We Triumphed.

After a year of disappointment last year, ACJC wrestled and tackled their way to V-I-C-T-O-R-Y this time.
HOOYEAH!

YES! THE TROPHY BELONGS IN NO OTHER DISPLAY CABINET, BUT ACJC'S.

23 to ACJC... Can't quite see RJC's score... Hm...


Squinting, are you?

Well, here you are then. *cheeky grin*

(sorry, i couldn't help it. took my cue from a coupla cheeky ACS guys who were behind me.)

Flurry of ACS flags... Mostly held up high and united. Well, sorta.


WE WON AND WE KNOW IT!


HOOYAY!


And so... It was a beautiful day for all ACSians.


Two noted:

- All the ACJC ruggers had "Phil 4:13" printed just below the ACS crest, both of which were emblazoned on front of their jerseys.

"I can do everything through Him who gives me strength." (Phil 4:13)

- The loud "AMEN!" after the post game prayer. Beautiful.

*** ***

I ended class late to find that i could only reach the Police Academy at 6+pm to catch the rugby finals.

After the mad dashing and calves-killing brisk walking, I got off the bus hoping that there was still some of the game left to watch. From where i was, i spied that it was still going on.
But i had this gut feeling in me that i was going to need to run to the field if i was going to catch anything of any good.

So i sprinted about 150m to the academy and halfway, i thought i heard the triple whistle blow. I didn't have much time to think so i continued running.

Just as i reached the edge of the field, i caught snippets of disappointed but encouraging bits (ok, comments) from the RJC camp to their team. Also saw that some of them didn't look all that excited and they were milling about less than enthusiastically.

AH HAH! I think ACJC won!

My first goal was to take a peek at the scoreboard.

And so i did... and i saw that we sort of thrashed RJC 23-0, I called up TW immediately and told him we won!

J: Hey TW, guess what? WE WON!
TW: (!!!)
.
.
.
(both of us are were very happy people at that point)

All this was done at quite a high volume as i was walking behind the Rafflesians towards the ACJC camp. No need to mention that i got stared at as i went by. Muah hahaha.

Guess i didn't get to catch the action on the field, so i got myself swept up into the mass and mess of ACSians that had ran onto the field.

And sang the school song along with everyone else.
It felt a little strange, wish i had been wearing a school tee instead but neh mind.

The only two complaints i have are

- that being an unofficial photographer, i didn't get the chance to take close up shots with the players actually LOOKING at MY camera. Pffft. Neh mind.

- i am a jinxed photographer. The team did the "Haka", this Maori war dance about a total of 3 or 4 times and i caught nothing but ONE miserable shot of backsides.
YES, rugger backsides.
How dumb.
Reason being that i:
1. couldn't get to the front where they were facing.
2. my stupid hand and brain coordination was entirely off, hence resulting in my camera not working as a team with me.

Anyway. Neh Mind.
WE WON. Thank you, Lord. Amen.

One big turn off: Dishonesty.

*** ***

Guess the Monster Contest 



But really, I beg to differ. There are actually two obvious monsters in this picture, but the photographer chose to discriminate against one of them, just because it looks slightly different!

He even gleefully publicized of a free gift for the smarty pants who can guess the discriminated monster's name.

THE AUDACITY!

This monster is not happy.

(Disclaimer: if you cannot tell that i AM KIDDING, *palmface*. And NO... FSMT is NOT a monster. He's a real nice guy. Really.)

Manners... is VERY attractive. Guys...?

I was shocked when he stepped into my granny's place. The last time i saw him was about a year ago and BEFORE that meeting in church, i hadn't seen him in YEARS.

B and i have been childhood friends but up to late primary school, i never got to see him much anymore because he was always jetting off to some other part of the world. Family matters, school matters.

Anyway, all that is besides the point i want to make.

One of my pet peeves (familiar line? *wink*) is when guys don't know how to treat a girl's parents.

Sure, you can be all gentlemanly to a girl, but you know, what you REALLY NEED TO DO, WHAT YOU REALLY NEED TO DO TO SCORE...
Is to WIN THE PARENTS OVER. DUH!

It's NOT just about the girl.
It is also about how you are able to carry yourself in front of her folks and how you treat her folks.

Really, i cringe and you know, i want to hand social etiquette books out:
"The Idiot's Guide to Winning a Girl's Parents' Favour."

But that would be really hurtful but hey, you know. DEAL WITH IT. Because it's the truth and the truth HURTS.

So what has this got to do with B today?

Well, B is not part of our family by blood, but he is my uncle's godson so he is more than welcome to join us in family activites.

After dinner, as we gathered outside the hotel to say our goodbyes and part ways, B, the extremely tall, tanned, deep voiced guy he is...

Came up from behind, up to my short grandmother, got her attention, looked right at her sincerely, warmly shook her hand and said: "Sheng Ri Kuai Le" in his slightly American accented Mandarin.

("Sheng Ri Kuai Le" means "Happy Birthday" in mandarin. Thanks HippiHo, heh.)

He is not even part of our family, and he doesn't really know my granny, so... What manners he has!
I was impressed.

You might say, "Well, he OUGHT to, because after all, he is a kind of stranger."

But you know, even her own grand children, yes me, didn't do that for her, but look at him.
(hey, but i semi-hugged her ok?)

I am impressed by his warmth for someone he does not know, the kind of consideration, thoughtfulness, manners, and PRESENCE OF MIND that he had. Brilliant.

Small issue? Not to me. It speaks volumes to me.

I think most people would just go, "Wah, so full liao, i wanna go home slack man... wanna go sleep liao/play PS2/etc."

I am NO perfect example of manners myself. And i think i suck at leaving good impressions on parents as well.
Man, I have a lot to learn from him.
(especially when dealing with one pest of a cousin. Pffftt. Patience, Patience!)

So how does this translate to impressing parents?

Well, manners learnt=manners shown towards others=manners shown towards folks=you get points=very good for your record book

NOTE: THIS IS NOT SPECIFIC TO ANYONE.

This is not a textbook or reference book so no hard and fast rules here.
Though i think one thing is definitely, RESPECT. Which needs to be tangible, not just "yeah, i respect wad."

When you show respect:
- you abide by the rules that the girl has to follow as well.
- you acknowledge her parents' presence and make an effort to be nice to them even if you don't like them. You talk and listen with respect.
- you don't push for your way unreasonably.

So far, that's all i can think of, for respect. There's certainly more...

Respect is like, the basic.
But you know, if you want to add the "frills"... Ok lah, not really frills but it will win you points...
Warmth, confidence, sincerity, presence of mind with the situation at hand, helpfulness.

In general i think, this should help you lah. So... go figure!

I must also learn how to put these into practice. Aiiiii...

randoms by the hour

Ah... I see some things have made decisions!
Decisions, decisions, decisions, all parta life, aye yai!

Can't say i am too impressed, but hey, i ain't going to discuss it. Not mah business and better to shuddup anyway lest i begin something i don't want to.

But one thing i shall say and that is: Not trustworthy at all, I knew it.

*** ***

While lying out prose and minding my own business, AG came by and decided to pummel and massage my back muscles. Man... it felt good! Usually, i'd be the one in the home to give massages (but i got no license one, i go by instinct) and never felt how it was like to be given one.

Thing is, i couldn't stop giggling/laughing and squirming because it was ticklish at certain points.

Been toying for a while already with the idea of going to those reputable massage parlour places to unwind and pamper. But on second thought, i think it best not to... I would be a very noisy (giggly, lah) client and i don't fancy the idea of anyone losing his/her job.

*** ***

Is something amiss? I spare little or no thought time/space for you at all but yet i see you in my subconscious.
And it has been persisting. Why?

*** ***

I've learnt...

1.
As your plane circles the air above the hot and sandy desert, you see the many other planes that had chosen to take the chance and land on the sand instead of the runway.
Many had fallen in a bad way, some were stuck and some had crashed and were burning.

But then that runway beckoned in front of you, not far off. It was a clear path, perfect for landing. As you look at the furthest end, where the runway stops, you see other many planes lined up neatly in their respective lots.

(He is the way, the truth and the life.
That whoever believes in Him, shall not perish, but will have eternal life.)

2.
Two very prestigious social clubs of equal stature recently opened.

The first one stated that for membership, you'll need to earn at least $1 million a year, you need to be able to afford the exorbitant membership fees, you'll need to own a car...

The second one merely says: Welcome! Someone has already paid for all your expenses. All you need to do is accept his generous offer and you're free to join us! :-)

(The very difference with Jesus is, is that he paid the price of death for us. Just so that he could atone for our wrongdoing. Who else ever did that for you and I?
That is Love.)

Daddy's girls.

I shall be a good girl. A very very very good girl. So good until cannot good anymore ah.

Proud of you.

You'd better be.

*** ***

I was just talking to my dad the other day about where he would want to stay when my sister and i have our own places, for whatever reason.

Another reason for asking this was to note his reaction/thoughts when it comes to the empty nest syndrome.
I know that my parents are the very family oriented type, and they love having all the family members around at home.

Found it amusing that he thinks that son-in-laws shifting in with in-laws is not as bad as daughter-in-laws shifting in.

He declared loudly and in mock serious resolution:
"There can only be ONE. "

*wahahahha*

I am guessing you know what he means. I followed up: So, the kitchen is the war zone hah? But then again, the whole house can be a war zone.

(you know, if the kitchen was the sole war zone and that if peace can be upheld if i do not step in, i would gladly stay out of it. R.e.a.l.l.y.)

Aiyo, the plethora of stories of nit picky mother-in-laws are definitely frightening. Oh, why oh why was i born a girl?!

I'd seriously freak if i'd have to face a mother-in-law who cannot let loose a little and is always sensitive and critical about every little amoeba sized issue.

About the empty nest syndrome. I didn't get much out of him.
All that talk on families and whatnot made me think about marriage and how my folks would take it.

And i was thinking...

They seem to be able to live with the notion that: Yes, my children will be gone someday. KEYWORD: SOMEDAY.
But i feel that for them to accept and adjust would be really, really, tough.

I may be wrong. But that's how it looks like.
And why do i say that? Better substantiate before i get slapped with defamation from my folks.

Well, they've only got 2 of us and we're a tight family. I know that i'm the baby in the home. *rolls eyes*
(But don't get me wrong, even i wouldn't be able to get away with cockroaches scuttling about in my room.)

Grr. And that fact is all the more drilled in because of a not so distant past.

From the way we're spoken to and treated, i can see that letting go is not going to be a small issue.
The minute some talk about having a real relationship enters the picture, WHOO!

Watch the over boiling cauldron! Watch the timebomb! NO WAIT! DON'T WATCH!

TAKE COVER! Grab a pot to protect your head! Go bury yourself 10 feet under! And don't forget to leave a safe 10km radius from the danger zone!

They can talk hypothetically with ease, the CONCEPT is fine... But when it comes to something real life... Oh, help us all.

Ok, i was exaggerating. But you get my drift, right?

To be fair, i understand the reasons for their concern. Concentrate on studies, don't subject self to complications in this last lap, concentrate on studies...

Ah, but all is not lost when it comes to lessening the explosion.
There are just a handful of things, yes, a handful of sacred things that once accomplished, half the battle would be very well won.

Eh. My essay is calling me. I gotta siam for now.

He Healed

AG witnessed an instantaneous healing that took place yesterday at church.
Wow, i feel so encouraged.

You see, one of AG's friends knew of a person who had been suffering from a swollen knee that didn't get better even after a doctor's attempt at treatment.
Let's call her X.

Initially, X's employer didn't allow her out on sunday but she sneaked out anyway when she heard that there was going to be a time of prayer for healing for the sick.

AG told me that when she saw X walk into the church meeting, X's knee was swollen and X had to limp as she walked.

As X was being prayed for, she cried and cried but suddenly, she started yelling in complete elation: "There's NO MORE PAIN! NO MORE PAIN! I AM HEALED!"

And X began walking up and down, shaking and flexing her joints to make herself believe or something, i don't know.

AG saw for herself that the swollen knee had subsided to normalcy after the prayer and healing X had received and AG told me that during the break they had, X was so extremely ecstatic that she couldn't even eat.

At times like these, I am so thankful to God for showing himself and being faithful to someone who did not even know Him from the start.

X was not a Christian when she stepped into the room, but now, she has a powerful testimony to share and tell the world.

PRAISE THE LORD! What an encouragement. :-)

Lord, what is life, without you.

*** ***

It's a fuzzy notion that i roughly get. But knowing myself, i cannot stand fuzzy notions. I like things to be clear, explicit, consolidated.
Something i can get confirmation from when i revisit the information.

I cannot begin to fix my thoughts coherently into some meaningful picture that i can understand.
And that's because i don't have enough pieces to fix it together to begin with.

It's not that i don't get the idea. I know what it's about.

What i don't like is when you don't have a complete, full, solid idea. Because with such a complete idea, you can poke and prod, infer, derive, analyse...

And you will still get a reliable answer after all that mental gymnastics.

But when all you have are just fragments stitched together by the fog of assumption, there's no way you can infer without asking questions again about the truth of it and whether you are assuming.

And we all know... That assumption, makes an ASS out of U N ME. (ASS-U-ME)

Bleah.

*** ***

I sat up on the bed this morning and our eyes met and held.

He then came over with adoration in his eyes, stood up on his hind legs, put his front paws on my neck and gave me a good licking on my lips.

I'm telling you, my dog is part humanoid.
I lubb my makeshift husband.

*** ***

*squish*
Posterior on the black chair.

*searches for that well of emotion and feels the stirring*
*lays hands softly on the black and white keys*
And begins to tenderly play something that reflected how i felt inside.

It's nothing much, just a short meditative sounding piece of repeated melody.

There's the feeling of soft gentle happiness, the kind of happiness that makes you smile warmly inwardly but yet there's also a tinge of sadness and it eventually gives way to the conclusion, that is, of hope.

I don't know. But somehow, something so wonderful, still stirs the double emotion of bittersweetness in me. So, despite being satisfied, there's still this darker side i cannot explain. But the weird thing is, this dark side, is not an unhappy kind of thing.

Literal and Figurative

I thought only one of them was kuku. Now i get this. I'm sorry if you can't tell hamster head from hamster butt. Heh. Too poofy, these things.

Don't they look like the Pisces fish?


Check out the hobbit leg. I like.


At best, they look mangled.


*** ***

Everything was perfect.

Strong winds that blew against me, drawing the heat away, sweeping my hair back, sipping on a cool drink, with my eyes focused straight ahead, in silence.

If only i could ignore the fact that i was walking towards class for tutorial.

I wanted the moment to prolong itself or to last forever. That time and life would have no hold on me.

That i may continue walking, with my vision set on the road ahead.

And should or when my journey end(s), it would end when i reach the place where you are, Lord.

And a long journey is fine. I long to see your creation, your hand, You.

So what if you've never been laid before getting hitched?

(have replied to comments in previous posts)

*** ***

Was just thinking of how these days, people do not treat virginity as something worth keeping till the day you marry the love of your life or someone close to that.

It's really sad.

Being a Christian and also a traditionalist in many ways, i think that saving that bit of yourself for your spouse makes things very special for both. Even if it means that they have to read the Idiot or Dummies guide books series together on how to copulate.

Don't give me that: Aiya, must get some experience first mah...
That is utter CRAP.

Ok, so you think that if you do not perform in bed on your wedding night, it means that your self worth and ego deflates down to something of the size of an amoeba.

But, I do not think that your future wife/husband would appreciate you having had "practice" with other females/men before her.
Even if you act like a total greenie on your first time, SO WHAT?!

(unless... you're the type who gets turned on by experienced people and you don't care how and where they got the experience.)

I'm sure that s/he'll see right through the situation. Remaining a virgin takes quite some will power, determination and inner strength with the kind of pressures that society dishes out more than abundantly.

Some of you might say: It's ok to have sex as long as you truly love the person. Oh, and make that safe sex too.

I don't condone this but this becomes a question of personal choice. (though i still think that it is an excuse)

Let me point out that it is never certain that you will NEVER eventually break up unless somehow or other, you know the future, or lost the keys to those handcuffs.

And if you say that you truly loved the person that you made love to, think again of how you would have caused some form of emotional baggage/hurt in the person as an after effect in the event of a break-up.

My take is that sexual intercourse was made for couples who have already made vows to each other that are not meant to be broken. MARRIAGE, in other words.

It's something special that two people share exclusively because of the love, committment and responsibility that they have for one another.
It's something precious that is worth keeping till the day you give it in and devote it to that person you love.
Because he/she is worth it, worth the wait.

In that way, you also honour each other with your bodies.

Therefore, if you've remained a virgin, under well, NORMAL circumstances...
That says a lot about you.
And i salute you. It is nothing to be ashamed of. In fact, it makes you special.

That said, i am not condemning those who've had premarital sex before. I will still love, forgive and accept you for who you are but i definitely don't condone what has been done.

Till Then.
*SHOCKED BY MIRROR THAT DOES NOT LIE.*
*Been putting my skin through hell these days... Man, i look like a 100.*

(really pissy post was taken off due to the effectiveness of M's spiritual iced tea)

And i have *lalala* that makes my day and makes me smile.

Thank God...

1. that there's no band practice today because i cannot afford the time to go... But i kinda miss the (illegal?) jamming and electric guitar-ing around.

2. that i am still alive.

3. for His Strength.

4. For loving people around me. AG was a saint today (and every other day too when she sees me awake in the morning), coming in with a mug of hot, thick milo and giving me a waist to hug when i was feeling soooooo tired.

5. For lalala.

6. For M's spiritual iced tea at that ungodly hour.

7. For my Nivea Vit C cream. (my eyeesss, my eyesssss.) Oh FINE, it's not 100% effective but it lets me think that it at least does help with something, ok? (though it's perhaps only just psychological. hee.)

Later.

He painted.

Because of the blue skies, white clouds, the absence of rain and dark clouds earlier in the day, it birthed me a boooootiful sunset yesterday.

Jo ran upstairs to soak in the beauty of the short lived moment... with the camera.
The scene changes every moment but i guess it's not easy to tell. Gads, i wish i had a, whatchamacallit? Wide angle lens thingy?

Went to see if the roof top area (you know, where the generators and stuff are?) was open, but the gate was chained up.
Had to make do with the floor just below it, which was thankfully also just a floor above the penthouse, so that hopefully the residents don't get the wrong idea.

Tried the panorama function thing but i don't know how to stitch it up digitally. Pffft.

If i could spend my days sky gazing, during its every season, rain or shine, on top of the world on a cliff where i can see the East and West.
Oh, how magnificent that would be.



Uhm... No words needed..



Love the whole cacophony of different cloud formations but yet they all fit together to form a perfect tapestry.



There was this interesting horizontally stretched out cloud.



Layers of pretty colours.



Love the higher wispy clouds in the background and the thick poofy ones that appear closer to us. Like little animated characters running around a backdrop.

Thing whichever-number with an itchy eye that it's scratching and a strawberry. (platform: my hand)


Gah... Wish there was a better way to frame/enlarge/do SOMETHING to the photos so i can somehow do the photos some justice and show you just how glorious the whole thing was.

Wow. Nothing but... Wow.

I've read the posts. I've pictured the images that his words weave. So powerful, so moving. I don't know how he does it.

He doesn't need all that flowery, complex sentence structure, those incomprehensible shakespearean poetry.
Just pure and raw emotion, fashioned right there in words.

I've always doubted love. Always doubted the sincerity and truth of romantic love from any man.

But to see that sort of depth felt in a person, I can only say that I wish that some day, you'll finally embrace what you deserve.
Someone who will love you the same way the you love her.

*** ***

This is so weird.

I am getting replies to my NTU application that i made this year, when on the other hand, i was rejected two years in a row in the past.
And the offers i am getting are coming from the bottom up. First, it was Eng Lit (5th choice), now, it's the BA/BSc (Edu) (3rd and 4th choice), for teaching.

I have a friend who had 'A' level grades which were slightly below mine but got into NUS after the third application. Hmmm... Odd.

But i'm not complaining.

I guess it's bittersweet because even though i am receiving the partial green light(s) into NTU/NIE, those courses are not what i really want. But, as T said, perhaps getting involved might be a good idea because i'll never know what's ahead.

Very true indeed.
Though i cannot shake the feeling that i should not invest my time and (not-quite-there) enthusiasm into it. After all, my whole hearted interest and passion lies with psychology.

All i can do is wait and trust for whatever's best, even if nothing turns out to be what i'd like it to be.

*** ***

Funny how she used to say that she would be a nun for life because no one would fall in love with her.
Ah... but time has proven otherwise. Now, hypothetically speaking, it looks like she is going to be the first one in our clique to get married!

The last time we spoke, it was such a pleasure to see the kind of chemistry she had with her SO (SO=significant other, NOT a**hole) and how comfortable they are with each other.

Am certainly happy for her, and i hope nothing horrible gets in the way. It's her first relationship and knowing her, i definitely do NOT want her to get her heart broken at any time.

At this rate, it doesn't look like she will (though there're always chances ok, in reality).
Anyway, I think that they both deserve each other, wonderful people.

I'm glad that her relationship is no where near the not-too-successful ones that two in our clique have experienced before.

But right now, i wish she could just EXTRACT herself from his loving arms and fall into OUR LOVING ARMS! ARGH!
(our=her ALSO very very affectionate girl friends)

We, the other three from the Library Gang want her back for just 3 days man!

ACCCKKKKKK
I am so screwed, with my assignment due and me not doing much yet.

From a Christian perspective (updated)

He spoke of the absence of the love of the Earthly daddy during the youth service today.

And at the end of it all, i saw many young people bravely coming forward to receive prayer from parent representatives.

(these "parent representatives" are parent couples who were chosen, because of their experience and the knowledge of God, to give prayer support to those youths who felt that they needed to forgive their fathers for the hurt and pain inflicted. Emotional or otherwise.)

It touched me to see how these complete strangers (the youths), embraced these parents who were not their own.

Also, it was such a joy to see how these parents look upon these youths with love. With the love of Christ that resides in them.

I don't believe in shoving Christianity down anyone's throat. It puts people off and only makes things touchy between people.

Funny how the talk on faith can really infuriate people. Funny how it's become such a sensitive topic.

My heart aches when i see these debates that just keep going on and on and on. Yeah, i was involved in one before. *shakes head*
And i won't be too quick to get myself involved again unless justified.
Just wish that these debates would just cease.

But sometimes, i just want to shout at the top of a mountain cliff and tell the world how God loves you and WANTS YOU.

Sometimes, i just wish that the very words i direct at a person can speak right to a person's innermost being and soul.

It's so hard to share about God when friends have strong beliefs in their philosophies and theories that they have arrived at.

It's not that we seek to put your views down and win an argument.

But this persistent sharing of God, is really done out of pure love.
It has nothing to do with self gain.

(though i have heard of otherwise. in such cases, we Christians also need to search ourselves for wrongdoing.)

I want to go back to my Creator, and that is also precisely what i want for my friends too, with all my heart.

When we die, or when the world ends, whichever comes first, it would be such a joy to be eternally in the presence of the ones you loved on Earth, together with our one Creator.

Which is why, in a not so distant past, it kept me awake at night thinking...

What if something happens to so-and-so before so-and-so can be led to Christ?

I don't know how i can live with that guilt, for not being lovingly persistent enough.

*** ***

Eh... Was sifting through my drawer trying to find letters and put them together.

Came across the countless postcards that my friends had so lovingly written and given during my JC days.

*smiles and feels so lurrrved*

Found a bit of "the history", ah, but it shall remain history.

lala (updated)

Pweety Red Rose from pweety cute guy

(oops, sorry if the picture made you giddy. My phone got no *tulip* function.)

Ok lah, ok lah.

There were these bunch of guys giving out roses to promote the grand opening of some beauty centre.

I manage to dodge one guy even after he persisted with a sugary, gentle, sweet tone, "It's free...",
(you see, mommy says never to take things from strangers, even if they are young harmless looking puppies graciously giving out thornless red roses)

but the next guy had a disarming smile when i smirked at him, plus he was placed tooooo strategically outside the MRT station that i just took a rose anyway.

(ah, forgot what mommy said)

If you're wondering why i was smirking at him, it's because i was really amused at the whole thing.

*imagine a buncha guys with big big wooden woven baskets filled with red roses, standing around, concentrated in that little busy few square metres*

Oh yeah, and smirking is just one trademark of mine, so...

*smirk*

I gotta red rose. A pweetty red rose.

*** ***

Please forgive my twin sister. She just wants to feel pampered, so just let her be, ok?

Sigh. I know i'm no where near how happy she is. On the contrary, I'm feeling REALLY sad and REALLY disappointed.

I know what's wrong and I know what i need to do about it.

In everything, I will walk the talk. And that's all i gotta say about that.

(this has nothing to do with rejecting the NTU interview offer)

Till Then.
*Back to you, i need to come.*

to go?

I have been called down to NTU for an interview tomorrow... It's to do with my 5th choice i made, which is, the arts degree in English Literature.

I thought it was suppose to be just English! Very different you know?

Em... I said I would turn up but upon more thought, realize that there is no point in doing so.

Whether i get the place or if i do not, either way, i am not budging from my psychology degree course in SIM, UNLESS and only UNLESS i get the psychology place in NTU.
Which is a VERY VERY iffy thing.

The chances of getting that psychology place is possibly next to zilch. But well, if the Lord has plans, then so be it.

T'was really embarrassing when the admin person called me up and asked me if i could schedule an interview in tomorrow for the English Lit programme and i was like:

"Sorry? English Lit...?"

"Yes, it was your last choice"

Sigh. Clearly, i don't think i came across as a very serious student who knows what exactly is going on.
Well, truth be told. I would never do engineering in a million years, hence the last choice being what it is.

(actually, more accurately. I CAN'T DO engineering. My aptitude in that area is minus infinity.)

If i don't go for this interview, it shouldn't have anything to do with/shouldn't interfere with my application into my first choice, that is, psychology... Right? Correct me please.

Bleah. Later. I have soooo much reading to do, i wish i was that fella from Star Trek, whatshisface?

*shrug*

Newest addition to the Zoo.

I had cockroaches who, er, thrill me at night, a dog named Jed who finds new antics to brighten our dull human lives, Mini Me fruits that sacrificed their maturity to feature on my blog and now we have dwarf hamsters!

Introducing...

*DRUM ROLL*

"Thing 1" and "Thing 2"


FREAKING CUTE RIGHT?
My sister was the one who named them. Mais well as call them "1" and "2". For your information, i cannot tell the brothers apart.
I am pleased to have caught them mimicking each other.

Ordinary enough looking hamsters right?

But then yesterday, i realized that we are so influential. *smug*
You know how imitation is the best form of flattery?

Seems like the hamsters have come to share/pick up their owners' off kilter kind of humour. My, my, they are catching on fast.

I am so proud.

Squished in between the running wheel and cage.


Close up on squished Thing whichever-number



Yes, your eyes are not joking


Very amused by its little teeny legs that are sticking out of the cage. We didn't do anything, it simply decided to wedge itself there.

The 1st time we caught one of them doing this, it was sleeping in that position. The 2nd time round, it was eating, chewing on a little piece of seed of some sort.

My sister has a circus in her room man.

*looks around for more photos*

Belly Flabby

I am belly disgarsted at myself because i haven't ran in two veeks and my belly iz going to reach the size when it will be large enough to serve me breakfast in bed every morning.

Did you know that stress also contributes to tummy flab?

At this rate, I'll be rolling/bouncing (think: fishball) and not walking, to the gym the next time round.
Which hopefully will be this wednesday as usual, or tomorrow.

Spoken

STRUCK by the faithfulness of God..., that i told myself that i was GOING TO SHARE THIS WITH ALL OF YOU WHOM I LOVE...

Wasn't so much the topic itself, but it was the sure and steadfast demonstration of how God can work so powerfully in your life.

The sermon certainly kept me riveted. If you're interested, click HERE.

Once you've reached the page, go to the left hand side that says "Sermons Online", look for and click on "Money and Possessions" by Joseph Chean, on the 23 April 2005.

He tells a lot of anecdotes and it really spoke of how God guides him in his life.

If you have the time, take a listen!

*** ***

While checking through some stuff, i came across Hippiho's comment on the absence of my dwarf hammies. (well, technically, they are my sister's)

I missed the comment out because the post had already been "pushed off" the active screen.

I shall post pictures of them soon. Been trying to take nice shots of them but somehow, it didn't come out showing how cute they really are.

Not photogenic maybe. Even the Mini Me fruits were way cuter.

*** ***

Oooooh myyyy headdd.................................

Truth

No longer living in secrecy, behind a mask. No more pretending. No more hoping.
Because it's in the open.

Because it's all there.
Believe it.

Isn't the truth beautiful?

*** ***

And that echoes... in my salvation in Jesus as well.

The truth is there right before you. His love is right there.
Just waiting for you. For you.

It's free. All you need to do is open a sincere heart and welcome the Lord.

There is nothing to lose when you embrace His love, His protection, His everlasting promises.
Take it, hold it, know it.

He'll be your eternal friend, and father. For all time.

Though the turbulences of life can be relentless, cruel, angry, heart wrenching...

When you let Him hold you for the rest of your life, there is nothing to fear. Your future, your destiny, is already decided.

I can testify that the God i know is real. And you can only find him through Jesus.

Though I have no particularly huge way to tell you of the things i have experienced, the little things in my life that God has done has accumulated and shown me that He Lives.

I've heard of the testimonies, spoken with boldness and firm trust in the Lord, from trusted friends and I know I can see God's hand at work in them.
And they shine... With such beauty. :-)

I used to doubt, question, and sway. For all those years, my faith was largely infantile.

But those days are gone. I've moved on. To solid ground.

It is my heart's desire that one day, you will too.
And in time to come, we will rejoice together.

No way.

I am dead set against pre-marital sex.
I hear what has been said, but despite that, i will never condone what the world has to say to defend it.

*** ***

I hate it how Haloscan gets rid of comments from old posts although people did leave comments. :-(
Now i cannot read what they said. Ah, you know how you can get new insight even from reading old sources?
(it's a Mandarin Chen Yu ok!)

Sometimes, the comments are still there, but a nice oval ZERO takes the place of the number that is suppose to be there. So, one might think that there're no comments at all.

*** ***

There's something that i'm always obsessing over. And i know that it stems from my past.

It's always this:
Can we really communicate well? Do we clique? Can i truly be myself in front of the person without inhibitions?

I know that i have lost some of that honesty. I restrict myself a lot, i hide a lot, i pretend.

And at the end, i think people don't see me for who i really am. And when i do start expressing my inner self, they would probably think that i've changed into someone they don't know.

And wondered why they even bothered with me to begin with.

Why can't i cut the ghostly strings and live in freedom?

(courtesy of unknown artist)

Devotion defined.

On the rare occasion that i've taken the time to read the papers, i came across this:

The Straits Times, Life! Section, 27 April '05, page 3.

His 30 minute Rule

(Mr Robert Yeo, 84, talks about taking care of his wife, 82, who cannot see and is bedridden)

His relative says of him:
... " He's a one man show. He never complains. The minute she calls "Bert", he'll be there next to her."...

"Asked if he ever feels burnt out or worries about the future, he says, "My greatest joy is taking care of her. I don't worry about tomorrow. We'll just take everything in our stride". "


Can everyone say "Give the Man a..." wait ah. *thinks*
"Give the man Brands Essence of Chicken!!!"

I salute him. Thank God for people like him on this planet, that gives me some hope that not all men are scum.

But then, he's 84. A bit too ancient for me hor, donch you think.

But it also serves to challenge me. If anything should happen to my spouse and he becomes unable to move and function by himself without aid... By God's grace and strength, i'll be able to be just like Mr Robert Yeo.
Serving with deep love, devotion and selflessness. Just like Jesus.

(later)

some not-so-old photos

Yeap. Hadta get rid of the photos that were taking up memory in the digital camera.


Square Rose


I like the way how MOST of the wall surfaces are actually the same shade of colour but because of the existence and absence of light here and there, different shades are created. It gives some colour tonal variation.
Because it's a stairwell, there's a kind of layered format so it reminds me of the layers of rose petals. :-) And so that makes me stare into the very heart of the "flower".

Clarity


You should've seen how the bright sunlight made the edges of the cloud stand out so starkly. Every curve, every tip, every twist was highlighted. Absolutely spellbinding.
The blueness of the sky shocked my senses and i loved how the rays came out too...
Oh, you should've seen it.
The photo does no justice to it whatsoever.

*Sighs wistfully*.

I love sky gazing. I love the sky's every season.
But if i have to pick a favourite... ERrrr. Argh, i can't. I love them all.

To narrow it down, i'd have to say: a clear night sky, sunrises and sunsets.

But only by virtue of the fact that...

1.
I am a romantic (who.. at the same time is skeptical of/gets squirmish about, romance. Weird and contradictory, i know.)
and a melancholic (there's something painfully sad to me, about sunsets.)
creature,

2.
Night follows and i love the night. I love the quietness, the air, the strange enfolding and darkness.

... that sunsets touch me in an intangible way.

But this is not to say that i enjoy sunrises any less or that they are inferior in beauty (*meaningful glance*).
Each are seen and felt in different contexts. And the sad one happens to tweak its way into my weird nature.

Almost 4am. Just a lil wee bit more before i crash.

things one says when procrastinating a report

Every time my eyes rest on the picture of the polar bears, especially the bigger one, my mind brings me to a time and place where i can feel myself patting the giant creature on its big and fleshy furry rump.

At times, when Jed and i lock gazes, i feel as if he is about to open his mouth and suddenly speak in audible human language. Suddenly, i would see his doggy mouth forming words that humans understand.

I get that sometimes when i bath him. As if when circumstances get too demanding (Jed, it's JUST a bath!) he would break his vow not to speak. And speak, he does.

But then, what makes me think that animals must reply in a human language. How snobbish of me.

We snuggled together in bed this morning and/or afternoon and because of that, i refused to get up.
Think of how you would hug a soft toy to bed while lying on your side. Done?
Well, that was how he was cuddled against me. I so wanted to take a photo but, garn, i couldn't move and my phone was already outta battery.

It just striked me again, of how two completely different forms of existences can live in such close proximity and form such close, tight bonds with one another.

Dog. Human. So different in form and dimension, but both have the ability to forge deep and meaningful attachments to each other.

Da and Ma went trekking! And they brought back some... er... Souvenirs.
Courtesy of Mother Nature.

Mini Me(s)! Perched on Mr normal-sized-Stapler-for-scale, we have Mini-Me-Rambutan! And there in all spiky glory, we have Mini-Me-Durian!


SO CUTE RIGHT?!

I am VERY tempted to photoshop the rambutan and add flailing arms and legs.
"It looks like a Koosh Ball." -Sister
My thoughts exactly.

(actually. It looked like a Koosh Ball YESTERDAY. It just looks... blackened and a little dead today. As featured right here.)

My sister declares that, "Hey, we've got a miniature pinscher (Jed), dwarf hamsters and now these... (Mini Me fruits)"
What a strange trend. Bah. Sadly, i don't think either of us can be considered anywhere near miniature... in a way that we might like.

Slim, slender, toned... *pout* No where near that.
Ah, neh mind. I am Jojo Sinclair redefined. *ahem, cough* Right. *choke*

Kinda reminds me of the time when we went to visit the "Shetland Farm". Where miniature horses ruled!

If anyone cannot really comprehend the mini-ness of the fruits because of the way i took the photo, let me know. I'll try to find another way to show you.


Later.

that little spark (updated)

Believe me... When i say that i have to hold my sarcastic, insult-spewing tongue many many times.

The thing is. I never mean anything maliciously.

If i throw "insults" at you, it's because i think you can take it. And you have all the liberty to insult me right back.

The key here is: good frequency. good spirit. good understanding.

That's what i love in open and honest friendships.

even silences feel nice and fit well.

Feeling comfortable with each other. Knowing the limits yet knowing how far you can go... Which can be quite far.

People aren't petty about things and they take it all good naturedly.

Poking at friends... is my, uhm, twisted way of saying, "i like you, my friend. we dig. we savvy."

So, if you find that i am just "nice"...

Hmmm.

*** ***

I now know, (but had i known before as well?) what it feels like to have an impossibility become reality.
An ideal, a dream, an illusion. To solidify, becoming reality.
Oh, the sweet taste. The heady euphoria.

I guess i have known the feeling before. But not this way. The tangible manifestation was, the first of its kind in my 2 decade lifetime.

Still find it hard to believe. I have difficulty believing it for more than 10 minutes without asking myself again if it is true.

Did i awake from just a mere pleasant dream? No wait. I didn't. Because when i do "return to the world", the fact is there, waiting for me to accept it as truth.

The inconceivable little reality is the reason behind my inner and outer smile.

between you and me, ok?



YES! I KNOW! FEEL FREE TO CONGRATULATE ME FOR GETTING MY UBER COOL BEAN BAG FOR JUST 50$ !!!!
:D!??!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!

What were you thinking?!

Alamak. No lah. Was just kidding. I haven't gotten the bean bag yet. :-(
Looks like i'm going to miss the sale that ends today but that doesn't mean i'm not getting it ultimately.
( thanks for doing the leg work, mate.* :-D* )

(ah, but i am dead serious about the bit i said that is above the photo)

*** ***

Amazingly horrifying... what blogging does to my ability to "shut up" on certain matters. Sigh.

Tra li la li la.

Hooooo Boy Howdy!

Note:
I have found out that you can get a stroke by straining, when, er, you are doing your business in the loo. This is not a joke ok. I'm serious. So... eat healthily and poo regularly!

*** ***

I need:

- a club (erm... the type that you hit people with)
- an oxygen tank
- weights that weigh 1 ton... to tie to my feet and arms (add a straitjacket too while we're at it)
- a "thoughts grabber" to keep my mind in focus
- ice packs. lots of it.
- a slap, many pinches, and a "clonk!" from that club i spoke of...

I cannot stop grinning.
But there's something, something very important, that bothers me too.

Oh Lord, my Father.
You are MY ALL, and there is nothing else i want to do more than to follow You alone and Your will for me.

creature comfort

Always wanted a bean bag to lounge around in while reading a book or simply just for nuaing purposes.
You know, sink into something grainy and hard against the muscles, almost like it were a little massage. *uhmm*

And so it is said that there is a bean bag store over in Eastpoint Mall and Park Mall.

I don't want those with foam seeds inside, because those flatten out over time and it's too soft for my thick skin. I'd love my bean bag to be filled with REAL organic BEANS. So, just don't spill water on the bean bag, i suppose.

I resolve to pay them a visit at their odd opening hours.

Ok, back to work. Maybe more nonsense at a later time.

*** ***

I received an email with a series of "award winning" cartoon drawings. I am not sure if that's true but one thing's for sure, they're sure good at igniting dark feelings inside. Hmm.

Will be introducing these cartoons now and then. I apologize for not knowing where they come from and who the artists were.

Liberation... Not.

midnight tom yam craving *.* (updated)

Hmpf. One of those dry periods. heehee.

Anyway. I wish I could just have a PURE one week break. My work is never ending, i am drowning.
I guess i am paying for the 4 month break i had. But golly, the pace is driving me nuts now. I am not keeping up with the usual expectations.

I need to plan my time better, stop procrastinating, blog less, pray before i start my work.

Not sure if it's me or my workout, but i think my body needs to be shocked into an intense exercise stint.
The running isn't scoring much and swimming is... Is... Ok, that part is complicated.

*** ***

OmniMax oh here i come,
Here i come, Yes it's me!
OmniMax oh here i come,
Cos I wassa good girl today!

(to the tune of "This is the Way i ... Early in the morning!!!")

All right, all right, my primary school memories are coming back and influencing my otherwise dignified and graceful self.

(;-P. YEAH RIGHT!)

*jo grabs her colourful sling-across-the-chest-type of-water-bottle, ties hair in two pig tails and prances off to the Science Centre, complete with a silly grin*

blearghh. (edited)

Note: Haloscan is not acknowledging comments again though there are new comments.

*** ***

Who would've thought that after you turn off your computer for the day/that moment after you blog, it actually becomes your last?

Who would ever think that your time on Earth would end tomorrow and who would've ever anticipated: i'm gonna/might die tomorrow.

We live our lives as we would every other day.
We're so used to having tomorrow come day after day, that we think it has become a "norm".

But who's to say that seeing all of tomorrow is a norm?
IT IS NOT!

*** ***

There was a whole barrage of stuff i typed out but i really wasn't sure if it was appropriate for all readers. Hm...

So, private, it shall remain until maybe the next time i feel that i am absolutely convicted to publish it.

*** ***

It's so weird when you feel a certain way about something but shun and shield away from the very same thing.

Which is a totally opposite way to react! If you want something, you go after it.

In this case, i feel strongly about it.
BUT, i fear it, i run away and i repress and repress.
What is WRONG WITH ME?!

Bad, run away. Good also run away.

APA INI SIAL...

I think... i have decided, for now, to keep it to myself.
There. I have thus lost the battle. He shall never know.
Unless...

Uhm... Hm... Err... Uh...
Dang, have i decided or not.

Only time will tell.

It has been blissful, but you do not see it.
I might've treated you as normally as it gets.
It might look like i don't feel anything, but that's just...
A protective mechanism.
Oh, if only you knew.

Till Then.
*to not see you when the world has passed... is a nightmare*

and he left.

Note: Haloscan is not behaving. So, please try clicking anyway, to reach the commentary box even if it doesn't show that there are any new comments.
Thanks.

*** ***

I didn't know him as a personal friend, but i remember those times when my classmate and i would be having to mark his general paper test paper every now and then during GP lessons, in ACJC.

And we both would be laughing our posteriors off at remarkably funny answers he puts when he doesn't write the correct answer in the blank.

I didn't know him by face, but i knew him by name.

I read his blog, always anticipating those hilarious posts. Liberal with his expression and hilarious, when he points out the dysfunctional side to things in life.

Reading someone's blog is like having the person speak to you, defying time and space.

But now that he is gone, that earthly defying no longer holds.

Hearing of his sudden passing came as a shock. A bike accident, it was.

The whole darn thing is surreal. That this person who was so full of life, so full of wit, so loud... Is actually gone from this place.
It was too odd that in the last post, just before he died, he mentioned about wanting to get a new bike.
He is never going to get to ride his new bike.

His death is so sudden, it is almost rude.

Whenever i see his blog address and when i click on the link knowing full well what awaits...
It's like he has never left... since his last post was written quite recently.

But as the days pass, his last blog entry will remain... at that date. And it won't be changing.
He won't be updating anymore.
And the reality of his passing, will hit you painfully.

Like a friend mentioned about his friend's blog: "His ORD counter will keep going on... (count down to his ORD date)"

But he no longer will see the light of that day. Not on this Earth.

There is a lot i want to say about this.

But my head is in a jumble.

Although we don't know each other... Alfian, it's really sad that you've left.

*** ***

While going through some of the papers from days past, i also found out that a relative of a family church friend died in a bike accident too. Goh Jingwei, is his name.

I felt a chill come over me when picturing what he went through. Losing control of his bike, getting flung off and then getting mauled by a bus.
All this just moments before reaching his home.

People... Please take care of yourselves. I don't care if you travel by bike, car, bicycle, lorry, pick-up or afoot.
Please. Please... Don't take risks.

*ZZ, ZZ.*

you again?
aye? It's not...? then?
OH MY!

Talk about elation duddette...

*** ***

I had the first worship band practice last night.
One verdict: I am going to buy ear plugs. PRONTO.

And i hear (WOW I CAN STILL HEAR!) that that wasn't considered loud already. The other drummer (our own band drummer. the one last night was standing in for someone) is the one who's going to deafen us before our time to get "rightfully" deaf.

*whimper* I'm still young and my ears have a lot of future! :<

And, MAN!!! Those people are TALENTED.
I can just go on and on about each of their strong points. :-DDDDD
Well done, you guys!
And the entertainment was good too. Muah hahahaa.

Oh, and since the other keyboardist wasn't around, i had the chance to tinkle along with the band. Yay...
But i guess it won't always be that way.

I couldn't hear myself on the synthesizer but i could faintly hear myself on the digital piano. (because i was closer to the amplifier, DUH.)
I tell you, drums and guitars overrule everything else.

I don't know how a synthesizer adds to the dynamics lor, so i just played as i saw fit.

But always willing to learn of course. Man, i am going to need to buy/borrow a lot more Christian music to get the hang of the rhythm, background sounds and yada yada ya.

Lalala.

Oh, and ear plugs.
EAR PLUGS.