I actually had a totally different message to share when i started to write, but somehow, things took a turn when i let my mind say whatever it wanted. I would've doctored it or split it in half, but i figured... Think i'll just let it be.

Teehee, i'm no poet, but decided to try my hand at one. So here goes...:

To open thy heart before, 'tis a risk i did take,
But somewhere along the line, i realized i risked forsake.
But sometimes the urge becomes so strong,
So I simply just scribble some obscure song.

Such is the silliness of my public blog,
For one who fears getting severely mobbed.
Hence the things i type and publish,
Are mostly selfish, and some just rubbish.

It's for all to see, this online real estate,
But I know not who treads on this slate.
Nevertheless i thank the readers,
Who've often visited as this Vacuum's feeders.

Deep level discourse and embellished writings i have not,
Breathtaking photos, i also boast naught.
Witty lines and flowing expression,
Are more likely non existent than inner suppression.

Then again there was once a time,
When words arrived so clear and fine.
"Eloquent and articulate" were terms i favoured,
Thoughts borne of conceit and pride, they escalatored.

But then Life had a way to suck me out dry,
I open my mouth and nothing would fly.
When i once could slice a person in half,
Now, I'm as docile as a calf.
(ok, maybe not really.)

I look back upon the days of yore,
When suaning people was never a chore.
Though i'm watered down some with more to learn,
A dagger sharp mind, i still do yearn.

Hence often times i feel the evil green,
Creeping and seeking to consume and preen.
But then i think: "I Am Me",
My value, my worth: In the God i can't see.

So i worry less though still plagued at times,
But i remind myself: Don't waste your time;
"I am who i'm meant to be
Says the God who crafts perfectly".

A student talks about how s/he was very disturbed by a talk made in his/her school (a junior college) about sexuality:

"Another point made at the workshop is that sex is only for procreation, and that safe sex is "mutual masturbation". I believe that such views send a wrong message to youths - that safe sex must not be practiced. This goes against campaigns and calls for safe sex by the health authorities."

Reading the forum letter was ok at the beginning but somewhere towards to the middle and end, i've also become disturbed, but for different reasons. I'll leave everyone to their own views and conclusions on this, though in my opinion, this bit here is considered warped on a few levels.
I definitely won't overlook the possibility that some pointers made during the talk might be deemed off beat and/or controversial, maybe even wrong. Though apart from what i see as warped, i think that there's also a possibility that some issues were also taken out of context and therefore misunderstood by the student.

While the student was appalled and upset by the video featuring abortion:

I was given a gory abortion video to watch - In secondary school. Early teens. You know, watching the video in junior college may have been a little late for a few people.

From the name of the author, i gather that s/he is a foreign student who has either been here only a while or ignorant to such issues or not used to the blatant exposure of certain truths or genuinely adverse to gore...
But look: This is what society is facing and there's a measure of education on this area that students need to have. So deal with it.

On the other hand, given the seemingly pushy points (that're at times bewildering) that the Catholic Church was trying to bring across, it does make one wonder about whether the school should vet the organization and content before presenting it to the students. As for that movie they were allowed the view but were actually underaged for it... Rather iffy here. I don't know what it's about, but given the kind of ethics practiced or the lack thereof (depends on how you see it) by the organization, i wonder if the obtained net benefit is enough to make that move justifiable.

He has violent tendencies

Lying down flat on my back on my exercise mat after two sets of crunches, panting, i looked up into a long doggy face that stared down at me with bright sparkly canine eyes and said to him: "Later, you bath ok?"
*jo thinks: smelly dog*

And then he punched me squarely in my right eye with his clawed paw.

Wa lao eh. My eye became bloodshot for a while ok?

Just what is it with some men?

They think that it's ok to screw around with their girlfriends before marriage with whatever reason they want to use, but they expect their wives to be virgins or else they would think... differently of her.

?!?!?!?!?!??!?!??!?!??!?!?!

That is one of the most flawed views i've ever heard. I shall save my blog from my rude retorts borne of my wrath. These people need help in getting a major change in mindset.

rambling

Here's wishing all friends A Jolly Lunah Noo Ya, Gong Xi Fa Cai, Wan Shi Ru Yi, Nian Nian You Yu and er... Shen Ti Jian Kang. Uhm. I think that's about all i know. Pathetic as always, my mandarin. For those of you who didn't quite get what that was about, the gist of all that stuff is: May your life be filled with abundance (health, money... of all things good only lah)

I'm not one for Chinese New Year, honestly. The perks are obviously the ang ang packets but it comes with a trade-off: Visiting, cooking, cleaning, plastering smiles on a face that would otherwise be poker faced. I had to preoccupy myself with the mission of stuffing my face with my mom's pineapple tart cookies while at the Gran's place. And not look greedy. :-9 *slurp*

(mom makes them for her every year - CNY cookie supplies 101. And since her PT cookies are the bestest in the entire multiverse, what does a loyal fan do, especially with the license to stuff? Right? Right??)

As the folks get older, and since sis and i are of this age, we're expected to take up more of the responsibilities and quit lying around on our butts waiting to be fed. No doubt that i believe this should be the case of course. And since XXX ran away to a distant country, my sister and i have stepped up a lot more than we did before in the previous years. We've been sheltered and cushioned from work since we were kids, so yeah, this CNY has been a new experience somewhat for us. And IT'S ABOUT TIME ANYWAY, I SAY.

(Though knowing myself, i wouldn't have readily admitted to that if you had asked me last year)

And it's been tiring. OOOOooooooooooooooh Yes Siree bub, it's been tiring. The festivities have been coming wave after wave, kind of back to back, and I'm just longing for the year to settle down into the mundane drone so that i can do my studying in peace without being hauled up and out to perform some culinary execution or some major house cleaning expedition.

Methinks one of the best things to have happened, was for XXX to run off. If not, i'd still be bumbling about not knowing anything about how to take care of my own basic needs (which consists of a quite number of things when you think about it) and... er amongst other things, i wouldn't have otherwise lifted so much as a pinky to clean my toilet and the all important throne.

This might sound quite retarded but really. For the longest time, i've been selectively responsible, marginally organized, living with an odd one roach, in a daze and living in the hazy bubble of just minding my own business, in my own little world. But having had some comforts taken away from me, that bubble burst. Pop.

I stood there for a while in the open. Somewhat lost and shocked. Shaking my head. Then opening my eyes. Seeing.
And so i'm feeling my way around now, for it's been years in that bubble. I can't say that i've morphed instantly into the perfectly self motivated being who's getting her act cleaned up, but I'm learning.

So i'm coerced into doing these things for my own and everyone else's good, both for the present and future. And i'm thankful for that.

Plus there's lots more to listen to and learn from, if i can just humble myself. And i'm thankful for that.

Thanks, God. You know that there's a time for everything and i guess i'm looking foward to whatever else that's in store in your plan. And i'm thankful that i can trust you.

*

During that conversation last night, it seems that i might have a shot at going overseas to further my studies in psychology. I'm not sure if it was all talk in front of the guests with no real committment, or whether it has actually been something that has been on his mind for a while ever since "doing a Masters" came into the picture somewhere in 2004.

Been surfing about looking for a reputable university with a Postgrad in Sports Psych. The more common postgrads are Applied, Clinical and Organizational, and so far i've only garnered one uni that's in Australia with SP. The question now is... Argh, i'm too scared to think about that question now. Just want to get me my As and Bs.

I'm looking at Sports Psych currently cos through all the teaching during archery rara-ing booths, i've learnt a thing or two about a person's frame of mind at the shooting line and i take pleasure in helping them achieve their goals on the target board, and likewise, perhaps for other various sporting endeavours of other athletes in future. Thing is, the pool of sportsmen in Singapore is relatively small. True, there's that Sports School and upcoming young guns who could use all the help and support to bring themselves far, past just the SEA Games.

I'm just not sure if this area of sports in Singapore is a promising beginning for greater things to come, or is it just good writing skills i'm getting from the ST.

I'd love to be positive about all this because after all, i AM all FOR the growth of our sporting youngsters. Tsk, reminds me of the time when... Oh, never mind. That issue has been talked to death already on this blog.

So I've been told that Singapore's never going to achieve if sportsmen and officials, i quote: can't even see eye to eye.
True.
Politics. Pfffffffffffffffffttt!

But i do, honestly, want to help others. I'm lost with respect to what i wish to do in life. My initial goal was thrown off course by the negative shakes of his head. I felt awful. He expects more of me, perhaps even wants to keep me from stagnating in such a career? But all i wanted to do was to help others and give something back to society. Mayhap my view on the police force was too idealistic.

Lost or not, i'm going to make the best of what i've got now. Proceed to complete it and complete it the best that i possibly can. I wouldn't say that it's going to be a "gamble" to pick a certain specialization in psychology in future, if it is something that God wants me to pursue. Yet, psychology is underdeveloped in Singapore no doubt, but we should see it as a green light for us new blood to work hard to a position where we can develop it.

The engine won't start and we won't go nowhere if there ain't no driver in the seat.

Before that, i've got to pray hard about this. There's no better way.

While walking around one of the levels of Bukit Timah Plaza (or was it shopping centre?) i got slapped in the brain by a flashback when i saw this. It was as though at that moment, i shrank half a metre down in a split second and was staring at this through the eyes of a child (erm, but without the specs because of perfect eyesight i had then). The surroundings didn't need to change much to become some scene from the 1990s because it already looked quite "old Singapore".

Was pleasantly surprised when i opened one of the oranges. The normal coloured orange is the one you see upfront, but the one behind looks like an opened grapefruit. Ah hah, but both are oranges pure and simple and they do not taste too far different.

Fletching jig for my compound bow arrows. I just like the way how the surface looks so sleek.

One of those candle-in-a-glass thingy.

Jed loves associating with warm clothes that come fresh out of the dryer. Argh, now you know why my clothes are covered in fur and why i might smell like... dog.

A tree shot taken from my room window. The angle just reminds me of the type of tree that you would expect to see a person sitting beneath with a book in hand and head bowed in concentration. Though a tree of that sort would stereotypically appear to be shorter and thicker in bark, with branches that spread out wide their rich autumn colour themed leaves.

I've got me books, and i've started reading 'em. It's easy to get distracted and bored what with the endless black print with no colour illustrations even. But i tell myself: "Don't look at the short term goal of simply finishing a chapter, but look to the exams. You want to do well, don't you? You want to walk out of that exam hall knowing that you were well prepared and did your best with everything that you could muster, don't you?"
And my motivation returns preceded with a more positive attitude to face my books of endless black print with no colour illustrations even.

Don't really know what to blog about these days, but rest assured, i'm not going to close this blog down. It holds too many memories for me, though i've contemplated printing out close to everything i've ever bothered to deposit here.
Don't quite like not having stuff to update about and seeing the same old posts over again.

I'm doing a Social Psych mod this sem, yummilicious. It already looks set to beat cognitive psych. I'm telling myself: READ WITH UNDERSTANDING! READ IT PROPER!

I've always thought that i'm lagging in the intellectual and maturity department. Things come to me slower. Later. Grasping most stuff comes at a snail's pace in comparison with most people my age. At least that's what it feels like.

Gem lent me his LOTR - Return of the King, Extended Version DVD. No kidding. It got my nose glued to the lappie for a good 4+ hours or so. Amazing stuff. I wonder when the next epic kind of movie with like 3 or 4 or 6 parts to it will come. Every now and then, you get preciousssss creations like Star Wars and The Lord of the Rings. The Chronicles of Narnia does't look very promising to me personally, though. Mayhap i'm too used to action, blood and loads of hightech CGI.

*blinks tired eyes* Glad to say that my biological clock has been pretty much adjusted to a healthy sleeping and waking time, plus, i'm keeping to my NY's resolutions. Greaaaat.

I miss LOTR xboxing. No wait. I need hack and slash games.

Apparently in our temporary possession, we've got The Prince of Persia - Warrior Within, and may i add, that it's a really great game. A pity though. Just because of one, ONE, wall-to-wall jump stunt that i've tried about 20 odd times and cannot seem to get through with, i've abandoned the game. Because i can go no further if i can't execute that and get on with the scene.

Boo.

It was 2+am in the morning, and my eyes were still glued to the lappie screen, reason: Watching LOTR - Fellowship of the Ring.

I like watching movies on my lappie because i get to be really upclose to the moving images. To keep watch on every detail, from the cuts and bruises, creases and wrinkles, the smoothness of one's skin, oily hair, almond shaped eyes... To the lush greenery and beautiful expanse of actual, outdoor scenery of New Zealand (unlike The Chronicles of Nar...). I also get to press my nose, or close to, the characters' faces and see the unspoken but not masked emotion from their eyes. Sure, i don't get superb hair-gets-blown-to-one-side kind of sound system from the lappie and speakers but what compensates for that, is the privacy i have when i watch my movie alone, and when i can control the flow or disruption of the movie: The rewind button is my slave.

And so i finally got to watch the first show to its completion without being disturbed, following the story clearly and understanding all the implications of what's what.

The movie is absolutely enthralling, captivating. I find myself gawking at the screen, pulled into the story, living their journey, feeling their pain and anguish when they lose a friend. I realized that my face was contorted with horror as i watched Boromir fight even after 3 arrow shafts were protruding from his chest. And who could forget Gandalf? Kindly, intelligent, learned. Powerful yet is still vulnerable and fragile at the same time.

Of course, there is much more to be said. It's LOTR, yeah?

But.

Now. For The Two Towers. Which, unfortunately consists of VCDs, which my, ironically "too advanced lappie" cannot play.

:-<

Good Morning Buangkok. I'm seeing you at 7:30am now. *yawn* After 2 1/2 hours of sleep.

A and G take the opportunity to shoot while there's still time before the crowd builds up.

Soon, a whole barrage of students came and decided to give archery a try. Hope your interest in archery has been sparked!

Apart from the two very short but vicious showers, we had an ok time. S, whom i met for the first time, scouted around for Helium filled balloons and yep, you can guess what happened. Suddenly, we had a chipmunk in our midst, singing songs and swaying from side to side. And S, is NOT chipmunk proportioned. It was SO HILARIOUS, i laughed till my cheeks burned with pain.

And finally, my books shall be coming in this friday. WOOOOOOOOOOOT! I am just about the happiest person about it and my sister thinks i'm siao. I know this sounds insane, but i've decided that exam prep begins the minute i get my course materials. I want to get me Bs. I want.

Guess there'll be no xboxing for tonight.

I've got to be at our controversial mrt station first thing tomorrow morning for the opening carnival. Heh, and this time, we get to do demos with our bows, hence the need to lug my equipment along. The VIP is MP Teo Chee Hean ok?

Like i said, no xboxing tonight. Hmmmm.

For those of you who've always suspected that something is wrong and offbeat, that there was something not quite normal with joline... You're right and here's your confirmation...

You scored as Smeagel. You like fish and have split personalities you smeagel. Smeagel 67% Legolas Greenleaf 58% Frodo 58% Bormir 58% Pipin 58% Sam 50% Formir 50% Aragorn 42% Gandalf 42% Gimli 42% Mary 17% Which LOTR Character are you? created with QuizFarm.com

I almost died laughing, can? And for the record, i do not have a love affair with fish. I also love beef and chicken, a lot, thankyouverymuch.

But i am so pek chek, i COULD'VE BEEN LEGOLAS YOU KNOW?! Dang.

*does best impersonation of Smeagal's ugliest smile*

(courtesy of K's blog)

I feel quite retarded leh, and i'll tell you why. As of (earlier) yesterday, i bore the artwork of my sister, which were the highlights in my hair. And then... in an attempt to soften the stark blondness of some parts just a wee bit *sob*, i "erased" most of the highlights (dyeing it a darker brown) and now it looks... like it wasn't dyed ever at all.

*Alamak* It's not so much of how i look now, but more of... I feel so bad that i wasted my sister's hard work and about 5 hours of her life. :~-( So, like i said, i feel quite retarded. Now i just need to hope that history would repeat itself, i.e., the dye would fade a bit after washing.

But i love the smell of the conditioner that comes with the hair dye. Fruity. Yum!

*** ***

The Archery Club of Singapore will be at Hougang to bring archery to the public once again. And yeappp, it's for the opening of our infamous White Elephant aka Buangkok MRT Station. Happening on the 15th of Jan, sunday, from 9am to 12pm.

Oh yeah, and Coach Joline doth strike again.

*** ***

I've got lobang! Got Lobang!!!

To all ACSians, (Anglo-Chinese School, not Archery Club of Singapore) Past, Present and To-Be AND to Every other interested party: The long awaited school funfair that happens every 2 years, Fun-O-Rama, is coming up, on the 18th of Feb, 9:30am to 6pm. Tickets at $10 each. Happening at Anglo-Chinese Junior College, as always. For info on tickets, you can email me at pony_curtis@hotmail.com

I'm really nice, see? So, don't scared!

If you're not there for the food, go there for the fun and games.
If you're not there for the fun and games, then go there to visit your teachers.
If you're not there for the teachers, then go look at the newly erected blocks and plasma TV.
If you're not there to appreciate the newly erected blocks and plasma TV, then go there to step on the track-that-Mr-Lenn-protects-with-monetary-threats.
If you're not there to step on the track and feign ignorance, then go and pretend that you're enjoying yourself.
If you're not there to pretend that you're enjoying yourself, then go and soak in the "AC Spirit". *cough**cough*
If you're not there to soak in the... Spirit, then go and make it an excuse to meet up with old friends!
If you're not there to rekindle friendships, then er.. go and parade yourself.
If you're not there to parade yourself, then go and see the parade... Trust me, got loads of eye candy one. *wink* To be fair, girls and guys also lah, ok!

Disclaimer: Err..., for that last sentence, it was my Year-2004-Self talking. My eyes very tame now one hor.

Oh wait, this is suppose to be a family friendly blog. Ok, tata!

P.S.: Library Gang girls, WE ARE GOING. WOOT!

Rainy, rainy, cold and shivery, wet, wet... Er. I want to go to IKEA and eat chicken wings. *skips around but frowns at the sight of the scene outside*

Nevertheless, it's purdy nice in a sense. Yesterday, i had fun slapping my slipper clad feet in puddles along Orchard Road. The feeling of the chilly, sloshy water flowing in and out again between my toes was refreshing, plus, i loved the way the water sprung up a few centimetres from the ground in a little sprinkly wave. (but point to note, do not attempt childhood rain fun behind richly dressed stranger.)

After a while, i got tired of opening and closing the brolly, and so i began to walk in the rain, not caring that i could hide under my sis's. The rain drops were big ole fat ones, heavy and shrieky-cold, but i enjoyed getting drenched. It's so liberating.

My memories of december was always that of rain, while january and february have always been that of clear, blue and sunny skies with sparse white clouds that bear no message of rain. That, and gusty winds that make me raise my face to stare into the beauty of the stereotypical high place we all call The Heavens.
Hmph. The climate's going wonky, if you ask me.

It's the kind of weather that encourages depressed people in their certain grim purposes, the kind of weather that, in the Northern Hemispheric context, causes a rise in deaths.

I've always had a penchant for talking about things that somehow find its way to Death.

***

After my 1st year in Uni during which i slogged and mugged for a good 8 months or so, i totally collapsed from exhaustion during the 4 months of break that led into 2005. And my engine of motivation never found its way to resume its momentum. I attribute that to the insane length of the academic year without a strategic June break and the long holiday which put me in a most inefficient frame of mind. And sadly, i stayed in that mentality for the whole of 2005, which gave me my cat and dog grades, although i still praise the Lord, because i really didn't deserve to pass.

This year, it's different. The engine's running, i feel focused, i am motivated. My lousy grades from the last two modules did nothing to give me discouragement, but instead has fueled my desire to do better, or at least, to correct the wrong areas in my life, get into shape to try harder. I don't have much time left in school and i need that nice looking cert if i am going to further my studies elsewhere.

Singapore's list of majors in local universities is Miserable.

The changes made to the marking system as well as the academic calendar gives me hope that i might stop hitting Cs. Having an "Elitist" (so i was told) as one of the new Heads in the school isn't too shabby either since they'll want to improve the university. So yeah, by all means, please rub shoulders with the high and mighty, if it means that we'll be recognized beyond our shores.

I have not lost ALL my cynicism, but i think i may have gotten too trusting. In which case, i'm not quite sure if that's a 100% good thing, but then again, why do i need to find something to be nitty gritty about?

I've grown accustomed to my high walls that i had carefully built over the years, though occasionally peeping through a slight opening that i sometimes allow, as i lower the drawbridge. People come, seeking. I speak to them and find something wanting.

This might sound a little offbeat, but as i was cutting onions the other day (and hopping up and down and flapping my arms wildly whenever the stinging of my eyes and tearing begins), i wondered if i was guilty of being one.
Er, yeah. An Onion.

The outermost layers are thin, superficial, dry, discoloured: That is the me i put on the outside. But as someone proceeds to probe deeper, finding out more about me, the layers get harder (and juicier? You find out more about me mah.) and i may sting you with the things that i say or hurt you because of the walls that i purposefully run to hide behind, separating you and me. It might hurt, it may even make you resent me. And finally, i will hurt you most when you take a knife to me, when you cut me, hurt me. That's when i will let loose my defensive mechanisms and in my fury, seek to attempt to make sure that you pay the price of my wrath.

(if you haven't seen that bitter side of me, you either do not know me very well, you haven't cheesed me off that much, or, i have managed to, er, tone my temper down.)

But then the walls finally came down, and i find myself standing liberated, in the open, on vast immense freedom. In a kind of freedom that i have never experienced before.

And so the onion, at the end of the day, had been cut, chopped and cooked up. And most onion dishes don't taste too far bad. :-)

Nay, i am in no rotten mood. And I shall stop right here.

Before i come up with a longer version of a New and Old Year post, let me first say to all friends (all inclusive, as long as you drop by this blog):

A Blessed New Year to You.

Let the old and bad fall away, to reveal a new and fresh spirit to take on what this new year of 2006 will bring. A clean slate, a whole new 364 days ahead of you to use to start something you've decided on to do, or to finish something that you've begun.

me: "Oh, what must i do so that you'll be clean?!" "Hey, that sounds like what Jesus would say."
sis: "Getting into the Christmas spirit, are we."

(exclamation made after sweeping the floor but only to find that it was still felt grainy and sandy)

*

Girls, this was a lesson learnt you know?

"Wearing a bra ah, is an Art. It's not just, put on already then, "Let's Go!" " said the aunty in Triumph.

The one by the Cell.

"Because of our busy schedules, we coudn't really do much, so we got you this present..."
"Oh, and this present was very thoughtfully put together"

And K hands me a package in silver, which i accepted with thanks. I mean, a present is a present, so i was grateful. (later when i opened it, it consisted of Skittles, Ferraro and this other munchie. HAHAHAHA.)

At that point, i was wondering why everyone was looking at me strange, with these little expectant and if i may dare say so, even CHEEKY smiles, on their faces.

Well, i didn't want to make it like i was expecting anything big, because, erm, who am i to do so? It was too bad i couldn't stay with them further for dinner because i had plans for the night, hence i left early.

Little did i know that when i left, KW told my cell group, "How could you do that to your CG member?!"

23rd of December came, and we had a cell Christmas gathering at N's place, just like we did last year. Everything was going fine and dandy, sumptuous dinner with great company. I have to admit that i was wondering if they were going to pull off a birthday surprise again, like they did last year.

When there was no mention of anything, i felt... Ok, a little sad. C'mon, for people who always make sure to give meaningful presents to birthday folks, 3 packets of munchies was very unlike them, unless they had honestly thought that munchies are my most prized desires in my lifetime.

(Though frankly, i enjoyed the munchies a lot while i was on the way home, because i was absolutely famished that day. I hadn't a thing to eat from morning till night. Only drinks.)

After having my fill, i was slouching contentedly on the cushy couch when suddenly, someone began to announce loudly from behind me, "And now, we would also like to celebrate... I's birthday!" ("I" refers to someone's name) Yay!!! The birthday girl covers her face in surprised embarrassment as everyone claps and as someone brought out a log cake with the candles that indicated 22 years of age.

Jo thinks: Don't expect anything for myself lah...

A birthday song ensued for I and then K chirped out of the blue: Hey, it's also joline's birthday right?

And so a second birthday song ensued and at this point i was thinking: "Oh hey! So they did remember, or at least, K did..." And to my utter amazement, a SECOND log cake emerged from behind me. Oh gosh... I was totally taken by surprise and i had honestly thought that they'd just take off one candle from the first cake, so that it'll indicate 21 years of age.

Oh man... So they DID plan to play that trick on me! *ROAR!!!!* Haahahaa. So those WERE cheeky smiles i saw, a week ago.

And what do you know? Even though Gem couldn't be there with us because he had Christmas musical responsibilities... His thoughts were there with me, because when i opened the gift from the cell group, it turned out to be a small and compact NKJV bible: Something i've been eyeing for a while, because my usual student bible gets too heavy to lug around sometimes. And he, being the observant guy he is, remembered that need/want and suggested getting it. *smile* Thank you. Thanks to K too, for picking out the pretty bible. ;-) Very good taste.

Once again, i've been so blessed and provided for. And i have done nothing at all, to deserve what i have been given. Ah, Thank God for putting these people in my life and Thank God... for simply just, Everythng.

These were the people who stood by me during my stormy exam period this year that proved to be so nerve wrecking that i thought i was going to lose my mind, and these were the people who offered counsel and care through their words of encouragement and kind gestures. And they are the very people who had no qualms about praying for your needs and who always had valuable insights into life and its lessons.

Oh! Be blessed, precious cell group members. :-)

The one by Library Gang

And once again, i was fooled by an ingenius bunch of friends. HA! But how i wish that there wouldn't be an end to all this merry making and joyful shrieks. Oh... Birthday surprises are so heartwarming! :-)

I tried to go into details about my first birthday surprise hatched by my Library Gang of ACJC '02, but the whole excitement and mad elation of the occasion was lost in the uninspiring story telling and limited vocabulary i have. *mutter* But because i will not allow my memory to betray the efforts of my friends, i shall attempt to blog about what happened.

And yah, never underestimate Miss L, the brains behind the plan. R.E.S.P.E.C.T. *thumps chest*

Birthday Surprise No. 1 : Library Gang. 13th of December

Unknown to the blissfully ignorant me, the day started off innocently enough with my Gem coming over to my place, i quote: "To spend some time with you" before going off to church for his Christmas musical rehearsal. At this point, everything was just happening as per normal, and I didn't suspect a single thing, not a whiff.

Nothing much happens from then till the time for the plot to unravel. We watched "Monty Python and the Holy Grail" once through for the first time and we laughed over the ridiculous british comedy group. More time was then spent on doing various things like tinkling on the piano and making dinner for the parentals.

To cut out unneccesary details, i shall just say that my mom had conveniently asked Gem to stay for dinner, which became a very handy activity, as you shall later find out. While i was off in my room getting spruced up to supposedly "Meet L and the rest of Library Gang at City Hall at 8pm" (oh, what a trick it was!), Gem told my folks THE REAL PLAN.

When i came out from the shower, i found the folks and the Gem still talking over dinner and i was thinking: HELLO?! I am going to be LATE for my meeting with the girls and Gem was going to be SUPER late for rehearsal. I tapped his shoulder and pointed to the clock to indicate that we had to leave.

BUT NO... The 3 of them kept talking and eating (sorry, we made you overeat!) and so, i figured: Oh, never mind. I'll just call L to tell her i was going to be late.

Which i did, and was told not to worry, to take my time, that she (L) was still buying something and that another friend, let's call her FSH, was still at home, in the throne room, making cakes. So i was told not to worry about being late.

I noticed that Gem was getting a lot of smses and i was wondering why. Little did i know that HE WAS IN IT TOO. RARH!!! Apparently, he was suppose to delay me, to keep me at home, so that the girls could execute their plan. And so, the poor boy had to eat, and eat, and eat. *buah hahahaa* Oops, sorry. :-(

When i finally stepped out from the house, after my folks bid us "goodbye" and "enjoy yourself" (the actors!), my attention was brought upon this little green and yellow note stuck onto the stairwell wall.

It read: "Happy Birthday! Hello gal! Surprise? We are no longer meeting at City Hall. You are now part of an exciting treasure hunt. Follow the path of the candle light to Level 1 in search of your first clue. *wink*"

The NAUGHTY GIRLS! WAHAHAHAHHAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My first thought was that the note wasn't for me, that it was for someone else's party, but nope, it was the first of the clues to bring me around a small area of the condo estate.

Ok, so the excitement was building and i was thinking: Ohhh! WHOOPEE! SO FUN! WAH! I cannot believe the girls are doing this!

So Gem and i went down the stairwell, of course not without bringing the note along. We met with a row of prettily lit up candles about halfway down. Took a photo of that.

I got to my first clue, that was pasted on the wall on Level 1, which read: "Joline G: Wah! So obedient ah? haha... Really follow the instru(...) By the way, any idea who am i?"

Upon calling the mysterious clue leaver, i was given my next hint to find the next note. And so in the same fashion, i was led on to find two other notes, each time being given a hint of its location from the person i was to guess (who it was) and call. (Level 1-->Bench-->Hair Salon-->Back to my OWN HOME.)

Ha, i only 1 out of 3 right. Hey, it wasn't easy because the same person wrote ALL the notes, so it was impossible to guess from handwriting alone.

Back to my own home? That was a strange answer to arrive at after being given the last hint to my final destination.

Gem was with me all the while, brisk walking from place to place, and KNOWING all along that this treasure hunt was going to take place. And he was playing right along like he was none the wiser. I tell you, i cannot trust him anymore man! His combination of poker face and seriously CONVINCING-NO-CHUCKLING-OH-WHAT-IS-GOING-ON act was FLAWLESS. Hur hur.

Some more, i asked him: "AYE!!! You're LATE FOR CHURCH LEH! CAN YOU GO OFF NOOOWWW?!?!?!?"

And he can still tell me: "No, it's ok... I already told them that i'll be late."
And i am usually used to this line of his because of other instances, so i didn't really suspect anything. Wa liew! You should've seen his facial expression can? DESERVE OSCAR ALREADY OK? His usual concerned, calm and in control disposition. There is NO WAY, that you could've guessed that he was behind anything.

He still claims that he didn't know anything besides the fact that there was going to be a hunt, but i shall sustain that he was in it. Period. *ROAR!*

And so as i clacked down (wearing slightly elevated footwear, which luckily didn't give me blisters when i went around on my hunt) the stairs to me home, i saw no note. I thought: "Strange. But i DID hear Jed barking (while i was downstairs) as though someone he doesn't know stepped into the house. Maybe... There's something/someone in the house."

So out came the house key. I didn't really know what to expect, except that: Ok, there's certainly something prepared but what?

I unlocked the door and i stepped in...

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And i saw a life size wax model of KEANU REEVES!!!!!!!

Right. Ok, not really.

Actually when i stepped in, i didn't see anything. The house looked exactly like the way it was. And there was no one.

But that only fed my curiousity. I ventured past the hall and lo and behold as i looked down towards the kitchen, what did i see?

A flash of white shirt making a beeline for our storeroom so he could hide! AH HAH! It WAS J, XH's (our gang leader) boyfriend! And then my mom who was talking to J ran up to stairs to distract me with some nonsense about "HOW COME YOU ARE AT HOME?!" And i was like, "WHAT DO YOU MEAN?!"

Not long after, i turned to face the doorway of my room and was confronted with the 3 glowing faces of my Library Gang members, and in one of the girl's hands, held my birthday cake.
*Awwwww.......................*

And so the cat was finally out of the bag. And in the moments that came, i asked the girls what on EARTH happened, with lots of laughter and shrieks, and also found out that Gem was in it. Plus, he got to formally meet my girls for the first time. :-) Yay! It was unfortunate that he had to rush off to church, for real. But my dad was really sweet and gave him a lift there. :-)

After the cake cutting and phototaking, we adjourned to this Turkish restaurant at the Rail Mall. Hohoho, the food is authentic Turkish cuisine (the owner who was also the cook for that day, is from Turkey) and it was a slightly exotic experience on the chinese suaku's (*ahem*) tastebuds.

Over dinner, my girls, J, and i had good food, good fun and i felt really blessed. Did you know... That they had make Gem keep me at home initially, so that they could buy time to decorate the restaurant with balloons?

How can one not feel incredibly blessed with friends who would go through all the effort and trouble of liasing with people they hardly know to create a treasure hunt, and then coming into my home to prepare the surprise and even decorating a restaurant beforehand, just for me? Of course, i had the presents too, which i WILL put up on the blog soon.

My birthday was memorable BECAUSE of all of them, and if it wasn't for the girls and the significant other(s), i'd have let the day go on by without much fanfare.

There is no way that i can jot down all that i wish to say to thank them because my words do no justice to their caring gestures borne of our deep friendship.

But what i can do, is to treasure them in this lifetime. Treasure them and to always be there for them, to provide a shoulder to wet with tears, an open heart to show love and care, and a willing listening ear to hear them out, in all the seasons of their lives.

God willing, i hope to grow old together with them, like we've always said we would.

2000 years ago, He was born. But no one at that time, had a physical place fit for a new born to be brought into the world, and so He was born in a stable. A very humble beginning to the many glorious happenings to come and for that one powerful act of ultimate love that created history.

This Christmas, let's remember the real reason of why our calendars are marked. It's not about a ruddy, obese, sack-carrying man, who rides on a sleigh with a reindeer suffering from a perpetual nose bruise and who most certainly won't land on your HDB rooftop. Neither is it about engaging in self indulgent, unruly behaviour, although it does seem like the perfect time to do so.

Burning all the peripherals away, this's really about Jesu (no spelling error here), and this season is to remember his Birth Day. It's a celebration for, and of him. So let's not keep him waiting on the outside of our hearts as we busy ourselves with the stereotypical Christmas activities, denying him access into our lives, the same way he was kept out and away as a baby due to be born.

I know some of us don't celebrate Christmas the same way Christians do, but i would just like to wish you a time of warmth and love as you spend the holidays with family, friends and special ones, and perhaps take some time to reflect on the past year and what all of it meant, and what needs to be addressed in the future ahead.

Inevitably, some of us may feel more alone than ever, feeling quite the contrary to what is going on around you. But believe me, when you embrace the real meaning behind Christmas, you'll know and find that you were never meant to be alone. Jesu was sent just for you on Christmas, to later on die for you, so that you'll never walk alone, even if every other physical particle, living or dead, has left your side.

It's been sort of crazy busy over here, what with the annual sleepover i had with my home girls over the weekend which was filled with juicy updates, and then having to make my way to orchard in the last few days to help at the archery booth, a ktv session, and now, a 2 day outreach overnight activity thingy coming up, followed by Christmas activities, and then possibly more archery stuff, a worship team Christmas gathering on boxing day and then finally a Settlers Cafe debut.

Tired and weary is me. I want to curl up into the tiniest ball, find a corner to squish myself into and do nothing but... Breath. And maybe eat some nice strawberry Hello Pandas.

This rush of activity comes after a state of being stagnant and non-productive. Too little and too much helter skeltering, surprisingly makes me feel depressed.

Like on my birthday, i awoke feeling an uncontrollable, unexplainable and a deep unpleasant sense of emptiness and unfulfillment. A terrible sense of heavy dread was somehow born and it sat inside me and festered. But i Thank God for my sister who was going to the gym that day which encouraged me to get up and out, because i figured that if i were to continue to lie moaning on my bed and feel depressed, i may drift into a worse psychological state. That morning, i had experienced something that i never had before, and i don't ever want to come face to face with that again.

Apart from cramming into a corner, an escapade to the beach would be lovely. And tons better, it would be, if i needn't worry about when i have to go home. Or, perhaps to have an apartment/hotel room overlooking the sea (Sentosa?), with me at the balcony enjoying the breeze that the night brings.

*** ***

In other bo liao news, my wandering and wondering mind has been bitten by the drumset bug. Which made me thicken my skin mysteriously and enabled me to asked to kope the drumsticks from the drummer guy after band practice.

Nicely enough, i bumped into JC from the Sonic Edge Band who gave me a tip on how to begin to er... em, dis-coordinate myself so as to let my hands and legs engage in different activity at the same time. That's drumming for you, i guess.

I shall begin my search for drumming classes though i have a hunch that it's going to be waste of dough, worse still, i might cause the death of my instructor, maybe from high blood pressure or a heart attack.

Archery Booth RaRa Time

Ah hah, Coach Joline STRIKES AGAIN! dun dun duuuuunnnnnnnnnnnnnn!!!!!!!!!!!!!

But excuse me, i have produced pretty good students ok?

The Chronicles of Narnia movie is having some sort of publicity thingy going on at Orchard Road and my archery club will be there once again to introduce archery to the public. We'll be having a little booth, not sure where exactly yet, but i'll be there first thing tomorrow!

Orchard Road (not difficult to go right... Not like Expo)
17-24th of Dec, 12-9pm.

Sigh, i hate to tell you this, but because i am honest to goodness, shooting arrows come with a price. Rah. Oh well. We is non profit organization.

A good thing that there isn't some silly suit (not to mention some other totally undesirable outfits) for me to wear, if not, i am sure that my club members will make me dress up and bring a bow and quiver around to promote our booth or something. Eeee.

So far, they've made some pretty scary suggestions during other such events, but jokingly of course. This is the price to pay when you are just one of the few female archers in the club. I am b*** ugly but they got not much choice for females as a promoter, if ever needed. Ha ha ha.

Today... Is the day... When i brought both pain and joy (i hope) to my mommy, some 21 years ago... In a hospital... When i got smacked to see if i was alive... When i first breathed in air from this planet called Earth... When my folks received someone or something, otherwise considered a gift from God, though hohoho, they sure didn't know what was coming to them...

MUahahahahaha... Yes, 21 years ago on this day, i came along.

I promised a blog post on what happened when 8 people collaborated seamlessly with each other with me blissfully cloaked in ignorance, to spring me one perfectly executed birthday surprise.

Lesson learnt: Never. Ever. Underestimate Miss G.L.

Details in a bit!

Done and conquered, have i, the Lord of the Rings: Return of the King. Muah hahahahhahahha!!!

I wonder if there's a xbox version for The Matrix, and i wonder if it's any good. Sister suggests that i should do some reading up on the game reviews first. Okie doke.

*** ***

Oh, i tried to take a photo each of the "before Frosty Beige" hairdo and "after Frosty Beige" hairdo, and found less than a molecule of difference. So, i think i will just post a photo of what it looks like now. The back view of my head of course. This is a non-violent, no-gore, family friendly, G-rated blog, remember?



Goodness, it looks like a mess. :-( My hair kinda reminds me of the tentacles from the big purple octopus lady from The Little Mermaid. Eeee.

*** ***

My days feel empty. I feel as though each day passes by without meaning, without purpose. And the nagging sense of dread and emptiness is even more acute when i am just done with a 2 hour session with the xbox.
But my incorrigibly lazy self prevents me from doing much else from, yeah, borrowing a coupla books to read in hope that some good vocab will do me some marginal cerebral good.

I have said so much, but have done so little. There are fears to be faced, and challenges to take on by the horns. I can't keep hiding and cowering away from them. Some day, if i keep this sorry attitude going, these vices will get the better of me, and i will forever be held captive in a little sheltered world, not knowing and not seeing.
There is a need to get myself in order.

I think i saw her. And seeing her brings back memories of a time long ago, of a time that i have put behind me. Time not withstanding, the emotions still felt a little raw and I felt them creep up on me from the crevices of my mind, but i chose to beat them back ferociously into a state of submissive hiding. But i can hear its sneering, taunting me, making me feel a tinge of that familiar pain all over again.

She looks different. Older and bears less of that childlike disposition, though she still retains the same resemblance to the young primary school going child i saw about 3 to 4 years ago. But most of all, she looks like her brother: Echoing that face i knew so well.

There was a time when she, in all her cheerful innocence, brought me to her room to show me her collection of toys and knick knacks and introduced them one by one to me. And there were other times when she would boisterously pounce on my back and delight in piggy back rides from me. She made me feel included, she made me feel that she accepted me, enjoyed being with me.

Today, her gaze followed me as i walked on by. If it was really her, I wonder what she thinks of me now. I wonder if she hates me or sees me with disdain for all the things that she must've heard that i've done from his side of the story.

I've been guilty of delying comment replies (but i've replied oreddi! but yes, you may stone me) and blogging because i've been stuck to the xbox for the last couple of days. Someone save me. Either that, SOMEONE PLEASE BE MY XBOX PLAYMATE! And WE GOTTA AIM TO PLAY TO WIN!

Note: My gem came over to my place and i erm... made him play the game with me. *pai seh* But he had to pick... Gimli! *piak* (Gimli is that short, ruddy, hairy, chunky Dwarf in Lord of the Rings)

(my sister has now grown slightly bored of my choice of game, and is already grumbling that i've been hogging her xbox and depriving her of her games.)

Thing is, she doesn't make a pip when i'm playing and when i'm not at it, she's on her PC. I'm not selfish lah...
As you might have guessed, i have decided to go through with this game until i complete it. Deadset on its completion. Which looks like an end that is no less near. Soon.

I love having two blades. Wah, and i've been playing until i feel slightly giddy-ish when i stop to pause for a rest.

My hand muscles have been sore for about an hour. My two thumbs throb. My fingernails threaten to puncture the flesh of 4 of my digits. My backside may rot. My eyeballs may drop out.

Xboxing: Lord of the Rings.

Unspeakable Fun-ness.

Oh. Yes.

It may be just a matter of time before i go search out some LAN Gaming? Uhm, you know... Just to give it a try.

Feeling all sleepy from a good dinner that's been due for about a week, in celebration of the parentals' anniversary. Got to say that even after slightly over 20 years of marriage, they still ooze them lovey dovey mushy stuff. Not really through words (not that i get to hear any of it outright anyway) but through their affectionate touches and gestures.
Whee, i sure hope that i'll be able to have such a relationship with future spouse.

***

Some time ago in year 2002, it was after the 'A's when i was given a part time job at The Body Shop located within Turf City. It was the Christmas period, and i had easily gotten the job but it being the Christmas season, there was plenty of work to accomplish everyday, i had loads of stuff to learn on the spot and tried my best to handle customers and colleagues with tact.
But i was blessed with a manager who is a family friend from church and the other sales assistants were a nice bunch.

But during that time, i was still nursing a broken heart, with the year being the same year of that nasty split. It didn't help that the store had to play this particular Christmas CD over and over and over again, for the entire friggin' day.

The songs included were stuff like, "Give me a Maaaaaannnnnnn, this Christmas!" and you know, another the one that goes like, "Last Christmas, i gave you my heart, but the very next day, you gave it away..."

Not that the songs spoke of my sob story, but they weren't very conducive for emotional healing when you have such angsty music playing overhead. Most of the time, i psyched myself into being strong and to think naught of such matters of the heart.

Yeah, so you can imagine me singing with gusto (em, under my breath actually, lest i be deemed kuku by customers and colleagues) "GIVE ME A MAAAANNNN!!!! THIS CHRISTMAS!!!" And i'd be thinking of myself as a strong, proud, chin-up-and-fighing-fit-confident women who deserves nothing less than a superb male counterpart who knows how to treat his woman, and that i will have better.

These songs, till today, have never failed to bring back memories of that time. Though that period of pain is now dead and gone, but from time to time, i find myself go slightly grim inside when i hear these songs. Thank God that these moments are mostly fleeting.

And then there are those other songs that once upon a time would bring you joy and that fuzzy feeling whenever you hear it over the radio. And you'd beam warmly. But now, they only rekindle memories that pull out from the bad and good times from the past.

It sucks when some songs that started out being personal favourites are now songs that you'd rather not hear. That happens when, because of some event, grew to have sentimental meanings attached to them, and sadly so when it wasn't meant to be intentionally laden with such meanings.

Nah, i am not in a rubbishy mood. Just thought that i'd type this out. Just because.

***

YEAH! We've gotten a bronze in the women's compound event. Congrats to MG! Well done girl. :-)

***

Reactions to my currently bleached-streaked hair:

Girls:
- "Hey! New hairdo!"
- "Hey, nice!"

Guys:
- WHAT. DID. YOU. DO. TO. YOUR. HAIR?!!?!?!?!

I kid you not. ALMOST ALL the guys said that to me. Now, what sort of conclusion shall i draw from this? Muah hahahaha. Doesn't bother me in the least bit really, because for all its bright golden-monkey-kind-of-gold, plus white blond, plus brown and black, i am strangely pleased.

Have decided to dye it over soon in the colour, "frosty beige". Whatever. I just hope that my theory of Creating Highlights work.

For a country so interested in our bright, young and imported talent, so bent on golds and medals in general, so supportive, so desiring to up our sporting standard, so intent on splurging on a sports school to give young kiddles a chance at excelling in an area other than academics...

They sure give so much coverage for the SEA Games as a form of encouragement and a way for us at home to support! 1 hour! I couldn't ask for more!

Oh yes, in 1 hour, i am able to see every single movement detail of a wushu exponent, i am able to learn the little itty bitty techniques from a taekwondo match, i can critque the sprinting techniques of a sprinter, i can cheer the swimmers all the way, i can silently whisper go-go! to our snooker-ians, and scream and jump as i watch our sprinters pound on the track, i can stay attuned to take note of the opponent's weaknesses and strongpoints in a badminton match, i can also watch my archers in action for ALL THEIR EVENTS: men, women in compound and recurve!
YEAH PEOPLE YEAH!

All in ONE SPANKINGLY GOOD HOUR!

ABSOLUTELY BRAINSMASHINGLY TOTALLY MINDWRECKINGLY GOODASMOOSHINGLY WOOONDDDEERRRFOOOOLLLLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sheesssshhhh. Here's an open letter that i just MIGHT edit and send. *ROAR!*

Dear Mediacorp,

Would you be so kind as to up the number of hours of screen time? It IS the SEA Games you know and our nation is interested, aren't they? We've got legions of young and impressionable minds out here waiting to be inspired and, and we'd LOVE to see our heroes in action.
Pretty please?!

Yours truly... (truly annoyed)
Joline

p.s: the only thing that i'm pleased about is that the 1 hour occurs at 6pm, and not at some unearthly morning hour when everyone's still meditating horizontally.

Jo: "Look! The phoenix has risen from the ashes!"

(Jo brandishes her compound bow in the air proudly, as she prepares to go for a long overdue shoot at the jurong range)

Sister: "More like from the dust".

Jo: -.-"

*

Shooting went well today, though i had to bring down the poundage of my bow lest i burst a brain vein when i draw it. Grouping was good at 18m (distance used in indoor shoots), though in all honesty, i think the improper target sheet wasn't a good enough gauge of how consistent my form REALLY is.

*

Ok, that was just some rubbish post to update this place. Might edit or strip it down. *yawn* I'm awful sleepy. Am gonna shut down, right about... Now.

I always get really excited and not to mention... smug, whenever i see anything associated with archery featured in the papers. And i notice that this is true a little more so than before, now that the SEA Games is here. But when i took a good look at today's "Urban", well, you can call me an anal little squirt, but seeing that model slink herself around that recurve bow leaves a bad taste in my mouth.

C'mon, archery is doubtlessly a garang looking sport, and if i may further say so, it also looks real atas, therefore somehow that made-up model, with that photoshopped-to-perfection sort of image didn't quite cut it to look very fitting and if anything, looked quite lame and poseurish. And hur, did you see the way she was holding it like some musical instrument in the article, think: cello or double bass?
(this isn't to say that it cannot be poetic looking/interpreted as some sort of art too)
But, bleargh, I say. Let our National archer, B, (who was in the article) pose for the front page! He would do the bow and the image of archery a lot more justice. What's with the female-dominated-cover-page mentality.

About time i got back to training. Sundays at the range and other extra days, it will be, when the outdoor competition draws nearer. Yoo hoo, youth folks at the A.C.S, are you with me on this?

***

I've finally gone for a lock chop, but i can't say i look any more different than before. It's just a shorter and marginally neater version of my previous do. And yet still, i need to blow dry it straight.

Now, to dye it. Brown head or red head. *cocks a brow*

My Gem has so graciously offered to bleach me some streaks. Ah now, isn't he sweet. ;-) The only problem is, that i CANNOT FIND HAIR BLEACH, and i will not go to a hair salon because my pockets seem to be...

Hm. What pockets.

***

And finally, the thing he greeted me with this morning that i shall openly reciprocate here:
A Happy 2nd to us, this cheery, sunny, blue-skyed and white clouded day with the gorgeous rainbow sunset that wrapped up our day and now this post, on a short but sweet note.

in the last few weeks...

A Morris? Wot's a Morris?

It's a CAR!
One cheery weekend day, my folks and i went to Clementi and before i got to witness exactly how it was driven, this little vehicle from some era chugged itself into a parking lot and out hopped an elderly couple. I was astounded because: HELLO?! No DOORS? Not scared anyone will steal stuff (if there's anything worth stealing?) or not scared they hot wire it ah? Hm. Then again, i don't know how this thing works, so, yeah. Maybe got force field to protect it one.
For this reason of its sheer novelty, it was refreshing to see it stand right out from the sea of the now newer but generally all similar looking cars. Merc to Merc, Nissan to Nissan, Toyota, to Toyota to Toyota (to the power of 100), etc.

Couldn't help but take a shot of this one. To me, it looks like a birdlike face with one eye looking down and the other, up.

And this, my friends, is probably one of the best meals that lazy bums like myself have been waiting for forever. Maggi and Myojo has never reached such heights of genius invention. We now have... The Dodo Instant Mee Pok! And believe it or not, it tastes NOTHING like what you might expect instant mee to taste like, because though granted it could do with more ingredients, it serves up a pretty mean meal for something that you only need to microwave for 2 minutes.
It even contains fishballs (which are NOT pathetic little freeze dried lumps that measure 1cm in diameter) and the chilli that is already inside is quite good too. I think there was fishcake and veg too, but i can't be sure, please don't hold me on this because i was too hungry to note anything more then what i've already stated. Altogether, not 100% perfect hawker fare, BUT, close enough, maybe 90%. They've got a few other kinds too, like Laksa, but i was recommended this one by the sales girl. (the difference and possibly the downside to this (?) i guess is, is that you need to store it in a freezer or was it fridge, and not a cupboard)

As i am watching "The Pianist"... (a true story)

No coherent thoughts as yet, but these are just a few signposts for me to look back on. Maybe more when i get to chew on it.

- exceptional lack of respect for life, and the dead. Truly remarkable.

- It's possible for people to compartmentalize their compassion for kin versus the rest of humanity. And it's not simple apathy for them, it's pure murder.
- And they can even sleep on it and get up the next day and do it all over again.

- a reunion with the rest of family might be a stupid OR smart move, depending on which circumstance you can live with, the before and aftermath.

- it's better to be dead sometimes.

- branded, mentally tortured, marginalized, voiceless.

- Wot's a poor little piano man got to do in a war like that. Anyway, you've got to hand it to him (the actual person) and the actor too, Adrien Brody.

- I wonder what God did with Hitler. And don't you think that "Hitler" is such an apt name for a man like that.

- I am amazed at selfless generousity for someone else, even if it means that you'll be left with one less truthworthy thing or person to look forward to everyday, while still staring in the face of death.

- You think that such horrors only happen in the past, that it's poo poo that a bloodbath history can repeat, and that people today are more civilised? Look around you right now, and think again.
- What would it take to ignite yet another world war. And... On whose terms?

- The way He (the Pianist) feels his way around what used to be someone's home (which is now just a heap of debris that represents all the fragments of someone's past), reminds me of how we peruse Anne Frank's private diary today.

- Don't you just love it that a piano can always exist where a single human exists no more?

- Mmm. Music as bribery, buying your way into a stone cold heart. Ok, maybe not bribery. But it sure melted it, if it wasn't bought. Recalls: "You're a Musician?"

- Nice. Music can save your life, and quite literally too eh. Gotta get me a Diploma in one-nah those.

- Bless his soul, that German officer.

...and teaching an old dog new tricks.

(as a continuation from the previous post)

Till this day, i wonder what might've happened if i had been exposed to more extra non academic activities when i was a sponge brained kid (now, brain is like a tough and old coral). I was blessed to have had piano lessons and art classes, though the latter was short lived. I pursued the piano, but after a dwelling location shift, the lessons stopped altogether and besides, i wasn't too keen on picking it up again because i didn't appreciate the classical music training (why do we need to be trained based on classical music anyway?).

It might've been a mistake to cease, because who knows what else i could have picked up from the techniques even if classical music was ugly to look at on paper and too tough for my short fingers. (pessimism?)

Other times, i look at myself and think... Why do i have all these muscles for?! Why didn't i pick up/given an opportunity at (whatever sport i liked and was good at) earlier and why wasn't i given a chance to excel? I'm not trying to glorify myself here, but from an objective point of view, i WAS born with more muscles mass than most females and i did/do have a natural advantage in certain sports. Back in school, i've always been picked to sprint, to do javelin and shot put.
No prizes for guessing why. *pokes thunder thighs and bulging biceps* 8-P

And more recently, i had a bout with the archery national team, which in the end didn't fully materialize due to politics and i believe, happened only to teach me humility.

Ah well, maybe in future, i will be using these muscles to carry tons of boxes of medical aid and stuff to people in need... Erm. Ok, i really have NO idea. Aiya, it's all about the timing and God's plan for me, which i need to learn to have no quarrel with but to be obedient and humble enough to listen and obey.

There're so many things i want to try. A new sport, a new skill. But each time i voice out such a desire, i'm told: Don't be a jack of all trades and master of none. Concentrate on one area and be good in it.

Guess it's not just me who curbs my own growth, huh.

I believe that there is wisdom in that, however, i also do think that it's myopic if one were to take that as 100% true and follow it religiously.

I believe that one should be given chances to find out where the talents lie, and you cannot do that by concentrating in one area and hammering at it like your life depended on it. You need to feel around, try out the basics of an activity, see if your mind and body feels comfortable when immersed in doing something.

It's when people give themselves ample opportunity to experiment, when their horizons begin to broaden, where the mental, physical and emotional aspects of the human being is refined. You sharpen your psyche, you attune your body to deal with the rigours of various physical demands, and better still when you are able to fuse these aspects into one, as you allow interaction and application between the two.

And you wonder why some people are so well rounded, and i don't mean in physical shape.

Of course this is not limited to *learning something* per se, but you might include something like overcoming a personal struggle or fear, doing something out of your comfort zone or coming to terms with old ghosts and skeletons in the closet, etc.

I don't want to wait till the day my mind fossilizes, when my finger curls into gnarled claws, when all my money is spent on family expenses, when i come of age where there's a high chance that my eyes fail me, when my strength is close to zero, when my heart cannot take bungee jumping,... (you get the idea)

I don't want wait until i am an old, stinky, slobby dog with severe incontinence before i begin my quest to quench this thirst of curiousity. The exploratory and dare-to-do journey must begin, as i turn the knobs (and maybe pick the locks) and step through the many doors before me. I surely hope that the doors have Exit signs when i turn around to see them from the inside, in cases when and if i have to turn tail. But most of all, in my journeys, as i step into the enticing worlds that beckon to me beyond the door frames, i want to discover and be revealed THE path.

And if i do venture onto treacherous grounds, boggy sandpits, deep dark jungles where no light reaches...

:-) I know i am not alone.

Pessimism

Something worship pastor shared with us:

When you are in a tough situation, don't ask God to help you "GET OUT of it" but rather, ask God WHAT you can "get out OF IT".

Nice.

*** ***

As i look back on some of the events in my life, i've come to the conclusion that i have been greatly crippled by my pessimism.

Times when i say, "Ah, it can't be done" or, "Ah, it's not there", and other non positive and defeatist attitude kinds of statements, someone or some thing will come through, showing me that i was wrong and that it's NOT impossible. And often times, i have had to eat my words and swallow my bitter ball of pride and tell myself that next time: Pursue the matter more, you! Or you'll never succeed while others will.

Pessimism, is this mental cancer. I refuse to call it "My" mental cancer, because i refuse to make it mine, to attach it to myself for life. No. That is not what anyone should be declaring and if you've taken pessimism to an unhealthy level, i suggest that you shouldn't continue living in it, relating yourself to it as though you've resigned yourself to being controlled by it and limp in its clutches.

But it acts as a double edged sword as well. One edge that serves to protect you from taking far fetched, crazy risks that might kill you, and as said above, the other edge serves to bite you back in your posterior.

That said, but as i've witnessed for far too long already, it stunts a person's growth and not only does it stunt one, but it can also tear down a team of people. I think that the pessimism should be shrunken down - Shrunken down to a size small enough for it to be your servant, rather than something that is your master.

So get this:
Being a pessimist limits our vision, curbs our sense of self confidence in our capability to take on seemingly iffy challenges and risks, keeps us in a safe little pen that will over time become stale and barren. For all you know, there're just about a hundred things you CAN DO, but all you ever did, was stay on the safe side of the river, preferring not to venture out on new and possibly better pastures as you discover what you are good at and are able to accomplish.

I think our attitudes towards the paths ahead should take the form of:
Come on, think a little further about the "what ifs", the probability of what IF i can do it. Imagine what i could learn if i took the chance. Take a step forward on to that stepping stone. Looks slippery, i might fall, but let's give it a go. Now take one step, ah hah, and another... And another...

Maybe mommy was right to say that i should do more housework. Hey, if it helps me lose some water weight and if it makes me pensive enough to skip the self-help books at Kino, then hooo yeah, why not.

When the S.O. told me that the place had "only little kids", i broke out in cold sweat because to-me-little-children-are-garguantan-chewbaka-monsters-that-i-flee-from-and-prod-at-only-using-50feet-poles. But teaching them turned out to be not as bad as i had feared. I've taught kids before but not many, because i think that i am too stringent with them and the older archers are better with them. Still, it was much of a cheery day to see them beam when they manage to pop a balloon. The little ange...

*ahem* Very cute.

I still stand by my preference for teaching adults, but ok, i fear children less now. I beg you, oh powerful chewbaka like things, pray not to tilt the balance and break the sanctity of peace as it presently is on a precarious level of achieving equilibrium...

Ours was a tiny little booth, not more than just perhaps 11m by 3m or 4m or so, with two target boards plastered with 2 of the 122cm in diameter target faces. (which, for your information, is used for targets 70 metres away)

Wonder if i can take some photos to share. I should be going back to help on sunday again. Oh, and there's this food fare next door. Ok only if you like to sample food.

Lah dee dah. Oh and S.O. has told me that Art Friend has made their debut at Taka! WOOHOO! And i is also a friend of Art Friend now, because i has signed on as a member. Art Friend, you is my new friend, i lub you.

Oh, imagine all the things i can make for occasions with the whole vast array of materials. Yes, i shall attempt to be more original with my gifts. You lucky end year birthday babies, you.

ACK!
poof.

Coach Joline strikes again, this time at the Singapore Expo! *eviiiiil laaarfffter*

The big (erm, well, not sure how big, but bigger than our booth, that's for sure) occasion being held is the Asian Children's Festival, at Hall 6A, 11th of Nov to the 13th of Nov, till 9pm.

And we, the good people from the Archery Club of Singapore will be there to look cool with our bows and arrows, to also psycho impressionable young children as well as entice kiasu parents into believing that archery is a very very beneficial sport for their little sponge brains.

Which shouldn't be hard because archery IS a darn garang sport. So come on down man! Can come and boost your ego (think: suave and smooth Legolas) and you can be surrounded by our futures of tomorrow, happy and excitedly screaming kiddos! Oh, Life is so bright and beautiful!

The bad news: Shooting does not come free lah. We is non profitable organization, one.

Good news: Today, I will grace the booth from 4pm onwards.

*ahem* *koff*

Ok, enough shameless advertising.

Coach Joline, out.

Decided to scrape off the current post to make it more coherent. For now, toodlee doo, I'm off to school.

(a pre, pre, pre-teen Jo): "Mom, next time when we shift house, can we get a mini stove so that i can cook beside you?"
Mom: "Ok, ok."

And in my childlike ignorance, i had always thought that it would materialize, even though time and time again, i was disappointed. I can't really say that i've grown out of that stage that wished for a miniature stove. Because... I've been wanting a mini wok for the longest time and NOW, i've got one! Whee!
It makes cooking with a wok a breeze because it's lightweight and takes managebility to new heights. I love my new mini wok.

And this would be its virgin dish. Fried... Erm, i believe, they are french beans. I think.
For mom's birthday, we got to dine at Yuki Yaki, a japanese cook-your-own-dinner-on-hot-plate thingy over at Marina Square. Each table is equipped with a hotplate covered by aluminium foil, where you fry your meats and the other assorted raw food, while next to the hotplate, you'll have an in-built pot for soup if you fancy a soupy meal. I believe you have a choice of 3 soups: Tom Yum, Herbal Chicken and Fish. I made a waiter slip and fall when i covered the restaurant's floor with my drool. Everything looked soooo tantalizing (at the parents' table, picture below) :
And then what's extremely cool about this place (that sets it apart from Seoul Garden) is that once you're done with your hot meal, you can ask a waiter or waitress to clear up the aluminium foil and to cool the hot plate down... And you don't just cool it down so you don't burn yourself, but they turn it down so low that you can now make... ICE CREAM... (that is not ice cream, just so you know)
Before the plate is ready, there'll be a thin layer of ice, which means that the plate is now cold enough for you to begin making your dessert. That little creature was drawn by my god brother using the ladle meant for the ice cream. The poor dude had to wait quite a while for my sis and i to be done eating before we could all begin on the ice cream making.
So what you do is, you pick out a flavour from this assortment of "ice cream mixes" that the restaurant has stocked up in a refrigerator and then you pour it out onto the sub-zero plate. Now watch your goo turn into ice cream! No, not true. It takes some skill to make your ice cream look like ice cream. God brother made his and it turned out as ice chips (next time i show you when Blogger is not so irritating).
This was a rather interesting plant i saw outside an Italian restaurant, it has holes in the leaves but they weren't caused by caterpillars. Mom had a double dinner birthday treat this year, so it was from Japanese cuisine to Italian that we got to savour. Cantina, is the name of the Italian restaurant, tucked away in a quiet spot along with a couple more non-local food restaurants together with an odd ball cheena looking furniture place that was shut (if i don't remember wrongly) within the Greenleaf housing area (i think).
Ok, that was a dessert that we bought and shared among the 6 of us, an orange skin shell that was filled with orange sorbet ice cream. Yummmm. Since we are a strange bunch of people, we found nothing else better to do than to find ways to mutilate what was once an innocent dessert, poking holes into the skin and whatnot (this is not the only bo liao photo).

*** ***

Till next time, pictures of monkeys, i believe.

It was a huge hurricane. The diameter of it made no mistake with its message to anyone who sees it: That you're going to die.

And that's what someone told me: "We're going to get fragmantalized." But strangely, he said it with a grim smile on his face. Maybe that's because we knew that if we do die, we'll still see one another, but just in another dimension.

As a group of us lay down together, closing our eyes tightly, praying silently, we waited for death. "God, please make it a fast one." I uttered, to the agreement of the others around me. I was prepared to be flung around and shredded into a million ribbons by broken debris, for all i wanted was a death that was fast and with little suffering.

But oddly, as the hurricane howled through the building we were in, nothing happened, and we opened our eyes to find each of us all in one piece.

*

On the streets, we ran helter skelter and I held Jed tightly in my arms after finding him alone and lost a little earlier. I saw the hurricane coming and i knew i wanted to die. And yes, dumb as it sounds, i stood in its way, waiting to be buried by the huge amount of sand and debris that it was carrying. The force of it hit me and buried us, but rats, under all that, i was still alive and breathing. I hadn't died yet! I managed to clamber out from my failed sandy grave but to my horror, found that Jed was injured on one of his forelegs and was limping.

And that point, i turned to my dad who also managed to climb out from the debris and i asked him: Dad, should i let Jed go? (meaning: should i leave him because we couldn't afford to nurse him in such a crisis)

In that moment of anguish, i knew i had to let him go and i began to cry.

I opened my eyes to see my partially dark room, as daylight snuck in. And true enough, i awoke to a stuffy nose and hot tears springing from both my eyes and felt them stream liberally down my face.

*** ***

I told you i was morbid.

Anyway, i let mom in on this dream i had the night before and she brought up the article written about a prediction that someone made about Singapore and Malaysia getting hit by a tsunami too.
It doesn't do much to comfort me to know that this same person had also predicted the Thailand tsunami.

I have very mixed feelings and questions about this. Ranging from:

- How big would the tsunami be? How far in would it reach?
- How prepared is Singapore? In terms of taking the predictions seriously and in terms of infrastructure?
- Will telecommunications hold? How can we reach our loved ones after the crisis has struck?
- How much time do we have left, IF it happens?
- Can i handle seeing death strewn all over the land?
- How can i reach out to my friends in Christ's love? I cannot bear the thought of losing them.
- how prepared AM I? (mentally, emotionally and spiritually?)

I have no reason to worry about myself, because i know who and where my faith is placed in. Though I fear death in the sense that i fear what happens when i my biological heart stops:
- What does the spirit do when it no longer resides in my body? Does it like, get sucked out into some much-spoken-about dark tunnel?
- What would i be able to see? How would i feel? Would i be able to feel anything?

Apart from that, it's really the people around me that i worry for. About losing them, or seeing them suffer, held captive, tethering between the living world and the dead.

Worse, losing them for all eternity to the one of this world.

As it is even without some natural disaster, other disasters are already taking place and there is so much to be done for others. Broken families, torn relationships, even those under stress at work or at school, wounded souls and hearts, lost, angry people, people in dire straits but still trying to find something to hang on to, to survive.

But what am i doing? I am so ashamed of myself, for i am just merely sitting back, looking concerned, feeling sympathic, but not moving in prayer and offering some practical help out of love. Such insane hypocrisy on my part.

*** ***

I write this not to dishearten or to implant seeds of fear, but i write this as a reminder that there is a world out there, outside of our own little bubble of both pleasures and struggles, that implores and begs for help and healing. And we the ones who can, to some degree, give it, should, in whatever ways that we can.

In this borrowed time that we've been spending with our various chases, it is still possible to pour out compassion and to lend a hand, with no strings attached and to give freely without boundaries, from our hearts.

It is so easy to talk passionately about helping but it's such a huge challenge, even a barrier, for a hard and prideful hearted person like me to walk the talk. God, i need a heart that is softer, humble, not afraid to look stupid. A heart that is genuine, and not self seeking. A heart that bleeds for others, and not for myself.

I smile when i see some of my friends... For there is a glow about them that is indescribably beautiful. It is the kind of beauty that does not fade and age with wrinkles and does not depend an ounce on physical looks. But it's a beauty that arises from taking God, His ways and His heart, seriously. With that kind of devotion to reverence, this beauty is everlasting.

And so... I shall end this by saying something rather anticlimax lah, but i really mean it:

Kudos to those who have been and are taking active steps to love those within their reach, be it friends, family members and even strangers. The Lord knows your heart and sees your every deed.

27th of Oct 2005 (thursday)

Rah... stayed away from blogging, not totally on purpose, but because i've not had anything interesting to say and/or because i was too lazy to develop on some lingering thoughts. Ah, i don't discuss philosophy or the meaning of life here very much, for this blog is for drivel and this is drivel to the max. Lee dee dah, so sue me. :DDDDD!!!
*ahem, cough* Anyway, i've got here some photos from the day that we spent together, before the Gem had to go to a nearby foreign land.

***

And so the day begun with the Gem coming over in the morning to my place to cook up a storm with me. Ok, not. We are not exactly kitchen virgins, but neither are we Martin Yans so well, before actually deciding on what we'd be making, we just coughed out a rough list of foodstuff that we wanted to get from the supermarket. And so we made our little journey down by foot to the newly renovated Cold Storage at some destination that sounds a bit like a fusion of "Lolita" and "Jelly".

Halfway through grocery shopping, we decided to make pasta. To snip the long story short, here's the final product, the result of our combined powers of culinary prowess. *Ahem* Introducing pasta with scrambled eggs. All right, i admit you cannot go too far wrong with pasta. It's a simple concept, it's a low stress level dish PLUS, i have got to say that my Gem is easy to work with in the kitchen. Boy, am i one lucky girl. And i finally got to see how he cooks his "JFE" *wink*. Extra pasta's in the Pyrex:

(fast forward)

We skipped down to Lau Pa Sat after my keyboard lessons for dinner and gosh. I'd much rather eat the cancer causing barbequed food than the sorry Korean set meal that i bought from a frazzled and agonized looking aunty. And i couldn't help but down two helpings of the high-in-demand teh tarik. It's good stuff, can? Don't you look at me like that. How often do i get to drink the stuff anyway?! Well, ok, that's not me in the picture, obviously. ;-) I was snapping away, capturing his various facial expressions while he spoke, and was pleasantly surprised that he wasn't shy around the camera. Goooooood. That bodes well for me. *hiak hiak*

Having had our fill, (oh yes indeed. Satay and teh tarik on top of the "main dish" makes a happy belly) we took a stroll down to the "park" that is the home of our white stoned lion-fish, famously known as the Merlion. Can't say that it's the most beautiful thing i've ever seen and i reckon it might also be that i've never seen it from a tourist's point of view (then again, do tourists think it's an intriguing mythical animal? Or an ugly lump of stone.), plus, i suppose i've been surrounded by too many ugly versions of it since i was a kid (think: those deformed looking merlions as keychains), so, shocked and in awe, i was/am not.

It was drizzling already but that didn't stop us from satisfying our trigger happy photolust. So off we went to do our own thing, which is something i love about us - Sharing the same interest but also being able to give each other space to wander around enough to accomplish our own agenda when we want to. This is a shot of the blue waves that Merlion sits on:

I took a few more photos, but Blogger was like doing a marvellously prompt job about uploading my photos that i had so much fun waiting and getting "page cannot be displayed" that i thought i'd give it a rest. So, this last one's of the bridge, connecting the "park" to the Esplanade.:

Our day didn't quite end there since we wanted to spend as much time together before he leaves for the foreign land, but we took too many gory, mind-messing photos that it would be cruel of me to subject you to such mental trauma. Hence the lack of end-of-the-day photos. Ok, so i DO have one decent one... but since it has my face in it, that alone counters all molecules, atoms and electrons of decency and therefore, it shall be kept in the recesses of Adele's (my lappie) memory for private viewing only.