My heart is not whole without you, Lord.

When things go well in life, i fall into the trap of thriving on the false sense of temporary security, of the "joy of this life". I become blinded, numbed out and think that i see no need to cling onto you because i think i have everything i need and want.

How mistaken i am!

So what happens when all is stripped away? When everything that means the world to me is ruthlessly slashed from my grasp.
When my loved ones are afflicted, when my finances are gone, when my health is in shambles, when there is no one i can humanly depend on.

It is only when you reign in me and when i put my 100% trust in You, that i can stand with divinely given inner joy, peace, strength and confidence that transcends human comprehension.

And this wholeness does not change, does not warp, when everything and everyone is taken away from me, when i have zero material belongings and when i stand in all my vulnerability.

As long as i have you, there will always be hope. And even if things have to lead to death, i have no fear of it. For death is simply the passing from Earth to where You are.

That is the kind of faith i want to have. Lord, help me not let my heart grow cold.

(updated-ed)

I want to maul something with my mop because...:

1. I spent forever doing a Statistics Test MANUALLY that took me the entire day to read up on and do till 5+am. And my outcome DID NOT match the computer generated outcome. I was getting NEGATIVE values. (it took like, 2 fullscape papers ok?!) *roar!*

2. After that unsuccessful mathematical torture, i developed a mindblock which resulted in me churning out the ONE humble word, "The" under the "Discussion" section of my report. I stared at the screen for a long time before deciding that i will finally go to sleep. That was at about 7am.

3. Now, i am still stuck at "The". It is 2pm.

Later.

(9:19pm)

Haloscan is being such a pain these days. I dearly want to get rid of it but i am not sure of which html codes i should delete from my template. Ho Boy.

Yeah, so do click on the link though it looks like it hasn't updated. :-)

I'm glad for Blogger's new feature that enables me to put pictures quickly and i don't have to keep cutting and pasting htmls! Yay, and i get to write next to the pictures too, to save space. :-)

Question: Why do people find it funny when someone farts?

Since we're on this topic, i just want to say that i am totally fine with people burping, farting, drooling... etc, in front of me. Like hello, we're all human right? And such things happen to happen/need to be done... So you don't have to be too embarrassed about it.

If it was a particularly loud burp or stinky fart, at most, we'll laugh it over and i'll tell you that you're "gross!" but that's just to tease you, and it's nothing malicious.
I might even burp/fart in reply. Heh. (did i just say that? ;-) )

But of course, there must be some degree of civilized behaviour lah. I trust that we are all mature adults and know how to be sensitive enough to one another.

There was a time when this guy i was out with (most girls i'm with do not gross me out ok?) TOTALLY turned me off with his habits. It was just so darn DISGUSTING. I couldn't take it, and i felt like i was talking to Caveman XXX.

Anyway. Back to work.

In two minds.

*chuckle*
Thanks so much people for dropping by to leave your comments (previous post) and for not telling me that i should just go and cut two holes for my eyes and wear a brown paper bag over my head for the rest of my life.
Hiak, hiak.

I don't know why, but i am feeling very troubled today. I hope it's just the hormones and the extremely RICH Banana Butterscotch Cheesecake i had nice dessert talking.

Went out with my ultimate gorgeous girl friends (HOO YEAH!) today.

Uhm... Our J-Pop Star looking one is taken already lah, so guys, sorry, no hope for you already. The K or J (both also can)-Pop Star is hot but, guys, you gotta be hotter! (eh, i mean, that you must have a burning passion for God)

The Nerd one, erh... eh... uhm... Has tree trunk arms. Em, up for arm wrestling, guys? I promise she'll give you chance to win one, really!

*Evil Kinevil chuckle*

Gotta go. See you maybe... on sunday or monday.

(size-that-cannot-be-named) was too Ambitious. *muah hahaha*

misS_D


This is misS_D.

This was the very girl i first befriended during a pre-band camp briefing back in year 1998, somewhere in October and November.
It was a band leadership camp organized for the leaders of school bands from all over Singapore and we are known either as a "Band Major" or "Drum Major". Each school plops out one student for each post to participate.

We were both Band Majors, she specialized in the bright tootly flute, while i, the sassy saxophone.

Our friendship started off with something like,
Me: Can you hear what s/he (the person giving instructions upfront) is saying?

We quickly become inseparable pals during the camp and till this day, we are still good buddies.

Back then, we laughed at the insanest things (yep! i remember seeing some of these on your blog too!):

- a squashed black mushroom on the road that kept looking dead-er by the day as army vehicles rolled over it. (the camp was held at an army camp)
- me dragging my feet walking back to bunk because the sole of my marching black shoe came off while doing foot drill under the hot sun.
- Curry "Pow".
- Broomstick Gang. (of whom i was never chased by)
- "Vampire" *wink*
- "Ba-baat"
- MARK ............ from ........... (hohoho!)
(and so on)

After the camp wrapped up over a course of about 5 days, we still kept in touch, first by the humble and personal snail mail till the internet came along.
Even then, we still talked over the phone at the most unexpected times... Ok, SHE was the one who usually took the initiative to do that, and for that, i am ETERNALLY GRATEFUL.

And so yesterday we met again for some catch-up session over lunch and SHOPPING!!!

I tell you... This GIRL opened my eyes to the wider selection of female clothes, bringing me away from my usual tomboy-sports-can-be-monotonous-relaxed-bo-chup-"so-chai" sense of fashion (although i am kinda proud of it you know?).

Nothing too outlandish but it is definitely a slightly brighter change from my usual garb. She has a good eye for stuff. Can get make-over already just by having her around. Yeah lor, so i spent a bit today.

I don't usually go shopping for nothing and usually, i'd have an agenda and a plan. But today, it just felt RIGHT to go shopping. Hohohoho.

So while browsing along the aisles of Isetan, we spotted this flowery, happy, beachy looking sun dress sort of thing.

We go: OOO!!! This IS NICE!

And we proceed to get our hands all over it to check the cut and trimmings.

misS_D goes: Aiya, but this one is mengarut leh... (points to the lace at the base of the dress.)

Me: (laughs insanely and agrees that it IS mengarut) But let's try it!

So we grabbed an (CANNOT SAY!)-sized dress and gleefully made our way to the dressing room. Ok, so i was the guinea pig lah.

The minute i put it on, i had a bad feeling that it wouldn't zip right up...

To cut the long story short, misS_D had collasped on the floor while i held myself up weakly...
And as sure as the sun rises in the East, both of us were convulsing with laughter and getting our faces beet red with howls and hysterical shrieks of mirth over our little misadventure concerning the sun dress on the pathetic excuse for a mannequin (that is, mua).

(all this happening while within the tiny confines of...)

Ok, so, the dress DID get zipped up but then after that the whole dress wouldn't budge when we tried to shift it to the "right way around". Actually, it didn't help that we didn't KNOW where the zip was suppose to be anyway.
At the back? or at the Side? And the fact that it was a tube top too made it MORE COMICAL for some reason.

Yeah, so i stood there with an ill fitting piece of garment wound tightly around me (like a Ba-Zhang!) the WRONG WAY AROUND and were it not for misS_D's help, i would've had to ask for emergency assistance from any of the nearest salesgirls.

Sad to say...

It WAS a pretty tube sun dress, but having tried one size bigger, we found it was too loose while the next smaller size that i had initially tried on was too small... So, i either have to lose or gain some weight.
*pout*

But later on, we discovered a pretty beachy skirt which kinda went well with my existing top. After borrowing her pair of closed-toe shoes and her sweet looking embroidered bag, the whole ensemble actually looked plausible!

So, the skirt came out from storage and become mine oh mine.

THANK YOU GAL! I loved the time spent with uuuuuu! Girl, you are one good confidant, joker, partner in crime and SHOPPER... *MUAK!*
Dang, yesterday was fun.
We should do this when you're done with your 'A's.

So in the shopping arena in zee end, the day ended happily with m|sS_D getting herself a pretty black spaggetti top and Jo buying 2 pairs of bright earrings, one bright pink tank top and a sunny happy skirt.

And when I reached home and paraded happily around the house in my happy beachy skirt, I was promptly told right off by my sister that it was ... .

*pout*

Neh Mind. I LIKE, can oreddi.

What the weekend was about. (edited)

You were there the two whole days even when it was clearly a long and drawn out, and to some extent, even a boring affair. (since you were not competing)

But you stayed on, to encourage in your quiet, sensitive, caring and self-sacrificing way.
(and enduring yabs and pokes from my team mates...!)

I don't know how else to thank you, but to let you know here, that every little kind gesture you showed spoke volumes to me.

Every single big and small thing that you did... From the moment i saw you, to the moment we parted.

Too many to name. ;-)

I really appreciate it all, very very much.

*** ***

Undeserving, unexpected and unbelievable.

- After 3 months of irregular practice, (2 weeks practice, 3 weeks MIA... cycle repeats again.),
- 2-3 days of actual practice at 18m to get the sighting right (the rest of the practices were at 15m)
- of hoping that i wouldn't finish up last again...

The NUS Indoor Shoot is over and i can now rest a little. The next competition is either the SAFSA shoot or the Pesta Sukan Shoot.

Both of which i think are outdoor events.
Being too close to the exams for my comfort, i most likely won't be taking part in both.
So, i am banking my hopes on DMArchery, that they'd have that year end indoor shoot again, like last year.

The first day of the competition (for the individual events), saturday, of the shoot was a glitch filled one, holding us back about 3+ hours more than what was planned. That probably got a lot of archers complaining.

The place was crowded! Loads of equipments lay all around the Multi Purpose Hall in NUS. There were those "instant set up chairs", archers from the assorted clubs and family members. Packed, packed, packed.

And you know what? My trigger release (you cannot shoot without it) went missing on the day itself. J saved the day with a superb brain surge on his part.

*OH HAIL J!!!*

Gosh! Panicked like mad and it made my team mates go kuku as well.

*OH HAIL J!!!*

When he came to me and said: "I've asked BC's friend already... Sure have one."
I almost died from relief.

*OH HAIL J!!!*

And guess what... BC's friend DID have an extra trigger. What's more, the trigger was of the EXACT same model as mine (except with a different strap), and better still.
The mechanism worked better than my own!

Tell me, God is Good, man...!

Despite the glitches, i still think that we archers were already blessed to have people plan the competition in the very first place so that we can compete.
Without them, how many others would willingly give up of their time and effort to organize and prepare for a competition?

Ok, so this IS an annual thing that NUS does all the time, but still! It requires their time, effort and resources.

I was sandwiched between two national archers, both of whom are sisters. Cute lah, the both of them. The younger sister, i think, tends to be the people-magnet one.

They're both real good and i hope that one day, they'll compete outside of Singapore.

There wasn't really much pressure, since it was simply doing something you love in air-con comfort (ok well, most would disagree here because we were all being grilled in the humid and warm Hall), at a reasonable distance of 18m.

It helped as well that THIS TIME, THERE ARE FINALLY (a few) MORE FEMALE COMPOUND ARCHERS!!!
My category (compound Open class Women's individual) used to be swamped by national archers. Erm... Actually, STILL is, but now there're a few more non-national ones added.

Gah... Because of my irregularity in training sessions and maybe some freak of nature while releasing the bowstring, history repeated itself. I missed the target 4 times, throwing away 40 points in all! *BLEARGH!*

But as for the times i did hit, the scores were all right i guess, averaging 8. Though what i really should be averaging is a 9, with mroe than a handful of 10s.
T'was all all right anyway.

(Especially when someone has very good Waterboy skills. *monkey grin*)

On sunday, we had the team events. My team got kicked out early but it was ok, since we lost by a relatively not-too-big margin, given that our opponents were darn good (one national archer included in their team).

During the first end (3 arrows per archer) for the team event, i was shaking away with the high adrenalin and nervousness. So... The score was like, 9, 7, 6. But later on, things looked up with 9,9,9 and 9,8,8 (not sure of the last end though, but it was around this score).

I love the pressure, the swiftness of the exchange from one archer to the next at the shooting line, the time that's ticking away, the whole routine of drawing, aiming and releasing.

WOOHOO!!!

Toodly doodly doo!

We had one powerhouse in my team. Hah, but i guess oh well, kinda neutralized out but neh mind. There'll always be other times. It was really really fun. I highly recommend indoor shoots.

After all my events were done with, i really wanted to get home cos i was feeling a little lethargic. But i decided to stick around since i liked just being around, and seeing bows, arrows, targets and my team mates.

We had lunch and being the GOOD, APPRECIATIVE, LAW ABIDING, citizen I AM, *teehee* i decided, ok lah, stay for prize presentation to support support a bit lah.

And whaddaya know?

6th! How about that?!



Ok lah. 6th out of 12 people isn't a big deal. But what makes me happy is, that the 5 above me were national archers from Singapore and Malaysia (d'oh! They're GOOD!) and i beat one national archer. So yeah. I is happy.

Good thing i stayed after lunch man. Heh heh.

I thought it was odd because usually, prizes are usually for either:
1st to 3rd and/or 1st to 5th.

My first archery related trophy after this third attempt at competing.

Of all the muscles i've worked in the past two days, none of the muscles exerted for shooting are aching.
My jaw muscles the ones aching... Due to furious chewing of gum. Heh. Eating now causes discomfort but as you all already know, i like muscle ache.

There's a lot more i want to say... But there's also a lot of school work waiting to be done so... Adious!

Till Then.
*Thank you LORD! Didn't quite expect the outcome, but yeap, thanks for the encouragement you gave in various ways.*

mountain turtle goes to town

Note: Do click on the the "Comments" link even though it may look like it has not registered new comments. Haiyo... i DID say that i wanted to switch to the Blogger comment thingy, but... Technophobe does not know how to get rid of the Haloscan html because Technophobe FORGOT where she put the htmls in the template, to begin with.

*** ***

People, remember the time when someone i knew passed away from a bike accident?

Now, a childhood friend just lost half a leg because of the bike accident he was involved in. Apparently, his leg was caught in the bike and you could see bone and splayed flesh.

I believe i need not say anymore to drive in my point.

*** ***

This is one of the best pieces of advice to do with relationships, that i have ever come across:

"A man who has shown that he has loved before is a man who is capable of loving." ("Hello, Good Love!" by Coralyn Hizola)

We girls like to feel like we're the SPECIAL ONE, set apart from all the other relationships. We like to feel exclusive, that "he has never felt this way before" when he's with you.

But well, that can't always be achieved so... It's only realistic to accept the fact that if he has had past relationships that were loving and good, you're not the only one he has loved in his life.

However, because of the fact that he has proven that he CAN love, why not believe that he can also love you the same way too?

So girls, don't feel so bad if your guy has had a good past.

What matters is that both parties should move on in life in a positive way. And when seeking a relationship, it should be sought with a healthy perspective in mind.
Lessons should be learnt from both the mistakes AND the good points from the past.

The present is what matters.

If i had been mature enough to know this or come across this earlier, it would have saved me from a lot of bitterness.

*** ***

Walking in the town/business district area without a camera was my gripe today. BLEARGH! (ok, i had my k700i, but i'd much prefer my Powershot. Doh.)

After keyboard class in the evening, i had about an hour to burn before meeting my family for dinner.

And so taking my sister's directions on full trust, i started walking down the long winding street. I had no idea where i was heading really. But as usual, i have no qualms about doing the dunno-where-the-place-is-but-just-walk-anyway.

Done that many times before. It's like trusting yourself to find the place though you're not 100% sure you'll get there, but you just give yourself a fair chance to anyway.
After which when all else fails, you call up your friendly direction giver, or just ask the friendliest looking person where your destination is.

Along the way, you also get to take your time to explore, study and appreciate what's around you in your own time and in your own head.

Being alone helps because you're totally reliant on yourself and you get to self talk and analyse and discover some things about how you process your problems and thoughts as well.

While walking, i came across this building and thought: I Like. Ok, take photo.

Nothing too special can be seen here i think. But right there and then, it calling out to mua! I promise!

It WAS named, the "White House".



Outdoor fishy pond. Picture's a little crooked though.



I didn't need to look upwards for this shot.



Fishy invades building


*** ***

Alone, with something of a camera, in a sort-of-unknown place, with time to burn.

Ah, therapeutic. Melikes.

Haven't done this, haven't read that, haven't familiarized self with this and that topic, haven't planned for exam revision... GAH!!!

*collapses into a pile and sobs for about 10 seconds before dusting self and getting up again*

I am determined to maintain or get better results this year. And i cannot do that if i am actually MORE SLACK than last year!

From now on, i am going to have to decline 95% of any social outing offers. I just cannot keep up with it at this time of the year.

So people, i'm awful sorry if i can't make it for too many, or if any, meet-up dates. Because i'm going to be so screwed if i don't buck up RIGHT NOW.

*** ***

You Are 35% Normal (Occasionally Normal)

You sure do march to your own beat... But you're so weird, people wonder if it's a beat at all You think on a totally different wavelength And it's often a chore to get people to understand you

How Normal Are You?

*** ***

*hwah hwah hwah hwah!!!*
Oh, how true.

SEA Games will happen at the end of this year and the compound bow events are ACTUALLY in! WOO! Hope those young guns from the women's compound team will have a good shot at this event.
I know they are a gifted bunch.

You know, it's weird reflecting on the time when i was THIS |<--->| close to having the opportunity to train for this SEA Games.

But well, well, politics and inefficiency rules the day so, toodles national team archery aspirations. I shoot for club and self.

I didn't believe in "slowly assimilating" myself into the team like some people did. I'd rather have things done officially and proper so that there is no question about where i stand.

*** ***

Did i come to you for the right reasons?
As i recall, i realize that what convinced me to a large degree to keep holding on to "us" during the tough times when i battled with doubt, was superficiality and surface merits, and just a slightly-less-than-reasonable sprinkling of appreciating who you were as a person.

But things're different today.

*** ***

Hm. Having one of those times when i'm feeling too much and have too little words to express these feelings.

And when i do finally type it out, i read it and find it too personal.

Bleargh.

Till Then.
*Lord, thank you for your abundant providence each and every day. Please don't let my heart grow cold.*

And the public found out wot archery is...

When the crowd had dispersed, we bored archers got a little busy...

Our murder victim. Committed right within the Police Academy.



Now you see it.



Now... you don't... quite...



K lah, surprisingly, none of the arrows pierced through the doll. Those arrows that DID hit her, actually bounced right off.
Woah, immortal sia~.

I brought her home, maybe i should build a shrine to her.

I want to blog about the carnival, but i am poofed for now. I was there from 9:15am to 7:45-ish pm, and i was talking the entire day, repeating the same instructions over and over again to every person that came under Coach Joline.

So, to summarise the day.

Types of people met:

- Nice, good learners.(most of them)
- Naturals
- Impatient.
- "I want to do it my own way."
- Takes a little time for new info to settle in.
- Mandarin Speaking ones. (AYE, I managed to converse with 2-3 ok! I am GOOD.)

How to coach:

- Say, "Doing good", "Well Done", "Good", even when the shot goes awry. This is to soften the "blow" they might impose on themselves. And prepare them mentally for the next shot, which hopefully would be better.
- Always, always be encouraging. Don't react negatively. Always reassure them.
- Be SURE of what you're saying, BE CLEAR. Best to stick with a fixed set of instructions.
- Smile!

Second lastly... You made my day. *winky dink*

And lastly... I am a screamin' good coach ok. *irritating smug smile*

First time at a Police Carnival

La la la... Will be at the Police Academy today (sunday). Helping to man the Archery Club of Singapore booth.
Never been to such a carnival as either patron or stall "man-ner".

I shall be "coaching" (*wink*) interested parties who want to shoot for fun. So, line up! line up!

Ask for Coach Joline! (heh, cheeeyyyy!)

*** ***

By the way, my parents watched the Phua Chu Kang musical.

I think it is a VERY BAD representation of us...
And how many million dollars did they SPEND?!

International advertising some more!
OH THE HORROR!!!!!!! *music from "Psycho"*

Sorry you guys... who've worked hard at it. But really.

I was told that it was LAME and like a SCHOOL PLAY.

Seriously, i knew it was not going to be good the second i saw how it was advertised and when i heard the music.
Duuuuude, i wouldn't spend that kinda money.

how applicable (updated)

A song that i've always gone starry eyed to. The moment i heard it, i fell in love with the song. Think it was since... primary school or secondary school.

There would be this long stretch of road that i would walk home on after school and because everyone's either too far away to hear and there're also just only zooming cars going by, i could sing as loud as i wanted to.

This was one of hot favourites, apart from the other Disney cartoon songs. ;-)

It's "Dreaming of You" by Selena. (ok, i did take out unnecessary portions, bold and italized certain parts.)

Late at night when all the world is sleeping
I stay up late and think of you and I wish on a star
That somewhere you are thinking of me too

'Cause I'm dreaming of you tonight
'Til tomorrow I'll be holding you tight
And there's nowhere in the world I'd rather be
Than here in my room dreaming about you and me

(the above part is a bit the kua zhang, but u geddit lah)

Wonder if you ever see me and I wonder if you
Know I'm there (Am I there)
If you looked in my eyes would you see what's inside
Would you even care

I just wanna hold you close but so far
All I have are dreams of you
So I wait for the day and the courage to say
How much I love you

Late at night when all the world is sleeping
I stay up and think of you

And I still can't believe that
You came up to me and said I love you
I love you too

I'll be dreaming with you tonight
'Til tomorrow and for all of my life
And there's nowhere in the world I'd rather be
Than here in my room dreaming with you endlessly


Tata, off to class i go and *ZIP!*. My cyber mouth is sealed.
*sugary sweet pursed lipped smile*

*** ***

I love walking over the overhead bridge at my place, at night.

Firstly, it's therapeutic being in the partial darkness and secondly, it's also about somehow being that much closer to the night sky with an unobstructed view of it.

Usually, i'd stand still and lift my head to the heavens, breathing in the night air, gazing at and loving every bit of what i see.
Sometimes, i'd go to the railing and just look down at the cars zooming/cruising by.

More often than not, i've thought of how it'd be like for someone who might try attempting suicide by flinging themselves off the bridge and hoping to get hit by a nice, big vehicle.

My sister thinks that if one should wish to commit a suicide, don't get others involved. Die "responsibly...". Go do it in secrecy.

*shakes head* What did i just say? *O.O*
NO! I do NOT recommend suicide.

Oh. As i was saying... Each time i cross over, i feel like going back up and walking down its length again.

A friend of mine back in secondary school used to say, "when we're free after our 'O's, let's go book a ballroom and go sit in the darkness in a corner".

Guess we never did get down to doing that but it still sounds good to me.

Sometimes i sit up in bed or on my study chair with all the lights off in the darkness with nothing else but my thoughts.

And most of my family members who walk by my room always exclaim: "WHAT'RE YOU DOING IN THE DARK?!"

To which i usually respond with:

1. "I'm thinking."
and when that doesn't work,

2. "I don't need lights to think... And save electricity also mah."

And they would usually leave slightly bewildered. "Strange daughter/kid i have."

Yay, i am an Anomaly... That's nice.

A total transition of almost 7 years, within that, 2 years of battling with silence.

It's both pleasing and strange when i recall the scenes from the past, just short snippets of what i can remember, and relate them to who we are today.
Who would ever have thought that the present would hold a radically different meaning for two people who barely spoke then.

It's been a long while. And how things have come to such a "close" still makes me marvel.
The moment felt unreal.
Soft. Gentle.

Never would i have ever thought it possible for it to happen in any other place but in that infamous place where dreams can only remain dreams.
It's like a page out from an "extremely fictitious" book that has come alive.

Guess i was wrong.
Though being wrong this time can't get any better than this.
And, I don't remember being this pleased about being wrong.


This is the part when Jo smiles and then sews up her cyber mouth.

*** ***

I loved the way Lynette, in last night's "Desperate Housewives", dealt with that obnoxious neighbour of hers. I know it's all a show with a strong degree of unreality, but seriously.

I thought it came across so eloquently, that somehow Lynette stepped out of her usual way of communication and managed to verbally manoeuvre her way around the old lady's eccentricism and cyniscm to get her point across.

That she managed to step/infringe INTO the old lady's world but yet come across as humane.
Ah, such is the importance of communicating in a way that is understandable to your target.

*** ***

A marriage, a child.
Now barely even 5 years into the marriage, the marriage has disintegrated. Why?

A cheating, violent husband.

As i looked upon the child, smiling and playing with granny, i realized with great sadness that if her parents were indeed going to split, that smiling face i see will twist and distort with pain when she realizes that a happy and whole family is not what she will be getting as she grows up.

Right now, she's so young, and there's so much more to her life. Years and years of it, if nothing tragic happens.
And as i see her now at this young age, i doubt she understands the situation and is probably oblivious to the marital problems.

Sigh.

Who could've seen that coming? Who would've known that the husband would turn out to be that way?

I know that every couple life is different and one should not generalize to the point of not putting any trust and faith in love and the institution.

But with all this going around me, i am already finding it hard to believe that relationships can last, let alone to find enough faith to believe that marriage can still work in this day and age.

I guess i will never know till i try. The best that i can do is entrust the situation into God's hands and do all that's possible to live a life that pleases and honours both God and spouse.

When you put God first in all that you do, He will honour you as well.

*** ***

While coming back from a jog at the canal and as i approached the guard house at entrance/exit:

SG: You can see without your glasses meh?
J: Uh... not really...
SG: You look different without your glasses. (actually, i think he meant to say "ugly")
J: Uh... ok. *polite laughter*
SG: You look... cute when you wear your glasses. You should wear them, and you'll get a lot of boyfriends.
J: (??!?!?!)

Jo gets some image-cum-getting-boyfriends "advice" from the estate security guard.

*insert bewildered emoticon*

And no, i won't be wearing my glasses when i run because it slips down my nose too much.

*** ***

(5:09pm)

Despite my major in psychology and the desire to do something worthwhile and related in the Civil Service, i look within myself and find that i have with me also many issues in my life which need to be handled.
The good thing is, i can deal with these things while some others are just going to take time.

I guess psychologists/caregivers/psychiatrists/doctors/physicians/nurses/paramedics/the-rest-of-the-gang-who-deal-with-human-trauma also need a place to vent.

We know what to do with ourselves. Just that sometimes, guess we need to blow off steam, verbalising what's inside... To have that listening ear to ramble to.
Kind of, like a pressure release.

*** ***

I think the double whammy clatter drops that i-REALLY-didn't-mean-to administer to my phone actually did more good than bad. Somehow, the bluetooth file transfer with my lappie works now.

Currently, a moment of "too much and too little feelings" has taken control over me so much so that i can't really put things into words.
Guess i'll just put up pictures that depict some pleasant moments from the days past.


a morning picture 


*wink* 


Uhm, my handsome makeshift husband 


Sunset @ SIM 


It was posing for us, i tell you. 

HOLEY MACARONI!

I got this from mrbrown.com. Gosh, a parade of Star Wars... erm, Misfits, literally speaking.

I ALMOST DIED LAUGHING!

(watch out for "little Yoda". That's gotta be the cutest thing... Aw!)

I abhor dishonesty

Please be honest with me.

Stop twisting your stories, for WHATEVER reason. Whether it's to save your behind, avoid embarrassment, or so as not to hurt me.

STOP TWISTING YOUR STORIES. Just be straight and civil with me.

I'd rather see the trait of honesty in you than hear a white lie or any other lie, and seeing THROUGH it.

In case you DIDN'T realize, your words BETRAY you and i CAN TELL.
I'm not so dumb as to not put two and two together when i hear different versions at different times.

You know? When i keep seeing that happen, it makes me think that you are a liar.

If you keep doing that too often, i will just stop "thinking" that you're a liar, and decide that you ARE a liar.

I am watching you.

My silence does not mean that you got away with anything.

I am merely waiting and observing. I am going to see what really lies underneath that pretty picture.

Don't ask me if i'm talking about you. If you feel a prick, i believe that you are mature enough to know what to do.

t.o.

As she lies curled on her mat, nose on her paws, and furry tail on her nose, she wants nothing more than to concentrate on her snooze and to block everyone out.

She knows she shouldn't snap or growl or flash her fangs if one of her beloved owners come by to offer a pat.

But really, she needs her alone-space too after all that play and ruffling of her fur.

Don't be mistaken. She loves her owners to bits, she loves everyone around her, she enjoys their company, the love they shower upon her, the cuddles that come so readily. She can't be any more blessed than she already is.

But sometimes, a dog has her days when she feels she needs a calm, silent time out.

But if you do decide to come by to offer a pat on the head, or a tickle behind her ear, she'll let you but she won't do much but just allow kindly doggy eyes to rest on you.

Please forgive her. The sleeping dog just needs to lie still for a while.

(does not apply to cyber world, though)