"What do you mean it's due tomorrow? Like, t-o-m-o-r-r-o-w?! Blistering Jumping Bananas!"

Back to proposal researching. Maarrnnngggkeeee...

I've certainly not yet learnt the skills of observing and making deductions on really er, practiced psychotic individuals and/or serial killers, but for friends... I can tell if there's something wrong under their seemingly joyful visage. Sometimes, i see it blatantly. When you've known someone for a while, you're more finely tuned to their body language, their gestures, the rise and fall of their voice tones, the look in their eyes. These're plenny of tell tale signs. Other times, i sense it in my heart, that something is amiss.

Every now and then with a friend, when the superficiality of the conversation wears off and when the deeper issues start emerging, inside i'd be thinking: Yeah, i knew there was something wrong.

For my Gem, we've had thoroughly uncanny moments when "coincidence" becomes something like of a central theme running in our relationship. At times, i'd get these vibes about certain specific issues. I only bring up what i think is necessary to bring up, while in other cases, he'll talk me about them and i'm thinking and i tell him: Yeah, i had a feeling about that too.

This so called ability just might be borne from the quality of "natural hyper sensitivity" that females have. Teehee.

question? + my eeeyyees!

If you could change ONE aspect of yourself, which already existing good aspect of yourself would you be willing to give up for that "better-ment"?

For example:

Mr Mango Tree wants to bear sweeter fruit, but he must give up his nice dark green leaves for neon pink ones. And Mr Mango Tree HATES neon pink.

Ok fine that was weird. How about this. For example, Miss Lamperberdoo would trade in her quality of "honesty" to be become "dishonest" since she can and will have "large, almond shaped eyes" in return.

Note that this isn't an argument about the age old debate "outward physical beauty vs inner beauty".

***

MAN... I am... Just... Giggling as i write this. I'm not giggling in a cute girly, shy and coy way. I giggling... Nervously. Why, you ask?

I'm embarking on this project for my social psychology module, "The Gender Project", as it is called. My job is to pick 30 photographs of men and women in total, as well as read up on what my chosen magazine (a few issues of it) has to say about the issues pertaining to both the sexes.

As i'm perusing the internet to get a list of magazines to give me a good range to make my choice of which magazine to buy, once again i'm faced with the point: "Women are EVERYWHERE. Female and male targeted magazines, you've got them, EVERYWHERE."

Mind you, i'm not an ardent and rabid reader of female targeted magazines but i've seen enough to know that we don't, DON'T have 1000 000 men prancing around in our magazines looking dirtily sexy in... in, whatever coloured or patterned boxer shorts they love, or triangular-pieces-of-fabric-with-strings, or whatever else have you, in very compromising poses.
NO, we do NOT have men flashing parts of their genitals to you. NO. Only the WOMEN have been bestowed all the honour of doing that.

*ahem* I think i've gone off point, excuse me. I needed to rant.

So anyway, since i can only pick one magazine title, and i need photos of both males and females. I reckon picking a male targeted magazine works best for me for obvious reasons.

About the analyses of textual content though... GOSH! I don't know what to do! Let me tell you why.

One glance at the front cover of FHM and i am already staggering mentally. ARGGGHHH!! MY EYES MY EYES! I FEEL MY INNOCENCE BEING GRABBED AT, STRANGULATED AND RIPPED AWAY FROM ME. AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I feel visually and mentally violated even if i'm looking at my own gender in scanty pieces of fabric.

I really don't care if the world is laughing at me now for being so "closed-minded". Simply put, i don't agree with some of the things that the world embraces.

Since i've not opened an issue of FHM before, I don't know if the contents in there is varied enough for analysis? *shrug* I don't know, maybe a trip to HV will educate me on that.

Sheesh.... It's like soft porn to me already ok? Ehm, how about Men's Health? Or another men's magazine?

OR

I could settle for "She" magazine. I heard that it's British, and boring.

Hur.

Time for... A ridiculously, amazingly pointless entry!

A few weeks ago, i made a new friend, meet: Rectangle Frying Pan.

Needless to say, my fried egg also came out rectangular in shape. I had such a silly cheap thrill. Hieh hieh hieh.

Yes, they are twin limes. Think what you will, but they are nice, happy twin limes.

May i lay claim on...

40 hours of uninterrupted sleep?

40 minutes of unbridled insanity?

40 seconds of irresponsible actions?

***

It's the time when my brain is messed up, and i don't mean because of examinations. This too shall pass, and while i'm not being my usual self, i'll jot down some complete nonsense that bear no meaning nor consequence.

Just when my foot healed overnight, quite literally, i bashed my fourth little toe on my left footie against the piano chair's leg. I yelped so loud and sat down almost immediately on my rump to massage my poor digit that was crying out in miserable agony from the shock.
And so the joint is badly bruised internally and i'm wondering if it sustained some form of hairline fracture or just some bad joint bruise or something. It hurts and is a little stiff. Does nothing to ensure that my exercising regime won't be disrupted. I guess i still can cycle, which would make the other treadmill users happy for the want of one less runner.

After 3 attempts at curbing my lust for new apparel, i finally gave in to my desires! At www.threadless.com But you gotta admit that it was a pretty good deal: 3 tees with artistic and original designs that you cannot get in Singapore. With shipping costs, they each come up to around SGD$21. Which is very comparable to other tees that you can get locally and that are mainstream and boring.

They recently had a sale, USD10 per tee, but i'm afraid it's over now. But if you're an aspiring fashion designer with a penchant for speaking your mind on (sticky) issues close to your heart through fashion design on tops, you might want to take a look at what kind of exposure you can get out of offering a t-shirt design. Haven't taken a look at it myself but yeah! Don't hesitate, cos you never know, yo. ;-D

I bought: "Death by music", "MP(3)" and ""Heavy Medal" (not sure if i got all the names right though).

Waiting happily for my steal!

Currently.

1. You want to help so-and-so, but you... Cannot do anything except ask for divine help.

2. I get my doses of cuteness from CuteOverload on a daily basis to execute squeals of excitement, ear-to-ear grins, to live through high blood pressure, to get cerebral convulsions and head explosions. Picking up the pieces of quivering brain is still not yet a chore. Guess i'm morbid like that.

3. Cannot begin on my Gender Project because... Instructions given in the booklet aren't clear to me, so am waiting for tutor-enlightenment through email.
[update: my tutor is a godsend... she's tactful, she's understanding, she's smart, she's a natural and respected teacher, and she's helpful. I lub.]

4. It's not easy to dissect stuff from a 1950s women's magazine. Er, born in 1984, i was.

5. Mildly sprained the foot while carrying out an errand. Hope it does not hamper my running routine. *grumble*
[update: i think the night's rest did the insides some good. Twisting me foot now and it ain't hurting no more!]

6. Enjoyed the yumfummiest Tom Yum pasta dish in a loooong while, at the Black Canyon Coffee place at Serene Centre today. It has commanded my respect and i'll be fantasizing about a next trip there soon. *thought bubble with bowl of tom yum pasta floating within it*
It's my first time there so i can't say that ALL the dishes and beverages rock. But what i do know is, the prices for food is affordable enough: Around 10bucks, plus or minus a bit. However, the iced latte looked a little scant for something that cost 4+bucks though.
(believe it or not, i am salivating as i type this with the delectable image in my head. Think: Ivan Pavlov's drooly dog. Haha, i amuse myself.)

Watching movies can have a profound effect on me. Some movies have this ability to mess with both my mind and heart, though i wouldn't go so far as to say that those are confirm-guarantee-chop good movies. It's subjective to personal taste after all.

But a few of these movies that have moved me to tears, wowed me, or have disturbed me for hours on end even after it has long ended include: "Hotel Rwanda", "Artificial Intelligence", "The Lord of the Rings Trilogy", "Star Wars", "The Matrix Trilogy" and this other one based on a book by Rudyard Kipling. A pity i don't remember the title.

When was the last time you enjoyed every second watching a movie in the darkened theatre, only to walk out feeling as though you wish you could relive the experience again? I'm not talking about reliving the experience of being IN THE THEATRE watching a movie, but i'm talking more with reference to reliving the STORY OF THE MOVIE.

Yesterday, i watched the Chronicles of Narnia again. I watched it the first time around with my Gem before and i wasn't too wowed mainly because i'm too used to superb visual effects (CGI whore), blood and gore, which the movie didn't match up with compared with well... LOTR. The big screen kind of emphasized the bits where it was lacking so was therefore led and distracted away by my technical judging. Tsk, it's a children's movie jo me dah-ling, don't wanna scare the li-ehl kiddles, do we?

This time, i watched it with my two folks at home on DVD, and i think while my dad was enthralled by it, my mom went off to Lala Land instead. Perhaps the land of Narnia wasn't good enough, i think. 8-P

But this time, the movie left me nothing short of breathless. When the credits rolled, when the Professor told Lucy that Narnia will only return when she isn't looking, when the curtains of our living room were drawn back to allow sunlight to flood the room once more, i felt this ugly and traumatic sense of detachment. How i longed to return once more to Narnia!

I'm sure that we all know by now that it's a story of how Jesus Christ gave his life for us when he was a man on Earth.
The symbolism used in the movie was telling enough: The Majesty of Aslan (Jesus) who did what he did out of pure love, the use of children (We, his children on Earth) to aid in the winning of a battle against the White Witch (Satan, disguised in pure, innocent beauty).

It was almost depressing to step back from the fantasy world, back into reality, to normalcy of... Earth. I felt so, transported away from the place where you cheer the heroes on, where animals talked freely and er... animatedly, away from feeling the triumph, pain and hope of the characters. Coming away from Narnia was as if my world just crashed.

(ahahaha.)

Ah, but then i realized this. This so called fantasy land does exist. It's not called "Narnia" and fauns don't appear, birds don't go "PSST!" and beavers aren't humourous. But guess what, Earth IS Narnia. Yes, i repeat, EARTH=NARNIA.

We are living in a world where Satan has some control and we're also living in the same world that saw the life and death of Christ. Jesus wasn't a lion but in a similar light, he was every bit the man of God's wisdom, filled with the love for others, and beautiful because of his character. In a parallel with Aslan, he is also the same in majesty and power. He is God who lives yesterday, today and forever.

It's no fairytale, it is no "story". If you like, his death and resurrection is that so called "Deep Magic" like in the movie, akin to the world's "Supernatural, and Spiritual".

Remember how 4 simple children became royalty?

As it is said, though we're living in a time when the evil one has dominion, we're not to be destroyed. "Winter" will come to an end, and as obedient Christians follow wholly after the Father, we will one day be with Him as His heirs, His children. Royalty. Weird and crazy as it sounds, yes.
Believe it- The world WILL end, judgement WILL come, and i believe, it is coming much sooner than we think.

phototrip with the new addition to the techie family

Ello there. I'm done with that essay and it's onto the next 2 projects after my declared one-day-of-total-relaxation. It's back to the grind again, cos hey, I'm not going to procrastinate again and in doing so, slaughter my health. Nuh uh.

Took our new techie baby out today, but i didn't do much snapping because i'm lacking in the see-something-beautiful-in-a-frame kind of inspiration, as well as being a tad self conscious. Gah. Dad got our newest addition for free from his company, and i'm currently the one who's making good use of it, tra lala, yeay!

(new techie baby= Casio Exilim S600)

In the lift, taken with fumbly hands before reaching my floor.

Uhm... Greenery would be nice. *jo stands under tree, tilts camera and head right up* Snap!
(i've always wondered how to enhance the colours of photos)
(in school) Yes, it's inverted 180 degrees.

Oh, and meet Antonio, my heart rate monitor and personal trainer. I lub you. 8-)

For someone who shoots off her mouth a bit like a certain Class 95 DJ on the Morning Express, i marvel at how i'm still able to get along peacefully with people most of the time. Which is why at times when those few friction moments come, i totally FREAK because i'm not used to handling it.
Or are people around me just too nice to say anything to my face? Or, are they afraid that if they did, i'd morph into a flame spewing dragon and turn them into barbeque?

I ask myself this from time to time: Is all that i'm going through a hallucination? In that i choose to believe what i think is true because of me being bounded by my perceptions, when actually, things are purely quite the contrary to my beliefs.

Sometimes i reflect upon certain moments when i have made statements and realize that if the person didn't know any better, taken at face value, my statements can come across as being pretty tactless. But more often than not, i've no malicious intents, but it's just me being flatly honest and objective, all borne out of just wanting to help.

***

I want very much to go for the talk in church tonight, but this essay... *heaves a sigh* Had to make a few cancellations and adjustments to my schedule and i feel downright bad about them, but i promise that it's not going to take me away from the people who matter to me.

Back to essay.

Polishing the Gem

Today, my Gem was baptised. As in, water baptism... I cannot really fully describe how i feel inside about all that has happened ever since he stepped into church last year, around June or July. But it's all so good. To cell mate who asked how i felt about his baptism... Honestly, i cannot say much because words fail me now, but... It's pure bubbly joy!

But i think that his joy probably races much, much further ahead of mine!

His outlook in life has turned about because he found and is continuing to find out more of the incredible truths that only our Lord can give. It's pretty amazing... Do read his account of all that he has experienced once he publishes something... I would be most happy to provide the link when he does.

I don't know if i should change his blog link's name, (haha) but IF i do, it's NOT that i've switched to a new significant other. More like, my significant other has gotten a new life in Christ.
point of information: they get to choose an english name if they wish to have one.

The gift of problems

I don't know about you, but i'm glad that problems and challenges exist in life. Yes, ok, maybe that sounds kind of a tad too idealistic-oh-lucky-fella-with-a-bed-of-pure-cotton-balls-for-a-life. But seriously. Do you notice how one tends to think, mull, ponder, tear apart to analyse and seek more when there is an issue at hand to deal with? How often have you heard the "i blog more/i think, more when i am depressed" line?

If things were smooth sailing all the time, note that i'm not saying that we do not reflect at all, but if there were no uprisings and upheavaling in our lives, would we take time to seriously pause in our tracks and think about the state of the situation, others and ourselves? The process of "worrying" can be taken both ways: As a time for reflection/meditation OR a time to stew in your sad mental juices.

Have you noticed that it is during sticky, painful and unpleasant situations that we take away a precious gem of a lesson or a major crash course on xyz topic. We can choose to be moody for a while but bounce back with new understanding OR we can shrivel up and whine. And whine some more.

There are countless quotes and analogies to illustrate how problems give rise to new growth. So many positive stories through emails and other inspirational posters, postcards, etc that we have nodded our heads in agreement to. Where do these come from? More often than not, they're from people who know what they're talking about, and why? Because they've been through it or have seen it happen. So yes, cliche as these may sound, there is truth, wisdom. It's whether or not we would care to listen.

So yes, problems serve a purpose in this existence.

The sad thing is that some people suffer so much more than the "average person". For some strange reason, some people just have it so hard in life, with problems coming in swift and continual blows, that their Being fast approaches the brink of death (could be physical, emotional, spiritual, mental).

I haven't the answers for that and i can't come close to truly understanding their pain and I can only use my imagination to a certain extent. Though take heart that there are others in this world from the past and present who have come out of their personal struggles, Victorious. Some perhaps even thrive (not just survive) WITH their circumstances, victoriously too. Perhaps in their soul searching and their efforts to come out of that bog, there was a full fledged software change in their heart of hearts, giving them the strength to do whatever that's necessary.

And so this brings to mind the saying by William James, philosopher and psychologist: "Human beings, by changing their inner attitudes of their minds, can change the outer aspects of their lives".
And i think there are various ways in which to execute that.

(How very applicable to my current essay question.)

NB: Praise GOD! Received a nice score for my first essay of the year for the 3rd level module. Am going to need to continue keeping up this form, and i cannot afford to drop much if i do because i need to make up for glitches of the poor grading system of the OUUK in the past two years.

"... the Lord directed me to include in the book the name of a high school student shot during the Columbine High School shootings in Colorado. Her name is Rachel. "Rachel was chosen for End-Time use, " He said, "and she was chosen before she was born. Through her, I plan to touch millions of souls, both young and old."

"... Too often people blame every bad thing that happens on Satan. If Rachel's death were Satan's will, My name would never have been brought up before she died. Satan has no power over My People if I don't allow him to.

Each life has a special purpose in this world. That is why I have used some people in special ways. So, don't think that because someone is a faithful Christian that they will live long and perfect lives on Earth. If I have to take one life in order to save another, I will do so."

As I said before, I will have to take many lives before I return. Among them will be many Christians. Salvation is that important to Me (God). But always remember that I never want to see anyone perish."" (i believe 'perish' here = not going to Heaven.)

("me" refers to the author, and "I" refers to God.)

(by Choo Thomas, "Heaven is so Real!", page 191-192)

As you can tell, I ran a check on it and my understanding of events has indeed been enlightened. I read on about how Rachel's death ignited a flurry of awareness of the lack of morality, the all too real issues of social cliques, the desire to be included and the damaging influence of certain forms of media. Rachel's death is also the subject of books that have been written to help others. I googled her name and dropped in on a website, that i assume is set up by her family members. It's amazing how so much love and kindness is being extended out to people through the tragedy.

In addition, was the reviewing of safety measures in schools and the tactics with which to respond to such shootings. It was emotionally distressing to read the blow by blow account of how the two boys went on a shooting rampage but one can see, that everything happens for a reason. Tsunami, earthquakes, etc. All these, happen for a reason.

"Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me."

This quote is probably one of the biggest lies ever told.

***

It's one of those days again, when i feel like doing nothing else but lie down on my bed to drift off into a land where nothing is for real, for the entire, ENTIRE day. I'm pressed for time with my work and so it does not help that i've got a deadline next week, i take two weeks to finish an essay and i've not.even.begun.

"I honestly felt subhuman, lower than the lowest vermin... I could not understand why anyone would want to associate with me, let alone love me... (...) I must've conned a lot of people."

(- by Norman Endler, a respected psychologist who talks about his experience of depression. Taken from Peter Gray, "Psychology")

Scary. I wrote out some stuff to get a weight off my chest and i found that i can identify my current state with what he's saying. Depression. NO, i'm not suffering from it, but i'm just feeling depressed. Not the type that warrants a doctor's visit, thank God.

Like what my friend's msn nick says... Need a holiday from the world. I'm so jealous of Jed who's lying blissfully asleep embedded in my squishy bean bag.

American psychology textbooks are so much easier to read, but may not be as introspective as the British textbooks that i've got.
Ok, got to get out from this rut.

(as jo puts mee siam into the microwave for dinner)
Jo: We have SO MUCH food! We've got porridge... fishcake (sambal chilli)... brinjal... and this mee siam, HOW to finish?

Usually we try to scrunge out stuff from the fridge from past meals so that we can clear the backlog and container clutter, and yesterday was one of those nights.

So while the fishcake sat on the stove waiting to be served, the porridge bubbled in a small chrome-shiny pot with its gooey yummy texture, the brinjal awaiting its turn to be nuked, my family talked and laughed in the kitchen. Then suddenly...

BOOM! PRAK!
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.
.
.
.
.
.
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.
.
.
.
.
.

Major Explosion!



The mee really s-i-a-m everywhere! Noodles on the door, noodles on the cupboard, noodles spattered on the left, right, top and bottom white walls of the microwave. Oh, noodles AND egg yolk, to be exact. The plate that was used as a cover had also experienced a momentary feeling of blessed flight and landing, hence the "prak!" sound we all heard. What i found particularly ticklish was the fact that noodles was found hanging like threads on the microwave door. Couldn't get over the aftermath of giggles during dinner.

Moral of the story: Check for the presence of eggs before placing things into the microwave.

Dad: Haha, you spoke too soon lah... (imitates me: We've got so much foood! How to finish!?) and then, BOOM!
(whole family laughs)

OO"
----

Boliao-ness is Me

Upon reading a post that i've stashed aside for a while but still think it's incomplete, i've decided to let on an email that my daddy sent me instead. *giggle, giggle* goes joline. She was amused, but doesn't know who to credit for the little mirth that the email's content brought her.

Sometimes, i beg to differ. Men can be complicated, but they can also be well, er, pretty understandable. (argh! P.C.! P.C.!) So, well that pretty much sums them up. Men are complicated and understandable only because... Women are complicated. Is that right? Don't know. What do ya'll Men think of one another? Discuss.

Gem likes to shop too leh. But then again, i've not totally tried and tested his threshold of tolerance yet with respect to "shopping with mua". *smirk* I remember supermarket stints before though. Passed with flying colours.

We're having it so peaceful that arguments aren't exactly part of our vocabulary. Er, yet. Thank GOD.

I likes zis vun. Peviod. (i think it's a little too tiny to read so, click to enlarge! It's a good one.)

Feeling a bit like this...


And like this