Dropped by the Shape magazine website and discovered that they've put up the timings and positions of all runners who had completed the 5km and 10km runs. I apparently came in 489th out of the 1360+ 5km runners. So-so i guess, quite average.

***

I've already registered for the Standard Chartered 10km run. Kinda wondering if (1) i'm going to need a new pair of shoes especially since i've noticed that both my feet ached after doing 8km. (2) If i'm going to regret it. Haha.

Well, i've decided that i'm not going to set and meet some personal best timing so it's going to be more of a i'm-gonna-take-this-nice-and-easy-for-fun-laughter-peace-and-joy. Of course i'm going to jog all the way, and maybe up the speed here and there, but I'm not going to do much major pushing because my goal isn't of a competitive nature. Er, things should change though if while going on my own sweet way, i begin to notice matronly looking aunties running past me.

I've signed up and it's confirmed. Have you?

***

I kinda got adopted.

She was surprised to find that the angsty little girl had not left. Apparently, she still exists, waiting and had grasped the perfect opportunity to get riled up and lash out. She just doesn't seem to give up.

I would never have...

... thought that i would play a string instrument. Why?

Because:

1. i could never make sense of the different placements of the fingers on strings
2. nor could i remember much.
3. Also, i have short and stubby digits which do not obey my brain.
(For instance, Gem was telling me to move my middle finger. But for goodness knows what reason, i moved my index finger and then tried again only to shift my ring finger while keeping my middle finger firmly rooted to its spot. I am now convinced i have some psycho-motor issues. *sob*)
4. I've also been a pianist all my life.

So there you have it, a combination perfect for distancing myself from a stringed instrument.

But here i am now finding joy in strumming my dad's classical guitar that has been literally sitting in a corner collecting dust and listening to its own sad silence for all these years. It all started when i picked up my dad's classical and strummed some rubbish chord followed by another rubbish (ie. pressed any string i wanted) chord. Lo and behold, both the chords complemented one another. Kind of like a normal major chord first and then a sustained note of the same chord. Eg. E and then Esus2 or Esus4

All of a sudden, my memory bank for learning of chords has improved, though not yet flawless of course. The oddity. I suppose i could attribute that to "the hope in possibilities", which opens the was-once-closed mind.

Assuming we're coming from the viewpoint that music shall (not must) accompany worship, I admit that i find joy in leading others into worship with my keyboard, but you can't really lug your xxx kg piano or your xx kg electric keyboard all over the country, so hence guitars are the most portable instruments around, aside from your humble harmonica or something of the like. There are those really funky Foldable Pianos (can you believe that, so cool) but those would cost you a bomb, both arms and legs, and probably wouldn't sound or feel or work as good. I'm not sure, but they might still need to be plugged into a power socket still, to work. Well, then again, depends on what you're willing to compromise on, then.

Which so therefore led me to wish that i could play the guitar. But i would often moosh that thought as fast as it came because i've tried many times before, only to produce really muddy and dirty sounding chords. Er, actually i still do, but with a little more practice, there is hope. I.... think. I don't believe that it's impossible.

***

... thought that i would now enjoy running.

Running, to me, was a dreaded form of torture dished out by my PE teachers in *copious, lavish, abundant, generous, overflowing* amounts in the past. Being bestowed with that amount of running was one thing, but feeling wrecked after that was another issue. This was a problem that has a history that extends way back into my primary and secondary AND JC school days. My endurance level was also at a *pffffttt* kind of standard.

Ever since i embarked on regular jogging regime last year, and trained for the Shape Run this year, my body has decided to mercifully give in a little so as to make my attempts at fitness less daunting. Yeay. Like i've mentioned before, i'm not a great runner now, but i myself am able to see and even feel the improvement that i've made in the last one year.

So now, i'm going to sign up for my first Standard Chartered 10km. It's only a quarter of the full marathon, but i guess i'll work myself up slowly. I've never actually done a one shot 10km, run or swim or walk or jump or hopscotch or whatever, in my 2 decades worth of a life, so this will be my first.

Who wants to join me? Teehee.

PS: Uhm...! Passionfruit Tea (from BOH Tea) is sooooo exquisitely fragrant.

This week's activities look a little maddening to me. Not that it's a bad thing per se, but since school's beginning next week, i really should be winding down on my "other responsibilities" that took the main stage during the holidays.

Room's in a mess and my mind's a jumble of thoughts, with reminders of stuff to do and things that i promised other people that i would deliver. All of them need to be addressed and dealt with asap.

For some reason, i went through yesterday feeling troubled, held down by an unseen but a very heavy weight of worry and concern. I felt helpless, wordless, clueless and i could only rely on God's promise of security in all situations.

So much has happened over the last few weeks pertaining to my own spiritual walk and mental, er... environment? If only there was a way with which i can record all of my thoughts in a tape in just a few short moments. Frankly, though i want to store in words and feelings all that has happened, i don't even know where to begin, and time always seems so short.

Attraction to the attractive, to me, is a dangerous work of nature. Among human beings i mean. (Male peacocks are the pretty ones between the female and male, but i don't think the female peacock would be too concerned with his character or the way he manages his finances.)

When one becomes attracted to an attractive counterpart based on physical appearance alone, with respect to character judging, one tends to overlook the flaws, or think/fooled to think that flaws don't exist, or that all flaws can be tolerated, or that all flaws can never be too hard to deal with or made right. All because that beautiful, enchantingly gorgeous being is just... So desirable, that anything goes.

Right and Wrong. While some people do take great pains to change and/or to accept the other for all the bad points even after the inital rush (ie, they make the decision... to Love.) some other flaws may well be the very things that cause rifts and therefore a split between a couple in future. When i hear of fancying taking place before one actually interacts with the desirable target, my head screams: Blinded!

But humans are such that when we set our eyes upon someone of a different gender with agreeable physical features (well, at least for most of us who are not living alternative lifestyles), we begin to wish, to some extent, that we could associate with him/her. In the end, some do and some don't.

In cases where the "association" goes beyond just friendship into courtship, I salute those who have the sense to step out of a potential war zone when one sees that something cannot work out, as opposed to someone who is just too eager to be with someone, or wants an ego stroking or whatever else and so therefore enters into the relationship anyway.

There is a reason why you hear and will continue to hear that looks can be deceiving, good looks is not what's really important, beauty is fleeting, yada yada, because it's true. This is not to discount the fact that there ARE people who are stunningly attractive (by most standards) on both the inside and outside though. To those i say to you, good for you. :-)

So in obvious conclusion, all i can say is... Use (mostly) your brains. The heart, is a deceitful fella.

I er... happened to read a few of Pastor Glenn Lim's past blog entries and found out that er... He was from Ghim Moh Secondary School too. That's where i was from as well! Oh wow... The coincidence! And that was where he first met his wife too. Awww, schweeeet!

GMSS... This is the school that holds a very special place in my heart because it played a huge part in making me who i am today. I had teachers who saw the potential and believed in me, and trusted me with responsibilities that only a few students could handle. It was the place that uncovered and nurtured some of my talents, and i'm sure that it was by no accident that i got into that school, despite it being totally off my choice of 6 schools.

:-)

Just a few random pics i like.

There're a lot of these "xxx athletics dept" tees around that you see, and they all look so meaningless after a while. But i personally like this one a lot, from Local Brand.
Notice the Rickshaw man design and the text at the bottom: "Established 1819". If you know your history, this is very much a Singaporean tee.

Teehee. Be careful not to drink too much of this.












This is what happens when you put a bunch of overgrown kids together in Macdonalds for breakfast. (haha, i love my NTU people)

Shape Run 2006

My legs feel overused today. Pounding 5 times my weight on them for 5km and then shopping with my cousin to get his shoes, coupled with a headache, is no walk in the park. But still, i feel good. But i also feel disappointed.

There is a sense of superiority somehow when i know that i've done myself some justice in the morning, knowing that all of it was worth my time and my effort. I cannot say that i'm completely as pleased as punch with myself, but i'll say that being a part of a sporting event gives me a bit of a high which makes up just a teeny bit for my disappointment.

Didn't meet my personal goal though of hitting 35 minutes and below, and i missed out on being in the top 100 by around 6 minutes (which well... in actual fact is considered a long time in such events). Oh well. Yet, as i look back upon my fitness level a few months ago and as i compare that with what i'm capable of doing today, i can honestly say that i've come a long way. I'm not and have never been a good long distance runner in fact, which makes it all the more sweeter. In actuality, i hate running long distances (anything more than 1km).

And so i finally understand the meaning of "bring your training into your competition and bring your competition into your training". This is something that i've learnt from archery. For the former, you'll need that steady mentality that you've built up through your training during the competition. There'll always be people better or less than you, but you'll need to keep your head, to stick to the plan, to what you've trained yourself at. You cannot be overwhelmed by what you see, hear and feel. When you find that you are able to partition yourself from the external surroundings, you'll ease into the run better. For the latter, you need to be serious about your trainings, never slacking or cutting corners. You should bring your attitude of excellence into your trainings as well so that you're always at your best.

Now that the run is over, i'm gonna be looking for other interesting activities to pick up. Maybe kickboxing or dancing... something else other than running.

I'm rreaaalllleeee tired now. Sleepy. No one is going to ask me to do anything anymore tonight. I'm bushed.

***

Running gear with number tags and timing chip attached: check
Socks and shoes: check
Heart rate monitor and strap: check
Extra tee: check
Brolly: check
Towel: check
Handphone: check

Wallet: Cash (duh), IC (with every reason) and er... Organ Donation Card. You know..., just in case i run all the way home to God. Oh, check.

I've NEVER done a meme. How do you even pronounce "meme"? Mee-mee? Meh-meh? Mur mur? Mm-Mm?
So here's my first one that i kopied from Rach. :-)

10 Favourites:

(i skipped zis one because i don't have a favourite. I have favourite-S.)

9 currents:

Current mood: bored from waiting, but knows that there's something else i should be doing.
Current song: You Danced over Me.
Current book: Straits Times
Current subject studying: subject can be a person, not? *hurhur*
Current thought: how do i answer this question. ok, i shall not. Next!
Current time: 2:52pm
Current toenail colour: a healthy pink and off white
Current girlfriend: this meme was created by a nosy poker guy, huh.
Current wish: that i can ace my way through the rest of uni to make up for the past.

8 Firsts:

1st best friends: had a few in primary school but i dont know who was first though. But one whom i definitely remember is... Andrea!
1st crush: Heh heh. Kindergarten one counted anot? ;-p He was cute!
1st movie: er, earliest i can think of wld prolly be Indiana Jones, where i coined the phrase: "What's so funny? I'm not laughing." My family remembers this distinctly.
1st screen name: ponyboy
1st piercing: earrings when in... er... kindergarten or was it primary school. Yes, vainpottedness started young.
1st handphone: some ericsson G-something. Those can-kill-godzilla kind of brick phone.
1st sport: basketball.
1st pet: angel fishes that died and got flushed down the toilet or thrown down the chute. Pfftt.

7 Lasts:

Last cigarette: null.
Last drink: Ice wine. Yummerlicious, but only drunk at a snail's pace. You don't want joline when she's headachey.
Last car ride: sunday.
Last crush: should i even be mentioning this HERE?! *muahaha* Er, should i even be having one.
Last movie seen: (a few at Germ's place)
Last phone call: Mom.
Last sms: My gem. Telling him that he sounded like an oinking pig over msn.
Last song played: Uh... Hm.

6 Have you evers:

Dated one of ur best friends: nevah
Broken the law: nevah. i is type A. Type Anal.
Been arrested: somehow that sounds funny.
Skinny-dipped: Nevah
Been on TV: Yep. For some short cable tv interview and another as an extra on a friend's short movie.
Kissed someone you didn't know: nevah.

5 things:

5 things you are wearing: bacteria, specs, t-shirt, checkered shorts and remnants of Dove shower gel's 1/4 moisturising lotion.
5 things I've done today: made 2 sandwiches, kissed my pet dog, showered, drank fruity rose tea and said good morning to my cousin while half concussed.
5 things I can hear right now: My dog breathing as he sleeps, whirring fan, traffic going by outside, my lappie ticking away inside and my head telling me to speed up time.
5 things you can't live without: Relationships with God, loved and trusted ones, exercising, the internet, pain killers and good advice.
5 things you do when you're bored: blog, piano-ing, blog surf, tidy room and read newspapers.

4 Places You've Been:

Indonesia, Canada, US of A and Australia.

3 People You Can Tell (Almost) Anything To:

Cannot tell, wait they kena blackmailed.

2 Choices:
Black or White: black
Hot or Cold: Somehow this general question prompts me to leave it unanswered.

1 Wish: that one day, my spiritual heartbreaks will be no more.

You see it happening again and again, you hear the same old lines, they think they've got it, that they've finally got it right (wow... like, this is the 1000th time you said that). But yet in a matter of months, maybe even weeks, you see the situation collapse into that horrible, yet familiar scene of destruction. Again.

Some people have vices that hold too strong in them that once a teeny little bit pressure is applied on that spot, they crash. And burn. Hook, line and sinker. Their brains become mush, their senses become nonsense, their eyes cease to see, all they think of is that things are perfect. Oh, yes it is. But only the here and now, is. That's because the immediate desires are being met, the craved-for pleasurables of life is being stroked and pampered. But how about the future?

Beneath all the merry making, beneath all the physical pleasures, hidden under all the "joy" and fun, and the smiles, and laughter, the conversation, the romance and all that one thinks one is having, is the core of what makes the same old problem repeat themselves, over and over again. What the core is, i don't know because everyone has a different story to tell. Yet i wouldn't hesitate to add that in most instances of such problems, there is always a few common bottom lines of... Malfunction. For lack of a milder word. It is so rudimentary, it probably would even be part of our human nature, hence uncommon it is not.

And you want to grab them and tell them: STOP IT. But you don't because you don't want to spoil a good friendship, you don't want to be accused with "You DON'T UNDERSTAND!".

But it is only out of concern that you don't want to see your friend hurt.

Still. Fear. And so you watch it happen. Like a semi predictable movie that you know could swing in either direction, but from the repeated cues, hackneyed lines, and typical scenarios, you know... The possibility is very high.

Tannlines is having a sale, from the 7th to the 17th of July, at Paragon, #03-49. They seem to have some quite pretty stuff with pretty (good) prices, so head on down! I'm definitely going, for one but I don't know about the sizes available though. Boy am i glad i'm still having my holidays. :-P About a month ago, i treated myself and purchased a bikini (er, yeah...) from Tannlines (right, Miss D?) and i must say that this one fits a lot better than the previous one i bought from Taka.

***

Girls, do you prefer your guy to do stuff that says he loves you, or would you prefer him to tell you in words that he loves you (in this case lets take it that he does mean it)?

(ok, i know that we all would love him to do both, but if you could pick only one...?)

Happy Birthday, Chua XH. :-) May we always celebrate your birthday together in true gangsterism in the many years to come.

***

What is it about late night jogger-me and men? I'm not used to strangers trying to make conversation with me, let alone men who sound enthusiastic about it in the quiet of the night, after my jog.

(Jo jogs down slope as she reaches home and meets Man 1)

Man 1: Well done! Jogging so late?
Jo: Yeah... (*pant, pant* *feels relief at reaching home and then feeling intruded upon by stranger*)

Man 1: Where did you jog from?
Jo: I jogged from church. (*thinks: good time to evangelise? and to also be vague.*)

Man 1: Oh, i like to jog too.
Jo: Oh that's great! (*smiles brightly and also thinks: doesn't look like he jogs very often*)

Man 1: See you then! (*smiles a little smile that looks half hopeful, half unsure*)
Jo: Right, bye! (*thinks: is he ok? er... this is not normal.*)

(couple of days ago)

(jo walks alone quickly in the dark past the playground, minding her own business, but notices a man walking up from the playground after doing some chin ups)

Man 2: (speaks up from behind me in Mandarin) So late and you still jog?
Jo: (takes a while to register that he's talking to me before i turn around, and stammers replies in... Mandarin) Yes, at the gym.

Man 2: (still in Mandarin) Really? I've not seen you around.
Jo: (*thinks: eh? should you be noticing at all?)

Man 2: (In Mandarin) Are you a local?
Jo: (*scowls very hard and frowns because jo doesn't understand the Mandarin word for local*)

Man 2: (repeats his question in English) You're not local?
Jo: No, no, no... (meaning: No, no such thing, i AM local)

Man 2: Oh... Your accent doesn't sound local.
Jo: Oh... (*smiles* *thinks: er, ok... this is not good*)

Man 2: (in English) Oh... Ok, see you around!
Jo: (in English) See you!

See, i wasn't kidding when i said that my mandarin is beyond terrible, and that sure isn't something to be proud of. It sounds so off that it even makes someone think that i'm not local! :-( Sure am appreciative that Gem's mandarin is waaaay better than mine. In all those cases when we had to ask someone something in Mandarin, he was desperately poked by mua (distress button) to ask for help, and thank God he does it very well.

(17th of April: Something i drafted and saved. Decided to post this because it made me smile at the memory.)

I had a grand time on Good Friday. Good friday was spent in church to watch a drama performance by the creative arts ministry. The grief and sadness depicted by all the scenes were to illustrate the pain and sorrow experienced by Jesus before his death. The Time of Darkness before his death on the cross.

One particular scene that portrayed just a single woman crying and screaming her heart out because of a miscarriage squeezed my heart so much that i couldn't help but let my tears well up and stream down my cheeks. Lucky no make-up on, or else confirm become Goth Girl by the end of the service.

And friday was possibly the longest time i've ever spent with my church cell gang. The day saw us moving from church, to Marina Square to Jo's Tavern somewhere along the Holland area. Drinks provided there are for free, no alcohol though. And the piano and guitars are free for anyone to pick up and play. The frisky black and tan animal was a noisy nuisance though, but i guess he provided an avenue for both play and bullying.

We rock lah, NTU CELL, wooooooooooooooot! It seems to me that the NTU cell is being taken over by SIMers or, SIMs. As this blog loves lame jokes and corniness of all sorts, i will quote these lines from the unknown original source. Oh, and if you want (i know you guys are reading), you can leave your name to claim credit for your lines.

1. "It seems that we're becoming more SIMful (sinful)." (?)
2. "We're SIMmers (sinners) after all" (?)
3. "We're all so SIMilar..." (Dominic)
4. "Wa lao..., SIM tia man..." (yours truly)
(but i do speak the sentiments of everyone right? Right?!)

Don't know if you have, but i caught a few er, teasers of this new series called the "Ghost Whisperer". I honestly thought it was a joke. Ghost Whisperer? Immediately the first thing that came into my head was: Gee, are they trying to portray ghosts in a less supernaturally unknown light, as less scary, and more misunderstood beings that bear even hope, feelings and emotions?

It seems like a marriage between romance (as in the concept of romanticism) and horror, two quite emotionally inducing genres that would be positioned on something like polar ends of the spectrum. We've all yet to see what will be borne out of that, though i doubt i'll watch it anyways.

Kinda reminds me of that drama series "Touched by an Angel" which featured episode after episode of how angels (spiritual beings) dealt with mortals, as opposed to this series, which will depict a mortal dealing with spirits.

***

I think i've been putting on weight judging by this perceived jingle about me, even if the weighing scale doesn't show it. Then again, it could well be just psychological guilt of sorts acting up because my appetite of late has been really good, with cravings plaguing me almost all the time. Gem will vouch for this i know. Heh.

Been having cravings for that Adam Road fruit juice special and prawn mee, BBQ Stingray (yes, it's STILL ongoing and i don't know why) , oyster omelette and teh peng (the coffee shop kind of ice tea).

Shape Run '06 is in less than 2 weeks. YAY, finally! After which i will probably begin looking for a different form of exercise to supplement my weekly canal runs, cos i think running on its own is getting a little too monotonous.

***

On sunday, this really old school fortune-telling-weighing-machine thingy caught my sister's eye when we were shopping around Parkway Parade. We snapped a photo of it on her phone and decided to waste 20cents for the fun of seeing what the old metal lump would churn out. I remember that when i was a kid doing the same lets-try-this-thing-for-fun, i was offended by the stupid machine because it said something rather rude.

Anyway, after standing on the metal weighing plate, after which we waited for the mechanism to stabilise before putting in a 20cent coin, the machine got clonking and it spat out a piece of cardboard that had my weight printed as xxkg (ok, decently accurate) on one side and behind the same piece of cardboard was printed some sagely words........

That i cannot tell you word for word because i left the paper in my shorts that went into the wash before i could save it. -.- Retarded, i know.

But from the little that i can see from the now mushed up cardboard that looks half digested, it says: "A brilliant marriage will raise your ... ... above expectations... "

TSK.

Wrong person LAH. It's FSH who's getting hitched next year, not mua.

Title: (as stated on tee)
I fell in love with it the moment i set my eyes on it. What can i say? I'm one of them, great procrastinators.









Title: Biblical Disaster
No wonder.











Title: Prehistoric Freak
Gotta love this one, poking fun at lil ole Barney.
Gem and i bought one each of this, as well as Biblical Disaster.















Title: Zombie Donkey
I feel a bit like Mr Zombie sometimes. Chasing some thing(s) i wasn't meant to be created with in the first place.










***

I've gone on a couple of shopping stints recently, about a month late as compared to the rest of Singapore, but i don't feel like i missed out on anything cos it seems like the deals are as sweet, if not maybe even sweeter.

U2 hasn't gone all the way with their discounts yet though. I remember distinctly how they cut their prices down by 70% last year around July or August, some such. Oh the bliss, because while the rest of the Singaporean population had gone back to work and school, it gave people like me free reign (and rein) over the shops. Muah hahahaaa.

***

Having spoken to two important people over the weekend, it's come to light once again this dualistic aspect of me: That on one hand i appreciate relating to others through the sharing of personal issues as well as discussing issues that involve both parties, and also acknowledging the other side of me that tends to shrink into a lonely silence despite being surrounded by familiar friends.

***

Perhaps more later. I've gotta go for a walk... The durians i had just now are really being accusatory. Not good.