!"

HAHAAHAHAHA. Ok, to further the joke, my sis and i brought out "our" plates:
In the end, we just laughed and laughed, took pictures and eventually took out the real food that we to eat for dinner.







***

Gem and I cooked dinner for my family!

These were the potatoes skins that i was raving about. Yummerlicious.







The bowl on the left contains our garlic mashed potatoes that were also yummy and finally, the disaster fish, on the right. Why disaster? Too boney to eat without worrying that you might skewer your gums and the fish had a naturally fishy taste of sorts.





***

More photos when i get home. I'm at work now, yes.

Jed the bandit

My thief of a miniature pinscher stole my burger that i was suppose to bring to work!

I don't know how he managed to get it. I closed my door the whole time i was prepping... So it probably means that the moment i turned my back at one point in time to do something else, he zoomed in for the kill which was lying serenely in my unzipped bag that was on my bed.

He walloped the whole burger except for a few crumbs and tiny bread chunks that i found scattered on my cardigan, plus a lettuce leaf that was found resting on my blanket. I was afraid he ate the cling wrap too, but he's smarter than i give him credit for. Apparently, he took the burger down to the dining table to eat, and left the ripped cling wrap under there.

He goes under the table because it's harder to catch him there. Imagine the chairs around the table that provide him some protection from bulky human bodies that can't move that quickly on knees and palms, and the stem of the table (does not have 4 legs) that gives him a place to hide and dart back and forth behind when we reach out to try to grab him.

Wa lao eh... Stupid dog...

While i was prepping, my mom knocked on my door and told me that Jed was behaving strangely. True enough, when i opened my door, he was walking around in circles, with his tail at half mast, wagging, and his head was lowered and he looked positively sheepish. He does this every time he knows he did something wrong. He behaves like that only until you extend your hand to grab and spank him. He switches immediately to defend mode, meaning he runs off, but if you catch him, he bares his teeth, snaps and bites at your hand while flipping over on his back in seeming submission.

The one good thing? My mom made me TWO burgers. He only managed to kope one! (but bad enough. :-< )

On the way to work, i sent my mom an sms... Thanking her for making me my 2 burgers and that it was a good thing she made two... She sent me another sms back saying: "Mom's wisdom from God.... but half the blessing went to Jed"

Strangely, i'm having one peaceful morning at work. Clients are turning up, coming in on time, no calls (hope phone does not ring right now) and no one has pissed anybody off yet. The only thing that's vaguely gloomy is the weather, with rain that is pummeling down on Singapore, spanning from the East to the West. Thank God that despite my late night yesterday, i'm yawning now and then... but i'm wide awake otherwise.

Apparently, one night of cooking for the family took quite a toll on me. I really understand but yet i still wonder how my mom copes almost everyday. Being more than twice my age, she works full time in a busy clinic, comes home to cook and do some housework that she thinks is necessary.

Heh, i'll upload the pictures of the food soon. Gem and i (hey, if you say that quickly, it sounds like "Gemini". How "appropriate".) cooked 3 dishes for my family on thursday. Including the other stuff in the fridge, plus the yogurt Gem bought, it was one huge meal.

We're really pleased with the resulting garlic mashed potato and i personally love the potato skins. Yes, I KNOW HOW TO MAKE POTATO SKINS! How AWESOME IS THAT?! And it turned out so yummy. Just the way i envisioned it to taste. And the mashed potato? Even Gem said that ours beat the mashed potato that he bought (it was a side dish that came with a steak) from a food place near his home.

Our fish however, was a disaster. Wrong choice of fish (NO MORE TOMANS! I just don't have the spending power to buy the more expensive fish, and the cheap and good dory fish was nowhere to be found) that was too bony and tasted naturally fishy. And a marinate that didn't sit well with everyone because... it was too salty. A trademark of mine.

I'm already thinking of making another batch of potato skins, since i've got extra sour cream and cheese and spring onions. Just need to get some potatos and bacon (or i could use up the ham in the fridge). And we're all set. Ok, it's weird to hear Jo ramble about cooking because she doesn't cook. She eats. But she realizes that as long as she's set on a recipe she thinks isn't too hard and she thinks she can do, and if she has some help *HINT* she is most happy to cook. Even Miss D thinks that the idea of cooking on Joline is so odd. Ha, she knows me well enough to know that. ;-P

The last time i posted a picture of a dish i made, some joker said it looked like a dinosaur egg. :-(
Hahaaahahaa.

Anyway, it feels good to have some alone time to space out. I've got no choice but to spend some quiet time alone. But i'm also bored, with no diary to scribble in and no lappie to do my project on. Ah well. I should just quit being busy. So now you have some rambly post to read because i'm so free.

Pics of food and Miss D and i coming up!

jo is stuffed with activities

This weekend will be nothing short of busy. For starters, i'm working tomorrow (9 to 3pm), church for prayer till 7:30pm. Sleepover at La's place. Buy a present on sunday morning, bum around till 5. Training and briefing for volunteer facilitators (me) for a workshop. Ends around 6:30pm. Sunday exercise. SLEEP.... Work the next day. Argh.

Packed. Packed. Packed. What am i doing up at this hour?! *reprimands self*

I had initially had a serious topic to talk about but never mind. I'd spend too much time editing it anyways. Good night. I hope i won't to be too tired tomorow.

PS: ok, that was a super boliao post. but yeah, needed to ramble anyway. bah.

Lao hong-ed Famous Amos cookies are nice. Kinda like chewy chocolate chip cookies that don't give you ulcers and sore spots in your mouth like the fresh cookies do. No nut chocolate chip ones are da bomb. Not that i've bothered to try anything else anyway. Teehee.

I have missed the movie run of Pirates, which is REALLY sad. Not even GV Yishun is showing it lor. Bleagh.

I don't think there are any other movies that i REALLY want to watch. But if you're talking about the recent big names that i don't mind catching, but not too important... they'd be "Transformers", " Ocean's 13", "Fantastic 4". Good thing i caught Spiderman 3 though.

Really sleepy, feeling crappy about stuff, want to snuggle up with Jed to sleep but his butt stinks. Yuck.

Blah. Ugh. Gah. Aiya. Meh. Sheesh. Murf. Poo. Beh. Mmf. Raaaarrrr.

Sounds from a cheesed off and very sleepy girl.

Music really changes how one sees things. I was sitting alone on a long wooden bench situated outside the Singapore Tourism Board that is positioned parallel to their glass walls and to the road in front of me. I watched the cars go by and the people who walked briskly on past. If i were staring ahead without my ipod, i'd pretty much just stone, or think about non important stuff, or anything random.

But with music pulsing through my ear drums, (depending on type of music of course. Jazz, Jim Brickman and Gospel music today) i'm seeing mundane life carrying on with a slight smile on my face and a glow in my heart. I feel like i've been transported to somewhere else, that i wasn't in hot and busy Singapore. Suddenly the sky looks bluer, the passing of cars more romantic, and people look lovelier.

Both a dangerous and fascinating quality.

Back from camp. Super Tired. Sadly, not many photos because somehow i think my Casio Exilim has gone kuku. I knew Casios weren't good... But got videos though, and i think they are pretty fun to watch. Tired. Going to sleep now. Had a great time. I miss camp already. Now when i wash dishes at home, i'm reminded of the very spot at the chalet kitchen where i washed dishes too. And when i shower at home, i'm thinking again of how it was like showering at the chalet's toilet. Ah... Campsick. :-( It was a sinking feeling to clean up the chalet before leaving. The huge rooms had no more people laughing, chatting and lazing around in them, complete emptiness with no more life, after the campers left. Campsick.

It's off to camp for me from sunday to wednesday. I sure hope that it'll be a "success", in that there'll be lorry loads of fun, generous helpings of laughter, superfluous jokes and an overflow of camaraderie, genuine friendships and fellowship. And of course, that the people participating will come away from the camp knowing that God has clearly deposited something into their lives as they embark or continue on their journey through varsity life.

Hope our games raawwkk mannn.... though i'm the veteran game master, it's always my partners i work with every time who truly make the games a lot more wild and haspenning (no spelling error) than i could ever make it to be. Thanks dewd. =D

Hopefully i'll be back with tons of nonsensical photos.

I must not be busy in July. I must not be doing much in July. I must date Gem in July. I must laze around in July. I must enjoy July before school begins. July is the month of my second last school holiday ever before the December hols. Please do not arrow me as much as possible in July, or i will bite you. Remember. July = Relax.

Have you ever felt God's love/touch so strongly that when it came on you, it shocked you and made you cry uncontrollably? It's not a bad kind of crying, but it comes because of an unexplainable filling of the spirit that just overwhelms you.

Last saturday, my band mates and i were praying in the room upstairs before service, and i just felt in my spirit that i had to kneel before the Lord in surrender. In just that period of worship and prayer, i have come to more clearly understand what it means to "focus on God", to "surrender", to "worship".

As i knelt behind the keyboard, i put aside everything in my mind and chose to not believe in the devil's lies about me being worthless and unloved. Instead, i chose to believe that i was a child of God, sinful, but still loved wholly, precious and thought about fondly by my Father. I chose to believe in that identity, that though i am not perfect, i can come to God knowing that i am accepted, and not condemned in his sight, that i have every right to come before God as a child would to her daddy.

Sitting still, i realized that i was actually opening my heart to God (an action i never quite understood... am still unclear but i am learning along the way), making it receptive to what he wants to deposit into my heart. I focused on the Lord, and very naturally worshipping him deep in my spirit. Sometimes words cannot express how much you want to say, that's why speaking in tongues is so important.

That's when i felt something unexplainable fill my heart and tears just spilled out. If i weren't with like, 15 other people in the room, i wouldn't have dammed up my tears. I felt like God was revealing his heart for me, to me. The intensity of it was strong enough to actually surprise me out of my worshipping and i sat there reflecting on what i just experienced... And also because i didn't want to flood the floor...

And so here i am, blogging this to remind myself of the milestones in my walk with God. I just love thinking back on the precious times when God reveals himself to me and in doing so, teaches me about how it is like to be with him. In future, what i know can also be used to plant something into someone else. I've had the privilege of being able to do this and it really edifies me to know that someone else benefits. :-)

Wielding the "Sword" (aka, The Bible), are my NTU cell mates. Red was not the color code for the day. Aren't they cute? Teehee.







Jed and his tangle of legs.











My NTU cell girlies hanging around (literally) at West Coast Park. I say, Let's do it again! :-DD







Coaching archery at the police carnival. I like teaching, except that it made my throat sore for about two days.










My free Body Shop gifts. *beam*








Animals. Don't. Read. (notice how low the sign is placed?)

Hey people. I'm still alive... Well, kinda. Had a bad headache when i left the house for work today that pretty much left me closing my eyes, with my face buried in my folded arms, not wishing to look at the computer screen and envisioning myself throwing up into a sink.... Ok, too much information. But that was so not fun. So much so that the boss was kind enough to ask a colleague to cover for me for the rest of the day.

Of late, my body has been rebelling, and some of the things i'm experiencing makes me wonder whether i unknowingly have some illness but i'm just oblivious to it since i haven't gone for any checkups.

Personally, i'm not worried about coming down with cancer, or whether i've got some other sinister disease. The only thing i dread about having a disease is the suffering bit, because my pain threshold isn't quite skyhigh. I somehow think that the people around me would worry more than i would. Basically, i just know that when i die, i'll be with God and that would be perfect bliss. I do not worry about my end destination because i know that i am already secure because of what my Jesus has done for me.

If i ever found out that i am dying, my first few concerns would be... Now, how am i going to spend the rest of my days on Earth? How can i make my life count? Finances... My family... Pain... Yeah. But i'm not worried about what happens when my heart beats its last beat.

***

Just handed in first draft of company's project. Whew! TO GEM: THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU! I've got something for you, so ask me for it on sunday ok? ;-)

I just treated myself to two bottles of perfume oil from The Body Shop (in addition to getting my usual Vit C fix). Ok, i rarely do this but i was so enthralled by the scents of the 2 new special editions. Mmmm... Gorgeous. *sniffs self* When i thought that i had already treated myself enough with products, i was blessed with more stuff... Because apparently when you spend 60bucks, you get a few free gifts all nicely packed in a paper box-bag thing (girls, you want? ;-D)

(1) Vit E moisture cream
(2) Vit E cream cleanser
(3) Grapeseed Showergel (i love the smell of this one!)
(4) Lip Gloss (in my favourite colour in the range!)
(5) Camomile make-up remover

So much stuff! Yeay!

***

Got to go sleep now. No more headaches for me. No way.

The first draft of the document is due this thursday. What i've done so far is to come up with the outline, excluding all the content text. I've yet to design a cover page, but the coolest thing happened this morning. While i was half asleep in the wee hours, i suddenly thought of a title that actually made sense and wasn't all that cheesy! It's short, sweet, and says exactly what the booklet is about.

You know how things in your dreams always SEEM like they make sense, but they don't really, when you awake. But in my subconsciousness, i told myself to check the meanings of the words over and over again, and found that it made complete sense. I don't think i can reveal what it is over here though since it's a company thing and it hasn't been printed yet.

I miss blogging man.

***

Updated:

Oh, to add on to the topic of interesting people at the library... This time, the people i encountered were so nice.!
(1) the man who moved one seat down because he saw all my stuff that i was carrying. When i glanced up at him, he told me he was giving me space to put all of it down. Sweet!
(2) this guy who was sitting opposite me heard my sniffling and sighing that was going on for a couple of hours. He first offered to buy me sweets for my sniffling and the told me where to get snacks and hot drinks in the library. Before i left, i bid him goodbye, and in return he said: "Remember. Don't drink cold drinks and drink milo before you sleep." Aww!

"Coach" Joline to hit the Police Academy again this sunday!
(seems like the archery booth is lucrative...?)

I had better shoot some practice shots first to reinforce my basic archery knowledge before i teach someone man... *pai seh*

joline in the lee kong chian reference library...

Whoever said the library was a boring place... Let me see. I've just had the honour was sitting within the vicinity of: (1) a (rather weird) guy very into his small stack of lingerie books (NOT KIDDING) (2) a belchy old man (3) a lady who suddenly broke out into tears and sobs while reading a book.

Ok, back to projSPSandSCDF. (and scanning for more 'interesting' people)

I rediscovered the joys of playing internet reversi, but this time in the confines of the cold office. Which kinda adds to the kick of playing it since doing fun stuff at work is kept to a minimum... So anyway, man...

It felt so good trashing my opponent on my first game after almost 2 years of not playing reversi. The sweetest part? Was that i was "losing" at the beginning. It looked like i was already on the verge of being beaten, with something like 3 or 4 black pieces (me) to 20+ white pieces (opponent).
But really, what matters is:

(1) choosing to challenge the challenge
(2) believing in and seeing the end goal rather than the current problem(s)
(3) being careful, and concentrating on strategizing and securing the key "positions" that will eventually let you overcome, despite being at first overwhelmed by your seeming failure.

Sounds a lot like navigating through Life, doesn't it?

***

I had stuff on the whole of last week.

- mon (edit: had dinner at MOS, watched "Amazing Grace", and supper at Cineleisure, all with my cell group AND a new Egyptian friend! Thanks Issy! ;-DDD)
- tues (housework and getting work clothes)
- wed (work and camp games planning)
- thur (worship min and cell advance)
- fri (projectNUS dry run and camp comm meeting and gran's b'day dinner)
- sat (Habitudes seminar and church)
- sun (west coast)

Rest was something i needed super badly... But i certainly do not regret my time spent with my girlies yesterday at West Coast Park. Wah lao, i had SO MUCH fun.

I'd say that I've got more good memories to replay in my mind and heart than words to describe how the day went... So i just wanted to leave a post here to remind me of the day we spent together on a beautiful, God given and blessed Sunday afternoon (and night).

Shall go watch the videos i took. Tradeelala. :-)

Howdy people. Things have been a blur since the exams ended last, last friday. I had envisioned indulging in lazy unhurried days... Must have been quite a daydream because with the flurry of activities, lazy days would most likely remain a vision till about maybe July.

There's so much to say, but it's mostly stuff that i want to say to myself. I guess you could eavesdrop on my thoughts if you want to. Just be prepared to be bored or left wondering what on earth i'm talking about.

Number 1 on my priority list:
Keep the well-being kit up and running, keeping deadlines and meeting content targets. I thought i was free from doing essays, but boy... this project that i'm involved in is like one massive essay! With Pictures. Diagrams. Charts. Illustrations. Stories. Basically anything that will help translate the message of maintaining mental health across to employees from two prominent sectors in Singapore and their families. A project with repercussions, indeed.

Number 2:
Games planning with Gabe. Dude, i'm so busy i haven't had time to even plan when to meet let alone having done any research.

Number 3:
EXERCISE. (going to try out my new running tights to see if its more comfortable than shorts!)

Number 4:
Catch up with people. I have a tendency not to do this despite wanting to. The reason is because i often feel that i need to get myself in order before feeling ready to meet other people. But i take too long to fix myself, especially during the holidays. I need some major planning.

Number 5:
Fry my multiple sunshine quails eggs on one pan. And other assorted oddities.

Number 6:
SHOP. On weekdays ONLY. Beginning in the MORNING. I went to orchard on friday and the crowd in town is CRAZY. Boy, I hate it when holidays and sales coincide. But that's the way it naturally is and will remain.

Number 7:
Plan and work on wedding videos. Gosh, how time flies. (Not my wedding lah.)

Number 8:
THE BEACH. WEST COAST. MOVIES. CHILL. I NEEEEEEEEDDDD............

Ladeedah, ok, got to go.

angsty post on the physical (updated)

Today, i was just thinking about the woman of today living in a society such as this.
And i think that men who want their girlfriends and wives to be stereotypically slim/pretty/lusciously curvy/blemish free/etc, and to STAY that way in order to be considered beautiful, desirable and/or worthy, display an utterly shallow, media-blinded and insensitive reflection of themselves. Do they need reality checks or what.

Firstly, we women come in all shapes, sizes and builds. And so do men. So they should deal with it.

Secondly, we women bear their children. And what do we sacrifice to get in return, physically, for our effort? Firm skin for flappy excess skin, hormonal changes that affect the way we look, a leaner-in-comparison-body for post pregnancy fats, blemish-free skin for stretch marks, etc. I think we deserve some respect, and don't they dare think that our child birth battle marks are ugly.

Thirdly, women have a higher fat ratio than men. So don't think it's so easy for us to achieve that that super athletic, toned body. We live for more than just how we look, and besides, if we had our way, do they think that our lives revolve around such shallow pursuits? (that's if how good we look on the outside is a measure of how good we feel about ourselves)

Fourthly, metabolic rate decreases as we grow older. Men and women go through this. And so, oh please. Don't get all double standard-ish, and worse still, make demands of us if they cannot even stop that belly from spilling over either.

***

Quoting from EzyHealth and Beauty, May 2007... This is with regards to women who go for reconstructive surgery to tighten up their nether regions for the sake of saving a marriage and/or to enhance sexual pleasure.

"Some women are going to drastic lengths as a result of negative comments by their spouses. (...) The most common reason we hear is that their husbands are unhappy with the way they look and feel after childbirth" - a visiting Australian gynaecologist.

"Both men and women must come to realize that lasing intimacy does not arise from having the perfect body - and that the responsibility to make a relationship work is not the sole domain of the female."

Hi there people... thought i'd just scribble some virtual nonsense.

I'm a little saturated right now, brain is starting to reel from all the cramming. But there's something, a driving voice of some sort that keeps egging me on, saying: "You'll be ok, you can do it, don't worry. You CAN remember your facts!" And whatever it is, it's working... reassuring and keeping me calmer than most other times.

BuahahaHaha, now that i think of it, this talk about having a voice talking is so "appropriate" because i'm studying for my abnormal psych exam and i'm taking a break from mugging the Schizophrenia chapter. I assure you i am no where near having any episodes of positive symptoms of schizophrenia. Eg. Delusions and Hallucinations

Like this joke i read:
"When we talk to God, we're praying. When God talks to us, we have schizophrenia." JOKING only K!
peace peace~.

Got to go. Or the voice might just start telling me that i'm so doomed.

10 hours to FREEDOM!

Exam's this friday (after which it'll be my holis!).
I'm kind of time strapped (gah...).
Think i'll go into hiding for now. (sigh)
If need be, might peek out here from time to time to preserve my sanity. (yeay!)
Till then!

*buries face in textbook*




*Did you know: While we all know that lions and tigers and cheetahs are cats, do you know what Hyenas are? Dogs?
Nay. In fact, they are more closely related to cats than dogs. (note: they form a different biological family altogether, which is closely to Herpestidae, family of meerkats and mongooses.)

correction: Shape Run will be in September, not July.

and we're not going to Indulgz! The bad reviews have changed me mind. I'll go another day when i'm not hauling 6 other people with me.

Finally! I'm going to try the food at Indulgz, Bugis. I've always liked to venture out to try food that has in some way been featured in blogs and other print media. (i'm already impressed with the well spoken english of the lady who picked up my call and her good phone manners)

muah hahahaha....!

***

Oh, when i have the time after my exams, i'm going to fry quails eggs sunny side up. Imagine, many many cute little sunnies on my frying pan! I've always wanted to do stupid things like this to satiate my curiousity.

Ok, back to studying.

1 project + 3 kids + 3 parents + 1 teacher = "begging" + 2 interviews + 2 visits + 1 report writing + 10 brain veins popping + 4 eye bags + someone kena became "slave" (sorry!) + 1 expanded tummy

Yeah, that's a pretty accurate summary of the last week or so, that climaxed and ended at 11:56pm on the 9th of May, wednesday, 2007. (deadline for submission: 9th May 2007, 11:59pm)

But it's over now (in a good way) and i have nothing but grateful thanks to the people i could not have made it through without: God, J, J's mom, the participants and Gem. There's no way that i could've survived it without all of them, and those of you who've prayed and were praying for me.

I've got some worries getting in the way of me feeling totally at ease even after i've submitted my work, like whether my lack of citations in Part B (too rushed to remember to add!) will get me into trouble. Sigh. But it's done and only God has the final say.

And Gem has really demonstrated to me something about love: 24 hours working with me in any way he could (especially with the transcripting!), going home at 12 midnight for two days in a row, which is all the way in the East. With a willing heart and attitude of determination, with his ever supportive encouragement, always uplifting, always smiling, never complaining, without a single peep or expression of displeasure or impatience. I even got dinner and shoulder massages thrown in too! He is my godsent. Thank You.

Now to study for my examination next friday! ROAR!

Hmmm! Did you see the line up of runs for this year?

July: Milk Run
July: Shape Run
July: Mizuno Wave Run
August: New Balance Real Run
August: Army Half Marathon
September: Run For Hope
November: Singapore-Johor 2nd Link Bridge
December: Standard Chartered Singapore Marathon

Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!

***

The sky over the dog run field was absolutely beautiful today. (not sure how to process the photo so that the grass doesn't look so black. :-S)

More beautiful sky.

















Some person sitting with her back against the sun to provide shade for Jed. (black dog = absorbs heat = very hot) Just look at his face! His tongue is hanging out and his eyes are closed... Gawwsh, he looks so silly. Teehee!
















My baby.





































Both being comfy on the beanbag.
















Weird faces by the both of us.

Clothes from Island Shop do not seem to favour people with some form of anterior assets.

***

It dawned on me that the answer to why Gem is so quiet (no replies to my smses!) can be found in the Life! section, TV page, ESPN Sports Channel, UEFA Champ...

***

Pat's Schoolhouse decided to lie low and not respond to me or something, but friend's mom gave me the greenlight to come to her workplace! I am ever soooo grateful to her. TRULY.

While i'm rejoicing that i'm no longer stuck in a rut, I am fully aware that i'm embarking on the inevitable suicide-ish attempt (though i'm confident i will NOT die) at my exam equivalent take home project. Interview on monday afternoon, report due two days later, on the wednesday.

Maaaaan....

But still, a part of me knows (i believe it's God's peace that resides in my innermost being) that i'll be ok.

To Synth

I've always avoided using the string sound whenever i'm playing the synthesizer for service (basically because i don't like the fake sound). But what makes it hard for synth players like myself to fully use the capabilities of the synth in the auditorium is the lack of opportunities to be able to play around with the sounds.

So anyway, the topic of "variety of sounds" came out during last week's debrief and i felt a little indignant. Because i think that while the people-up-there feel that we are free to experiment, there are the elements of communication, subjective tastes in music and personalities that can come in the way of creating One Unified Complementary Sound.

There's also the thing about taking risks, making mistakes and all... And i guess we'll just need to be at the mercy of the amount of forgiveness and understanding from leaders and the band in the midst of trying out what they tell us to.

As i'm sitting here editing my essay, i'm listening to my library of contemporary christian music (and other stuff) with a more specific goal of listening out for what the synth players are doing.

My main question at the moment is:
HOW on EARTH do they switch from sound to sound so fast while filling in, in the appropriate places without missing out a beat, all within the same song and without causing the song to sound empty during the pockets of time used to change sounds?

While another concern is:
I get the feeling that people are not ready to hear the voice of the synth doing its intermittent bursts of effects, albeit using pretty cool sounds. Well, will never know till i do something out of the ordinary eh?

I think that level of deftness will come with familiarity and more practice (both of which i'm not getting). Hey, lets be honest about it, yeah. I think i'll certainly aim to come at a time well before sound check.

But my one last, and actually the most important concern is:

Though having a range of musical styles and variation can help being fresh vibrancy to worship, i don't think we should be too hung up over technicalities. You've got to admit that with better music, people may fall into the trap of paying more attention to the music than to God Himself.

We need to know when to quit being obsessive and pay attention to the real spiritual issues at hand that we may be blind to by our thoughts that we "are doing all right" in our playing and leading. What the ground experiences may not be what we think they're going through. That said, i think the congregation also need to know when to take a step back to recognize that the music is only a tool to help in encouraging worship, and not out there to fabricate a holy-airy-fairy feeling of worship or to create some kind of wannabe rock concert. The music shouldn't really matter, in actuality.

Ok, done muttering for now.

Uncensored poopy post

After watching Dr Dolittle, i was inspired to post this... You know, this whole animals-are-smarter-than-you-think kind of thang. But then... Please bear this in mind... if you've just eaten or drunk something, do NOT scroll down. I'm warning you, all you people with weak stomachs, you'll REGRET it if you do. Move away to another blog before it's too late!

I debated about whether i should post it but i thought: ah, what's a little poop gonna do, we see it every morning... PLUS, this ain't no ordinary poop! This is amusement only for those of you who aren't squirmish about excretion.

Hm... i've already revealed what it is...
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Jed's so smart, he knows that "s" is for "shit" and he even underlined it for us:



(Congrats if you didn't throw up)(Sorry, Fiona Xie)

randomology again while essaying

The first thing i'm going to do after my exams this sem is to get some (more) exercise gear, namely: bike/gym shorts and running t-shirts (not tank tops, i've got enough of those).

I've discovered once again how effective the running plans from the polar personal trainer website is. Unfortunately, i think you can only access this feature if you've got a polar (heart rate monitor) watch though. In about one plus month after following the program to improve and maintain my fitness, i can feel the obvious benefits reaped from the way i feel when i go for my daily runs.

The only thing i'm not liking is the pain both my knees are giving me, which is why i make sure i warm up before attempting to run. Think there've been times when i've over exercised, and one of the main reasons why they hurt today is because of the poor treatment of my knees back in my secondary school days... Days of doing high jumps and other assorted sports without the proper procedures to take care of my joints.

***

God, please allow Pat's Schoolhouse to say yes to me going in to do my interviews... PLEASE... Either that, i need another preschool to give me the greenlight REALLY badly...

***

I'm glad i've got friends. Church friends, JC friends, Secondary School friends, Uni friends. What would i do without these people? While family members are the people who'll stick by you pretty much no matter what, saying the things you may not want to hear though you need to...

Sometimes, there're just some things you share only with friends because they're your peers and also won't be too quick to pass "righteous" or disparaging judgement. Sharing things with friends provides a different kind of platform to analyse or to just hear out your issues, i feel. That said, don't you wish friends wouldn't be so politically correct at times. (Me guilty!)

At times, i fear that my honesty may hurt or cause a crack in a friendship. But really, if we both value each other, both of us should be willing to understand where the other is coming from when the honest opinions surface. If anything, it should bring people closer, especially when the truth is spoken out of love. Or either that, the honesty should simply be a reflection of the beauty of trust between two people in that they know one another enough to be able to laugh at themselves.

***

I wonder if the reality of working for the next 40 or so years has hit my sister. She seems so at ease with her working life, as if she is simply coasting along the beaches of Hawaii. She doesn't complain, doesn't show signs of fatigue or disillusionment. Just fine and dandy. I really wonder what going on beneath that calm exterior.

Jo walks up to the huge porch of PSA Building and spies 3 automated glass doors that were positioned side by side. She approaches one of them, the one to the right, and was greeted with the operation hours of the doors. She read that the door didn't operate on sundays, and to please use the "main entrance". Great.

So Jo begins to walk around the building, searching for the "other main entrance", visualizing an even grander looking porch with even BIGGER and more embellished doors. Her search brought her around the building, walking by cargo vehicles lots and the carpark, and still didn't see any grand porch.

She managed to eventually find her way into the building through the carpark lift. Since she was way early for dinner, she recced the place from the inside, interested to find out where this "main entrance" was.

And guess what. The "main entrance" was just referring to the automated glass door that was in between the other two. ALAMAK. Wah liew, simi "main entrance".... Blah.

PS: I (finally, and the sentiments were mutual) got to meet Gem's family and extended maternal family yesterday. Laleela~.

Call me party pooper, wet blanket, sour grape, green horn, jealous prude, whatever you like.

But why is it that i get so defensive when a friend of mine gets attached? I get this yuck yuck feeling in my gut. Ahhh, but wait, there's more...

In cases when i've already met the girl/guy, and if the feeling goes away plus i get some good vibes, then i'll feel all right about the situation. I'd attribute my initial feelings to protectiveness and caution. To me, i just want my friends to be with the best (most suited, not perfect) person possible, and not "fall in love" because they haven't been with someone in a long while and the current squeeze offers some kind of giddy love relief, or that the squeeze is a sweet talker, or for any other reason that is just... obviously not right.

In cases when i've already met the couple together, and if i still have that yuck yuck/something-is-not-right feeling, then i think my gut feeling is probably right. From the number of times that my gut has predicted certain things, i think it deserves to be dug out and laid in a museum for people to pay their respects to it. Haha, KIDDING lah.

Other times, the feelings take a while to go away or lowers to a small simmer, and those are in cases where
(1) i try to accept my friend's decision despite my reservations.
(2) the other party changes my mind about him/her.
(3) i've just grown used to it.
(4) i accept that i might have been overeacting.

So..... From now till when i meet the person, i'll hold me tongue, abstain from judgmental thoughts and quell my feelings until proven true beyond reasonable doubt.

For a couple of months, i've been having internet and laptop problems... And i'm so thankful that i've got a tech savvy daddy (hey, eet rhymes) who we can count on to fix matters to do with computers. Saves us the trouble of having to call in the technicians who'll charge us moneh.

So it brings me to now say a HUGE thank you to daddy for taking my problems into consideration, so much so that he bought a new router thing (or was it some signal extender, i haven't got a clue) and even a new modem (cos the old one was wonky) so that a stronger wireless signal can reach my room and my lappie can access the internet faster.

I thought about it and realized that he really did go through all the trouble, for me. Yes, it will benefit everyone at home in the long run, but you see, for the longest time we've been doing without the extras. But because i began having problems and told him about it, he spent the time and moneh and brain cells to give me what i wanted... And maybe to stop me from bugging him about the terribly slow connection. Heh.

Haiya, i'm just really grateful to my dad right now, and i wanted to blog this down to remind myself of the fact that though he can be a bad guy sometimes (hey, families will have their issues now and then ok?)... He still does show his love, and it happens to be in ways like this.

*pleased as punch*

***

Two tewtelly random things that have made me chuckle like a loony to myself:

1. Women can bleed for days without dying.

2. Charles Dickens. Dharles's Chickens. (c'mon repeat after me!)

Just this morning, i thought to myself when i awoke: "I think i can't remember how to use my bow anymore."

And what do you know.

Here i am checking my email, and my club vice president just sent a mass email to the club members to inform us of an upcoming workshop for archers with their own equipment. The goal? "To teach basic set up, tuning, and skill."

Sister: It's a sign.
Jo: hur hur. *sigh*

Am really upset because after two successful normal growths of my upper wisdom teeth, my bottom one is impacted, ie, growing at an angle, and in my case it is horizontal. :-(

This means i cannot escape the pain of either, 1. pulling it out OR, 2. minor surgery (open gum, fragment tooth, take out the pieces, sew gum back) If you leave an impacted tooth alone, you create a crevice that traps food and that may lead to an infection. *sigh*

Strangely as i'm having these wisdom teeth woes, two other people i know are also going through it at the same time!

10 Random short talks

1.
I was surprised by some of my past blogpost drafts. By my way of expression, the things that i felt, some thoughts and feelings that i don't even remember going through. The sad part is that because of the potentiality of public publishing, i wasn't explicit with the causes of my outpourings. So as i read them again, i don't quite get my own posts. Haha. Bleaghhhh to political correctness, which this PG blog is too good at.

2.
If you're wondering about the state of emotional affairs, i'm now in repair mode. Still very fragile, kind of raw, repairing... but very slowly. That said, altar ministers who really listen to what the Holy Spirit has to say to the recipient are super zhun man! I was greatly blessed on Good Friday. :-)

3.
Now, i've got a purple bag, a purple wallet and a purple phone. I suppose you could say my favourite colour is purple.

4.
Factory Outlet Shop is a great place to shop if you have the time and tolerance for the other ugly (what-were-the-designers-thinking!? types) clothes.

5.
I wish that some people would be more tolerant of others who are considered different from them. Instead of gossiping, making fun of, complaining, finding fault and behaving like general poots, why not do something more humane like trying to get to know these people. We're all from the same human race after all, so what makes you any better than anyone else?

6.
Fighting many personal wars in my head and heart. Unfortunately, these wars stop me from surrounding myself with good things.

7.
Muscular is me. With regular runs and gymming, i lose some fats but i've effortlessly gained muscle mass (and hence the weight). Oh well.... Guess I should've been born as a guy instead.

8.
Last night, I dreamt about my essay regarding the assessing of depressive and bipolar disorders, as well as buying therabands from SGH. You can obviously tell what my current wants are.

9.
I cannot believe i didn't jump at the chance of buying a digital piano. Well... instead of replacing my out-of-tune acoustic piano with a smaller digital, i'd rather ADD a digital. I would miss the resonance of my acoustic if i sold it off.

10.
Hello XL! Are you voyeuring away? Heh heh heh. Say HI lah!

Blessed Easter

"In the heart of Africa, it is related by an Englishman, that a slave procession passed by, and the king called out to a poor slave who displeased him in some little way, ordered his men to put their arrows to their bowstrings and avenge the offense with his blood.

He went up to the native chief and begged for the poor slave's life, offered him a great deal of money and costly bribes, but the chief turned to him and said: "I don't want ivory, or slaves, or gold; I can go against yonder tribe and capture their stores and their villages; I want no favours from the white man; all i want is blood.

Then he offered one of his men to pull his bowstring and discharge an arrow at the heart of the poor slave. The young man, with the instinct of a moment, threw himself in front and held up his arm, and the next moment the arrow was quivering in the flesh of his own arm. The black man was astonished.

Then he pulled the arrow from his arm, and the blood flowed, and he said to the chief: "Here is blood; here is my blood; I give it for this poor slave, and i claim his life." The native had never seen such a spectacle before, and he was completely overcome by it. He gave the slave to the white man. He said:"Yes, white man has bought him with his blood, and he shall be his."

In a moment the poor slave threw himself at the feet of his deliverer, tears flowing down his face and said:"O, white man, you have bought Lebe with your blood (Lebe was his name), Lebe shall be your slave forever and ever." And ever after he could not make him take his liberty; wherever he went poor Lebe was beside him, no drudgery was too hard, no task too hopeless. He was bound by the mercy of his deliverer as his consecrated servant.

Friends, if a poor savage heart can be won by the wound of a stranger's arm, how about the deeper wounds in those two living hands and feet?"

- extract from the Prayer Vigil Guidebook, COOS. Original source not known.

Lord, you indeed were that stranger who extended your willing arms for me. I don't ever want to forget the history that you made on that very real cross, for all the sins of the world that you bore on yourself that fateful day, your innocent blood that redeems us from the death that we must die because of our sins. That you have already conquered the world, and that nothing can separate us from the love of God once we choose to follow you.

Can't.Get.Portobello.Mushroom.And.Cheese.Image.And.Taste.Out.Of.Head.

It's.12:08am.Craving.Craving.Craving.Craving.

Need.Something.Salty.Body.Is.Saying.

Old papers

Taking a break from staring at my lappie screen, i took a nice long stretch against the back rest of my study chair.

And i glanced up at my 3 shelved cupboard that still houses all the school work done in my past academic years, mostly from my junior college days, save for one biology file from my secondary 4 syllabus. Coloured files in yellow, black, blue and red, grey, papers chucked in between them in some order of subjects, thick textbooks that were seldom referred to but were there to give a sense of reassurance that information was within easy reach.

All of them speak silently and daily, reminding me (only when i take the time to look at them) of all the toil, tears (<-- seriously) and frustrations of the old, the failures and triumphs.

And i realize that i may very well bring all of them with me till... We'll never really know. Perhaps for as long as i can keep them.

It's too difficult to throw them all away, for sentimental reasons. Though I can't make sense out of whatever i read in them anymore (esp. chemistry) but somehow, these chunks and stacks of papers with my own handwriting scrawled all over in attempts to solve sums and problems, to write logical essays without smoking through them, every dot and scribble - they were a part of my thoughts, and of me, back then.

Mundane as they look sitting high up there above my head as i type my essays to be handed in to tutors from university, these representatives are from one of the hardest periods in my life, emotionally and mentally, will always bring back the nostalgia no matter where i am in life.

With each passing year, i grow more attached to these physical "relics", serving as triggers and cues for me to be able to recollect the memories of those days past.

Why is it that i refuse to let go of the memories of hard times and the things that transport me back to it? Is that a seeming rule that applies to people in general, i wonder.

I guess hard times were when you saw yourself put to the test, to see what you were made of, to show yourself and unknowingly others as well, who you were when situations become pressing and hard to bear. It's during those times when you see yourself stumble through weaknesses, grappling for help or just sticking it through, even growing and discovering new strengths and revelations.

You get to see who among you are the people you can or cannot depend on, and sometimes our search leads us to become jaded, indifferent or even more hopeful. Quite obviously, tough times are never a walk in the park and when we eventually emerge from the shadows, we step out with battle wounds that leave a deep impression, and scars to remind us of the tale, to either tell of or hide it. We come out of it knowing that something profound happened inside of us.

Which is probably why we never, or find it hard to forget tough times. They're somewhat useful bittersweet tools, becoming fuel for anger that continues to burn inside, times we laugh or grimace over on hindsight, the experiences that we look back upon to see how far we've come in our personal growth, the basis from where we glean some of our most intimate lessons from.

A post for the girls

*mumble*
What do i get for wearing my really pretty Bysi skirt to work on tuesday? Ruthless mosquito bites on my otherwise scar-free thigh! Cheekopek mosquitoes. >8-(
Pffftt.

***

Sorry ah guys, i've warned you already, this is a post for the girls, so it's going to be either super hilarious to you, or super boring. Hoho. :-)

I don't know why i'm doing this, but man, i wanna share information!

After years and years of searching and spending my meager student's savings on products that REALLY improve the skin and keeps it that way, it has finally culminated and resulted in these 3 bottles.






(1) Cellnique Pro-Sebum Gel: $69.90
The product that really improved the condition of my skin dramatically. Not that my face resembles a baby's butt though. But after using it daily for a week plus, pimple outbreaks are close to zilch, reduced blackheads, skin feels more smooth and supple. Not KIDDING. And no bribery either. Can be used on its own or with (2).

(2) Olay Total Effects Serum: forgot price
I used to use it on its own overnight. Not bad, but i suspect that it would work better if you don't have oily skin like me. Skin became supple but no change for pores. Now, i use it with (1) and it's optimum this way so far.

(3) The Body Shop, Vitamin C Skin Boost: $36+
I'm not sure how great this is yet since skin has already improved from using (1). Because it's a recent addition i haven't used it for very long too, so i can't see obvious differences. But still, i think that skin needs Vit C, so i'll be using this. I like the fact that it's a serum and not a cream. Cream tends to make my face oily, clogs up my pores and causes zits.

Ok, i think the only thing i've missed out here is my face wash, which is the L'Oreal Pure Zone scrub. What i would love now is for the scars to lighten...
So there you have it! Please tell me if my complexion still sucks though, i don't want to be a Happy Deluded. Hur hur.

Had a birthday dinner with my library gang members yesterday! I can no longer say "library gang girls" as a default term because the gang now consists of one husben and one boyflen liao. How times have changed and moved along.

Anyway, my Diva, hope you enjoyed yourself! ;-P (despite the miscomm and my annoyed rumblings...)

Some (limited space and time, i'm sorry) of the photos are up on our yahoo group for viewing!

***

After the relatives left for the land across the straits, peace and quiet is once again restored to the home, and there's more space to move about in. Hur. It was fun while they were here, and i've discovered that i'm not that bad with children after all!

(case in point: when niece was crying from being in an unfamiliar environment and was calling for her granny, i went to her, held and soothed her, and she actually stopped crying. :-) I'm so pleased with myself. But then again, maybe she stopped crying because she wanted me to get away from her asap... Why? Because i was in my post-exercise gear which was reeking of Super Stink of the Century. heh heh.)

That said though, my niece is an intelligent 4 year old girl and is easy to talk to, so it wasn't too hard to get along with her. For now, i'm ok with kids who aren't the maddening frisky types.

After some introspection and reflection, i realize that one of the reasons why i dislike (or disliked? I'm still learning...) children was because i used to hold the perspective that they were innately wicked beings, and from there, it's easy to think horribly of them, get irritated by them and to find fault with them. But if you choose to see them as innocent little humans in need of nurturing, they definitely become more loveable.

Well, i choose to see them in both lights, but most importantly, i'm trying to love them, whoever they may be and however they come packaged as.

Another reason why i've always resented children (and hopefully this will be a thing of the past) stems from my own past of intense feelings of jealousy and neglect when my parents didn't give me the attention i wanted. This was especially so when there was another baby in the room. I grew to hate babies and young children with a vengeance, because all the love and attention was lavished on them, and i was pushed aside because "i was big already, no need to be baby-ed". Whenever the topic of having another sibling came up, i would SCREAM, CRY, and say nasty things to my parents.

I remember clearly how i always complained about not getting the affection i wanted. Yes, i actually used the word "affection" to my parents, even as a young kid.

While i still get caught in the darkness of my past bitter experiences, i'm on a journey to learn to soften my heart towards children, to appreciate them in totality, in their stages of development, to see them less as perfectly formed and informed monsters and more as little humans who need to be taught. I know for a fact that some behaviours of children are definitely NOT kind, and may even border on intended evil (trust me, i KNOW.) but that's because their actions are uncontrolled and not regulated by the "right/acceptable belief systems".

My dad and his friend drove 12 miles for...

I missed his call on my phone, so when i returned it, i was informed that he was on the way home and had with him an unopened box of "Krispee Krips" (<-- i quote dad). You cannot imagine how happy his two daughters were. I've heard so much about it but never had a taste. But oh man... this is the holy grail of all sinful doughnuts.

(above) "Krispee Krips"! (which dad left unopened for 2 days till he came home) All the way from the States! WOOHOO!
(It's CRAZY sweeet though... but still, who wants to be my good friend now? ;-P)

*Drool*

My dad is such a sweetie! Although on a business trip, he took some time off to drive to Washington to buy these doughnuts that his daughters were blabbering about. When i get older and have the spending power, i shall pamper my dad too. But that aside, i'm sure that as age catches up, the thing that would make him and mom happy is when we choose to spend time with them despite managing our own lives before God takes them home.

Currently, my home is housing representative members from 4 generations. For fear of being branded "the strange daughter" (not that i'm not, but it wouldn't do for everyone to know now, would it?) i have restrained myself from asking everyone to line up in a row to see how genetics has worked. And well, for the simple fun of seeing relatives all standing in one row, and taking a snapshot.

The next best, and perhaps the more socially acceptable method would be to resort to the less obvious: of snapping when everyone is seated down eating together.

Anyways, i am so dead right now. Essay is due next tuesday, i haven't begun writing, i need one week to write a decent essay but my net time available is NOT one week. T_T
I'm so relying on God to sustain my concentration, my writing skills and thought processes.

Wanted to post up the pictures of ACJC, but i couldn't get down to the editing fast enough... and i'm at the clinic working today. Oh well.

Observations of the day (so far):

1. Babies/Children are puke reservoirs that have deadly aim.

2. Baby puke is way better (less destructive to everyone) than adult puke.

3. Baby's father was just AWESOME in handling the situation and his child, despite having to deal with being in a populated bus, the jerky bus ride, baby puke all over his work clothes and cleaning up the mess (even the puke on the FLOOR!).
I salute him big time. He was calm, collected, polite to the people around him and still loving towards his little toddler. His wife (who wasn't there) would be so proud. :-)

4. I couldn't help but feel a sense of identification and endearment (<--weird i know!) when i let my gaze shift slowly from person to person as they were catching their 40 winks on the way to work on the bus this morning. I just felt like we were all in this system of life together, of having to work for a living and trying to make good in each of our lives.

5. My new Bysi skirt that i'm wearing now at work is very pretty. (got it at a sale, 2 skirts at $23!) Thank goodness D and i walked by Bysi that day at IMM. ;-D

6. I hate the feeling of being sleepy at work. Especially when you are the ONLY frontdesk person around. You're the first person clients see when they walk in, and you're the first person your boss sees when he steps out from his office. You can imagine how horrifying it is to be caught sleeping on the job! You feel imprisoned and you can't escape for the next few hours. The only way is to either msn (if you have kind friends) or drink water. The sleepiness hits bad after lunch, and more so when you're attempting to read your textbook.

This's all for now!

My Jed(i) Master

Just a silly picture to bring some cheer to anyone out there who's feeling sad (like myself).

His full name's actually Jedidiah, fyi.

(Many thanks to mom's floor mat and clothes clip, and Jed who miraculously stood stonestill while we guffawed and went positively trigger happy)

I'm amazed at the extent of hurt that i feel right now, and especially so when the hurt is caused by someone i care about.

Imagine having a secret and concealed vulnerable spot about yourself suddenly exposed and blasted down with a bazooka, leaving you... well, with nothing. Not even nakedness.

You might think that it's trivial. But such "trivial" things have much deeper roots, and you have just discovered it. And possibly at a price.

Because of what you have done, you've succeeded in giving me back my fuel and substantiated one of the reasons why i will always detest men. Some have spoken earlier to me about letting go and forgiving, and i almost thought i could. BUT WOW, congratulations, you have ignited again and fanned my hatred.

But when i awoke today, i knew that i couldn't possibly care any less about consciously changing myself for you. I really don't care, and i won't even try to. Even in wanting to reach my goals? I do so but only for myself, not you. I refuse to give you the pleasure of getting what you thought about. Because you don't deserve it.

Despite my resolve, i know that deep down inside, you have already destroyed what little strength and confidence that i've built over the years in dealing with my weakness. You have snuffed it out entirely. I cannot even accept myself right now for who i am. I cannot even stop the echoing of your condemning voice in my head.

If this's not a crime for coming close to killing a part of someone's spirit, i don't know what else is.

Daddy God has done it again.. Muah haha. He surprises me even in the little things, and i love it.

A while ago, i realized that i had TOTALLY forgotten where my 512MB SD card was. I was looking high and low for it, and it wasn't in the place where i had last seen it. I sat down and tried to picture the likeliest place that it could be in, but i had NO recollection at all. NONE.

I'm alone at home, so i said out loud: "God... Where IS my SD card? I have NO recollection of it whatsoever..."

And guess what... in about 1-2 seconds, a clear picture of the Canon's camera pouch popped into my mind. I was like: "Oh YEA HOR! It might be in there cos i placed it in there for the ROM photo taking." So i grabbed it and excitedly rummaged through it and tadah! Found my SD card!

Heehee, Daddy God, you're the bestest lah. *hug*

***

Total field day man... I was wiped out by 9:30pm (and thus missed HALF of Prison Break! Rahh). Thank God it was a nice hot day, and rain didn't get in the way of my photo and video taking plans.

I found out that Mr P Cheong has since moved to teach at the land of white and green. Shocking, i know. But he apparently felt so strongly about things that were going on (or not going on) in ACJC that he left. :-(
That says a lot for someone who's been teaching there for years and is an old ACS boy himself.

Pictures up perhaps next week. Most aren't too interesting for general viewing but they hold personal significance for old school mates and myself.

***

Are there any better ways to burn fat than by running? I'm getting bored of running! I've tried mild versions of aerobics and kick boxing only to slink away from ever doing it again because i look like a complete freaking elephant trying to co-ordinate her flappy ears, swingy trunk and stompy legs. That is, my limbs are ungracefully all over the place.

I like doing strength training, and would love for the, ahem, side benefits to show up. But there'll be no muscles seen if the stubborn layers of fat refuse to budge!

Tomorrow, or technically today, i'll be returning to ACJC (Anglo-Chinese Junior College). To do some video-ing.

Anyway, while i was er, pulling off stray eyebrow hairs, memories of those days when i was student there kept replaying in my mind. I remember how on the very first day of school after the real 'O' levels were out and classes were finalised, i received a badly needed hug from a new friend from my newly allocated class 1SC10 (Germ! Heehee, now a life-long friend) at the entrance of the girl's toilet at the canteen because i was feeling so darn lousy about the day.

Apparently, i was mourning over changes to the norm and i felt very unsettled, generally upset about having new people, new surroundings and having the stress of school and just every THING, lumped altogether. During recess i was honestly close to tears as i sat at the brightly coloured table, and i remember having L (a new friend at the time too, freshly imported from SAJC, but now life-long friend) at my table and she said something like: "Ok, we better stop talking now... or else Joline will burst into tears...". *chuckle*

Just a few (actually a lot) of the things i remember:

- The mad PE lessons,
- the "sacred" 400m running track,
- my first relationship (that taught me a gabillion things) and the late nights, screaming and crying! (lots of it!)
- the kooky teachers,
- the nicknames of class cliques (mine was dubbed the "Library Gang" for obvious reasons),
- the silent disliking of some people (which i hope is now considered childish and non-existent),
- pontanging of classes during exam season,
- failing chemistry and chinese AO over and over,
- chapel (i distinctly remember praying one specific prayer one fine chapel day and guess what, today that prayer stands ANSWERED. Amen!)
- playing the hall's grand! piano! that was temporarily relegated to LT 3 during free periods,
- band practices that i both loved and hated (loved the music, hated the superficial relationships with some band mates)
- the cheapest food ever: yong tau foo
- lousiest and total rip-off food ever: western stall
- staple food: beef hor fun, mixed veg/meat + rice, ovaltine/milo biscuits, yong tau foo, chicken rice, small snack stall
- never tried before food: the "makan bagus" stall (muslim food)
- the highly sought after chicken chop from the cafe at the Sports Complex (that later declined in quality)
- swimming lessons when guys and girls alike felt awkward in their bare minimums (unless you were a swimmer or water polo-er)
- Base Class: 7.12 (dang, or was it 7.14?)
- lots of good looking and ungettable guys
- lots of pretty and (OBVIOUSLY) ungettable girls
- giggling and howling (with laughter) over silly things (which one? too many to remember lah.)

Ok, enough, enough. At least this is a sign that i can still remember my school days which is a relief to me. *phew*

Oh, and then i also realized that....... I was thinking of one particular teacher, who is rich, kind of cute, kooky, eh... probably still unmarried. And it dawned on me that a student of his has already beaten him to the signing on the dotted line. Woah. I think it'll knock his socks off if he ever finds out. If i see him tomorrow, i'll be sure to spill the beans to him. *snortchuckle*

Tra lala, now to ensure that i'm really going tomorrow morning... I need to hit the sack now! *whistle*

7th December 2006

Dear God,

I worked hard, many a hour sitting and dealing with mundane and sometimes challenging tasks.
So when the day came that i looked upon that cream coloured slip with a more-than-usual-amount, i beamed with satisfaction over my due for a week's worth of hard work.

Then i remembered what was due to you, my tithes from my toil and time.
I was however, calculative and dreaded taking out that sum from my hard earned money as a sacrifice and act of worship,
But i did it anyway in obedience.

When saturday arrived, i made sure i had the notes in my pocket, ready to give it out of rightful duty.

But as i counted it and clutched it in my hands awaiting for the bag to come by, i caught myself experiencing a small, and involuntary bubbling sense of joy within my being, as if a shy but gleeful child was looking up, smiling and saying in a soft, sweet voice:
"Father God, i'm so pleased to give this to you. It isn't easy to do this, but as your child, i really want to offer this up to you."

It's so obvious really, but it was only then when i realized and experienced the difference between acting out of duty and acting out of love and reverence, despite the same action arising from the need to obey a commandment.

Thank you for teaching me life's lessons Daddy.

From Your Daughter,
Joline